


Gosho Boys' Group Chat

by Kai_Lu



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Ai is a mother hen, Bad Jokes, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Blackmail, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fangirls, Heiji swears a lot, Identity Reveal, Kaito likes throwing Heiji out of windows, Kazuha is a supportive friend, M/M, Masumi will bitch slap people with her motorbike, Post-Black Organization Takedown, Post-Conan Kudou Shinichi, Post-Kaito Kid, Ran is a protective mother, Saguru is really salty, Shinichi is scary without his coffee, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, So is Aoko???, Sonoko is there for the drama, Texting, What is romance???, author doesn't know how to christmas, group chat au, she doesn't know how dates work either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-02-24 01:10:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 93,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13202499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_Lu/pseuds/Kai_Lu
Summary: Kuroba Kaito made a new conversationKuroba Kaito changed「New Conversation」to「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」Kuroba Kaito added Kudou Shinichi to「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」Kuroba Kaito added Hattori Heiji to「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」Kuroba Kaito changed Kuroba Kaito to Magic LupinMagic Lupin changed Kudou Shinichi to Mama HolmesMagic Lupin changed Hattori Heiji to Kendo KidKendo Kid opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」Kendo Kid: what the hell





	1. Mother Hens and Profanities

**Author's Note:**

> Kaito makes a new group chat - 3/4 of the Gosho Boys have a nice chat about the aftermath of the Black Org. And Shinichi is grumpy about his limited coffee in-take (of course Ai and Ran are total mother hens ;0)

_Kuroba Kaito made a new conversation_

_Kuroba Kaito changed_ _「_ _New Conversation_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 _Kuroba Kaito added Kudou Shinichi to_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 _Kuroba Kaito added Hattori Heiji to_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

_Kuroba Kaito changed Kuroba Kaito to Magic Lupin_

_Magic Lupin changed Kudou Shinichi to Mama Holmes_

_Magic Lupin changed Hattori Heiji to Kendo Kid_

 

 _Kendo Kid opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Kendo Kid: what the hell

 

Magic Lupin: hi!!!!!

 

Kendo Kid: what is with my username???

Kendo Kid: what even is this

Kendo Kid: oi. answer me you top hat loon

 

 _Mama Holmes opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Mama Holmes: Kuroba Kaito, if you do not change my name in the next 5 seconds.

Mama Holmes: I will take the fastest bullet train to Ekoda and make sure that no one will ever find you ever again.

 

 

_Magic Lupin changed Mama Holmes's name to Signof4_

 

 

Magic Lupin: IM SORRY (；ﾟДﾟ)

 

Kendo Kid: HAHAHAh holy shit kudou

 

Signof4: Watch your language, Hattori. I will not hesitate.

 

Kendo Kid: I'M SORRY

 

Magic Lupin: when I did shin chan become so scary?!?! (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 

Signof4: Anyway, what is the purpose of this group chat Kuroba?

 

Magic Lupin: i was wondering how u guys are coping after the Final Showdown™

 

Kendo Kid: i wasn't even there, my old man kept me in the security room so I wouldn't get myself shot again

Kendo Kid: i'm fine though but kudou is the one i'm worrying about.

 

Signof4: I'm fine. Still slightly shocked, sleep deprived and sore, but I'm fine. Nothing to worry about.

 

Magic Lupin: nothing to worry abt he says with a bullet to the head, a knife to the leg and a broken wrist

Magic Lupin: and sleep deprived??!?!

Magic Lupin: y u no sleep

 

Signof4: Ran is literally being my second mother now, she won't stop asking me if I want to talk about it.

Signof4: She sends me a message every hour.

Signof4: In class she always gives me this fond knowing look and it is slowing driving me mad.

Signof4: And I also have Haibara monitoring my health like a hawk in case of any side effects of the antidote.

Signof4: On top of it all of division one keep babying me.

Signof4: To answer the question, I have to stay awake to ensure there aren't any other side effects with the cure that could be caused by the hospital medication.

Signof4: But the real question is, what about you?

 

Magic Lupin: mouri chan is quite the worry wart and ive only met her for a couple of hours max during heists

Magic Lupin: i wouldnt be surprised tbh she would move in with u if she didnt have to look after her dad

Magic Lupin: u are a trouble magnet

Magic Lupin: like who stumbles over 3 corpses a day and has been shot more than a cop in their whole life time

Magic Lupin: and she would flip if she knew that vermouth, rum and the boss are still out there

Magic Lupin: and that’s just her alone

Magic Lupin: the tmpd would have officers tailing you 24/7

 

Kendo Kid: i'm not sure about vermouth, but i know that rum and the boss are probably plotting something nasty.

Kendo Kid: seriously she would put you in a room where all surfaces are cushioned and give you a bunch of baby proofed books to make sure you don't hurt yourself as usual

Kendo Kid: all of division would totally support her too

 

Signof4: She kept trying to carry my books on my first week back at school and she would glare at anyone who wanted to ask about the take down.

Signof4: Don't you mean a padded cell?

Signof4: I wouldn't be surprised.

Signof4: Also I swear Ran told them about my eating habits, they keep asking me if I've eaten.

 

Magic Lupin: OMG HE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR?!?! (゜ロ゜)

Magic Lupin: also EXPOSED!!!!

 

Kendo Kid: pffftt

Kendo Kid: you should hear his murder jokes

 

Magic Lupin: pass…

 

Signof4: And Kuroba Kaito. Don't dodge my question.

Signof4: How is Hakuba-kun coping?

Signof4: How are the Nakamoris coping with your retirement?

Signof4: How are you coping?

 

Magic Lupin: ahhhh I don’t wanna talk abt that bastard here

Magic Lupin: he keeps ranting on how he wanted to arrest me and stuf

Magic Lupin: since kid had to hang up his cape and all

Magic Lupin: btw thanks for getting ur fbi buddies to pardon me and my dad and my mum

Magic Lupin: ahoko is giving me the silent treatment after i told her

Magic Lupin: the inspector is sorta hung up about not chasing kid anymore

Magic Lupin: he is probs upset that his long time friend and their son was the criminal that he was chasing all this time

Magic Lupin: i feel like i just erased one of his purposes of life

Magic Lupin: and well, im sorta still in shock like snake is finally behind bars and stuff

Magic Lupin: at least jii chan doesnt have to freak out abt me getting caught after every heist

Magic Lupin: haha

 

Signof4: Kuroba. Shut up. The Nakamoris will bounce back before you know it. Even Hattori can see it.

 

Kendo Kid: yeah dude, they'll bounce bac

Kendo Kid: OI KUDOU WHAT DOES THAT MEAN "Even Hattori can see it."

 

Magic Lupin: thx shin chan ｡^‿^｡

Magic Lupin: lmao hei chan got smoked

 

Kendo Kid: WHEN I GET BACK TO TOKYO I'M GOING TO EXPOSE YOU KUDOU

Kendo Kid: JUST YOU WAIT YOU BASTARD

 

Signof4: Two words. Audio recording.

 

Kendo Kid: YOU WOULDN'T

 

Magic Lupin: oooooohh im interested

 

Signof4: I would.

 

Kendo Kid: KUDOU NO

 

Signof4: Kudou yes.

 

Kendo Kid: KUROBA HELP ME

 

Magic Lupin: srry dude but im on shin chan's side with this one

MagicLupin: SHIN CHAN YES

 

Signof4: Kuroba. Call me that one more time and I will expose you as well.

 

Magic Lupin: tbh im curious on what dirt u have on me

 

Signof4: One word. Four letters.

Signof4: Splish.

Signof4: Splash.

 

Magic Lupin: I'M GOOD

 

Kendo Kid: why are you like this

Kendo Kid: lmao "Splish. Splash."???

 

Signof4: I am retaliating due to my wounded pride while I was still Conan.

Signof4: I am rather petty.

Signof4: Anyway, I have a case from division one to work on.

 

Magic Lupin: already?? dont u have hwk

 

Kendo Kid: i'm honestly not surprised as usual

 

Signof4: I've already completed my homework.

Signof4: Be quiet Hattori, you're no better.

 

Magic Lupin: SHIT I HAVE SOME LEFT

 

Kendo Kid: oi oi

 

Signof4: Well done Mr IQ400.

Signof4: Also language Kuroba.

 

Magic Lupin: as much as I luv joking shinichi

Magic Lupin: i prefer the jokes to be less sarcastic plz

Magic Lupin: i have a fragile soul (；人；)

 

Kendo Kid: wAIT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN IQ OF 400

Kendo Kid: RIGHT????

Kendo Kid: LIKE WASN'T THE HIGHEST EVER RECORDED 228??

Kendo Kid: and fragile soul my ass

Kendo Kid: who the hell regularly jumps off builds before the ass crack of dawn

 

Magic Lupin: im a special bean (๑ゝڡ◕๑)  
Magic Lupin: pffft so im allowed to jump off of buildings after dawn

 

Kendo Kid: what the fuck

Kendo Kid: you know what i mean you jerk

 

Signof4: I will when you learn how to properly text.

Signof4: Profanities.

 

Kendo Kid: shit

Kendo Kid: I MEAN SORRY

 

Signof4: Anyway, you two can continue to chat if you like.

Signof4: I need to finish my work before Haibara starts hounding me again.

 

 _Signof4 closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Kendo Kid: when the hell did he become so salty and scary???

Kendo Kid: who took his book??

 

Magic Lupin: i know right?!?! (╥_╥)

 

Kendo Kid: WAIT

Kendo Kid: i think the little nee-chan might have limited his coffee intake

 

Magic Lupin: oh shit man

 

Kendo Kid: oh shit indeed.

 

Magic Lupin: that reminds me

Magic Lupin: i need to introduce myself to mouri chan the rest of the gang

 

Kendo Kid: how?

 

Magic Lupin: ill figure it out

Magic Lupin: i dont worry

Magic Lupin: i dont have an iq of 400 for nothing (・ωｰ)～☆

 

Kendo Kid: IQS DON'T GO THAT HIGH THOUGH??

 

 _Signof4 opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Signof4: I would prefer if you two had a private conversation.

Signof4: Haibara is about to snap my phone in half due to the constant notifications.

Signof4: And or hack herself into this chat herself.

 

 _Signof4 closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 _Kendo Kid closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 _Magic Lupin closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

 

_Kuroba Kaito made a new conversation_

_Kuroba Kaito changed_ _「_ _New Conversation_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _Science-Chan is Scary_ _™_ _」_

 _Kuroba Kaito added Hattori Heiji to_ _「_ _Science-Chan is Scary_ _™_ _」_

 _Kuroba Kaito changed Kuroba Kaito to IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_

_Kuroba Kaito changed Hattori Heiji to Profanities_

 

 _Profanities opened_ _「_ _Science-Chan is Scary_ _™_ _」_

 

Profanities: what the fuck man

Profanities: why can't I change my name

Profanities: the fuck

Profanities: also if the little nee-chan ever sees this she will kill you

Profanities: no wait. that's too kind. she would perform experiments on you

Profanities: kudou told me that she held a gun to his head once

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: magic~ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: u luv me

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆:  wait WHAT

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆:   Σ(ﾟÅﾟ)

 

Profanities: i'm pretty sure i don't

Profanities: she would man

Profanities: i'm surprised kudou hasn't made her snap yet

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: yea u right

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: its shin chan isnt it~~~

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆:  science chan truly is a fearsome opponent

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆:  that means i need to amp up the wow factor when i meet her

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆:  gotta score those brownie points

 

Profanities: IT'S NOT

Profanities: WHAT BULLSHIT ARE YA SPROUTING

Profanities: YA WANNA GO YA BASTARD

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: Omg ur accent came through txt

 

Profanities: ARE YA IGNORING ME

Profanities: WHEN I GET THERE YOU'RE A DEAD PIECE OF SHIT

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: hehe ur name rly suits u~

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: anyway im gonna go now

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: bye bye! ( ˘ ³˘)

 

 _IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _closed_ _「_ _Science-Chan is Scary_ _™_ _」_

 

Profanities: GET BACK HERE YOU BASTARD

Profanities: I AIN'T DONE WITH YA

Profanities: I'M SERIOUS

Profanities: THE NEXT TIME I'M OVER AT KUDOU'S YOU'RE DEAD

 

 _Profanities closed_ _「_ _Science-Chan is Scary_ _™_ _」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!!  
> Happy 2018!  
> This is my first Conan and Archive fic.  
> It's been a while since I posted a fic. I usually post on FF.net.  
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked it!!  
> I haven't stumbled upon any Conan Group Chat/Texting AUs yet so I wanted to give it a try.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	2. Life Threatening Dares and Nagging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heiji and Kaito do the impossible and steal Shinichi's 'motor oil' and face the consequences. Ai finds them in her basement afterwards. Ran and Shinichi have a mother and son chat.

_Kendo Kid opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Kendo Kid: KUROBA SEND HELP

Kendo Kid: I STOLE KUDOU'S MOTOR OIL

Kendo Kid: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

Kendo Kid: I'M STUCK IN A WARDROBE

Kendo Kid: shit wrong chat

 

_Kendo Kid closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

 

_East dude opened_ _「_ _Two Detective Dudes_ _」_

_East dude changed_ _「_ _Two Detective Dudes_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _Give me back my coffee_ _」_

_East dude changed West dude to A dead bastard_

_East dude changed East dude to An angry bastard_

 

_A dead bastard opened_ _「_ _Give me back my coffee_ _」_

 

A dead bastard: KUDOU I'M SORRY

 

An angry bastard: Where are you.

An angry bastard: I have lived in this house all my life.

An angry bastard: I know it like the back of my hand.

An angry bastard: If you willingly reveal yourself, I will be kind and kill you instantaneously.

An angry bastard: I can hear you crying, Hattori.

An angry bastard: I know you are reading this.

An angry bastard: I am getting closer.

An angry bastard: There are twelve wardrobes in this house.

An angry bastard: You are a dead man Hattori Heiji.

 

 

_A dead bastard closed_ _「_ _Give me back my coffee_ _」_

_An angry bastard closed_ _「_ _Give me back my coffee_ _」_

 

 

_Profanities opened_ _「_ _Science-Chan is Scary_ _™_ _」_

_Profanities changed_ _「_ _Science-Chan is Scary_ _™_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _KUDO IS GOING TO KILL ME_ _」_

 

Profanities: KUROBA THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT

Profanities: KUDOU IS HUNTING ME DOWN

 

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _opened_ _「_ _KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME_ _」_

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: omg

 

Profanities: DON'T YOU OMG ME

Profanities: SHIT KUDOU NEARLY GOT ME

 

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _changed Profanities' s name to SCREWED_

 

SCREWED: KUROBA THIS ISN'T FUCKING FUNNY

SCREWED: FUCK HE'S GOT THE SOCCER BALL BELT

SCREWED: FUCK

SCREWED: RUN KUROFSJIDFNKSD

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: oh shit

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: oi

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: r u alive???

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: hei chan

 

SCREWED: Hei-chan is currently unavailable right now.

SCREWED: Would you like to leave a message?

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: …

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: hei chan r u alive??

 

SCREWED: I will pass on the message.

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: who dis

 

SCREWED: Depends on if you answer a question of mine.

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: I LOVE QUESTION GAMES <3

 

SCREWED: Did you dare Hei-chan to steal my coffee?

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: fuk

 

SCREWED: I'm on my way

SCREWED: Run :)

 

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _closed_ _「_ _KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME_ _」_

 

 

_Kai-chan opened_ _「_ _Mum why_ _」_

_Kai-chan changed_ _「_ _Mum why_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _MUM IM GOING TO DIE_ _」_

 

Kai-chan:  MUM HEKLP ME SHIN CHSN IS GOIN GTO GET ME

Kai-chan: I DAREF HEI CHSDN TO STESL SHIB CGAND SATAB JUIXE

Kai-chan: PLDEASE

Kai-chan: IM YOUE SOON

Kai-chan: I LOCW YOI PLESDE

Kai-chan: HES HERW

Kai-chan: HBFJAKBFAK

Kai-chan: He will be in safe hands Kuroba-san.

 

_Kai-chan closed_ _「_ _MUM IM GOING TO DIE_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened_ _「_ _Only one cup Kudou_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Why are Kaitou Kid and the Detective of the West on my lab bench?

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Unconscious and all tied up?

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I didn't know you were into that now.

 

_Corpse Magnet opened_ _「_ _Only one cup Kudou_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: I don't know what you're talking about.

Corpse Magnet: HAIBARA

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I meant it as in kidnapping.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Mind out of the gutter.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I understand Kid but the detective as well.

 

Corpse Magnet: Kuroba decided that it was a good idea to dare Hattori to steal my coffee.

Corpse Magnet: Hattori decided that it was a good idea to actually follow up on the said dare.

Corpse Magnet: I didn't know that you had a sense of humour.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Also why is there fish on top of Kid.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: My lab better not smell like seafood later.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I will follow up on my threat on creating another Apotoxin that will shrink you into a toddler this time.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I am serious.

 

Corpse Magnet: He is terrified of fish.

Corpse Magnet: As much as I didn't want to use it against him.

Corpse Magnet: He left me no choice.

Corpse Magnet: Not when it comes to coffee.

Corpse Magnet: You are always serious.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: You are an addict.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Maybe I should put up a coffee ban for you.

 

Corpse Magnet: Please don't.

Corpse Magnet: I'll die.

Corpse Magnet: You wouldn't want your favourite subject to die.

Corpse Magnet: Would you?

 

_Corpse Magnet changed_ _「_ _Only one cup Kudou_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Stop the dramatics.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Just like your mother.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Like my previous subjects.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: You are expendable.

 

Corpse Magnet: Ow.

Corpse Magnet: My heart can feel the sting of your words.

Corpse Magnet: How cruel.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Good. Get used to it.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: And remember to clean up the fish.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Otherwise my threat follows.

 

Corpse Magnet: Yes mam

 

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl closed_ _「_ _Fear_ _™_ _」_

_Corpse Magnet closed_ _「_ _Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Mother hen opened_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

 

 

Mother hen: Shinichi?

 

 

_Mystery Otaku opened_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

 

 

Mystery Otaku: Yeah?

 

Mother hen: Why has Hattori-kun barricaded himself in my room

Mother hen: and crying?

Mother hen: Wasn't he staying at your place?

Mother hen: What happened?

Mother hen: Even Kazuha-chan is worried about him

Mother hen: WAIT ARE YOU OKAY?

Mother hen: SHINICHI IF YOU DON’T ANSWER

Mother hen: I AM SPRINTING TO YOUR HOUSE

 

Mystery Otaku: Ran I'm fine.

Mystery Otaku: Hattori will be fine.

Mystery Otaku: In due time.

Mystery Otaku: Tell Kazuha chan not to worry.

Mystery Otaku: If you want I can talk to her if you want.

Mystery Otaku: Also please don't sprint to my house.

 

Mother hen: I was about to jump down the stairs Shinichi.

Mother hen: Also what do you mean Hattori-kun will be fine in due time?

Mother hen: You guys face murders every day and you don't even flinch.

Mother hen: I don't think Hattori-kun is alright.

Mother hen: He is downright crying right now.

 

Mystery Otaku: It's alright Ran. I made sure that it wasn't permanent.

Mystery Otaku: He also had it coming for him.

Mystery Otaku: His punishment was just.

 

Mother hen: …

Mother hen: What did he do?

 

Mystery Otaku: He stole my coffee and refused to willingly return it.

Mystery Otaku: I warned him multiple times as well.

 

Mother hen: …

Mother hen: What did you do?

 

Mystery Otaku: I did what was just.

Mystery Otaku: The sacred liquid should never be touched by such heathens.

 

Mother hen: I'm not going to be able to find out will I?

 

Mystery Otaku: If he is up to the challenge.

Mystery Otaku: Hattori can tell you.

Mystery Otaku: Anyway, it's nothing that can't be fixed with some therapy.

Mystery Otaku: Anyway I have to go now.

Mystery Otaku: There was also another wrongdoer in my court today.

Mystery Otaku: I need to go clean up the aftermath before Haibara follows out on her threat.

 

Mother hen: Oh my

Mother hen: Well tell Ai-chan I said hi

 

Mystery Otaku: You know, you can text her yourself if you want

 

Mother hen: It's just a bit awkward...

Mother hen: Only a few months ago I thought she was a seven-year-old girl

Mother hen: Now I know that she is actually a biochemist who is actually a year older than us

Mother hen: and the fact that you got yourself into a total...

 

Mystery Otaku: Shit storm?

 

Mother hen: that

Mother hen: and I was stuck worrying if you would ever return

Mother hen: then the media goes into an absolute frenzy when the news hits

Mother hen: about a mass takedown of an international murderous crime ring lead by Kaitou Kid AND Kudou Shinichi

 

Mystery Otaku: And the FBI?

 

Mother hen: SHINICHI

 

Mystery Otaku: Sorry

 

Mother hen: I was just really worried when you had called me all of a sudden and confessed that you were Conan all along

Mother hen: And that you didn't know if you were going to survive

Mother hen: BUT since you did

Mother hen: I am going to nag as much as I want mister

 

Mystery Otaku: Please don't

 

Mother hen: Don't you 'please don't' me

Mother hen: I can nag you as much as I want

Mother hen: That reminds me

 

Mystery Otaku:?

 

Mother hen: When did you get into cahoots with that pervert?

 

Mystery Otaku: ???

 

Mother hen: Kid

 

Mystery Otaku: Oh. Well, it was a few months prior to the takedown

Mystery Otaku: Honestly, he insisted on being friends.

Mystery Otaku: And being 'fun sized' as he says, I wasn't able to stop him

 

Mother hen: Maybe I should nag him next

 

Mystery Otaku: … I am torn on whether I should give you his number or not

Mystery Otaku: But knowing him, he would want to make his own dramatic entrance.

 

Mother hen: Fine.

Mother hen: But the moment he reveals himself, I'm going to nag his ears off.

 

Mystery Otaku: I will watch from afar then.

 

Mother hen: BUT if he spills anything about you being reckless

Mother hen: You're next Kudou Shinichi

 

Mystery Otaku: Yes mam

 

Mother hen: Good.

Mother hen: I should get back to Kazuha-chan.

Mother hen: She is getting all angsty right now.

 

Mystery Otaku: Okay. We'll talk again soon.

Mystery Otaku: See you at school till then?

 

Mother hen: Alright. Talk to you next time Shinichi.

Mother hen: Have a good night

 

Mystery Otaku: Night Ran

 

_Mystery Otaku closed_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

_Mother hen closed_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 18 COMMENTS  
> 74 KUDOS  
> 10 BOOKMARKS  
> 469 HITS  
> HOLY HICKITY  
> I flipped my lid when I saw the comments - again when I realised that I am horrendous at answering them.  
> I was grinning like an idiot whenever I saw them sitting in my inbox.  
> I should work on chapter 16 but my ideas are everywhere and I procrastinate a lot.  
> Also, formatting is going to be a pain for chapter 3 - I thought I was free from HTML, but I was wrong.  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	3. Traitorous Holmes and Tiny Terrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heiji and Kaito are still fearful. Saguru finally joins the family. Ai is very good at hacking and scaring these boys.

_Kendo Kid opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Kendo Kid: kazuha what was the homework again???

 

_Signof4 opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Signof4: Wrong chat Hattori

Signof4: Also you are in class.

 

Kendo Kid: shit

Kendo Kid: WAIT FORGIVE ME

 

Signof4: Stop capitalising all of your words Hattori.

Signof4: Also stop sending things to the wrong chat.

Signof4: I can't even bare to think of what could happen if you sent something else

 

Kendo Kid: sorry

Kendo Kid: OI OI WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

_Magic Lupin opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Magic Lupin: lmao

Magic Lupin: also I have to say

Magic Lupin: hakubaka looks good with fluro green hair

Magic Lupin: maybe I should be a hairdresser one day

 

Signof4: Gods no

Signof4: Poor Hakuba-kun

 

Magic Lupin: hei chan

Magic Lupin: do u want a hair do

Magic Lupin: OF COURSE SHINICHI LOOKS GREAT WITH HIS HAIR THERE IS NO NEED TO ALTER IT IN ANY WAY

 

Kendo Kid: nah i'm good

 

Magic Lupin: ahhhh

Magic Lupin: hakubaka is trying to look at my phone （=｀〜´=）

Magic Lupin: tbh detectives can be rather intrusive

Magic Lupin: I MEAN SOME BUT I'M JUST REFERRING TO HAKUBAKA

 

Signof4: Hakuba-kun is a nice person, a bit awkward and blunt, but nice.

Signof4: But as a detective, he is rather persistent with his conclusions.

Signof4: Sometimes he forgets to look at other evidence.

 

Kendo Kid: i don't like that snob

Kendo Kid: last time i was about to strangle him right there

 

Signof4:Ah the Detective Koushien.

 

Magic Lupin: u should pity me then

Magic Lupin: im stuck with him @ school too (ಠ ∩ಠ)

 

Signof4: Guys, we are in class.

 

_Signof4 closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Kendo Kid: kuroba, we should tag team against that snob next time

 

Magic Lupin: that’s a gr8 idea

 

Kendo Kid: anyway, gotta go before i'm caught

Kendo Kid: see yah

 

_Kendo Kid closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Magic Lupin: bye bye! (￣▽￣)V

 

_Magic Lupin closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hakuba Saguru sent you_ **_[Kudou Shinichi]_ ** _a friend request_

 

**_[Accept]_ ** _or_ **_[Decline]_ **

**_…_ **

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Hakuba Saguru made a new conversation_

_Hakuba Saguru changed_ _「_ _New Conversation_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _Curiousity_ _」_

_Hakuba Saguru added Kudou Shinichi to_ _「_ _Curiousity_ _」_

 

_Kudou Shinichi opened_ _「_ _Curiousity_ _」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: Kudou-kun?

 

Kudou Shinichi: Hakuba-kun?

 

Hakuba Saguru: Ah, my apologies. I was worried that I had found the wrong number.

 

Kudou Shinichi: That's alright Hakuba-kun.

Kudou Shinichi: I am surprised that you have my number.

 

Hakuba Saguru: My apologies again. I got your number from my classmate Kuroba Kaito.

Hakuba Saguru: I was wondering if you could answer a couple of questions of mine.

 

Kudou Shinichi: Ah, Kuroba.

Kudou Shinichi: I have no qualms about answering your questions.

Kudou Shinichi: As a detective myself, it is understandable.

Kudou Shinichi: I still have time left of my lunch break.

Kudou Shinichi: I believe that will be enough time to answer some of your questions, Hakuba-kun.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Thank you. Firstly, I was wondering about how you and Kuroba came to become friends.

Hakuba Saguru: After all, judging from your characters, I thought you would clash.

Hakuba Saguru: Pardon my bluntness.

 

Kudou Shinichi: No that's alright. At first, I believed that as well.

Kudou Shinichi: Well, long story short. Our parents are actually long-time friends.

Kudou Shinichi: It was only a couple of months ago that he made contact with me and asked for my friendship.

Kudou Shinichi: Well, a bit forcibly but it still turned out well in the end.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Oh. I am rather surprised about that. I didn't know that you had that deep of a connection.

Hakuba Saguru: Again for my bluntness.

Hakuba Saguru: But I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about how that international criminal syndicate fiasco came to be a couple of months ago.

 

Kudou Shinichi: Well, most of that information is classified.

Kudou Shinichi: And I don't have permission to reveal any information about any other parties involved in the takedown.

Kudou Shinichi: My apologies.

 

Hakuba Saguru: That's alright. I don't believe I have any other questions of significant importance.

Hakuba Saguru: However, I was wondering if you wanted to be friends?

 

Kudou Shinichi: I have to say. Kuroba was right about you being awkward.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Pardon?

 

Kudou Shinichi: What I mean is that yes. I accept your request for friendship, Hakuba-kun.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Well, I guess since we are friends now, you can just call be Hakuba, Kudou-kun.

 

Kudou Shinichi: Likewise, Hakuba.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Thank you, Kudou.

 

Kudou Shinichi: What for?

 

Hakuba Saguru: For being my friend.

 

Kudou Shinichi: … Hakuba

 

Hakuba Saguru: Yes?

 

Kudou Shinichi: I've heard from Kuroba that you are quite the fan of Holmes.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Yes. I am.

 

Kudou Shinichi: Well I would like to have your opinion on which book was your favourite?

 

Hakuba Saguru: I have to choose A Study in Scarlet.

Hakuba Saguru: A bit unoriginal but to me it will always be the memorable moment of the birth of Sherlock Holmes.

 

Kudou Shinichi: I have to say The Sign of Four is my absolute favourite.

 

Hakuba Saguru: A great choice I have to say.

 

Kudou Shinichi: Why thank you.

Kudou Shinichi: As much as I dislike the circumstances.

Kudou Shinichi: My lunch break is over now.

Kudou Shinichi: Sorry about that.

 

Hakuba Saguru: it's no problem Kudou. I have to say that I enjoyed myself with our short conversation.

Hakuba Saguru: I hope we will be able to chat with each other again soon?

 

Kudou Shinichi: Of course.

Kudou Shinichi: Have a good day.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Likewise.

 

_Kudou Shinichi closed_ _「_ _Curiousity_ _」_

_Hakuba Saguru closed_ _「_ _Curiousity_ _」_

 

 

_Mother hen opened_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

 

Mother hen: Shinichi??

 

_Mystery Otaku opened_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

 

Mystery Otaku: Yeah?

 

Mother hen: What were you doing on your phone that made you all smiley???

 

Mystery Otaku: I guess I just made another friend today

 

Mother hen: ah WAIT REALLY

Mother hen: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

 

Mystery Otaku: Thanks?

 

Mother hen: NO REALLY SHINICHI

Mother hen: since the takedown, you have been rather quiet

Mother hen: you prefer to stay in your house more than before

Mother hen: I'm just worried about you

 

Mystery Otaku: It's fine Ran.

Mystery Otaku: I'm stuck inside the house more because of all the extra work I missed from school

Mystery Otaku: Once I've finished it all I can go back to occasionally going outside with my free will

 

Mother hen: Fine. But after you finish your work you better try leaving the house

Mother hen: you detective otaku shut in

 

Mystery Otaku: I feel like I'm being exposed…

 

Mother hen: Why? This is a private chat Shinichi?

Mother hen: UNLESS SOMEONE HAS HACKED IT

Mother hen: SHINICHI

 

Mystery Otaku: Calm down Ran

Mystery Otaku: It's nothing like that

Mystery Otaku: It's like an external force is with us.

 

Mother hen: SHINICHI STOP FREAKING ME OUT

 

Mystery Otaku: Ran if you start freaking out, the teacher will notice.

Mystery Otaku: Never mind, too late.

 

_Mystery Otaku closed_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

_Mother hen closed_ _「_ _Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Signof4 opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

_Signof4 added Hakuba Saguru to_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

_Kendo Kid opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Kendo Kid: OI OI DID I JUST SEE THAT

Kendo Kid: KUROBA GET YOUR ASS ON HERE

 

_Magic Lupin opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Magic Lupin:…

Magic Lupin: SHINICHI Y HAVE U BETRAYEF MEEE?!? ლಠ益ಠ)ლ

 

_Hakuba Saguru opened_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: Well it seems to be that no matter where I am I can't get rid of you, Kuroba.

 

Magic Lupin: BACK AT YAH 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

 

Signof4: Kuroba.

 

Magic Lupin: SHINICHI Y??!?!?!?

 

_Magic Lupin changed Signof4 to TRAITOR_ _ლ_ _ಠ_ _益_ _ಠ_ _)_ _ლ_

_Magic Lupin changed Hakuba Saguru to Hakubastard Sad-guru_

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Oh my god..

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Why can't I change it…

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: I'm honestly too tired to even try.

 

Magic Lupin: TAKE THAT

 

Kendo Kid: sorry kudou but i'm with kuroba on this one

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Sorry about that Hakuba.

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: It's alright.

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Pleasure to meet you again, Hattori Heiji I presume.

 

Kendo Kid: yeah yeah whatever

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Also, please text properly. It is atrocious.

 

Kendo Kid: how abt noooooooooo

 

_Kendo Kid sent an image_

 

 

 

Magic Lupin: rEbelION hakubASTaRd

 

_Magic Lupin sent an image_

 

 

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Dear god.

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Again. Sorry about this Hakuba.

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: I seem to have signed your death warrant.

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: It's alright Kudou, you had kind intentions.

 

Kendo Kid: it'S ALriGHt kUDou, yoU HaD Kind inTentIOns.

 

Magic Lupin: vg'F NYevTUg xHQbh, lbH UnQ Xvaq vaGragVBaf.

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Caesrian shift cipher at 13°

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Creative

 

Magic Lupin: KEKEKEKEKE

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: I cannot comprehend how you are able to put up with them Kudou.

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: I don't, I gave up a long time ago.

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: I have to leave now, my little mad biochemist acting doctor calls for me.

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Apparently, my stress levels are too high for her standards.

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Pardon?

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Yeah…

 

_TRAITOR_ _ლ_ _ಠ_ _益_ _ಠ_ _)_ _ლ_ _closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

Magic Lupin: hakubastard

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: What is it Kuroba?

 

Magic Lupin: private now

Magic Lupin: u too hattori

 

 

_Magic Lupin closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

 

Kendo Kid: lol why not

Kendo Kid: wait good idea

 

 

_Kendo Kid closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: What?

 

_Hakubastard Sad-guru closed_ _「_ _Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad_ _」_

 

 

_Kuroba Kaito made a new conversation_

_Kuroba Kaito changed_ _「_ _New Conversation_ _」_ _to_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

_Kuroba Kaito added Hakuba Saguru to_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

_Kuroba Kaito added Hattori Heiji to_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

_Kuroba Kaito changed Kuroba Kaito to kURobA kAIto_

_Kuroba Kaito changed Hakuba Saguru to hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu_

_Kuroba Kaito changed Hattori Heiji to hAtToRi hEIji_

 

kURobA kAIto: sooooooooo haKUbaKa hOw dId u gEt sHin chAns nO.

kURobA kAIto: *sLAmS tAbLE aGgResSIVely*

 

_kURobA kAIto sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_hAtToRi hEIji opened_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

_hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu opened_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

 

 

hAtToRi hEIji: omg HAHAHah

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Dear god.

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: What on earth have I signed myself up for.

 

hAtToRi hEIji: a one way ticket to hell honestly

hAtToRi hEIji: also welcome, satan will see you shortly

 

kURobA kAIto: ooOOIIII u diDNt ansWEr my qUEstIon

kURobA kAIto: *sLAmS tAbLE aGgResIVley*²

 

_kURobA kAIto sent an image_

 

 

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Do I have to..?

 

kURobA kAIto: yUP

 

hAtToRi hEIji: unless you want him to wreak havoc on your school

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Dear god…

 

kURobA kAIto: lETs bEGin hAKubAStarD

 

hAtToRi hEIji: I recommend you answer his question

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: I found Kudou's number on your phone when Aoko san began chasing you around the classroom.

 

kURobA kAIto: nosey much

 

hAtToRi hEIji: dude what the hell

hAtToRi hEIji: also kuroba dude

 

kURobA kAIto: what can i say im 1412/10 (*・∀-)☆

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Yes, out of being an absolute nuisance.

 

hAtToRi hEIji: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

hAtToRi hEIji: you just got burned

 

kURobA kAIto: sAY bYe BYe tO uR hAIr hAkuBaStarD

 

hAtToRi hEIji: oh shit man

hAtToRi hEIji: you should run or something

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Language.

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Kuroba you wouldn't dare.

 

kURobA kAIto: kuRObA yOU wOULdn'T DArE.

 

hAtToRi hEIji: oh boy

hAtToRi hEIji: when kudo finds out he ain't gonna be happy

 

kURobA kAIto: sHIn cHaN cANt StOP mE

 

 

_Haibara Ai added Haibara Ai to_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

 

_Haibara Ai opened_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

 

 

Haibara Ai: Don't worry Kid, I'll be the one to stop you in your tracks.

Haibara Ai: And Kid, if you make Kudo kun more stressed than he should be, you will be the one who should run.

Haibara Ai: And Osaka, if you continue to encourage this behaviour then you will also be given the same advice.

 

 

_Haibara Ai removed Haibara Ai from_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

 

_Haibara Ai closed_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

 

 

hAtToRi hEIji: dude

hAtToRi hEIji: i think my life just flashed before my eyes

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Who on Earth was that?

 

kURobA kAIto: I JUST GOT SHIVERS

kURobA kAIto: HEI CHAN IS SHE GOING TO EXPERIMENT ON ME?!?!? (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ)

 

hAtToRi hEIji: Dude.

 

kURobA kAIto: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??!?!?!? (((ﾟДﾟДﾟДﾟ)))

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Can any of you answer my question?

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: Who on Earth was that?

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: As much as I am intrigued and would ask for their hand in friendship.

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: They just hacked into this private group chat and threatened you two.

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: And what do you mean by 'experiment'?

 

kURobA kAIto: i think im gonna go lock all my windows and doors

kURobA kAIto: and hide under my bed for a while…

 

 

_kURobA kAIto closed_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

 

 

hAtToRi hEIji: dude i'm gonna do that too

 

 

_hAtToRi hEIji closed_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

 

 

hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu: ????

 

 

_hAKubAStarD sAd-gURu closed_ _「_ _inTEroGatIon tIMe_ _」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 31 COMMENTS  
> 135 KUDOS  
> 16 BOOKMARKS  
> 926 HITS  
> MMMMMMMMMMMM  
> I feel like this chapter was rather lacking and awkward - Saguru is a bit hard to write but I eventually got used to him.   
> Quick question, is it possible to upload pictures from our computer onto AO3 without an address link? I got a crap ton of stuff for chapters 4 - 8. Someone please tell me!  
> Anyway, the next couple of chapters will be rather wild, so in response to this fic so far here is a sneak peek of chapter 4!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Nee-chan: HATTORI-KUN DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHINICHI IS?  
> Nee-chan: PLEASE ANSWER!  
> Nee-chan: IT'S IMPORTANT!  
> ª§ª  
> Unknown wants to send you [Hattori Heiji] a message  
> Unknown wants to send you [Kuroba Kaito] a message  
> Unknown wants to send you [Hakuba Saguru] a message  
> ...  
> Unknown sent a reply  
> 『THAT'S NO FUN』  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	4. Kidnapped and Fun (Discovery)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi gets himself kidnapped. Again. Everyone is frantic, his kidnappers are having fun~

_Nee-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nee-chan: HATTORI-KUN DO YOU KNOW WHERE SHINICHI IS?

Nee-chan: PLEASE ANSWER!

Nee-chan: IT'S IMPORTANT!

 

_Nee-chan closed「Shinichi is a Kid」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Nii-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nii-chan: oi nee-chan, what's going on?

Nii-chan: kudou?

Nii-chan: i haven't messaged him since yesterday afternoon

 

ª§ª

 

_Nee-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nee-chan: HATTORI KUN

Nee-chan: I WENR INSIFE ANF I FOUNS A BOTE

 

_Nii-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nii-chan: thank god you're back

Nii-chan: WHAT DO YOU MENA A NOTE?

 

_Nee-chan sent an image_

 

 

Nee-chan: I found it like this

Nee-chan: Hattori-kun I don't know what to fo

Nee-chan: I don't know who else to ask

 

Nii-chan: Nee-chan, calm down.

Nii-chan: Tell me what happened

 

Nee-chan: So Sonoko, Sera-chan and I were waiting outside for Shinichi so we could walk to school together

Nee-chan: but he was taking too long so I rang the com and tried to call him

Nee-chan: but I didn't get any response so I thought that maybe he was doing something

Nee-chan: so we waited for about five more minutes and I rang again

Nee-chan: but he didn't answer so I was becoming worried

Nee-chan: We decided to go in to see but I noticed that the door was unlocked

Nee-chan: so I carefully opened the door but there was no one there

Nee-chan: I kept calling for him and Sonoko went to look in the bathroom

Nee-chan: I went into his room and everything was a mess

Nee-chan: and I found the note on his desk held by a knife

Nee-chan: Hattori-kun I don't know what I should do

Nee-chan: WHO TOOK HIM

Nee-chan: WHAT IF SOMETHING HAS ALREADY HAPPENED TO HIM

 

Nii-chan: Nee-chan. Calm down.

Nii-chan: You and the rich nee-chan should go over to the Prof's and ask him if he heard anything

Nii-chan: Maybe call his folks and tell them the situation as well

Nii-chan: Kudou has some pals nearby who could help out

Nii-chan: We'll find him okay

 

Nee-chan: Okay

 

_Nee-chan closed「Shinichi is a Kid」_

_Nii-chan closed「Shinichi is a Kid」_

 

 

_Kendo Kid opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Kendo Kid: GUYS GET ONLINE NOW

Kendo Kid: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS

Kendo Kid: THIS IS URGENT

 

 

_Hakubastard Sad-guru opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Hattori, I swear if this is just you sending us a picture of a dog.

Hakubastard Sad-guru: I swear I'm going to castrate you.

 

 

_Magic Lupin opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

 

Magic Lupin: DOGS

 

Kendo Kid: THIS IS SERIOUS

Kendo Kid: KUDOU IS IN TROUBLE

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: What do you mean?

 

Magic Lupin: whats wrong??

 

_Kendo Kid sent an image_

 

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: A note?

 

Kendo Kid: The nee-chan and her group went to pick up Kudou to school this morning

Kendo Kid: But he wasn't responding so they went to check

Kendo Kid: Wait

 

_Kendo Kid sent an image_

 

 

Kendo Kid: Some shit is going down guys

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: I'm on my way Hattori

Hakubastard Sad-guru: What's his address?

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Maybe there are clues outside.

 

Kendo Kid: Beika City, Chome 2, Block 21.

Kendo Kid: The Sera chick should still be there.

 

 

_Kendo Kid closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

_Hakubastard Sad-guru closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

 

Magic Lupin: Those bastards are dead.

 

 

_Magic Lupin closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Unknown wants to send you **[Hattori Heiji]** a message_

 

_『_ _A TWIST._

_DO NOT ENTER THE KUDOU MANSION OR THE LITTLE DETECTIVE WILL BE SLAUGHTERED.』_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Hattori Heiji sent a reply_

 

_『_ _WHERE'S KUDOU YOU SICK FUCK』_

_…_

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Unknown sent a reply_

 

_『_ _THAT'S NO FUN』_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

_…_

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Unknown has blocked you **[Hattori Heiji]**_

 

_Hattori Heiji sent a reply_

 

_『_ _ANSWER ME YOU BASTARD』_

_…_

**_[Declined]_ **

 

ª§ª

 

_Unknown wants to send you **[Kuroba Kaito]** a message_

 

_『_ _A TWIST._

_DO NOT ENTER THE KUDOU MANSION OR THE LITTLE DETECTIVE WILL BE SLAUGHTERED.』_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Kuroba Kaito sent a reply_

 

_『_ _Where's Shinichi you bastard』_

_…_

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Unknown sent a reply_

 

_『_ _THAT'S NO FUN』_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

_…_

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Unknown has blocked you **[Kuroba Kaito]**_

 

_Hattori Heiji sent a reply_

 

_『_ _ANSWER ME』_

_…_

**_[Declined]_ **

 

ª§ª

 

_Unknown wants to send you **[Hakuba Saguru]** a message_

 

_『_ _A TWIST._

_DO NOT ENTER THE KUDOU MANSION OR THE LITTLE DETECTIVE WILL BE SLAUGHTERED.』_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Hakuba Saguru sent a reply_

 

_『_ _Where is Kudou? What do you mean?』_

_…_

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Unknown sent a reply_

 

_『_ _THAT'S NO FUN』_

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

_…_

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Unknown has blocked you **[Hakuba Saguru]**_

 

_Hakuba Saguru sent a reply_

 

_『_ _What is your true goal?』_

_…_

**_[Declined]_ **

 

ª§ª

 

_Kendo Kid opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Kendo Kid: Guys some sick fuck keeps telling me not to go to Beika

 

_Hakubastard Sad-guru opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

_Magic Lupin opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: It's the same for me

 

Kendo Kid: You got the slaughter threat too

 

Magic Lupin: Me too

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Yeah

 

Kendo Kid: When I get my hands on that fucker

 

Magic Lupin: That's strange

Magic Lupin: Why did they tell us to not enter the Kudou mansion

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: I have to agree

 

Magic Lupin: Wait you said that 'the Sera chick' should be there

Magic Lupin: Maybe you can ask for her details

 

Kendo Kid: Shit, I need to get her number from nee-chan

 

_Kendo Kid closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

 

_Nii-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nii-chan: Nee-chan can you send me over the Sera chick's number

Nii-chan: ASAP

Nii-chan: Also where are you right now

 

_Nee-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nee-chan: Okay

Nee-chan: Here 080-XXXX-XXXX

Nee-chan: I'm at Hakase's house

Nee-chan: Have you found anything yet?

 

Nii-chan: Not yet

Nii-chan: Those fuckers are threatening Hakuba, Kuroba and I from entering Kudou's place

 

Nee-chan: WHAT

 

Nii-chan: Is that Sera chick still at Kudou's house?

Nii-chan: And what about you?

 

Nee-chan: Let me check

 

Nii-chan: Thanks

 

Nee-chan: She's not there anymore

Nee-chan: I don't know where she went

Nee-chan: I'm at Hakase's place

 

Nii-chan: Shit, she might have been threatened off too

 

Nee-chan: Oh god

 

Nii-chan: It will be okay nee-chan

Nii-chan: You should stay where you are

Nii-chan: When I get my hands on them, those fuckers will wish they were never born

 

Nee-chan: Good luck

Nee-chan: But I want the first punch

 

Nii-chan: That's the spirit

 

_Nii-chan closed「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nee-chan: If I can keep it that is

 

_Nee-chan closed「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

 

_Hattori Heiji sent you **[Sera Masumi]** a friend request_

 

**_[Accept]_ ** _or **[Decline]**_

**_…_ **

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_Hattori Heiji made a new conversation_

_Hattori Heiji changed「New Conversation」to「Kudou」_

_Hattori Heiji added Sera Masumi to「Kudou」_

 

_Sera Masumi opened「Kudou」_

 

Sera Masumi: I'm guessing you want to know my side of the case

 

Hattori Heiji: Heck yeah I do

Hattori Heiji: Also I want to confirm

Hattori Heiji: Did you get a threat from an unknown number

 

Sera Masumi: Yeah I did

 

_Sera Masumi sent an image_

 

 

Hattori Heiji: Shit

Hattori Heiji: Wait, I'll add you to a group

Hattori Heiji: I'll make it easier to communicate

 

Sera Masumi: Okay

 

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou」_

_Sera Masumi closed「Kudou」_

 

 

_Hattori Heiji made a new conversation_

_Hattori Heiji changed「New Conversation」to「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hattori Heiji added Kuroba Kaito to「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hattori Heiji added Hakuba Saguru to「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hattori Heiji added Sera Masumi to「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Kuroba Kaito opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Kuroba Kaito: Hattori, what's the decree

 

_Sera Masumi opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: Those fuckers got her too

 

Hakuba Saguru: What are they planning

 

Sera Masumi: I'm guessing those fucks got you guys too

 

Hattori Heiji:  What do they mean by 'a twist'

 

Hakuba Saguru: How did they get all our phone numbers and threaten us to stay away from the Kudou mansion

 

Kuroba Kaito: Maybe there is evidence in the house

Kuroba Kaito: They probably got your numbers from Shinichi's phone

 

Hakuba Saguru: But that doesn't explain why they decided to add a twist

 

Hattori Heiji: Did you find any clues Sera?

 

Sera Masumi: I didn't get a good enough look

Sera Masumi: All I know is that the hallway and the master bedrooms were ransacked

Sera Masumi: By the way who is Kuroba?

 

Hakuba Saguru: Which means that they were looking for something

 

Hattori Heiji: Money?

Hattori Heiji: They only left a note though

 

Kuroba Kaito: Family friend

Kuroba Kaito: WAIT

Kuroba Kaito: WE NEED TO ANALYSE THE NOTE

 

Sera Masumi: Let's compare to the first note

 

_Sera Masumi sent an image_

 

 

 

Sera Masumi: I asked Ran-chan to send this over to me earlier as well

Sera Masumi: 'Following the echoes of the little detective'

 

Hattori Heiji: It clearly means we needed to track down Kudou

Hattori Heiji: And our best bet was his phone which would be on his person

 

Kuroba Kaito: The next line 'H can find the wall'

Kuroba Kaito: Who is H?

Kuroba Kaito: Hakuba?

Kuroba Kaito: Wall

 

Hakuba Saguru: 'K can break it'

Hakuba Saguru: Who is K

 

Sera Masumi: 'Allies are a must'

Sera Masumi: Could it be referring to the FBI and the Professor

 

Hattori Heiji: She didn't find anything

Hattori Heiji: I'm guessing the Prof said the same

 

Kuroba Kaito: yeah

 

 

Kuroba Kaito: SHINICHI'S PHONE

Kuroba Kaito: HATTORI THE SCIENCE-CHAN CAN TRACK IT DOWN RIGHT

 

Hattori Heiji: GOOD THINKING

 

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: Who is Science-chan?

 

Sera Masumi: What he said

 

Kuroba Kaito: A scary friend of Shinichi's

Kuroba Kaito: A really scary friend

 

_Hattori Heiji opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: She's here

 

_Haibara Ai added Haibara Ai to「Kudou Kiddnapped」_

 

_Haibara Ai opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Haibara Ai: I found a faint signal from around here

 

_Haibara Ai sent an image_

 

 

Haibara Ai: But that was a bit over 2 hours ago

Haibara Ai: There is something blocking me from tracking any further

Haibara Ai: Mostly likely some firewalls

 

Hakuba Saguru: That's impressive

 

Sera Masumi: Haibara?

 

Kuroba Kaito: Wait can you send me the data you have found so far

Kuroba Kaito: Maybe I can override them

Kuroba Kaito: Not to be rude

Kuroba Kaito: But I'm good with stuff like this

 

Hattori Heiji: He is

 

Haibara Ai: Fine. I will send it over in private

Haibara Ai: Good luck and bring him home

 

_Haibara Ai removed Haibara Ai from「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Haibara Ai closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Kuroba Kaito closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

 

_Haibara Ai sent you **[Kuroba Kaito]** a file_

 

_≪_ _k.s_phone_data//gps_tracker_data//location_data.exe≫_

 

**_[Accept]_ ** _or **[Decline]**_

**_…_ **

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

 

_Kuroba Kaito opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Sera Masumi: That Haibara kid certainly is impressive

 

Hakuba Saguru: I have yet to meet her

Hakuba Saguru: Kid?

 

Hattori Heiji: She is sort of like a prodigy like Conan

 

Hakuba Saguru: Is that so

 

Kuroba Kaito: Guys I've started running the data through

 

_Kuroba Kaito closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: Good

Hattori Heiji: As much as I hate this but we can't move freely in this fight

Hattori Heiji: Those bastards most likely have someone keeping an eye on Kudou's house to make sure we don't come and look

 

Sera Masumi: Agreed

Sera Masumi: We're treading on unknown territory right now

 

Hakuba Saguru: They could carry out their threat the moment we put a toe out of line

 

Hattori Heiji: I think I'm gonna go check up on nee-chan

 

Hakuba Saguru: Okay

 

Sera Masumi: We'll be on standby

 

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 61 COMMENTS  
> 171 KUDOS  
> 19 BOOKMARKS  
> 1279 HITS  
> GUYSSS  
> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT FHAIUJFBAJKJAK  
> Before I get hella sappy I have some bad news. I will be starting school again this Wednesday and I have Sunday school (it's actually pretty fun despite me having no idea how to use the First Principle in functions :/) Also chapter 5 is really short - a pathetic 847 words. And I have hella bad writers' block and I still haven't finished chapter 16 (it's going to catch up eventually).  
> Good news is that it was my birthday on Saturday, I can legally drive now... if you guys find a tabloid article about a teenage girl causing a major road accident in Australia it will be most likely me.  
> Back to the point, I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> This is the third time I've re-written and re-formatted this chapter, wifi why.  
> So please don't hesitate to tell me if there are any spelling mistakes or what you think are accidental spelling mistakes.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	5. Kidnapped and Fun (Awake)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Detective of the East is at work. And out like a light again.

When Shinichi came to consciousness, he realised that he was going to be late for school and Ran was going to kill him. Scratch that, he wasn't even in his bed anymore. The surface was soft but slightly harder than his bed.

 

'Where am I?'

 

He couldn't see anything. His head felt like Haibara had finally snapped and decided to cut him open and replace his organs with Higo dolls and the sort. He tried to shift his limbs but noticed that they were numb and felt like weights.

 

'Drugged?' he thought, 'most likely. Reduces chances of escape and fuss.'

 

Then the memories of that morning hit him like a freight train.

 

ª§ª

 

_Shinichi let out a groan and began to stretch, he had fallen asleep in the library after he found some ominous letters in the mail. Said letters were found haphazardly scattered on the desktop, his notes that he had made on sticky notes were pasted all over them, an assortment of colours depending on their importance. But as he bent down to pick up some that had fallen onto the floor in the night, he heard sounds of movement behind him. Before he could turn around a sudden pair of large arms pin his arm to his sides. He began to struggle, he felt a sharp prick on his neck. At that point his vision began to spin and sway, he felt sluggish, his movements of struggle began to cease. He was out like a light._

 

ª§ª

 

Shinichi rolled onto his back, his limbs were tightly fastened to their respective pairs with multiple zip ties. The howling wind from above caused a window to rattle.

 

'There is a window approximately two meters above from his current position.  Definitely reduces escape.'

 

"Oh my. You're awake."

 

The sleuth froze mid-analysis at the sound of the unfamiliar and sudden voice.

 

'Voice clearly belongs to a female, judging from their tone, they are in their mid-twenties to early thirties, even mid-thirties. Pitch suggests that they are ranging from 165 to 170 centimetres in height. No flaws in their Japanese.'

 

The clicking of nearing heels left him on edge.

 

"Oh, is he still asleep? Wakey wakey little detective~"

 

With those echoing words, Shinichi wasn't able to prepare himself for the sudden pair of rough hands grabbing him by the shoulders and throwing him off of the bed. His head began to ring, he could only slump on the ground, dusty concrete, in response and coughed. Before he could retaliate, not that he could, everything became bright. He blinked at the sudden change of vision, his blindfold was off.

 

"My my, you do have some gorgeous eyes."

 

Looking in the direction of the voice stood a woman, she had matched his analysis earlier, her shoulder-length auburn locks were careless tossed over her shoulder by a black leather gloved hand. Clothed in black, her trench coat reached the back of her calves, her attire was formal. She began to make her way over to him, only the clicking of her heels and the howling of the wind was heard. The unknown woman stopped about fifty centimetres away from him and crouched out, balancing on her heels.

 

'Her hair is clearly dyed, about 2 weeks ago. Pumps, Jimmy Choo black ROMY 85, size is approximately 23.5 centimetres, 495 €, roughly 65 300 ¥. Well off, could be an assassin or bounty hunter. A smoker? No, she is in contact with one.'

 

Her brown eyes had already given him a quick look over, but her gaze still lingered in his eyes. In Shinichi's confusion, she only gave a soft chuckle and smirk. There behind her stood a rough looking man, his clothing wasn't as formal, rather sloppy compared to the woman's but he still immitted a professional aura. The smoke of tobacco lingered from his stern form. His green eyes stared back, emotionless and cold.

 

'Smoker but not enough to be a chain. He is about 170 to 175 centimetres in height-'

 

His next thought was cut off at the sudden slap of skin. Shinichi felt the sting on his cheek continue to throb. The woman pulled back her hand now stripped of the leather glove, its manicured nails glistened in the light. The same offending limb had returned to his sore cheek and began to lovingly stroke the abused flesh. A predator glint was visible in her brown orbs, not even bothered to conceal it. The man behind her let out a grunt, a warning or a signal of a sort. She only responded with a sigh and pout. Shinichi glared at her and narrowed his eyes at the movement of her sticking her hand into her coat.

 

'A gun?'

 

The detective's mind began to run with all kinds of scenarios, starting with the worst. His blood chilled at the woman's next words.

 

"Let's play, little detective."

 

Everything started to become dark again and then it blurred. His mind began to be clouded over by the onslaught of sudden drowsiness.

 

'Shit..'

 

He was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 81 COMMENTS  
> 202 KUDOS  
> 22 BOOKMARKS  
> 1643 HITS  
> MUFFINS  
> I'M SO SORRY FOR HOW LATE THIS IS!!!  
> I really wanted to post it yesterday but I was really tired after my classes (9 to 5;30 and the fact that I have no sleeping schedule what so ever) yesterday that I was /out like a light/ (Badum tshhh)  
> Classes so far are pretty fun and interesting but REGRET why did I pick biology. I suck at biology.  
> GOOD NEWS I've finally finished chapter 16 and I'm planning out 17, but BAD NEWS I don't know how to start it :////  
> Also, I accidentally slipped back into one of my old fandoms HTTYD and boy I've astrally projected myself back into 2013 cringey old me.  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Nee-chan: …  
> Nee-chan: Yeah I am  
> Nee-chan: His lies hurt  
> Nee-chan: But those lies were made to protect everyone he cared for  
> Nee-chan: I understand that he was trying to keep everyone safe  
> Nee-chan: But he would neglect protecting himself  
> ª§ª  
> Kuroba Kaito: Guys, I found something  
> Kuroba Kaito: But I don't think you guys are going to like it  
> ª§ª  
> Hakuba Saguru: Don't be a hot-head and calm down  
> Hakuba Saguru: They are riling you up and you will end up dancing into their hands.  
> ª§ª  
> Hattori Heiji: Those fuckers are playing us  
> Hattori Heiji: To them it's a fucking game  
> ª§ª  
> Unknown: HI BOYS AND GIRL  
> Unknown: HAVING FUN?  
> ª§ª  
> Sera Masumi: What have you done with him  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	6. Kidnapped and Fun (Location)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nii-chan is comforting Nee-chan. The detectives + magician + mad biochemist are getting closer to finding their favourite APTX survivor. Masumi is about to smack a bitch (with her motorbike of course).

_Nii-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nii-chan: Nee-chan are you there?

 

_Nee-chan opened「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

Nee-chan: Did something happen?

 

Nii-chan: The little nee-chan managed to get an approximate area of where he could be

 

Nee-chan: Where

Nee-chan: Ai-chan has locked herself in her room and is refusing to come out

Nee-chan: The kids are also with me

 

Nii-chan: He's in the Ota Ward

Nii-chan: That little nee-chan is working hard to bring him home

Nii-chan: She is probably frustrated that she can't get his exact location

 

Nee-chan: That's not too far from here

Nee-chan: About 45 minutes

Nee-chan: How come?

 

Nii-chan: She says there were some complicated firewalls and stuff

Nii-chan: But another pal of Kudou is working on getting a closer location

Nii-chan: He is insanely good at this type of stuff

 

Nee-chan: I'll trust your judgement then

Nee-chan: Shinichi has gotten some interesting friends after being Conan..

 

Nii-chan: Nee-chan

 

Nee-chan: Yeah Hattori-kun?

 

Nii-chan: Are you still upset about the whole Black org thing?

 

Nee-chan: …

Nee-chan: Yeah I am

Nee-chan: His lies hurt

Nee-chan: But those lies were made to protect everyone he cared for

Nee-chan: I understand that he was trying to keep everyone safe

Nee-chan: But he would neglect protecting himself

 

Nii-chan: Yeah, Kudou is that type of guy

Nii-chan: Wants to protect and save everyone but he always forgets himself

Nii-chan: That's why me and his other pals are there to make sure he doesn't get himself killed in the process

 

Nee-chan: yeah

Nee-chan: Thanks Hattori-kun

 

Nii-chan: It's nothing

Nii-chan: Anyway

Nii-chan: Did you get in touch with Kudou's folks?

 

Nee-chan: No, they seem to be in an area with no service

Nee-chan: Ai-chan said about somewhere in Siberia from the last signal they transmitted

Nee-chan: But we're calling them in intervals to see if they pick up

 

Nii-chan: Shit, okay

 

Nee-chan: You've been swearing a lot today Hattori-kun

 

Nii-chan: It's just that Kudou has been kidnapped, again

Nii-chan: And those bastards aren't letting us check out the house with the threat of killing Kudou over our heads

 

_Nii-chan closed「Shinichi is a kid」_

_Nee-chan closed「Shinichi is a kid」_

 

 

 _IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _opened「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: Hattori, I'm getting a bit closer

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: Also do you have a way to contact Shinichi's FBI buddies

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: Maybe they could lend a hand

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: I have a clue to finding out who one of those bastards are

 

_SCREWED opened「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

 

SCREWED: That's good news

SCREWED: I have the FBI nee-san's number

SCREWED: What did you find?

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: The firewalls they've put up is consistent and it's not one I've ever come across before

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: It looks self-programmed

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: I wanted to see if the FBI database has any records of anyone using it

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: I'm also gonna send it over to the Professor

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: He can check it out in the Interpol database

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: I feel like I've missed something so I'm gonna go back and look at it again

 

SCREWED: Okay, I'll get in contact with her

SCREWED: Do you want me to send the data over to her?

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: Yeah

 

 _IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _sent a file_

 

 _≪_ _k.s_phone_data//gps_tracker_data//location_data//fire-wall_001.34.967//location_data.001.exe≫_

 

 

SCREWED: Thanks

SCREWED: Good luck

 

_SCREWED closed「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆ clos_ _ed「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

 

 

_Kansai-kun opened 「Kudou KID」_

 

Kansai-kun: Sensei, I have a favour to ask of you

 

_Sensei opened「Kudou KID」_

 

Sensei: Kansai-kun!

Sensei: it's been a while

Sensei: What's up?

 

Kansai-kun: I wish it was better circumstances

Kansai-kun: Kudou got himself kidnapped again

 

Sensei: WHAT?!

Sensei: I shouldn't be surprised

Sensei: Cool kid is pretty good at that

Sensei: What happened?

 

Kansai-kun: Some bastards broke into his house and probably ambushed him and left a note

 

Sensei: Probably?

Sensei: What type of note?

 

Kansai-kun: Before me or his other pals could go to check out the scene we got a message form those bastards

Kansai-kun: They threatened that if we went to the Kudou mansion that they would kill him

Kansai-kun: The detective chick was on the scene but she was threatened to leave with the same consequence

Kansai-kun: It was a note

 

Kansai-kun: Kuroba is working on the data the little nee-chan gave him to track down Kudou's location

Kansai-kun: She got stuck with the firewalls and Kuroba wants to ask for your help

 

Sensei: What is it?

 

Kansai-kun: He found that the firewalls that those bastards used is consistent and nothing he had seen before

Kansai-kun: He wanted to see if you could check out the FBI database to find anyone who has used it

 

Sensei: Okay, I'll see what I can do

 

_Kansai-kun sent a file_

 

 _≪_ _k.s_phone_data//gps_tracker_data//location_data//fire-wall_001.34.967//location_data.001.exe≫_

 

Kansai-kun: Thanks

 

Sensei: No problem

 

_Kansai-kun closed「Kudou KID」_

_Sensei closed「Kudou KID」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _opened「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: Hattori, did she find anything?

 

_SCREWED opened「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

 

SCREWED: She didn't find anything

SCREWED: I'm guessing the Prof said the same

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: yeah

 

SCREWED: Shit

SCREWED: Anyway, I'm heading over to Prof

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: Okay

 

_SCREWED closed「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆ clos_ _ed「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Kuroba Kaito opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Kuroba Kaito: Guys, I found something

Kuroba Kaito: But I don't think you guys are going to like it

 

_Hattori Heiiji opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Sera Masumi opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: What is it?

 

Hakuba Saguru: Did you find a clue to their identities?

 

Sera Masumi: What?

 

Kuroba Kaito: From the data on Shinichi's phone

 

Hakuba Saguru: What did you find?

 

Sera Masumi: Shit

 

Kuroba Kaito: I found an encrypted message, it's the next clue

Kuroba Kaito: Here

 

_Kuroba Kaito sent an image_

 

 

 

Hakuba Saguru: So it seems that we have completed the first task

 

Hattori Heiji: Those fuckers are playing us

Hattori Heiji: To them it's a fucking game

 

Sera Masumi: Calm down

 

Kuroba Kaito: I agree with her, calm down Hattori

 

Hakuba Saguru: Don't be a hot-head and calm down

Hakuba Saguru: They are riling you up and you will end up dancing into their hands.

 

Hattori Heiji: Shut up

Hattori Heiji: I'm calm

 

Kuroba Kaito: Yeah and I could hear you ranting from over here

 

Hakuba Saguru: Kuroba, shut up

 

Sera Masumi: GUYS

 

Hattori Heiji: Sorry

Hattori Heiji: Let's solve the riddle.

 

Hakuba Saguru: This time it's much shorter

Hakuba Saguru: 'At the crossroad of the baby and the lost soul'

 

Kuroba Kaito: The key words are 'baby' and 'lost soul'

 

Sera Masumi: 'Look into the eye'

Sera Masumi: Keyword being 'eye'

Sera Masumi: Wordplay?

 

Hattori Heiji: 'There we will be'

Hattori Heiji: So they are giving us hints to their exact location

 

Kuroba Kaito: I got close enough to the Ota Ward, Jonanjima

 

_Kuroba Kaito sent an image_

 

 

 

Sera Masumi: Nice work

Sera Masumi: All we need to do is to figure out this clue and then we can find their exact location

 

_Unknown added Unknown to「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Unknown opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

 

Unknown: HI BOYS AND GIRL

Unknown: HAVING FUN?

 

Hattori Heiji: WHERE'S KUDOU YOU FUCK

 

Unknown: MY MY HOW RUDE

 

Hakuba Saguru: Where is Kudou?

Hakuba Saguru: What is your aim?

 

Sera Masumi: What have you done with him

 

Unknown: THAT IS FOR YOU KIDS TO FIND OUT

Unknown: A FUN GAME TO PLAY

 

Kuroba Kaito: Who are you?

Kuroba Kaito: Is Shinichi okay?

 

Unknown: MY MY WOULD YOU LIKE A PICTURE?

 

_Unknown sent an image_

 

 

 

Unknown: HAVE FUN~

Unknown: WE ARE~

 

_Unknown removed Unknown from「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Unknown closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 98 COMMENTS  
> 223 KUDOS  
> 24 BOOKMARKS  
> 2010 HITS  
> JFASDKBVDKJ  
> GUESS WHO POSTED EARLY. THIS BASTARD. I am also posting this during maths herherher  
> I also got sick so I can't feel my nose anymore, and my foot is really numb too ://  
> I tempted fate and received my divine punishment. :')  
> And before I continue to ramble on about random crap, we only have one chapter left of this arc ;)  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~! (I'm going to make this a thing now)  
> And I didn't include Kaito because he says a lot of spoilers herherher  
> \-------------------------------  
> Hakuba Saguru: Maybe Holmes can forgive me  
> Hakuba Saguru: Just this once.  
> ª§ª  
> Sera Masumi: I'm getting my bike  
> Sera Masumi: Someone is getting bitch slapped today.  
> ª§ª  
> Unknown is calling「Kudou Kidnapped」  
> [Accept] or [Decline]  
> …  
> Hattori Heiji [Accepted] the call  
> Hakuba Saguru [Accepted] the call  
> Sera Masumi [Accepted] the call  
> Kuroba Kaito is unavailable  
> ª§ª  
> Hattori Heiji: Shit  
> Hattori Heiji: No  
> Hattori Heiji: wait I see him  
> Hattori Heiji: hes on the roof  
> ª§ª  
> "Oh my~ It's the little magician. You made it here first. Congratulations. Here is your prize~"  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	7. Kidnapped and Fun (Found)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The squad is closing in. Shinichi gets in contact but is discovered. Kaito rushes ahead and gets the grand prize.

Hattori Heiji: When I get my hands on them

Hattori Heiji: They are dead

 

Kuroba Kaito: Let's hope the FBI can pardon me again.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Maybe Holmes can forgive me

Hakuba Saguru: Just this once.

 

Sera Masumi: I'm getting my bike

Sera Masumi: Someone is getting bitch slapped today.

Sera: I'm going to head to Jonanjima

 

 

Kuroba Kaito: We can narrow it down to find Shinichi

 

_Sera Masumi closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: Good idea, Baya is taking me there

Hakuba Saguru: Kuroba?

 

Kuroba Kaito: Nah, I have something

 

Hattori Heiji: You still have your toys?

Hattori Heiji: I thought sensei confiscated them

 

Kuroba Kaito: Shush

 

_Kuroba Kaito closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hakuba Saguru closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Kuroba Kaito opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Kuroba Kaito: You guys here yet?

 

_Sera Masumi opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Sera Masumi: nearly I have it on speech mode right now I'm nearly there

 

_Sera Masumi closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hattori Heiji opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: me too

 

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: I'm about 5 minutes away

Hakuba Saguru: In the meantime, I figured out most of the riddle

 

Kuroba Kaito: What did you get

 

Hakuba Saguru: 'Look into the eye'

Hakuba Saguru: It means the character for eye 目

 

Kuroba Kaito: Which is used in the word Chome

Kuroba Kaito: 'At the crossroad of the baby and the lost soul'

Kuroba Kaito: It must be a number then

Kuroba Kaito: Wait, got look up numbers and their meanings

Kuroba Kaito: I'll look around from any abandoned buildings

 

_Hattori Heiji opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: Sera and I are here

Hattori Heiji: Where are you guys?

 

Hakuba Saguru: Kuroba has gone to look for any suspicious buildings

Hakuba Saguru: I still about 2 minutes away

 

Hattori Heiji: Did you get anywhere with the clue?

 

Hakuba Saguru: Only that we need to look in a Chome

Hakuba Saguru: Just scroll back up to see

Hakuba Saguru: I'm currently looking for a number corresponding with the clue

 

Hattori Heiji: Okay, Sera and I will look around

 

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hakuba Saguru closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: I'm here

Hakuba Saguru: It's 7 Chome

Hakuba Saguru: The number 7 is used in Buddhism to celebrate the 7th day of a baby's birth

Hakuba Saguru: And the 7th day after a person dies and the soul crosses over

 

_Hakuba Saguru sent an image_

 

 

 

_Hakuba Saguru sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_Kuroba Kaito opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Kuroba Kaito: On it

 

_Hattori Heiji opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: Oi don't charge in

Hattori Heiji: Yeah, that's Hattori's job - Sera

 

Kuroba Kaito: I know

Kuroba Kaito: Who do you think you're talking to  
 

_Kuroba Kaito closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Hattori Heiji: Texting really

 

Hakuba Saguru: Funny

Hakuba Saguru: I'll meet you there

 

_Hakuba Saguru closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Unknown added Unknown to「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Unknown opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Unknown is calling「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

_Hattori Heiji opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Sera Masumi opened「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Hattori Heiji **[Accepted]** the call_

_Hakuba Saguru **[Accepted]** the call_

_Sera Masumi **[Accepted]** the call_

_Kuroba Kaito is unavailable_

 

 

_ Unknown: *whispers* Guys? _

 

_ Hattori Heiji: KUDOU _

 

_ Hakuba Saguru: *whispers* Kudou? Hattori be quiet. _

 

_ Sera Masumi: *hushed* Kudou?! Are okay?! _

 

_ Unknown: Yeah.. A bit disorientated but I'm alright _

 

 _Hakuba Saguru: What happened? Stay on the phone Kudou, we're on our way  
_  

_ Sera Masumi: Someone is going to get bitch slapped _

 

_ Unknown: Ahh Sera don't worry, it's fine _

 

_ Sera Masumi: What?! *frantically whispers* What do you- _

 

_ Hattori Heiji: *loud* WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S FINE _

 

_ Unknown: It's- *a door creaks* shit- *unknown female voice in the background* OH MY~ WHAT A NAUGHTY LITTLE DETECTIVE WE HAVE HERE- *fumbling noises* Shit- _

 

_Unknown ended the call_

 

_Unknown removed Unknown from「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

_Unknown closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

Sera Masumi: Shit Hattori

 

Hakuba Saguru: Have any of you seen Kuroba?

 

Hattori Heiji: Shit

Hattori Heiji: No

Hattori Heiji: wait I see him

Hattori Heiji: hes on the roof

 

_Hakuba Saguru closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Hattori Heiji closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

_Sera Masumi closed「Kudou Kidnapped」_

 

ª§ª

 

Kaito deactivated his hang glider and carefully made his way to the edge of the roof.

 

'Thank god I had a spare locked away.'

 

The roof quietly creaked every step he took, he cursed quietly. The magician slowly began to crouch down and look down at the window.

 

'Bingo.'

 

He stealthily hopped down onto the ledge of the building and slowly peered through the window, mentally preparing himself for a sight. Shinichi had to be fine.

 

"..what the hell.."

 

Click. The sound of a cocked gun. There stood a woman in black. The window was open. A handgun was pointed at his head. There would be no time to dodge. Shinichi would be at risk. He should have waited for the others.

 

"Oh my~ It's the little magician. You made it here first. Congratulations. Here is your prize~"

 

Bang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 144 COMMENTS  
> 271 KUDOS  
> 31 BOOKMARKS  
> 2458 HITS  
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND that's the end of this arc ;)  
> BUT GUYS HELP I'm running out of decent ideas! So feel free to send in any prompt or scenarios that you want or any more interaction of Shinichi X Someone (I'm too Kaishin biased :'))  
> \-------------------------------  
> Since Valentines is coming up, drop me any good pick up lines you guys have.  
> My beta (who is very busy so she hasn't actually been able to read these chapters, bless her soul) probably hates me because I've been using them non-stop on her (Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you. Hahaha please don't hate me. Love you~).  
> \-------------------------------  
> AND I will eventually finish chapter 17... Eventually... (I promise you Zai-san)  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Make sure you eat something  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Coffee does not count as sustaining food  
> Corpse Magnet: Yes mother  
> Corpse Magnet closed「Fear™」  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Better than your real one at least.  
> ª§ª  
> Magician-san: Y MUST U HURT ME THIS WAY  
> Magician-san: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING  
> Watson-san: Stop being dramatic  
> ª§ª  
> JKD-san: oh boy  
> Okaa-san: oh  
> Watson-san: ah  
> Rich-san: oh myyy  
> Blue-san: o  
> Leaf-san: oh  
> Science-san: Please get your minds out of the gutter  
> JKD-san: wellll  
> Okaa-san: BHAFLDVA  
> Rich-san: VDSFAGHFADFGBVDVHJFDKHHHHHHHHHHH  
> Watson-san: It was not.  
> Blue-san: O  
> Leaf-san: AHAHAUD  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	8. Shinichi Protection Squad and Exposure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kidnapping is finally revealed. The Shinichi Protection Squad is underway. Ai is a little snitch and exposes Kaito and Heiji's failures.

_Corpse Magnet opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Hey Haibara?

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eye yawny girl: What is it Kudou-kun?

 

Corpse Magnet: Is Hattori sulking over there?

Corpse Magnet: He still isn't answering my texts

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: No

Evil-eyed yawny girl: It is rather understandable

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Is Kid also mad at you too?

 

Corpse Magnet: I think so

Corpse Magnet: He hasn't responded either

Corpse Magnet: I've tried both Hakuba and Aoko-san

Corpse Magnet: And Sera, and Ran surprisingly

Corpse Magnet: Sonoko as well, but she is probably still annoyed about the Conan thing

Corpse Magnet: And Kazuha, but she is more mad at Hattori

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Let those children have their tantrums

Evil-eyed yawny girl: But what I am most surprised with is that they are actually leaving you alone

 

Corpse Magnet: What?

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Nevermind

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Make sure you eat something

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Coffee does not count as sustaining food

 

Corpse Magnet: Yes mother

 

_Corpse Magnet closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Better than your real one at least.

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Science-san: All is clear

Science-san: He is in the dark

Science-san: As usual

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

West-san: Good

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Magician-san: shin chan really is oblivious

Magician-san: so cuteee

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Rich-san: that guy cute?!

Rich-san: plz

 

Blue-san: I really don't know how Kudou-kun can deal with u

 

Magician-san: RUDE

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Watson-san: It seems to be that everyone is getting online now

 

Leaf-san: Of course!!!!

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: Sorry I'm late

Okaa-san: Shinichi tried to contact me again

 

JKD-san: srry srry

 

Watson-san: We are all here now

 

Magician-san: LETS GOOO

 

Rich-san: geez who the heck is magician-san???

 

Blue-san: don't worry

Blue-san: he is an idiot

Blue-san: a pervert but an idiot

 

Magician-san: secret~ (●o’∪`o)ノ―♪`*.+

Magician-san: ill reveal myself when the time is right

Magician-san: Y MUST U HURT ME THIS WAY

Magician-san: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING

 

Watson-san: Stop being dramatic

 

Science-san: We should start the meeting now

 

Leaf-san: Agreed!

 

Okaa-san: Ahhh that one

 

Watson-san: Kudou is a trouble magnet

 

Rich-san: agreed

 

Okaa-san: 100%

 

JKD-san: god I was abt to deck someone yesterday

 

Okaa-san: Why?

 

West-san: here

 

_West-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Okaa-san: Why wasn't I informed of this

 

Rich-san: woah

 

Blue-san: WAHTJFDA

 

JKD-san: like I said

JKD-san: i was abt to deck someone

 

Leaf-san: WHY DIDNT YOU???

 

Science-san: I'm not going to question why Osaka-kun has this image

 

West-san: I JUST WENT TO THE CHAT AND COPIED IT OVER

 

Watson-san: How aggressive

Magician-san: I nearly died of a heart attack Σ(T□T)

 

JKD-san: didn't u almost fall off the window ledge??

 

West-san: didn't he actually though

 

Watson-san: He did.

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

Leaf-san: You still need to fill us in!!!

 

West-san: geez kazuha

 

Science-san: Watson, shall you tell us the story from your side

Science-san: You lot never told the rest what really happened

 

Blue-san: TELL TELL

 

Watson-san: Well, so after we had solved the second clue

Watson-san: We made our way towards the warehouse

Watson-san: Magician was already there and he was on the window ledge

Watson-san: But the woman had a gun to his head from the other side of the window

 

Magician-san: THEN BAM SHE FIRED IT (-@Д@)

Magician-san: I NEARLY DIED?!?!@?FWEJFKS

 

Rich-san: WHAT HAPPENED?!!

 

Blue-san: ?????

 

Okaa-san: Tell us

 

Watson-san: Stop being dramatic

Watson-san: All he got was a scrape from falling

Watson-san: The gun was only a water gun

 

Science-san: It's one of my favourite models

 

JKD-san: woah ^

 

Rich-san: WWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT

Rich-san: HOLD UP

 

Blue-san: BUT DIDNT THAT WOMAN KIDNAP KUDOU-KUN?@?@?

 

West-san: yeah but it was actually kudou's mum

 

Rich-san: of course

 

Leaf-san: Oh my

 

Magician-san: PLOT TWIST

 

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Magician-san: tadaaaa

Magician-san: she was really nice afterwards thoughhhhh

Magician-san: she showed me his baby photos (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

Magician-san: but his dad was there too

Magician-san: he was scaryyyy

Magician-san: he kept glaring at meeee

 

JKD-san: Protective Dad mode on✓

 

West-san: kudou told me that you snuck into the hospital at night and pretended to shoot him

 

Leaf-san: WHAT

 

Rich-san: wild

 

Science-san: I did shoot him

 

Okaa-san: AI-CHAN

 

Science-san: All he got was a lovely bouquet of roses

Science-san: My only regret was that it made his stress levels flare up

Science-san: However, at the time I had to get my point across

 

JKD-san: wild²^

 

Rich-san: girl

Rich-san: lets hang out

 

Science-san: As long as we go to look at the new line of Blueberry purses

Science-san: I'm in

 

Okaa-san: Okay guys we need to discuss the actual topic of our meeting!

 

Leaf-san: Kudou-kun being a trouble magnet

 

West-san: yup

 

Blue-san: From the sounds of it, he is as bad as magician

 

Magician-san: SHINICHI PROTECTION SQUAD IS GO

Magician-san: RUDE AO CHAN

 

Watson-san: Is it bad that I feel slightly sorry for Kudou?

 

Okaa-san: Don't worry

Okaa-san: This is the least he can do to make up for getting into trouble so often

 

West-san: he's worse than me

 

Leaf-san: Hey when you two are together the bodies fall from the sky

 

Okaa-san: Ahh the heart attacks

 

Science-san: And flaring stress levels

Science-san: Maybe I should put him on coffee ban for a while

 

West-san: NAH IT'S OK

 

Magician-san: WHAT HE SAID

 

Leaf-san: I'll always wonder what made you barricade yourself into Ran-chan's room that day

Leaf-san: you were downright sobbing

 

JKD-san: HAHAh what?!

 

Rich-san: OI OI TEEL USSS

 

Magician-san: terrible terrible things… ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 

West-san: …

West-san: never forget

 

Watson-san: My, I'm rather interested

 

Science-san: Apparently they did something stupid and were severely punished by Kudou-kun

 

JKD-san: oh boy

 

Okaa-san: oh

 

Watson-san: ah

 

Rich-san: oh myyy

 

Blue-san: o

 

Leaf-san: oh

 

Science-san: Please get your minds out of the gutter

 

JKD-san: wellll

 

Okaa-san: BHAFLDVA

 

Rich-san: VDSFAGHFADFGBVDVHJFDKHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Watson-san: It was not.

 

Blue-san: O

 

Leaf-san: AHAHAUD

 

Magician-san: woah

Magician-san: how dirty

 

West-san: lol

 

Blue-san: PERVERT

 

Science-san: Here

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

JKD-san: that was epic

JKD-san: and wild

 

Rich-san: art

Rich-san: HAJKDAS Magician

Rich-san: did ur mum ever reply??

 

 

Magician-san: nooooo

Magician-san: shin chan mustve told her

 

Leaf-san: Stupid Heiji

 

Blue-san: idiot magician

 

Okaa-san: No wonder

 

Watson-san: Magician, West

 

Magician-san: ????

 

West-san: what

West-san: let me have my vietnam war flashbacks

 

Watson-san: Up for round two?

 

JKD-san: LMAO^

 

Rich-san: LEVEL SATAN ^^

 

Blue-san: GOOD JOB HAKUBA-KUN

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

JKD-san: THEY SHOOK

 

Okaa-san: Magician?

Okaa-san: Hattori-kun??

 

Science-san: Leave them be

Science-san: They are most likely having flashbacks

Science-san: Kudou-kun leaves quite the impression on you

 

Leaf-san: I'll say, Heiji kept talking about him like a lovesick schoolgirl

 

Okaa-san: It was understandable that you thought they were dating

 

Rich-san: PFFFFFFF omg

 

Science-san: ANYWAY

Science-san: Stop getting off track

Science-san: We need to find solutions to make sure Kudou-kun is protected

 

JKD-san: maybe some of us can find reasons to hang out at his place for long periods of time???

 

Okaa-san: Sounds reasonable

Okaa-san: Shinichi might get suspicious though

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Magician-san: I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON HIM!!!!

 

Leaf-san: that makes you sound like a stalkerrrrr

 

Blue-san: perverted stalker alert

 

Watson-san: Didn't you stalk him for months before you got the guts to befriend him?

 

Blue-san: SEE

 

Magician-san: WHERE DID U HEAR THAT FROM?!!??!

 

Watson-san: Kudou told me

 

Blue-san: exposed

 

Rich-san: omg that sounds like a girl asking out her crush

Rich-san: is this a ship now??

 

JKD-san: Magician x Shinichi

 

Science-san: What an outcome

 

Leaf-san: shipshipshipshipppp

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

West-san: HELL NO

 

Leaf-san: Jealous Heijiiii

 

West-san: NO

 

Magician-san: U R??

Magician-san: OMG

Magician-san: UFHJNAJSVCNAL

 

Okaa-san: I will only let Magician court Shinichi if I see him worthy.

 

Rich-san: HSABJDLKAS

Rich-san: Protective mum mode on✓

 

JKD-san: u also have to get past his dad too

JKD-san: but if ur the right type of crazy then his mum is a breeze

 

Blue-san: he unfortunately is

Blue-san: experience

 

West-san: OI OI

West-san: kudou wouldn't get together with this guy

 

Watson-san: I have to agree to an extent

Watson-san: But you are no better

Watson-san: At least Kudou and I have more in common

 

Leaf-san: Yeah Heiji, your personalities do clash

 

Rich-san: LOVE SQUARE??!?!

 

Magician-san: shin chan is mine now

Magician-san: back off

Magician-san: u too hakubastard

 

West-san: WHAYUI

 

Watson-san: Excuse you

 

Magician-san: excuse me

 

Blue-san: oh gosh

 

Rich-san: OMG JFKADLGF ADHDJL

 

Leaf-san: NO WAY FBHIDK

 

Science-san:…

Science-san: Guys.

Science-san: Meeting.

 

Okaa-san: GUYS

 

JKD-san: YES MAM

 

Magician: HERE

 

Rich-san: YESSS

 

Watson-san: Yes.

 

Blue-san: YES

 

West-san: PRESENT

 

Leaf-san: HERE

 

Science-san: We need to act

 

Okaa-san: Got it?

 

Leaf-san: Yep!!!

 

Blue-san: YAY

 

Rich-san: OK

 

Watson-san: Absolutely

 

Magician-san: YEET

 

West-san: yeah

West-san: also never do that again

 

Magician-san: *inhales* YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

 

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

JKD-san: WHOOP

JKD-san: SPS ROLL OUTTTTTTTTTTTT

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 201 COMMENTS  
> 303 KUDOS  
> 33 BOOKMARKS  
> 2874 HITS  
> HAPPY (late) CHINESE NEW YEAR and HAPPY (late) GOLDEN HOBI DAY ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)  
> Guess who got themselves in D.gray-man HAHA THIS PERSON WHO HAS NO SENSE OF ORGANISATION OR PRIORITY WHATSOEVER  
> Anyway~ back on track I got you guys huh ;)  
> I was actually slightly worried when some of you guys said that it was definitely Yuusaku and Yukiko (gold stars kids) but I somehow (???) threw some of you off track. I had a heart-attack moment hahah   
> \-------------------------------  
> And yes Ai-chan hacked into their phones to get the screenshots. Hacking a fun past time of hers (and you guys may see more of it in future~)  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!   
> \-------------------------------  
> TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Hattori what in the name of loving god is going on  
> TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: It's 3 am  
> TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: For fucks sake Hattori  
> TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: It's 3 fucking am  
> ª§ª  
> HANGRY: IF YOU TELL ME TO GO EAT A FUCKING SNICKERS  
> HANGRY: I WILL GO OVER THERE AND FUCKING EVISCERATE YOU   
> ª§ª  
> Lupin: HE HAD THOSE LECHEROUS EYES SHIN CHAN  
> Lupin: HE WAS GOING TO EAT U!?!$!@#r#rqFEWF WEUIF  
> ª§ª  
> Okaa-san: That's it  
> Okaa-san: I'm sprinting over there right now.  
> ª§ª  
> Rich-san: woah  
> JKD-san: woah²  
> ª§ª  
> West-san: SUCKS TO BE U MAGICBITCH   
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	9. Shenanigans and Glasses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito is possessive and fights one of Shinichi's many suitors. 3 am shenanigans, somehow Saguru can sleep through it? Also the kids come to visit their detective mum.

_Kendo Kid opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Kendo Kid: KUROBA WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK

 

_Magic Lupin opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Magic Lupin: ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿?

 

Kendo Kid: YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I MEAN

Kendo Kid: WHAT THE FUCK MAN

 

_Magic Lupin closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Kendo Kid: GET BACK HERE AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN

Kendo Kid: YOU PIECE OF SHIT

 

_TRAITOR_ _ლ_ _ಠ_ _益_ _ಠ_ _)_ _ლ_ _opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: ???

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Why aren't you in your futon?

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Hattori what in the name of loving god is going on?

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: It's 3 am…

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: For fucks sake Hattori

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: It's 3 fucking am

 

Kendo Kid: KUROBA DID IT FIRST

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Hattori

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: 3 FUCKING AM

 

_Kendo Kid closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: HATTORI

 

_TRAITOR_ _ლ_ _ಠ_ _益_ _ಠ_ _)_ _ლ_ _closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

 

_SCREWED opened「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」_

_SCREWED changed「KUDOU IS GOING TO KILL ME」to「WHAT THE FUCK MAN」_

 

SCREWED: KUROBA GET YOUR ARSE ON HERE RIGHT NOW

SCREWED: EXPLAIN YOU FUCK

 

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _opened「WHAT THE FUCK MAN」_

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _changed SCREWED to HANGRY_

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: hei chan

 

HANGRY: IF YOU TELL ME TO GO EAT A FUCKING SNICKERS

HANGRY: I WILL GO OVER THERE AND FUCKING EVISCERATE YOU

 

IQ400(・ωｰ)～☆: (◕‸ ◕✿)

 

HANGRY: AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE SEND ME A 'WHY SO SERIOUS' MEME

 

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _sent an image_

 

 

 

HANGRY: THAT'S IT

 

_IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _changed IQ400_ _(_ _・_ _ω_ _ｰ_ _)_ _～_ _☆_ _to_ _(_ _◕_ _‸_ _◕✿_ _)_

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): hei chan

 

HANGRY: WHAT

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): SHIN CHAN IS MINE

(◕‸ ◕✿): BACK OFF

 

_(_ _◕_ _‸_ _◕✿_ _)_ _closed「WHAT THE FUCK MAN」_

 

HANGRY: GET BACK HERE

 

_HANGRY closed「WHAT THE FUCK MAN」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hakubastard Sad-guru opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: What on earth happened here?

 

_TRAITOR_ _ლ_ _ಠ_ _益_ _ಠ_ _)_ _ლ_ _opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: Don't even ask…

TRAITOR ლಠ益ಠ)ლ: How on earth did you sleep through that?

 

_TRAITOR_ _ლ_ _ಠ_ _益_ _ಠ_ _)_ _ლ_ _closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

Hakubastard Sad-guru: ?

Hakubastard Sad-guru: Alright

 

_Hakubastard Sad-guru closed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

 

_An angry bastard opened「Give me back my coffee」_

_An angry bastard changed「Give me back my coffee」to「EXPLAIN」_

 

An angry bastard: Hattori, what the hell was that earlier

 

_A dead bastard opened「EXPLAIN」_

 

A dead bastard: NOTHING

 

An angry bastard: That was not fucking nothing

An angry bastard: Why where you chasing Kuroba around my house at 3am?!?

An angry bastard: 3 am!!!!

An angry bastard: TELL ME HATTORI

 

A dead bastard: Kuroba threw me out the fucking window

 

An angry bastard: ???

 

_A dead bastard closed「EXPLAIN」_

 

An angry bastard: OI

An angry bastard: HATTORI

 

_An angry bastard opened「EXPLAIN」_

 

 

 _Holmes opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: Kuroba Kaito

Holmes: Explain yourself

 

 _Lupin opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Lupin:…

Lupin: HEI CHAN WAS BEING A PERV

 

Holmes: ????

 

Lupin: HE WAS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF U SHIN CHAN!!!（ｉДｉ）

 

Holmes: He was only in my room for the night Kuroba??

Holmes: Why would he take advantage of me??

 

Lupin: HE HAD THOSE LECHEROUS EYES SHIN CHAN

Lupin: HE WAS GOING TO EAT U!?!$!@#r#rqFEWF WEUIF

 

Holmes: Kuroba are you alright?

Holmes: No, that was a stupid question

Holmes: You are never alright

 

Lupin: bingo

Lupin: BUT SHIN CHANJDSKFS

 

Holmes: I give up

Holmes: This was a lost cause

Holmes: Just make sure the paint can be cleaned off

Holmes: Otherwise my mother will get you next

 

 _Holmes closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Lupin: YUASHDFJA

 

 _Lupin closed「Luv u_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Magician-san: GUYS I PROTECTED SHIN CHAN FROM BEING EATEN BY HEI CHAN

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: HATTORI-KUN

 

Rich-san: OH MY

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

JKD-san: GOOD JOB

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Watson-san: Ah…

Watson-san: So that’s what happened earlier

 

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Blue-san: What?????

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Science-san: No wonder I heard yelling

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: HATTORI HEIJI EXPLAIN YOURSELF

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: HATTORI-KUN

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

Rich-san: MAGICIAN TELL USSS

 

Magician-san: hei chan convinced shin chan to let him sleep with him

Magician-san: hei chan had lecherous eyes

 

Blue-san: I'm surprised you know such fancy words

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

Watson-san: Oh my

 

Rich-san: oH MY

 

JKD-san: HAIUSDFHBASKJFA

 

Okaa-san: That's it

Okaa-san: I'm sprinting over there right now.

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

West-san: NEE-CHAN PLEASE DON'T

 

Science-san: So the guilty has appeared

 

Magician-san: DO U PLEAD GUILTY

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

West-san: I was sleeping in his room

 

Rich-san: UIFASDJJAFIUHAJKAJKBQFE

 

Watson-san: This is why I slept a door away

 

JKD-san: OMG

 

West-san: ON A FUTON

 

Okaa-san: Well that's not too bad

 

Magician-san: U WERE CHECKING HIM OUT

Magician-san: DON’T LIE

 

Leaf-san: Heijiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

 

Science-san: At least be subtle

 

Rich-san: advice 101^

 

Blue-san: I honestly don't think that's too bad??

Blue-san: You're no better you pervert

 

JKD-san: EXPOSED^

 

Magician-san: HEY I AM A GENTLEMAN

 

Blue-san: WHAT TYPE OF GENTLEMEN FLIPS SKIRTS

 

Rich-san: woah

 

JKD-san: woah²

 

Okaa-san: I suddenly don't approve anymore.

 

Watson-san: Ha

 

Magician-san: FBHAFJKBLG

Magician-san: IT NOT WHAT U THINKJKGL

Magician-san: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHIN CHANSFD,JG

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: SHINICHI

Okaa-san: ?!?!

 

JKD-san: im giving her 10 sec for her to start sprinting

 

Rich-san: srry sera-chan.

Rich-san: 5 sec

 

Watson-san: Mouri-san, you don’t need to worry

Watson-san: It appears that some children are here

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Magician-san: THE KIDS ARE HERE LDGFAFDJKAFG

 

Leaf-san: The kids????

 

Watson-san: Oh my

 

Okaa-san: The detective boys?

 

Rich-san: those brats????

 

Blue-san: Kids?

 

West-san: SUCKS TO BE U MAGICBITCH

West-san: THE KIDS ALREADY LIKE ME

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Magician-san: RUDE

Magician-san: this is y im the gentleman

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Blue-san: What's going on????

 

Rich-san: idk

 

JKD-san: me neither

 

Science-san: Update - the children are asking Kudou-kun to take them to the park

Science-san: Well, I'm off

 

Okaa-san: Have fun Ai-chan

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Magician-san: ASKYDFHASJFAL

Magician-san: THIS IS SO CUTEJDFLS

 

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Leaf-san: THAT'S SO CUTE

 

Rich-san: I have to agree

 

Magician-san: lol they forgot abt Hattori

Magician-san: Update - ha loser is sulking

 

Blue-san: Hey idiot, you have to come home

Blue-san: We have a project to work on

 

Magician-san: EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Magician-san: I DON’T WANNA

Magician-san: because of that i dont wanna show you guys the other pictures i took

 

Blue-san: Don't make me come over there

Blue-san: I will expose you

 

Leaf-san: EHHH

Leaf-san: no fair

 

Magician-san: COMING

Magician-san: BYE GUYSSSSS

 

Blue-san: Talk later!

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Rich-san: AAAAAAA

Rich-san: RAN WE HAVE TO FINISH OUR HOMEWORK

Rich-san: TTYL GUYS

 

Okaa-san: AH YOU'RE RIGHT

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

JKD-san: Ah I only have a bit left to finish

JKD-san: perks of having a british mother

JKD-san: see yah guys!!!

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: Luckyyyy I still have stuff to do too

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Watson-san: I also have to leave now

Watson-san: My baya had accepted a case for me

Watson-san: But Kudou will be in good hands

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Science-san: The children convinced him to wear his glasses

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 240 COMMENTS  
> 332 KUDOS  
> 36 BOOKMARKS  
> 3235 HITS  
> Sorry for how late this is!!!! I am rather stressed with my school load right now, and I have an English draft due VERY soon (less than two days heeeeee) and I have to re-write it AGAIN ahaahhsadajk  
> \-------------------------------  
> BLESS BECAUSE MY LOVELY SOULMATE SCHEHERAZADE (I'm going to call you that since I don't think you would want your actual name plastered everywhere~) BETA'D THIS CHAPTER FOR ME (DESPITE HER INSANELY PACKED SCHEDULE)~ ❤  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!   
> \-------------------------------  
> Mum:…  
> Mum: Why did you change our names?  
> Mum: And what does 'Kaishin' mean?  
> ª§ª  
> Dad: R U FLIRTING WITH MAH WIFE  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: BOTH OF YOU DIRTY SHITS FIGHT ME  
> Mum:???  
> Hot-headed son: Not you Kudou  
> ª§ª  
> TRAITOROUS SON: After all, there is a thing called a divorce  
> Dad: SON NO  
> ª§ª  
> TRAITOROUS SON: Paedophile  
> Dad: FAHKGLBGAFLGH  
> Hot-headed son: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU FUCK  
> TRAITOROUS SON: Paedophile  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> BETA'D by the lovely Scheherazade ~ ❤


	10. Rebellious Sons and Reminiscing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi with glasses is a blessing. Kaito has claimed Shinichi as his wife, his two sons; Heiji and Saguru; become rebellious. Heiji and Saguru try to climb the shipping ladder. Kaito reminisces the good old days.

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection Squad」_

 

Magician-san: saved

 

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Magician-san: my skin is clear, my depression is gone

Magician-san: he is a blessing

Magician-san: i love him

 

_Magician-san changed「Shinichi Protection Squad」to「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: real subtle there magic boy

JKD-san: and arent u supposed to be in class??

 

Magician-san: its only revision today

Magician-san: shouldnt u be in class 2??

 

JKD-san: lol yeah

JKD-san: gtg

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: bye~

Magician-san: aaaah im so lonely

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

 

_Magic Lupin opened「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」_

 

_Magic Lupin changed「Tasteless Fedora Busters Squad」to「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

_Magic Lupin changed Signof4 to Mum_

_Magic Lupin changed Magic Lupin to Dad_

_Magic Lupin changed Kendo Kid to Hot-headed son_

_Magic Lupin changed Hakubastard Sad-guru to Stick-in-the-mud son_

 

Dad: yeet

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: okay what the fuck is this

Hot-headed son: kuroba what the hell

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Why am I the mother???

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: cuz ur my wife! ♡(ŐωŐ人)

 

Mum: When did we even get married??

 

Hot-headed son: oi oi

Hot-headed son: kudou why are you so chill

 

Mum: Well, there is no point in arguing when I can't really do anything

Mum: I have to say your new name suits you

 

Hot-headed son: LKJFDSF

Hot-headed son: KUDOU

 

_Stick-in-the-mud son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Stick-in-the-mud son: Should I even bother?

 

Mum: No

Mum: So what's with the sudden change Kuroba?

 

Dad: if u call me kaito from now on ill tell u~

 

Hot-headed son: KUDOU DON’T

 

Stick-in-the-mud son: Kudou it's not worth it

 

Mum:??

Mum: Kaito

 

Dad: YES DARLING (ᗒᗨᗕ)

 

Mum:…

Mum: Why did you change our names?

Mum: And what does 'Kaishin' mean?

 

Dad: WELLL

Dad: since we have a little family now y not give everyone roles

Dad: kaishin is kaito + shinichi cus we r mum and dad

 

Mum: Okay

 

Hot-headed son: Hi! This is Kazuha! Heiji is on the floor right now

Hot-headed son: It’s a bit freaky

Hot-headed son: He keeps muttering about how a bastard keeps one-upping him

 

Mum: Oh my

Mum: Is he alright?

 

Dad: don’t worry shin chan

Dad: our son is a hot head

 

Hot-headed son: I'm just going to close this

Hot-headed son: Don't worry

Hot-headed son: And I'm guessing Mum is Kudou-kun?

Hot-headed: I would say Dad is the magician

 

Mum: It is

Mum: Did you introduce yourself already?

 

Dad: not yet~~

Dad: im waiting for the perfect moment

 

Mum: Ah

 

Hot-headed son: Ahhh

Hot-headed son: Okay, bye!

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Hakuba are you still there?

 

Stick-in-the-mud son: Yes

Stick-in-the-mud: I was wondering

 

Mum: Yes?

 

Stick-in-the-mud son: If you could call me Saguru, we are rather close now

Stick-in-the-mud: If that's alright

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

Dad: R U FLIRTING WITH MAH WIFE

 

Stick-in-the-mud son: I have no idea what you are talking about

 

Mum: Sure Saguru, but you can call me Shinichi as well

 

Stick-in-the-mud son: Thank you Shinichi

 

Mum: ?

 

Stick-in-the-mud son: It's nothing

 

Mum: Ok

 

Dad: HAKUBA

 

Dad: MEET ME AT THE SKATE PARK AT 3 AM

Dad: UR GOING DOWN

Dad: SON

 

_Dad changed Stick-in-the-mud son to TRAITOROUS SON_

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: BOTH OF YOU DIRTY SHITS FIGHT ME

 

Mum:???

 

Hot-headed son: Not you Kudou

 

Mum: Alright?

Mum: Well, I need to go see Haibara anyway

Mum: Have fun you lot

 

Dad: bye darling! (´ε｀ )♡

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

 

Hot-headed son: BACK TO WHERE I WAS

Hot-headed son: FIGHT ME YOU BASTARDS

 

Dad: my my how rude

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I agree with that

TRAITOROUS SON: No wonder you and Shinichi haven't progressed

 

Hot-headed son: I'VE KNOWN HIM LONGER

 

Dad: technically i have~ v(￣∇￣)

 

Hot-headed son: WHAT

Hot-headed son: I CALL BULLSHIT

 

Dad: our parents were besties

Dad: and we met when we were little kiddies

Dad: proof

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Hot-headed son: WHY IS HE CRYING

Hot-headed son: WHAT DID YOU DO

 

Dad: EXCUSE YOU

Dad: SON

Dad: it was mutual tears

 

TRAITOROUS SON: But why were you both crying?

 

Dad: i think he hit me with his book

Dad: and cuz i was crying he started crying too ╮(╯∀╰)╭

 

Hot-headed son: i'm not surprised

Hot-headed son: i bet you deserved it

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I have to agree

 

Dad: MEAN

Dad: WHY ARE MY CHILDREN SO MEAN

 

Hot-headed son: WHEN WAS I YOUR KID

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Why on earth would I accept you as my father?!

TRAITOROUS SON: And there is no way I would be related to Hattori in any way!

 

Hot-headed son: WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU FUCK

 

Dad: I GUESS I WONT SHOW YOU KIDDIES A SPECIAL PICTURE OF SHIN CHAN NOW

 

TRAITOROUS SON: ??

 

Hot-headed son: what's the catch you fuck

 

Dad: AH MEAN

Dad: you kiddies have to accept shin chan as my wife

 

Hot-headed son: WHAT

 

TRAITOROUS SON:…

TRAITOROUS SON: Alright

 

Hot-headed son: OI HAKUBA

 

Dad: YAY (≧∀≦)

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Just do it Hattori

 

Hot-headed son: BUT THAT MEANS KUROBA WINS

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Just do it

 

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

Hot-headed son: fine

 

Dad: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

Dad: shin chan nearly killed me when i asked yuki neechan for a copy (￣ω￣)

Dad: but I love my wife

 

Hot-headed son: damn you hakuba

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Not to worry

 

Hot-headed son: huh?

 

Dad: ?????

 

TRAITOROUS SON: After all, there is a thing called a divorce

 

Dad: SON NO

 

Hot-headed son: HOLY SHIT

 

TRAITOROUS SON: In 2016, the number of divorces in Japan totalled 216,805 couples, and the divorce rate (per 1,000 population) was 1.73

 

Hot-headed son: LASDFAHSFLJK

 

Dad: (ʘᗩʘ’) 

 

Hot-headed son: god i think i laughed so hard i punctured a lung

 

Dad: …

Dad: i hope u did

 

TRAITOROUS SON: How violent father

 

Dad: DFLDAJK

 

Hot-headed son: AITYWEFKGHJGSDG

Hot-headed son: DECEASED

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Do us a favour and actually do it

 

Dad: LMAO WHY IS MY SON SO SALTY TODAYAGLKFJGAF

 

Hot-headed son: btw that picture of little kudou was hella cute

Hot-headed son: like he's so small and soft

Hot-headed son: it makes me want to protect him

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Paedophile

 

Dad: FAHKGLBGAFLGH

 

Hot-headed son: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU FUCK

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Paedophile

 

Dad: what awful sons i have

Dad: but will always love my sons

Dad: maybe

 

Hot-headed son: SHUT UP

Hot-headed son: I'M OUT

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

 

_A dead bastard opened「EXPLAIN」_

 

A dead bastard: Hey Kudou you there?

 

_An angry bastard opened「EXPLAIN」_

 

An angry bastard: Yeah?

 

A dead bastard: This is gonna sound weird but…

 

An angry bastard: But?

 

A dead bastard: Do you think we are close?

 

An angry bastard: Hattori.

An angry bastard: I thought you were just hot-headed but to think you were an idiot as well

 

A dead bastard: Oi

 

An angry bastard: Of course we're close you idiot

An angry bastard: Was that all that you were wondering?

 

A dead bastard: No

A dead bastard: I was wondering if it was okay if you could call me Heiji??

 

An angry bastard: Sure Heiji, call me Shinichi

 

A dead bastard: ODFBDAH

 

An angry bastard: Heiji???

 

A dead bastard: srry i just dropped my phone

A dead bastard: tripped

 

An angry bastard: Good job Heiji

An angry bastard: Also

 

_An angry bastard changed An angry bastard to East_

_East changed A dead bastard to West_

_East changed「EXPLAIN」to「Close」_

 

East: I have to leave again

East: Haibara wants another blood test

 

West: aH okay

West: talk to you later then?

 

East: Of course

East: Heiji

 

West: also you were hella cute when you were little

West: see yah shinichi

 

_West closed「Close」_

 

East: What

 

_East closed「Close」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 276 COMMENTS  
> 349 KUDOS  
> 39 BOOKMARKS  
> 3575 HITS  
> Sorry for the really late chapter! Unfortunately, my lovely BETA, Scheherazade, is suffering some wifi issues so the BETA'd version of this is (mess) unavailable so I had to make do with Grammarly hurhur  
> Also, school is still pummelling me and it is only first term أ‿أ ha ha ha will I manage to pass my classes???? WHO KNOWS????????? (I have literally procrastinated for the last 3 hours and boy I will keep going.)  
> Hopefully, I'll get my act together... soon...  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!   
> \-------------------------------  
> Holmes: God what have I done…  
> ª§ª  
> Rich-san: I BET HE DROPPED HIS PHONE  
> JKD-san: I BET HE FAINTED FROM SHOCK  
> Leaf-san: I BET HE BLEW AN ARTERY  
> Blue-san: We have a winner  
> ª§ª  
> Blue-san: Hakuba-kun???  
> Watson-san: yess  
> ª§ª  
> Science-san: Oh my aren't those faux breasts  
> Rich-san: OH MY GOD  
> JKD-san: OFHLAGFGBAB  
> ª§ª  
> Leaf-san: WAIT THEYRE DATING?!?!?!  
> Blue-san: OH MY GOD  
> Okaa-san: YOU BETTER NOT  
> ª§ª  
> Magician-san: I really really love him omg  
> Magician-san: im crying  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	11. Games and Victory Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito is very good at board games. Shinichi is a good wife and very good at baking. Kaito reveals himself - drama queen. Ran gives her blessings. But of course, gives Kaito a stern warning.

_Lupin opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Lupin: HEY HEY SHIN CHAN

 

 _Holmes opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: What is it Kaito?

 

Lupin: DO YOU WANNA PLAY A GAME!!!

 

Holmes: What type of game?

 

Lupin: IF YOU SAY YES ILL TELL YOUUUU

 

Holmes: I feel like I'm going to regret this…

Holmes: Alright, since I don't have anything on for the rest of the day

 

Lupin: YAY

Lupin: IM OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

 

Holmes: Oi oi

 

Lupin: Tehe~

 

 _Lupin closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: God what have I done…

 

 _Holmes closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: VICTORY (๑ゝڡ◕๑)

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: HOLY SHIT

JKD-san: AGLHFGBAJFDBK

 

Magician-san: isnt he a master piece

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: ?

Rich-san: FLAHLGJKFGBAL

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Blue-san: AHHH THAT’S SO CUTE

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: CUTEEE

Leaf-san: WAIT ISNT THAT KUDOU-KUN

 

Blue-san: EHHHHH

Blue-san: AH YOURE RIGHT

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: Blackmail.

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: what's with all the racket??

 

JKD-san: SCROLL UP

 

Rich-san: 3

 

Leaf-san: 2

 

Magician-san: 1~

 

West-san: HFLAGJVFADBHGLJKNDM

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: I BET HE DROPPED HIS PHONE

 

JKD-san: I BET HE FAINTED FROM SHOCK

 

Leaf-san: I BET HE BLEW AN ARTERY

 

Blue-san: We have a winner

 

Science-san: I'm wondering what happened to the other Holmes otaku

 

Blue-san: Hakuba-kun???

 

Watson-san: yess

 

Magician-san: OMG THAT'S THE FIRST TIME IVE SEEN HAKUBA MESS UP A TEXT

Magician-san: DFLHAFGBG

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: THIS IS AMAZING

 

JKD-san: you could say that this is

JKD-san: RICH

 

Leaf-san: oh my

 

JKD-san: SUADJKASD

 

Science-san: I wonder how Mouri-san will react...

 

Magician-san:…

 

Rich-san: pppfffft

Rich-san: Ran will probs be torn between freaking out and saying how cute he looks

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: Speak of the devil and he will appear

 

Okaa-san: ?

 

JKD-san: Ran-chan scroll up

 

Okaa-san: Okay?

 

Rich-san: 5

 

Leaf-san: 4

 

Blue-san: 3

 

JKD-san: 2

 

Science-san: 1

 

Okaa-san: LAFHLABGJ,mf

 

Magician-san: ｜−・;）

 

Okaa-san: How did you get Shinichi to put on a dress!?

Okaa-san: Especially a maid dress!!!

 

JKD-san: HA

JKD-san: and thigh high socks

 

Leaf-san: And a wigggg

 

Okaa-san: That too

Okaa-san: Magician?

 

Science-san: Oh my aren't those faux breasts

 

Rich-san: OH MY GOD

 

JKD-san: OFHLAGFGBAB

 

Blue-san: PERVERT

 

Magician-san: |´∀｀●)

 

Okaa-san: If you somehow forced or threatened him in any way

Okaa-san: I will find you...

 

Magician-san: NO MAM

Magician-san: YES MAM

 

Rich-san: WAIT TELL US

 

Leaf-san: HOW DID YOU GET KUDOU-KUN INTO SOMETHING SO CUTE

 

Magician-san: welllll

Magician-san: i asked him earlier if he wanted to play a game

Magician-san: and the loser had to do whatever the winner wants for the rest of the day

 

Science-san: I wonder what you've done with the poor thing...

 

Leaf-san: OH

 

Okaa-san: oh my

 

JKD-san: AHHHHHHH

 

Rich-san: FALJKG

 

Blue-san: I TOLD YOU HE WAS A PERVERT

 

Science-san: Why is everyone here so dirty minded?

 

Magician-san: YDHOlhanjdfksa

 

Rich-san: YOU DIDN’T

 

Okaa-san: YOU BETTER NOT

 

Magician-san: I DIDN’T

Magician-san: I only asked for little things and that was the only big thing

Magician-san: well that and right now he has been baking a victory cake for me

 

Okaa-san: Victory cake?

 

Rich-san: WAIT THAT MYSTERY OTAKU CAN COOK???

 

Leaf-san: I thought he couldn't like Heiji

 

Blue-san: You better not be in the kitchen

 

Magician-san: ahh ahoko that hurts

Magician-san: my darling wife kicked me out of the kitchen already

 

JKD-san: WAIT AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW THAT

 

Blue-san: DARLING WIFE

 

Rich-san: FALHBGBFDKFB

 

Okaa-san: Who are you really????

 

Magician-san: |ｮдﾟ)

 

JKD-san: god I love life

 

Rich-san: this is amazing

 

Blue-san: idiot you should answer her

 

Magician-san: if I tell you my identity will you come and silence me

 

Okaa-san: Maybe

 

Magician-san: (･＿･)( ･_)( ･)( )(･ )(_･ )(･＿･)

Magician-san: the name's Kuroba Kaito

Magician-san: Magician extraordinaire

Magician-san: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽⊃─☆*:・ﾟ

 

Okaa-san: Nice to meet you Kuroba-kun

Okaa-san: What is your relationship with Shinichi?

 

Rich-san: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

 

Leaf-san: REALLY

 

JKD-san: straight forward as usual

 

Magician-san: wellllllll shin chan and i met when we were little cuz our parents were besties

Magician-san: evidence!!

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

  

 

Magician-san: and he is my wife

 

Blue-san: oh

 

Rich-san: OH MYYYYYYY

 

JKD-san: CUTE

 

Science-san: And are you going to reveal your previous occupation?

 

Okaa-san: ???

 

Magician-san: should i????

 

Blue-san: maybe kaito

 

Rich-san: its nothing like a thug or something right???

 

Okaa-san: Right

 

Magician-san: uuuuuuuuuuuuh

Magician-san: science chan why

 

Science-san: Because it is enjoyable.

 

Magician-san: sadist

 

Blue-san: KAITO YOU SHOULDN’T CALL OTHER PEOPLE THAT

 

Science-san: Would you like to meet my lovely apparatus instead then?

 

Magician-san: NICE TO MEET YOU

Magician-san: IM THE NOW RETIRED KAITOU KID

 

Leaf-san: huh

 

Okaa-san: oh

 

Rich-san: KID

 

JKD-san: I KNEW IT

JKD-san: FIGHT ME UR GOING DOWN

 

Blue-san: oh god

Blue-san: WHAT DID YOU DO BAKAITO

 

Okaa-san: AH

Okaa-san: WASN'T THAT THE TIME YOU KNOCKED OUT SERA-CHAN AND STRIPPED HER

 

Blue-san: KAITO

 

Magician-san: IM SORRY

Magician-san: I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE A GUY

Magician-san: LIKE YOU WERE IN THE MENS ROOM

Magician-san: AND YOU DONT REALLY LOOK LIKE A CHICK

 

Blue-san: KAITO YOU GIGANTIC IDIOT

 

Magician-san: wow ahoko I didn’t kno u could say such big words

 

Blue-san: Fight me

 

_Blue-san changed Magician-san to Pervert-san_

 

JDK-san: HFJEDASFAS GIRL WE NEED TO HANG OUT

 

Blue-san: I'll send you over a request :)

 

JDK-san: :D

 

Rich-san: BUT UR KAITOU KID LIKENFHISDJKDSGANKL

Rich-san: WHY ARE ALL THE GOOD GUYS TAKEN HAJDFGLADFGA

Rich-san: THAT LUCKY MYSTERY OTAKU

Rich-san: WAIT RAN AHBLGAFJGBJKG

 

Okaa-san:…

Okaa-san: Kuroba-kun..

 

Pervert-san: yea?

 

Okaa-san: Protect and love him for me

 

Science-san: What a reaction

 

Leaf-san: OH MY

 

Rich-san: ALSO BACK TO BEFORE

Rich-san: RAN I THOUGHT HE COULDN’T COOK

 

Okaa-san: Me too??

 

Pervert-san: ahhh

Pervert-san: wait a sec

 

_Pervert-san changed Pervert-san to Magician-san_

 

Magician-san: shin chan can cook

 

Science-san: Yet he chooses not to properly eat and neglects his health

Science-san: I need to go check up on Hakase now

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: but he says he prefers baking (◕‿◕✿)

 

JKD-san: MARRIAGE SECRETS

 

Leaf-san: WOAH

 

Okaa-san: REALLY

 

Magician-san: YEP

 

Rich-san: WHAT ELSE HAS THAT NERD BEEN KEEPING FROM US

 

Okaa-san: Tell us

 

Magician-san: shin chan can play loads of musical instruments?

 

Leaf-san: Cool

 

Rich-san: pass

Rich-san: STUFF THAT IS NOT LIKE HIM AT ALL SECRETS

 

Magician-san: uhhh

Magician-san: apparently for a case he had to sing some notes and stuff??

Magician-san: but he is REALLY good at dancing though

 

Okaa-san: WHAT

 

Rich-san: SERIOUSLY

Rich-san: THIS WHOLE TIME

Rich-san: WEVE BEEN FOOLED

 

JKD-san: Really?

 

Magician-san: yep

 

Okaa-san: WHY DOESN’T HE TELL US THESE KINDS OF THINGS

 

Magician-san: he doesnt like people pressuring him?

Magician-san: thats why as his lovely husband i need to look after my darling wife

 

Rich-san: GEEZ WHY ARE ALL THE GREAT GUYS TAKEN

 

Leaf-san: WAIT THEYRE DATING?!?!?!

 

Blue-san: OH MY GOD

 

Okaa-san: YOU BETTER NOT

 

Magician-san: NOT YET

Magician-san: OFGALHGJKA

Magician-san: MY WIFE IS BACK

Magician-san: GLAGdfahjdkf

Magician-san: i think im in heaven

 

Rich-san: SERIOUSLY???

 

JKD-san: SEND US A PIC

 

 

Magician-san: THIRD SLICE

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Okaa-san: Who's for invading Shinichi's place for cake

 

Rich-san: IM FOR IT

 

JKD-san: HECK YEAH

 

Leaf-san: I WANT SOME

 

Blue-san: CAN I COME?

 

Okaa-san: Then how about Sunday afternoon?

Okaa-san: Of course!

 

Leaf-san: YAY

 

Rich-san: YESSSSSS

 

JKD-san: CAKE

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: I really really love him omg

Magician-san: im crying

 

Blue-san: YOU BETTER BRING SOME BACK FOR ME

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 293 COMMENTS  
> 365 KUDOS  
> 44 BOOKMARKS  
> 3931 HITS  
> Kai's Laptop X Wifi is a ship that cannot sail...  
> Sooo school is holding me in a choke hold right now. I have a Japanese speaking exam tomorrow and I have not memorised my script and I am not ready. HA. Boy and don't get me started on my other subjects. (Chemistry is a lost cause.)  
> (I'm actually typing this AN during my study period right now - the best period hurhur - and my laptop is also dying. hmmmmm. Crappy wifi and a dying laptop at 13% hahaaaaa funnnn.)  
> \-------------------------------  
> A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE for the constant love and support I receive. It is growing from the ugly Satan spawn it was, into the slowly developing Hell toddler. Of course, I have a lot more planned for this fic but typing it up is a different story hurhur (This is the fourth time I have re-written chapter 17 ahhhh)  
> And I still haven't replied to some comments TT.TT My school planner is a mess of glitter pen (because why not) everywhere.  
> \-------------------------------  
> I also want to thank you brilliant BETA Scheherazade for taking the time out of her insanely busy schedule and (also) crappy wifi to fix up this chapter. Love you~ ❤  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Corpse Magnet: If this is to do with Heiji getting thrown out of the window the other day, again, it wasn't me.  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Not that. I don't want to know about that.  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: I need to address your problems..  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: if shinichi is freaking out and actually told kuroba to hide him  
> Hot-headed son: shit has hit the fan  
> ª§ª  
> TRAITOROUS SON: Back at again with the insults, Kuroba  
> ª§ª  
> Mum: Don't even touch me.  
> Mum: Despite my morals, I am still capable of murder.  
> ª§ª  
> Okaa-san: WHY IS MY SON SULKING  
> Okaa-san: WHAT HAPPENED  
> Okaa-san: WHAT DID YOU DO  
> ª§ª  
> Science-san: From what Kudou-kun has told me, you seem to, and I quote: "inhale chocolate 24/7"  
> Science-san: Kudou-kun has also told me that you struggled to eat a single leaf of lettuce.  
> Magician-san: its too healthy  
> Magician-san: im not in a healthy mood  
> ª§ª  
> JKD-san: blood pressure :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> BETA'D by the lovely Scheherazade ~ ❤


	12. Problems and Healthy Moods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No coffee = Scary + Sulking Shinichi. Ran is a very passionate mother who is very protective of her corpse magnet son. Kaito being healthy? Pft. Heiji and Saguru bicker as usual.

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Kudou-kun, get online now.

 

_Corpse Magnet opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: If this is to do with Heiji getting thrown out of the window the other day, again, it wasn't me.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Not that. I don't want to know about that.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I need to address your problems..

 

Corpse Magnet: ???

Corpse Magnet: If this is about me tripping over bodies nearly every day then that wasn't me either.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: No.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Your other problem.

 

Corpse Magnet: ?

Corpse Magnet: Oh

Corpse Magnet: OH

Corpse Magnet:…

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl:…

 

_Corpse Magnet closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: KUDOU-KUN

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: KAITO HIDE ME

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_TRAITOROUS SON opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: SHINICHI WHATS WRONG

 

TRAITOROUS SON: SHINICHI WHAT'S WRONG

 

Hot-headed son: SHINCIHILAHBJK

 

Mum: Crap wrong chat

Mum: SHIT

Mum: KAITO HIDE MEAJG

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: SHINCIHI

 

Hot-headed son: SHINCIHI

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Kuroba where are you right now

 

Dad: IM IN THR KITCGEB

Dad: FYGEARHGBLJ

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: SHIT

Hot-headed son: WHAT ABOUT YOU

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I'm currently at home

TRAITOROUS SON: It takes me about half an hour if I'm lucky

 

Hot-headed son: Shit

 

_Haibara Ai added Haibara Ai to「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

_Haibara Ai opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Haibara Ai: Nothing to worry about boys, Kudou-kun and Kuroba-kun are both with me.

 

_Haibara Ai removed Haibara Ai form「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

_Haibara Ai closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: well they're screwed

 

TRAITOROUS SON: What

 

Hot-headed son: if shinichi is freaking out and actually told kuroba to hide him

Hot-headed son: shit has hit the fan

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Oh my

TRAITOROUS SON: Will he be alright?

 

Hot-headed son: god who knows

Hot-headed son: gotta go

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_TRAITOROUS SON closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: hakubastard where r u

 

_TRAITOROUS SON opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Back at again with the insults, Kuroba

 

Dad: shut up

Dad: where r u rn

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I beg your pardon?

 

Dad: where are you right now

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Ekoda Police Station

TRAITOROUS SON: How come?

 

Dad: i need to u to go to the bakery asap

 

TRAITOROUS SON:???

TRAITOROUS SON: Isn't there some in Beika?

 

Dad: cuz ekoda is better

Dad: quick

Dad: plz

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: oh what

Hot-headed son: woah weird shit is happening

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Language Heiji.

Mum: Kaito, type correctly, I known you are capable.

 

Dad: Understood.

 

TRAITOROUS SON: What is going on??

 

Dad: Hakuba, please.

 

Hot-headed son: woahh

 

Mum: You too Heiji.

 

Hot-headed son: Oh.

 

Dad: Shinichi do you want a hug?

 

Mum: Don't even touch me.

Mum: Despite my morals, I am still capable of murder.

 

Dad: Okay.

 

Mum: Now leave me alone.

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: what just happened???

 

Dad: shin chan is scary

Dad: but srly hakuba hurry

Dad: shin chan is glaring me down rn

Dad: hurry

 

TRAITOROUS SON: What do I need to buy?

 

Dad: cheesecake

Dad: quickly

Dad: also make sure it is the one with strawberries

 

Hot-headed son: oh shit

Hot-headed son: i think I know what's happening now

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Alright, I'll be there in 20 minutes.

 

_TRAITOROUS SON「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: the little nee-chan gave him a coffee ban didn't she

 

Dad: WE DONT MENTION THE C WORD

Dad: SHIT SHINICHI JUST THREW HIS BOOK AT ME

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: oh shit

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Watch your language you little shit.

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_TRAITOROUS SON opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I'm here.

TRAITOROUS SON: Open the door.

 

_TRAITOROUS SON closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Watson-san: He is not sulking anymore.

 

_Watson-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: what happened???

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: WHY IS MY SON SULKING

Okaa-san: WHAT HAPPENED

Okaa-san: WHAT DID YOU DO

 

Watson-san: Apparently, Haibara-san lectured him and Kuroba about their eating habits.

 

JKD-san: ahhhhh

 

Okaa-san: Ah

Okaa-san: I need to go

Okaa-san: I'm at a karate meeting right now

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: bye bye~

JKD-san: wait kuroba too???

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: His sugar in-take was a problem.

 

Magician-san: but chocolate

 

Science-san: From what Kudou-kun has told me, you seem to, and I quote: "inhale chocolate 24/7"

Science-san: Kudou-kun has also told me that you struggled to eat a single leaf of lettuce.

 

Magician-san: its too healthy

Magician-san: im not in a healthy mood

 

Watson-san: When are you ever in a healthy mood.

Watson-san: I quote, you inhale chocolate 24/7.

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: shit what did I miss

 

JKD-san: not much really

 

Watson-san: I got him to smile.

 

JKD-san: SMUG

 

Magician-san: I WAS THERE TOO U BASTARD

 

Watson-san: I was the one who bought the cake.

 

Magician-san: IM THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU

 

West-san: Begged really

 

JKD-san: lol

 

Science-san: Tell him that if he fixes his eating habits, I will withdraw his coffee ban.

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: YEET

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Watson-san: God, he is going all out with the glitter.

 

West-san: rip shinichi's place

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: HATTORI-KUN WHEN DID YOU START CALLING SHINICHI BY HIS FIRST NAME

 

JKD-san: EXPLAIN

 

West-san: HAKUBA CALLS HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME TOO

 

Okaa-san: HAKUBA-KUN

 

Watson-san: It was a mutual agreement?

 

West-san: WHAT HE SAID

 

JKD-san: to think I would live to the day west would agree with brit

 

West-san: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

West-san: HE JUST SENT HIS REPLY FIRST

 

JKD-san: blood pressure :)

 

Okaa-san: Im keeping my eye on you two

Okaa-san: Break Shinichi's heart

Okaa-san: And your limbs won't be the only thing broken

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: holy shit

 

Watson-san: My exact thoughts

 

JKD-san: again with the agreeing thing dudes

JKD-san: heck gtg

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san:…

 

Watson-san:…

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: fuck u

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 328 COMMENTS  
> 391 KUDOS  
> 48 BOOKMARKS  
> 4284 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> School is kicking my ass :)   
> I'm starting exam block tomorrow and I happen to have three consecutive exams (at least I'm not the other poor souls with 4 in a row) and another next Monday (SOR and Chemistry are a lost cause). And my dad is a prick who refuses to work so I have to take his shifts (we have a family business) instead of studying, my mum (Buddha bless her) is trying her best. So hahaha stressful.  
> But luckily holidays are soon so I will be able to finally go get my Ps (I should have gotten them in January but my dad was being a prick back then too), type up more chapters and work on my cosplay for Animefest.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Also Scheherazarde was unable to BETA this since we are both stressed with exams and studying. So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you next Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: My god  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: You idiot.  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: We're on our way.  
> Corpse Magnet: thanks, I owe you  
> ª§ª  
> Lupin: NOW Y DIDN’T U TELL ME  
> Holmes: Because you would most likely use this moment to take advantage of me  
> Lupin: SHIN CHAN  
> Lupin: IM A GENTLEMEN I WOULD NEVER  
> Lupin: AND I HAVE MORALS  
> ª§ª  
> West-san: guess who's gonna take a mental health day tomorrow  
> Leaf-san: HEIJI NO  
> Leaf-san: AT LEAST TAKE ME ALONG  
> West-san: oh look I seem to have a ticket to tokyo in my pocket  
> West-san: hmmmm  
> ª§ª  
> Science-san: Kid blackmailed him  
> Okaa-san: WAIT WHAT  
> Rich-san: PROTECTIVE MUM MODE ON✓  
> ª§ª  
> Science-san: lolol shin chan is mine  
> Science-san: we r gonna go on a date now  
> Science-san: ᕕ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ  
> Leaf-san: omg heiji just threw his phone and it hit a lady  
> ª§ª  
> Rich-san: god I love this chat  
> Rich-san: it gives me my daily dose of drama  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	13. Travel Sized Idiot and Aggressive Agreeing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi is an idiot and becomes travel sized, again. Heiji and Saguru get hella jealous. Heiji probably has a stash of tickets to Tokyo hidden in his room.

_Ai-chan opened「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

Ai-chan: Mouri-chan, have you seen Kudou-kun anywhere?

_Mouri-chan opened「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

Mouri-chan: No I havent

Mouri-chan: Is something wrong?!

 

Ai-chan: No, Hakase and I just lost sight of him

Ai-chan: Knowing him, something is bound to go wrong

 

Mouri-chan: I have to agree

Mouri-chan: But let's not jinx it

Mouri-chan: I'll let you know if I see him anywhere

 

Ai-chan: Alright, thank you.

Ai-chan: Enjoy the banquet.

 

Mouri-chan: You too. Send Hakase my regards!

 

Ai-chan: I'll keep him away from the unnecessary foods.

 

_Ai-chan closed「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

Mouri-chan: poor hakase

 

_Mouri-chan closed「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Corpse Magnet opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Haibara

Corpse Magnet: can you please reply asap

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: What is it Kudou-kun?

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Don't tell me you stumbled over a body again.

 

Corpse Magnet: thank god

Corpse Magnet: I need your help right now

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: My god it has only been an hour since I've seen you and you have already gotten into trouble.

 

Corpse Magnet: you can nag me later

Corpse Magnet: where are you right now

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Hakase and I are in the East corridor

Evil-eyed yawn girl: Where are you?

Evil-eyed yawny girl: You're not in danger are you?

 

Corpse Magnet: I'm in the south corridor, second bathroom.

Corpse Magnet: not really

Corpse Magnet: but I've may have been a bit careless and…

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: And??

 

Corpse Magnet: might have accidentally drunk some white wine???

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: How

Evil-eyed yawny girl: So you're telling me that you somehow drank some white wine without noticing

 

Corpse Magnet: basically???

Corpse Magnet: like I was thinking and I didn't notice that I accidentally drank some of the wine that the host offered???

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Have you shrunk yet?

 

Corpse Magnet: yeah…

Corpse Magnet: BUT I managed to hide before I shrank back

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: My god

Evil-eyed yawny girl: You idiot.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: We're on our way.

 

Corpse Magnet: thanks, I owe you

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Just stay there and not cause any trouble

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Spasms, how long?

 

Corpse Magnet: After I drank the wine it was 5 minutes

Corpse Magnet: The spasms during the transformation lasted for about 10 minutes

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Any headaches? Dizziness? Lightheadedness?

 

Corpse Magnet: a slight headache, a bit dizzy and light headed

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Temperature? A sore throat?

 

Corpse Magnet: warmish

Corpse Magnet: a bit sore yea

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Any muscle pain?

Evil-eyed yawny girl: We're nearly there

 

Corpse Magnet: a bit

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: You better not be making them seem less than they are

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Can you knock on the door twice?

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: got it

 

_Corpse Magnet closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

 

_Ai-chan opened「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

Ai-chan: Mouri-chan

 

_Mouri-chan opened「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

Mouri-chan: yes?

Mouri-chan; Did you find Shinichi?

 

Ai-chan: Yes, unfortunately, he has had a little accident

 

Mouri-chan: WHAT

Mouri-chan: Is he alright?!

 

Ai-chan: Yes, you'll see what that idiot did to himself due to his carelessness

 

Mouri-chan: Oh

Mouri-chan: OH

Mouri-chan: Wait how?

 

Ai-chan: I'll explain later.

Ai-chan: Can you please tell the host that Kudou-kun was called for a case and had to leave?

 

Mouri-chan: Okay, got it

Mouri-chan: Gosh I jinxed it

 

_Mouri-chan closed「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

Ai-chan: Even if he doesn't go sniffing for trouble

Ai-chan: Trouble seems to find him

 

_Mouri-chan opened「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

Mouri-chan: Where do we meet?

 

Ai-chan: At the front

Ai-chan: Hakase is driving out of the car park right now

 

Mouri-chan: Okay

 

_Ai-chan closed「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

_Mouri-chan closed「Shinichi is a troublemagnet」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: Look what this idiot did to himself.

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: holy crap

West-san: he became travel sized again

West-san: wait weren't you, prof and nee-chan at a fancy-ass party?????

 

Science-san: We were until this idiot accidentally shrank himself.

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: OMG CUTEEE

JKD-san: HES LITTLE AGAIN

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Watson-san: Oh my

Watson-san: I thought he was permanently cured?

 

Science-san: It is one of the side-effects.

 

West-san: seriously

 

Science-san: I even warned him to be careful.

Science-san: Basically, if he ingests alcohol then he will temporarily shrink.

Science-san: The alcohol acted as a trigger and started up the Apotoxin and shrank him

 

West-san: still cute though

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Watson-san: Ah

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: ????

 

JKD-san: scroll up

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: everyone is active rn

Rich-san: whats up

 

Watson-san: Just scroll up

 

Magician-san: AHHHH MY WIFE IS SO CUTE ♡(ŐωŐ人)

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: Heiji was being really noisy and got the teacher mad

Leaf-san: What's going on??

 

Rich-san: OMG

Rich-san: HFUIALGFRDALJGK

Rich-san: good job him

 

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: Sonoko just started giggling at her desk and made the teacher angry

Okaa-san: Sera-chan was shaking too actually

Okaa-san: What happened??

 

Science-san: Kudou-kun happened

 

Okaa-san: Ah

Okaa-san: Please tell that idiot to be careful

 

Science-san: Sure

 

Okaa-san: I can't come over after school because I have karate.

Okaa-san: Thanks

 

Science-san: No problem

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Blue-san: kaito wont shut up and the teacher is too scared to stop him

Blue-san: ????

 

Leaf-san: Scroll up Aoko-chan

 

Magician-san: BUT MY WIFES MINI FORM IS SO CUTE

Magician-san: GOD HE IS A BLESSING

Magician-san: HDLAHFBGAL

 

Blue-san: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Blue-san: KUDOU KUN IS ADORABLE

 

Leaf-san: I KNOW RIGHTTT

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: lol ahoko and toyama chan got in trouble

Magician-san: im surprised my traitorous son is still here

 

Watson-san: Well, unlike everyone else, I am able to control myself.

 

Magician-san: hmmm..

 

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Watson-san: Shut up.

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Magician-san: I AM VICTORIOUS

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: I'm the winner in this one.

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Lupin opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Lupin: SHIN CHAN

Lupin: SHIN CHAN

Lupin: SHIN CHAN

Lupin: SHIN CHAN

 

 _Holmes opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: wHAT

 

Lupin: Y DIDN’T U TELL ME U WERE LITTLE AGAIN

 

Holmes: ???

Holmes: where did you hear that from?

 

Lupin: science chan (*○’3`)★+ﾟ

 

Holmes: you text haibara????

 

Lupin: yep

Lupin: NOW Y DIDN’T U TELL ME

 

Holmes: Because you would most likely use this moment to take advantage of me

 

Lupin: SHIN CHAN

Lupin: IM A GENTLEMEN I WOULD NEVER

Lupin: AND I HAVE MORALS

 

Holmes: Then what about the times you dye Heiji's hair when he is texting me?

 

Lupin: oh

Lupin: OHHH

 

Holmes: ?

 

 _Haibara Ai added Haibara Ai to「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

 _Haibara Ai opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

 

Haibara Ai: Watch it, Kid.

Haibara Ai: Wouldn't want for you to stain your suit down there.

 

Lupin: FUHABGLJBAOIULJ

 

Holmes: ?

 

Haibara Ai: Kudou-kun, stop being so dense.

 

 

 _Haibara Ai removed Haibara Ai from「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

 _Haibara Ai closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: ??????

Holmes: Haibara??

 

Lupin: science chan is very blunt

 

Holmes: ?

 

Lupin: Shinichi

 

Holmes: Yes Kaito?

 

Lupin: Let's pretend that never happened.

 

Holmes: Alright..?

 

Lupin: …

Lupin: so how long r u gonna be little

 

Holmes: Two days, but Haibara says that there is a 23% chance that it will take four

Holmes: Since the alcohol and revived APTX needs to fully leave my system

 

Lupin: AWESOME

 

Holmes: …

Holmes: Shouldn't you still be in class right now?

 

Lupin: awwww

Lupin: I wanna talk to shin chan more

 

Holmes: Just go back to class.

Holmes: And turn off your phone.

Holmes: You can talk to me after school.

 

Lupin: YEEEE

Lupin: SEE U SOON SHIN CHAN

 

 _Lupin closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: Have fun

Holmes: Don't give your teachers and class too much grief

 

 _Holmes closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: Kid is very enthusiastic.

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Leaf-san: THAT’S SO CUTE

Leaf-san: AADFJNKDNFGAKJ

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: falhgfLJKNBHhli

 

Leaf-san: lol heiji dropped his phoneeeffakljnga

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: I DIDN’T

 

Science-san: Keep telling yourself that.

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: RUDE

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: THAT’S ADORABLE

 

West-san: I DON’T APPROVE

 

Okaa-san: I wish I could run over there right now…

 

Leaf-san: and im stuck over here

 

West-san: guess who's gonna take a mental health day tomorrow

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI NO

Leaf-san: AT LEAST TAKE ME ALONG

 

West-san: oh look I seem to have a ticket to tokyo in my pocket

West-san: hmmmm

 

Leaf-san: JERK

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: CUTE

JKD-san: I APPROVE

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: I HEARD CUTE

Rich-san: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA;JABGFDNB

 

 

West-san: HOLY SHIT

West-san: THAT’S CUTE

 

Leaf-san: FHSDJAFL

 

Okaa-san: OMG HOW DID YOU GET SHINICHI TO WEAR THAT

 

Science-san: Kid blackmailed him

 

Okaa-san: WAIT WHAT

 

Rich-san: PROTECTIVE MUM MODE ON✓

 

 

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Blue-san: how did kaito get over to beika so quickly???

Blue-san: ALSO CUTEEE

 

Science-san: He said it was 'magic'

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: TELL THAT BASTARD TO GET AWAY FROM SHINICHI

 

Watson-san: I have to strongly agree with that statement

Watson-san: Shinichi is adorable.

 

JKD-san: lol theyre agreeing again

JKD-san: ^^

 

Rich-san: DRAMA

 

Okaa-san: Sorry guys, I have to go now

 

Leaf-san: BYE RAN CHAN

 

Rich-san: SEE YA

 

JKD-san: kick ass

 

Blue-san: HAVE FUN!!!

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: lol no

 

JKD-san: lmao wHAT

 

Rich-san: ?!?!?!?!?

 

Watson-san: Haibara-san?

 

West-san: KUROBA YOU PIECE OF SHIT

 

Science-san: lolol shin chan is mine

Science-san: we r gonna go on a date now

Science-san: ᕕ(  ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ

 

Leaf-san: omg heiji just threw his phone and it hit a lady

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Blue-san: Hakuba-kun just dropped his phone

Blue-san: he just walked off without it

Blue-san: see yah guys

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: THE LADY IS ANGRYH

Leaf-san: ABORT ABPRT

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: And they are off.

 

Rich-san: god I love this chat

Rich-san: it gives me my daily dose of drama

 

Science-san: Knowing Kudou-kun is enough to last you a lifetime.

 

JKD-san: tru

 

Science-san: I need to go supervise the two now

 

Rich-san: lol third wheeling??

 

Science-san: I still need to keep Kudou-kun under observation

 

JKD-san: ahh

JKD-san: have fun 3rd wheeling

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: ah I miss makoto san

 

JKD-san: he is a cool dude

 

Rich-san: ahhhhh

 

JKD-san: lol

JKD-san: gtg

 

Rich-san: aw

Rich-san: see yah

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 334 COMMENTS  
> 415 KUDOS  
> 51 BOOKMARKS  
> 4631 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> Exams are over~! (Did I pass? That's entirely a whole different situation. (◕ᴗ◕✿))  
> Also a huge apology to the people who commented last chapter, I was a bit (ha major understatement) stressed with my exams so I haven't replied yet. I'LL DO IT NOW.  
> I also had to do some minor adjustments to this chapter because I apparently can't count haha so it might be a bit choppy? (Chapter 14 is really choppy in my opinion, but we will just have to wait and see. Also a WARNING for next chapter - I deeply apologise for all the Catholics who are reading this.)  
> \-------------------------------  
> And for anyone wondering why there is a picture of Conan in a bunny hoodie.  
> It's because I wanted to, and Haibara threatened him with another coffee ban (✿◠‿◠)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Also Scheherazarde was unable to BETA this since she is still a bit busy. So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Sunday! (Whoop whoop early update~ Since Sunday is a very important day for some of us)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> East: Oops  
> West: that was the most unsympathetic oops i've ever read  
> ª§ª  
> Dad: yes  
> Dad: i love my adorable wife  
> Dad: a blessing for this dark and grim world  
> Dad: my faith in humanity as just returned  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: KUROBA FUCK OFF  
> Hot-headed son: GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM  
> TRAITOROUS SON: I've tried. Hell doesn't take returns.  
> ª§ª  
> Mum: Why are you talking about Catholicism?  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	14. Babysitting pricks and Lowkey Catholicism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi's cake = a ticket to heaven. Kaito will get sent back to the womb when he dies??? Heiji is a highkey perv. Detective Boys, assemble! ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) Happy April Fool~! (wink wonk)

_West opened「Close」_

 

West: hey shinichi

West: can I crash at your place

 

_East opened「Close」_

 

East: If this is because you want to make fun of my vertically challenged status

East: No.

 

West: it's nothing like that

West: can't I visit my favourite person in the whole wide world

 

East: I would be touched, but knowing you.

East: No.

 

West: I'm at the train station already

 

East: My god

East: Fine

East: I'll get Hakase to come pick you up

 

West: thanks shinichi

 

East: Shush.

 

_East closed「Close」_

_West closed「Close」_

 

ª§ª

 

_West opened「Close」_

 

West: shinichi why didn’t you tell me that kid and tea guzzler were with you

 

_East opened「Close」_

 

East: Oops

 

West: that was the most unsympathetic, oops i've ever read

 

East: Then go home.

 

West: IM GOOD

West: i'm stuck in the back with the prick

West: rip prof

West: it's a miracle he hasn't gone insane yet

West: or at least crashed

West: is kid high or something

 

East: I still wonder till this day how he manages to put up with us

East: I believe his insanity is put into his inventions

East: Kaito had some cake earlier

 

West: shit you right

West: those shoes and belt are gifts from satan himself

West: WAIT

West: was that your cake

 

East: Are you calling Hakase Satan?

East: Yes

 

West: you know what I mean

West: heck yeah

West: is there still some cake left?

West: also we're nearly there

 

East: Great.

East: There will be if you can beat Kaito to the living room.

East: Also I forgot to tell you that I'll be looking after the kids today.

 

West: wait

West: so

West: well shit

 

East: Have fun looking after Kaito and Saguru.

 

_East closed「Close」_

 

West: fucking hell

West: why

 

_West closed「Close」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

_Mum sent an image_

 

 

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: MY WIFE IS SO CUTE

Dad: DFBWOAHGBLAL;JK

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: holy

Hot-headed son: SHIT

Hot-headed son: blessed

 

_TRAITOROUS SON opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: A sight for sore eyes

 

Dad: wait who has shin chans phone

 

Mum: Having fun boys?

 

Hot-headed son: little nee-chan?

 

Mum: Hello

 

Dad: yes

Dad: i love my adorable wife

Dad: a blessing for this dark and grim world

Dad: my faith in humanity as just returned

 

Hot-headed son: are you guys heading home anytime soon?

 

Mum: The kids want Kudou-kun to teach them a bit more soccer

Mum: So we'll get home at around 3

 

Dad: ill come and pick you guys up then~

 

Mum: Alright. But no funny business.

 

Dad: moi~

 

Hot-headed son: also little nee-chan

 

Mum: Yes?

 

Hot-headed son: can you tell shinichi that he needs to bake more

 

Dad: PETITION FOR SHIN CHAN TO OPEN A BAKERY

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Signed.

 

Mum: No promises.

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: god shin chans cake is legit heaven

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Even if Shinichi's cake were a ticket to heaven

TRAITOROUS SON: I don't think it would be enough to get rid of your one-way ticket to Hell.

 

Hot-headed son: PFFFFFT

 

Dad: RUDE

Dad: being in ur presence is hell itself

Dad: tea bag

 

Hot-headed son: PFFFFFFFFFFFT

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Do us a favour and jump out of the window Hattori.

 

Dad: if u don’t wanna

Dad: i would happily help

 

Hot-headed son: oi

Hot-headed son: KUROBA FUCK OFF

Hot-headed son: GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I've tried. Hell doesn't take returns.

 

Dad: wait

Dad: does tht mean that when i die i get sent back 2 the womb?????

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

Hot-headed son: jesus

 

Dad: lol i didnt baptise u

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I did not need the thought of Kuroba being a Catholic priest.

TRAITOROUS SON: Thanks.

 

Dad: lol welcome

Dad: was i a sexy one tho

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Go jump into an aquarium.

 

Hot-headed son: go jump off a cliff

 

Dad: I AM HURT

Dad: i was going 2 suggest the idea of my wife as a sexy nun tho

Dad: i lowkey would join catholicism if he was

 

Hot-headed son: highkey

 

TRAITOROUS SON: My god

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: What are you guys doing??

Mum: The kids nearly decided to try hack into my phone to see what all the commotion was all about?

 

Dad: HI HONEY ♡(ŐωŐ人)

 

Mum: Why are you talking about Catholicism?

 

Dad: hei chan is a highkey perv

 

Hot-headed son: LOWKEY

Hot-headed son: ABORT

Hot-headed son: ABORT

 

TRAITOROUS SON: They are just being the perverts they truly are.

 

Mum: …

Mum: I can't argue with that

Mum: Only Heiji would play a bikini guessing game with a child.

 

Dad: WOW HEI CHAN

Dad: HOW BOLD

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I believe he has locked himself in a wardrobe somewhere

TRAITOROUS SON: But he needs to leave eventually.

 

Mum: Ahh

Mum: Memories

 

Dad: ANYWAY

Dad: arent u still with the kids???

 

Mum: Yep. We're just packing.

Mum: I also promised the kids to bake some cake for them.

Mum: How they found out that I could bake perplexes me.

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: I HEARD CAKE

 

Dad: WAIT IM COMING TO PICK YOU UP

Dad: CAN I HAVE MORE

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Haven't you had enough sugar already?

TRAITOROUS SON: Ah, the pervert is back.

 

Mum: Only if you behave

Mum: Okay, but hurry. The kids want cake.

 

Dad: tsk tsk hei chan

Dad: okay

 

Hot-headed son: shut up

 

Mum: Talk to you lot soon

Mum: The kids want icicles by the way.

 

Dad: see u soon honey~

 

TRAITOROUS SON: See you then Shinichi.

 

Hot-headed son: see ya

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: also the thing about me leaving the wardrobe

Hot-headed son: I've heard about the other one where you spill the tea

Hot-headed son: I would happily 'spill' the tea on you

 

Dad: u arent denying it tho

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Kuroba, I think you should just shut up.

 

Dad: who pissed in ur tea

Dad: probs hei chan

 

Hot-headed son: jesus

Hot-headed son: why do I even bother

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: anyway I need to go pick them up

Dad: bye

Dad: also

Dad: RUDE

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I feel like I should be the one saying that.

 

_TRAITOROUS SON closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: The two year anniversary of their meeting.

 

_Mum sent an image_

 

 

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 360 COMMENTS  
> 440 KUDOS  
> 55 BOOKMARKS  
> 4949 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> So what did you guys think of this mess of a chapter~? Sassy Saguru is a fav to write XD  
> Also worried because I need to get my ass into gear and finish off chapter 18 and move onto chapter 19 hahahaaa I'm at like 2000+ words but I'm not even done yet ahhhhhhh I legit have 5 pages of drafting notes for chapter 18. Not including shorthand notes I take during the quiet hours of work. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)  
> \-------------------------------  
> On a happier (?) note, how was Easter guys?  
> I went ice skating with my family yesterday, of course, I fell and then had an intense migraine that put me out of commission for a couple of hours (even with my medication :))))) Then later (luckily I managed to slip in a 2 hour nap) got dragged out to a restaurant on karaoke night and my migraine came back at full blast. So yeah. Easter was fun (?).  
> \-------------------------------  
> Another note! Feel free to suggest any chapter ideas or prompts. I have a page full of ideas (in barely legible handwriting) but with my procrastination levels that could almost top my anxiety levels - they aren't going to be written anytime soon.   
> \-------------------------------  
> Also Scheherazarde was unable to BETA this as I've been a bit busy with Easter work so I haven't properly contacted her. So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: And why not ask one of you many suitors?  
> Corpse Magnet: What  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: /suːtə/ noun: suitor; plural noun: suitors  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: A man who pursues a relationship with a particular woman, with a view to marriage.  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Synonyms: admirer, beau, wooer, boyfriend, sweetheart, lover, escort; etc.  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: hey fucks, where's shinichi?  
> TRAITOROUS SON: Firstly, how rude. Secondly, why should I have to answer you.  
> Hot-headed son: i'll fuck you up  
> Dad: woah drama  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: i hope you both fucking choke  
> 【Hei-chan's swear count 】is 36  
> TRAITOROUS SON: Don't worry, I already am on your stupidity.  
> ª§ª  
> Watson's Cousin: I have to say that takes the cake  
> Holmes' Apprentice:…  
> Holmes' Apprentice: Was that a pun...  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	15. Unauthorised Smuggling and Punderful Humour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi and his 'mother' have 'the talk.' Also more 3 am antics. Masumi is a kind soul and nearly puts Shinichi into cardiac arrest. Shopping trip with the mini parents. The girls invade the Kudo Mansion for Shinichi's Cake ™ Saguru has a sense of humour.

_Mother hen opened「Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee」_

 

Mother hen: Shinichi?

Mother hen: Are you free?

 

_Mystery Otaku opened「Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee」_

 

Mystery Otaku: yi

Mystery Otaku: *yio

Mystery Otaku: **yo

 

Mother hen: Someone's tired

 

Mystery Otaku: blame it on those thrre

Mystery Otaku: *three

 

Mother hen: What?

 

Mystery Otaku: I fell asleep with the kids

Mystery Otaku: but I got woken up again at about 3 am

Mystery Otaku: because Kaito had somehow smuffked ne into our room

Mystery Otaku: *smuggled me

Mystery Otaku: and Heiji was trying to smuggle me out

Mystery Otaku: then Saguru got involved

 

Mother hen: WAIT

Mother hen: backtrack

Mother hen: "our room"

Mother hen: Shinichi

Mother hen: Explain

 

Mystery Otaku: can we call instead

Mystery Otaku: im too uncooridinated to contiue textinfg

Mystery Otaku: *I give up

 

Mother hen: Okay. But I want all the details.

 

_Mother hen is calling Mystery Otaku_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

_Mystery Otaku **[Accepted]** the call_

 

 

_ Mother hen: *stern* Details. Now. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: *tired* On what happened last night - technically early morning - or the thing about 'our room'? _

 

_ Mother hen: Room first. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Since Kaito has claimed me as his wife. Apparently my room is now our room. _

 

_ Mother hen: *slightly panicked* Has he done anything that you are uncomfortable with?! _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: That depends… _

_ Mystery Otaku: A lot of affection, but I've sorta gotten used to it. _

 

_ Mother hen: Anything else? _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Changing my clothes without my permission. Also he keeps making weird smirks. But that's pretty much it. _

 

_ Mother hen: … I'll have a chat with Kuroba-kun later. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Huh? _

 

_ Mother hen: *cheerful* So, what happened last night? _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: *unsure* Uh, well. So after I fell asleep with the kids, got smuggled into my room. At about 3 am apparently, Heiji tried to smuggle me out. _

 

_ Mother hen: Why was Hattori-kun trying to smuggle you out of your room? _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: I was too out of it to listen to everything. But apparently Heiji didn't like the way Kaito was hugging me??? _

 

_ Mother hen: Huh? OHHH. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Huhh? _

 

_ Mother hen: Continue. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: So Heiji made a racket. Then Saguru somehow was awake, decided to intervene that it was better for me to be with him? _

 

_ Mother hen: … _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Ran? _

 

_ Mother hen: Then what happened next? _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Well, I just went back to sleep. After they quietened down which took an hour or two. _

 

_ Mother hen: Hmm.. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Heh? *Kaito yelling in the background* Darling breakfast is ready~! _

_ Mystery Otaku: *exasperated sigh* I've got to go. _

 

_ Mother hen: Okay. Also Shinichi. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Yes? _

 

_ Mother hen: Can you pass Kuroba-kun a message for me? _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Okay. What is it? _

 

_ Mother hen: "A single toe out of line and you won't have any more limbs to cross it with." _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: … *voice cracks* A-ah. Wait. Didn't you have something to say to me earlier? _

 

_ Mother hen: It's nothing. You'll find out soon. _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: … That totally makes me feel better. _

 

_ Mother hen: Stay safe Shinichi! _

 

_ Mystery Otaku: Stay saf- _

 

 

_Mother hen ended the call_

 

_Mother hen closed「Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee」_

 

Mystery Otaku: ????

 

_Mystery Otaku closed「Please stop mothering me all I want is coffee」_

 

ª§ª

 

_JK Tantei opened「_ _Bike Slapped_ _」_

 

JK Tantei: yo shinichi

 

_The_ _Wizard opened「_ _Bike Slapped_ _」_

 

The Wizard: Hey Sera

The Wizard: What's up?

 

JK Tantei: im just messaging u to warn u abt ran-chan

 

The Wizard: Oh god

The Wizard: What is it?

 

JK Tantei: ran-chan and the rest of us r gonna invade later for cake

JK Tantei: prepare urself

 

The Wizard:…

The Wizard: I was a second from cardiac arrest.

The Wizard: Okay, I'll have to check if I have enough ingredients.

 

JK Tantei: HECK YEAH

 

The Wizard: Since you were kind enough to warn me, what type of cake do you want?

 

JK Tantei: STRAWBERRY

 

The Wizard: Nice and traditional, okay.

The Wizard: When are you guys going to arrive?

 

JK Tantei: abt 3ish?

 

The Wizard: Alright, see you then.

 

JK Tantei: byes

 

_The Wizard closed_ _「_ _Bike Slapped_ _」_

_JK Tantei closed_ _「_ _Bike Slapped_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Corpse Magnet opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Haibara

Corpse Magnet: Can you please reply asap

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I swear

Evil-eyed yawny girl: If you have somehow managed to worsen your situation

 

Corpse Magnet: no no

Corpse Magnet: I was wondering if you were able to come with me to the supermarket to buy more ingredients

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: What

 

Corpse Magnet: Apparently, Ran and the girls want to 'invade' my place to try my cakes

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: However, you've run out of ingredients.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: How did you find out?

 

Corpse Magnet: Yeah..

Corpse Magnet: Sera messaged me earlier to warn me

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: And why not ask one of your many suitors?

 

Corpse Magnet: What

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: /suːtə/ noun: suitor; plural noun: suitors

Evil-eyed yawny girl:  A man who pursues a relationship with a particular woman, with a view to marriage.  
Evil-eyed yawny girl: Synonyms:  admirer, beau, wooer, boyfriend, sweetheart, lover, escort; etc.

 

Corpse Magnet: OK STOP

Corpse Magnet: I know what suitor means

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Good. Now answer my question.

 

Corpse Magnet: I thought of asking Saguru to help me, as he is the sensible one

Corpse Magnet: But Kaito would continue to annoy Heiji.

Corpse Magnet: And asking Heiji, Kaito would annoy Saguru.

Corpse Magnet: Asking Kaito would bring everything to hell, and Heiji and Saguru would have a death match

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I see.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Personally, I would like to see a death match between the three of them.

 

Corpse Magnet: HAIBARA

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: So, when are we leaving?

 

Corpse Magnet: Ah

Corpse Magnet: I'm outside the door.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Confident in your persuasion skills?

 

Corpse Magnet: I'm just confident in the belief that if you were to say 'no,' I could then offer you the latest Fusae purse to receive your approval.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Ah consumerism.

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Consumerism

 

_Corpse Magnet closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: hey fucks, where's shinichi?

 

_TRAITOROUS SON opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Firstly, how rude. Secondly, why should I have to answer you?

 

Hot-headed son: i'll fuck you up

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: woah drama

Dad: also shin chan is probs shopping

Dad: man i wanted to go

 

Hot-headed son: thanks

Hot-headed son: fuck off hakuba

 

Dad: lol

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Why do I even bother with you lot.

 

Hot-headed son: then leave dammit

 

Dad: ^

 

TRAITOROUS SON: No.

TRAITOROUS SON: To think you call yourself a magician Kuroba, where has your creativity gone.

 

Dad: RUDE

 

Hot-headed son: that's the flamboyant bastard we all unfortunately know

 

TRAITOROUS SON: My my Hattori. I wasn't informed that you knew such intricate words.

 

Hot-headed son: FUCKING FIGHT ME

 

Dad: his vocab mainly consists of swear words ( 〃´艸｀)

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I'll have to agree with you on this one Kuroba.

 

Hot-headed son: i fucking despise both of you

 

 _Dad_ _enabled_ _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 31_

 

Dad: tada!!!

 

Hot-headed son: YOU WANNA FUCKING GO

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 32_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: If you want to go, you can choose between jumping out of the many windows or using the front door.

TRAITOROUS SON: It's your choice.

 

Dad: lol sagu chan do u have a high blood pressure or smth

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Pardon?

 

Dad: y u so salty

 

TRAITOROUS SON: No, this is how I normally interact with hot-headed morons.

 

Hot-headed son: i fucking give up

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 33_

 

Hot-headed son: can you at least disable it

 

Dad: nah

 

Hot-headed son: fucking prick

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 34_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I thought that was my nickname

 

Hot-headed son: nah, yours is fucking asshole

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 35_

 

Dad: i love it

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I believe you just gave a description of yourself.

 

Dad: god i love this family

 

Hot-headed son: i hope you both fucking choke

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 36_

 

TRAITOROUS SON: Don't worry, I already am on your stupidity.

 

Dad: PFFFFFFFFT

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: IM GONNA PUNCTURE A LUNG

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I hope you do.

 

Dad: ah so mean

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I believe you mean that I am very honest.

 

Dad: ur attitude says otherwise

 

TRAITOROUS SON: I don't know why I am even bothering to converse with a complete idiot.

 

_TRAITOROUS SON closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: who pissed in ur cup of leaf water

 

_Dad changed TRAITOROUS SON to Salty son_

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Karate Mum opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Karate Mum: Hey guys where are we meeting at first?

 

_Aikido Aunt opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Aikido Aunt: im in the taxi rn

 

_Mop Obsessed Daughter opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

_Tomboy Tantei Daughter opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Mop Obsessed Daughter: Poirot right?

 

Karate Mum: Okay

 

Mop Obsessed Daughter: I can see it!!!

 

_Mop Obsessed Daughter closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: im nearly there

 

Aikido Aunt: me too :D

 

_Tomboy Tantei Daughter closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

_Aikido Aunt closed「Somewhat Functional Family」_

_Rich (Vodka) Aunt opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: yo let me in

 

Karate Mum: Coming coming

 

_Rich (Vodka) Aunt closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

_Karate Mum closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Science Mum opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Science Mum: Kudou-kun is somewhat prepared now

Science Mum: Start making your way over.

 

_Science Mum closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

_Tomboy Tantei Daughter opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: YATTA

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: CAKE

 

_Rich (Vodka) Aunt opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: sera ur saying it out loud

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: :p

 

_Tomboy Tantei Daughter closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

_Rich (Vodka) Aunt closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Holmes opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: Kaito

 

 _Lupin opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Lupin: (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄

 

Holmes: Which wardrobe are you in?

 

Lupin:  ლ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ლ)

 

Holmes: That answers that.

Holmes: So answer me.

Holmes: Which wardrobe are you in, I don't want to have to go through the trouble of looking at all twelve.

 

Lupin: ┌༼▀̿ Ĺ̯▀̿༽┐

 

Holmes: Kaito.

Holmes: I can also ask Haibara to hack into your phone to send me your location.

 

Lupin: ━╤デ╦︻(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)

 

Holmes: 3

 

Lupin: ┬┴┬┴┤ᕦ( ▀̿ Ĺ̯ ▀̿├┬┴┬

 

Holmes: 2

 

Lupin: ┌(▀Ĺ̯▀)┐

 

Holmes: 1

 

Lupin: west wing, hall 2, door 4 on the left

 

Holmes: Good boy.

 

 _Holmes closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Lupin: ┌(▀Ĺ̯ ▀-)┐

 

 _Lupin closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Watson_ _'s Cousin_ _opened「Holmes ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Shinichi, are you alright?

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmes ♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: ?

 

Watson's Cousin: Well, considering you left 8 minutes, 45 seconds, 24 milliseconds and counting

Watson's Cousin: With the excuse that you were checking if you had any chocolate chip cookies left over.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I'm fine

 

Watson's Cousin: Then I presume that you've gone to Professor Agasa's basement to await the effects of the Apotoxin?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: …

Holmes' Apprentice: You're right.

Holmes' Apprentice: But Haibara is monitoring me, I'll be fine.

Holmes' Apprentice: I'll be back in hopefully another 5 minutes.

 

Watson's Cousin: Then how I keep you occupied until then.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Pardon?

 

Watson's Cousin: I thought we could use this time to get to know each other even more.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Alright

 

Watson's Cousin: How about twenty questions?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Sounds good.

Holmes' Apprentice: You can start.

 

Watson's Cousin: Okay

Watson's Cousin: When did you start wanting to become a detective?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I think it was when I was four

Holmes' Apprentice: I was watching my father solve a kidnapping case, and when he solved the location of the child

Holmes' Apprentice: I knew that I wanted to become a detective to help people

Holmes' Apprentice: And also to follow Holmes

Holmes' Apprentice: When did your influence from Holmes start?

 

Watson's Cousin: I would have to say when I was three, my mother is also very fond of the books.

Watson's Cousin: She would always read them to me.

Watson's Cousin: Aged four was when I decided I wanted to be a detective like Holmes.

Watson's Cousin: What was your first case?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Official or not?

 

Watson's Cousin: Not is fine

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I think it was when I was still a toddler

Holmes' Apprentice: My father had left a riddle for my mother and his editors to find him

Holmes' Apprentice: And apparently I was unconsciously giving my mother hints

 

Watson's Cousin: I have to say that takes the cake

 

Holmes' Apprentice:…

Holmes' Apprentice: Was that a pun…

 

Watson's Cousin: I am just admiring your skillet the art of deduction

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Oh my god

 

Watson's Cousin: I dough know what you're talking about

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Don't poach your luck.

 

Watson's Cousin: I believe my luck is alrice

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I

Holmes' Apprentice: This is Haibara here, Kudou-kun won't shut up right now

Holmes' Apprentice: I'm giving him back his phone now.

Holmes' Apprentice: You could say, I cracked.

 

Watson's Cousin: Eggcellent

Watson's Cousin: My work here is complete.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: As much as I would like to continue our conversation

Holmes' Apprentice: The Apotoxin's effect is running out now

 

Watson's Cousin: Ah

Watson's Cousin: I've heard from the others that it is very painful

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Painful is an understatement

Holmes' Apprentice: But my pain tolerance is high so I'll be fine,

Holmes' Apprentice: I'll see you soon

 

_Holmes' Apprentice closed 「Holmes ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Okay

Watson's Cousin: See you soon

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _open_ _ed「Holmes ♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: God you sound like a couple.

 

Watson's Cousin: ?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Sorry, that was Haibara.

 

_Holmes' Apprentice closed 「Holmes ♡」_

_Watson's Cousin_ _closed 「Holmes ♡」_

 

 

_Clover opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

Clover: oiii

Clover: who u texting????

Clover: stop being a loner

 

_White Horse opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

White Horse: I was just texting my mother

 

Clover: ahhhhh

Clover: mummys boy huh

Clover: anyway

Clover: u slow

Clover: otherwise detective chick will nab ur slice

 

White Horse: Aren't you the thief?

 

Clover: RETIRED thief

Clover: jeez

Clover: hurry up

 

White Horse: I didn't know you cared.

 

Clover: nah I just want ur slice

 

White Horse: Greedy.

White Horse: How many slices have you had?

 

Clover: not enough

 

_Clover closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

_White Horse closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 394 COMMENTS  
> 466 KUDOS  
> 58 BOOKMARKS  
> 5337 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> GUESS WHO JOLTED UP IN BED AT 1AM TO POST THIS FASKD;LFKADL  
> I was waiting for Scheherazade's email of the BETA'd chapter to come but my internet is an ass so it got lost.  
> And then I got distracted but a load of things: drawing Allen Walker (check out @kaaids on Instagram for shitty art by yours truly), also had to go to the Magistrate court to file paperwork, fill in my application so I can finally get my learners, work, filling more paperwork. So yeah. I got distracted....  
> \-------------------------------  
> Edit - I forgot to mention that the part about Shinichi's first non-official case was a reference to the 'Ten Planets in the Night Sky' ova. If you haven't seen it, you should. If you're too lazy to go hunt it down just ask me and I can link it over (˶◕‿◕˶✿)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Also this chapter was not BETA'd as my internet has been choppy so my email to Scheherazade got lost. So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~! (Can you guys guess who the users are?)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Need a Motto You Me: u wanna hit the lounge  
> Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Please don't, there is still a hole from last week.  
> ª§ª  
> Subtle Miracle: oh my god  
> Subtle Miracle: you had one job  
> Subtle Miracle: i swear im going to  
> Shiba Casino Boot: commit because same  
> Need a Motto You Me: okay lets just tone down the reality  
> ª§ª  
> Subtle Miracle: This is war.  
> Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Oh no  
> Subtle Miracle: KUDOU IS OUR POSTER CHILD  
> ª§ª  
> Kazuno-bro: kid supporters are dominating the pool  
> Kazuno-bro: hattori supporters are fighting for the throne  
> Kazuno-bro: sera supporters are screaming for more interactions  
> Kazuno-bro: hakuba supporters are watching the chaos waiting for the perfect moment  
> Kazuno-bro: haibara supporters are plotting to send everything to hell  
> Kazuno-bro: (same haibara supports same)  
> ª§ª  
> Lupin: cuz u found 'a cool-ass case' to look at  
> Lupin: one where the victim was frozen alive  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	16. Warpath and Betting Pool Heirarchy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi gets whisked away by his knight in white and the TMPD - mainly Satou - is on the warpath. Kid has overthrown the betting pool. Takagi has declared his place in the betting pool hierarchy as a Shinichi X Kid shipper. (Oh my.)

_The Car Key What to Do opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

The Car Key What to Do: Has anyone found Kudou-kun yet?

 

_Shiba Casino Boot opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Shiba Casino Boot: not yet

Shiba Casino Boot: yumi san is camping the coffee machine

 

The Car Key What to Do: What about the records room?

 

Shiba Casino Boot: I think shiratori san is on his way there

 

_Cheetah Footy Ninjago opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Yes?

 

The Car Key What to Do: Are you sure you don't have a sixth sense of some sort?

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: I am pretty sure about that.

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Anyway to confirm, no, Kudou is not in the records room.

 

_Subtle Miracle opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Subtle Miracle: found him yet

 

Shiba Casino Boot: nope

 

The Car Key What to Do: Negative

 

Subtle Miracle: where the hell could he have vanished to

Subtle Miracle: ive looked on all of the security cameras

Subtle Miracle: he was just getting his 4th coffee just 14 mins ago

 

_Need a Motto You Me opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Need a Motto You Me: 9th btw

Need a Motto You Me: miike chans phone died 2

Need a Motto You Me: the kid aint in forensics

 

Subtle Miracle: WHERE IS HE

 

Shiba Casino Boot: the convenience store?

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Not everyone sneaks out during their shift to go read manga at the convenience store

 

Shiba Casino Boot: only the boring ones

 

The Car Key What to Do: Guys

 

Subtle Miracle: I swear to god

 

Need a Motto You Me: u wanna hit the lounge

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Please don't, there is still a hole from last week.

 

The Car Key What to Do: Guys

 

Shiba Casino Boot: yea

 

The Car Key What to Do: Has anyone tried calling him?

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Wasn't that your job?

 

_The Car Key What to Do closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Subtle Miracle: oh my god

Subtle Miracle: you had one job

Subtle Miracle: i swear im going to

 

Shiba Casino Boot: commit because same

 

Need a Motto You Me: okay lets just tone down the reality

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Why did I decide to get out of bed today

 

Shiba Casino Boot: because you are following an endless cycle till your inevitable death

 

Need a Motto You Me: someones been rewatching clannad

 

Shiba Casino Boot: anohana actually

 

Subtle Miracle: i didnt get this job to deal with this shit everyday

 

_The Car Key What to Do opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Did you get in touch with him?

 

Subtle Miracle: spit it out before i flip out

 

Need a Motto You Me: like u werent abt 2 like 3 mins ago

 

The Car Key What to Do: Kudou-kun is in division 2

 

Shiba Casino Boot: a war declaration

 

Need a Motto You Me: o no

 

_Mecca Nico opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Mecca Nico: Sorry about that, my phone died earlier

Mecca Nico: What did I miss?

 

Need a Motto You Me: gurl

Need a Motto You Me: u have awful timing

 

Mecca Nico: ?

 

The Car Key What to Do: Hey Miike-san, just scroll up a bit

 

Mecca Nico: Okay

 

Need a Motto You Me: miwako?

 

Subtle Miracle: This is war.

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Oh no

 

Subtle Miracle: KUDOU IS OUR POSTER CHILD

 

The Car Key What to Do: Satou-san

 

Subtle Miracle: DONT YOU SATOU SAN ME

Subtle Miracle: WHY THE HELL IS HE THERE

 

The Car Key What to Do: Well, in division 2, it's 'Bring your loved one to work day'

 

Shiba Casino Boot: wait

 

Need a Motto You Me: REPEAT

 

The Car Key What to Do: Well, in division 2, it's 'Bring your loved one to work day'

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: So who is going to tell Megure-keibu?

 

Need a Motto You Me: NOPE THX

 

Shiba Casino Boot: noooooooope

 

The Car Key What to Do: No thanks.

 

Subtle Miracle: IM ON THE WAR PATH

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Well, I'm not.

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: So I guess that leaves Miike-san.

 

Mecca Nico: Pardon

 

Need a Motto You Me: rip gurl

 

Mecca Nico: Oh no

 

The Car Key What to Do: I am so sorry Miike-san.

 

Mecca Nico: Okay

 

Need a Motto You Me: how 2 kouhai 101

 

_Mecca Nico closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Subtle Miracle: NOW TAKAGI

Subtle Miracle: WHO TOOK HIM

 

The Car Key What to Do: I think it might have been Kid.

 

Shiba Casino Boot: but isnt he retired???

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: He technically is.

 

Subtle Miracle: EXPLAIN

 

The Car Key What to Do: Kid, despite being retired, is still considered part of division 2 because he occasionally helps out with theft problems

 

Need a Motto You Me: wait so kid considers kudou to be his loved one

 

Subtle Miracle: WHAT

 

Shiba Casino Boot: oh boy

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Oh my

 

_Mecca Nico opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Mecca Nico: Um guys

 

The Car Key What to Do: Yes?

 

Mecca Nico: Megure-keibu wants you to add him to the conversation

 

Need a Motto You Me: this is going to be wild

 

_The Car Key What to Do added Megure Juzou to「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

_Megure Juzou opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Megure Juzou: I've heard that Division 2 has crossed a line.

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Indeed

 

The Car Key What to Do: Technically Kid has crossed a line

 

Subtle Miracle: KID HAS OVERTHROWN THE BETTING POOL

 

Megure Juzou: What

Megure Juzou: You cannot be serious

Megure Juzou: I told Nakamori to keep an eye on the guy

 

The Car Key What to Do: I am really confused

 

Shiba Casino Boot: dude

 

Mecca Nico: Me too

 

Need a Motto You Me: there is a betting pool for who the kid will end up with

 

Subtle Miracle: AND I WAS SO SURE HE WOULD BE WITH HATTORI-KUN

 

The Car Key What to Do: Oh

 

Mecca Nico: Sorry, my battery is about to die again

Mecca Nico: Bye everyone

 

_Mecca Nico closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Many apologies but my shift is over.

 

_Cheetah Footy Ninjago closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

The Car Key What to Do: Oh look, me too

 

Subtle Miracle: YOU ARENT GETTING OUT OF THIS

 

Need a Motto You Me: rip

 

Megure Juzou: Stop messing around you lot

Megure Juzou: Satou-kun, you and Takagi-kun can go to Ekoda

 

Subtle Miracle: front lines, got it

 

_Subtle Miracle closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

The Car Key What to Do: I have a bad feeling about this

 

_The Car Key What to Do closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Megure Juzou: Chiba-kun, you will be on backup

 

Shiba Casino Boot: on it

 

_Shiba Casino Boot closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Megure Juzou: Yumi-kun

 

Need a Motto You Me: Yes

 

Megure Juzou: You are on informing everyone about the latest news for the betting pool

 

Need a Motto You Me: okie dokie

 

Megure Juzou: Also I was wondering if you could give me a nickname for this chat

 

Need a Motto You Me: ???

Need a Motto You Me: you feel left out

Need a Motto You Me: dont you

 

Megure Juzou: …

 

Need a Motto You Me: okay, give me a sec

 

Megure Juzou: Keep this to yourself

 

_Need a Motto You Me changed Megure Juzou to Megadeth Juice_

 

Need a Motto You Me: but if anyone were to scroll up they would see our convo

 

Megadeth Juice: Convo?

 

Need a Motto You Me: short for conversation

 

Megadeth Juice: I will just stick to what I know

Megadeth Juice: Now off you go

 

Need a Motto You Me: but what about u

 

Megadeth Juice: I need to talk to Nakamori

Megadeth Juice: Now go

 

_Megadeth Juice closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Need a Motto You Me: okie dokie

 

_Need a Motto You Me closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Wata-screw-u opened「Sleep is for the Weak」_

 

Wata-screw-u: Hey Chiba

 

_Kazuno-bro opened「Sleep is for the Weak」_

 

Kazuno-bro: whats up

 

Wata-screw-u: My anxiety levels

Wata-screw-u: Actually, I wanted to ask you what the betting pool involving Kudou-kun is

 

Kazuno-bro: same

Kazuno-bro: so right now our current betting pool is who kudou kun will end up with

 

Wata-screw-u: What do you mean current?

 

Kazuno-bro: the previous one was when u and satou san would kiss

Kazuno-bro: yumi san won that one

 

Wata-screw-u: Oh

 

Kazuno-bro: btw I was third closest but megure keibu was closer

 

Wata-screw-u: Wow

 

Kazuno-bro: but dude why dont you know????

 

Wata-screw-u: I was trying to not get killed by Satou-san's fans

 

Kazuno-bro: good point

 

Wata-screw-u: Back to the topic, why is there a betting pool?

 

Kazuno-bro: well everyone has pretty much agreed that kudou kun is basically our kid

Kazuno-bro: so we are betting on who he ends up with

 

Wata-screw-u: Out of curiosity, what are the results so far?

 

Kazuno-bro: well because of kids declaration he is first so far

Kazuno-bro: then hattori kun, hakuba kun, and sera san

Kazuno-bro: wait and haibara san

 

Wata-screw-u: Oh

Wata-screw-u: Wait, Haibara-san??

 

Kazuno-bro: technically she is an adult and rather close to kudou kun

 

Wata-screw-u: I guess, but she is currently in a child's body

 

Kazubo-bro: idk man

Kazuno-bro: people ship it

Kazuno-bro: i voted for sera san

Kazuno-bro: (i need more interactions)

Kazuno-bro: since you know now who are you voting for

 

Wata-screw-u: To be honest

Wata-screw-u: Maybe Kid...

 

Kazuno-bro: dude

Kazuno-bro: you have declared your place

 

Wata-screw-u: What

 

Kazuno-bro: the betting pool has become a hierarchy

Kazuno-bro: kid supporters are dominating the pool

Kazuno-bro: hattori supporters are fighting for the throne

Kazuno-bro: sera supporters are screaming for more interactions

Kazuno-bro: hakuba supporters are watching the chaos waiting for the perfect moment

Kazuno-bro: haibara supporters are plotting to send everything to hell

Kazuno-bro: (same haibara supports same)

 

Wata-screw-u: Can I pretend that today never happened

 

Kazuno-bro: you have already stated your place

Kazuno-bro: it is too late now

Kazuno-bro: by the way satou san is about to tear the steering wheel off

 

Wata-screw-u: Shoot

Wata-screw-u: Got to go

 

Kazuno-bro: have fun

 

_Wata-screw-u closed「Sleep is for the Weak」_

_Kazuno-bro closed「Sleep is for the Weak」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Holmes opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Holmes: Kaito, Division 1 are babying me even more than usual

Holmes: This is all your fault

 

 _Lupin opened「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

Lupin: i dont knw wht u r tlking abt

 

Holmes: Why are you like this

 

Lupin: u luv me

 

Holmes: Why did I decide to get out of bed today

 

Lupin: cuz u found 'a cool-ass case' to look at

Lupin: one where the victim was frozen alive

 

Holmes: I was trying to lighten up the mood

Holmes: But why did you literally kidnap me when I was at work

 

Lupin: kidnap is such a strong word

Lupin: as the dashing knight in white I decided to whisk u out of ur tower

 

Holmes: Unfortunately for him, the knight's white suit is sealed in the evidence room of Division 2

 

Lupin: its not like i cant just break into there again

 

Holmes: How does Nakamori-keibu put up with you

 

Lupin: lol i dunno

 

Holmes: Anyway, because of your actions, Division 1 actually made a timetable for officers to escort me around

Holmes: Even to the coffee machine

Holmes: What the hell

 

Lupin: always the satan juice

 

Holmes: I beg your pardon

 

Lupin: I MEAN COFFEE

Lupin: I LOVE IT

Lupin: YEP MUCH BITTER

Lupin: MUCH LIKE

Lupin: KAITO LIKES COFFEE

 

Holmes: You are a pain

 

Lupin: inurass

Lupin: not yet tho

 

Holmes: What

 

Lupin: lol wut

 

Holmes: Anyway, don't suddenly smuggle me out of Headquarters

 

Lupin: does that mean i can go in and then sweep u off ur feet

 

Holmes: And if I refuse

 

Lupin: i have my ways

 

Holmes: Spill my coffee and Division 1 will never find the body

Holmes: Now scram, there has been a chain of murders I have to deal with

Holmes: Hopefully Saguru and Heiji can help out

 

Lupin: Got it

Lupin: Love you

Lupin: Bye

 

 _Lupin closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 _Holmes closed「LUV U_ ＠＾▽＾＠ _」_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 409 COMMENTS  
> 495 KUDOS  
> 61 BOOKMARKS  
> 5694 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> For those who guessed the TMPD crew, gold star!!!! (★≧▽^))★☆  
> For those who are still a bit confused on who's who. Tada!
> 
> The Car Key What to Do - Takagi Wataru  
> Subtle Miracle - Satou Miwako  
> Need a Motto You Me - Miyamoto Yumi  
> Cheetah Footy Ninjago - Shiratori Ninzabro  
> Shiba Casino Boot - Chiba Kazunobu  
> Mecca Nico - Miike Naeko  
> Megadeth Juice - Megure Juuzou  
> ª§ª  
> Kazuno-bro - Chiba Kazunobu  
> Wata-screw-u - Takagi Wataru
> 
> Yes, I created these from Google Speech hurhur very original much original ｡ﾟ+.(･∀･)ﾟ+.ﾟ  
> \-------------------------------  
> Chiba is too relatable hurrrrrrrrrrrr  
> And as some of you guys could tell, I had way too much fun writing this.  
> I just adore the headcanon that the TMPD have a betting pool on who gets together and since Shinichi is their poster boy he has to have one of his own. Division 1 and 2 are very competitive as well.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Again. this chapter is not BETA'd, as school starts back up for me tomorrow and I don't want to stress out Scheherazade So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Hot-headed son: hypothetically  
> Hot-headed son: what would you do if you and a special person are currently trapped in a hidden basement  
> Hot-headed son: and said special person has found a human skull and is reciting hamlet, accent and all?  
> Hot-headed son: hypothetically  
> Salty son: That is oddly specific.  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: he also took down a whole mafia gang with only a fire extinguisher  
> Hot-headed son: it was hot and terrifying  
> ª§ª  
> Salty son: Priorities  
> Hot-headed son: i sorta had a gun to my head  
> Dad: of course u did  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: fucking fuckity fuck fucking fuckshit fucktard fucking fuck fuck  
> 【Hei-chan's swear count 】is 52  
> ª§ª  
> Dad: i vanished before she could get me d(･∀･○)  
> Salty son: A cowardly retreat.  
> Dad: STRATEGIC WITHDRAW  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: BITCH ARE YA CALL ME PREDICTABLE  
> 【Hei-chan's swear count 】is 57  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	17. Shakespeare and Vulgar Probability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi beats up a majority of a mafia gang with a fire extinguisher. Heiji feels blessed to be the only conscious witness. They also accidentally get locked in a hidden basement. Shinichi gets bored. Heiji is predictable. Human skulls and vulgar language is insured.

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: hey guys?

Hot-headed son: any of you free??

 

_Salty son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty son: Yes?

 

Hot-headed son: hypothetically

Hot-headed son: what would you do if you and a special person are currently trapped in a hidden basement

Hot-headed son: and said special person has found a human skull and is reciting hamlet, accent and all?

Hot-headed son: hypothetically

 

Salty son: That is oddly specific.

 

Hot-headed son: he is already on act 3

Hot-headed son: help

 

Salty son: What happened?

Salty son: I just separated from you two, only thirty minutes and forty-eight seconds ago.

Salty son: What did you two do?

 

Hot-headed son: it's shinichi's fault

Hot-headed son: he got spotted by one of the henchies and they caught us

Hot-headed son: like not after we beat up a bunch of them up

Hot-headed son: he also took down a whole mafia gang with only a fire extinguisher

Hot-headed son: it was hot and terrifying

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: i heard that my wife was being hot

Dad: hi ( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆)

 

Salty son: Oh my god.

 

Hot-headed son: christ

Hot-headed son: someone has priorities

 

Salty son: And you don't?

Salty son: So why aren't you two back yet?

 

Hot-headed son: let me finish first you bastard

Hot-headed son: so we called hq and everything

Hot-headed son: they're on their way

Hot-headed son: but that was like 15 minutes ago

Hot-headed son: and then we got locked in this basement

 

Salty son: My god

Salty son: How on earth did you two get locked in a basement?

Salty son: And couldn't you have at least notified me?

Salty son: Or Shinichi could have notified me.

 

Hot-headed son: 1. it just happened????

Hot-headed son: 2. pft nahhh

Hot-headed son: 3. his phone got smashed

Hot-headed son: go figure

 

Dad: i smell foul play

Dad: of course it did

Dad: did u get any pics tho

 

Hot-headed son: what are you talking about

Hot-headed son: unfortunately

 

Salty son: Priorities

 

Hot-headed son: i sorta had a gun to my head

 

Dad: of course u did

 

Hot-headed son: update shinichi is up to act 4 now

 

Salty son: And why is he reciting Hamlet with a human skull?

 

Hot-headed son: he got bored

 

Salty son: Of course.

 

Dad: OMG HEI CHAN

 

Hot-headed son: what you bastard

 

Dad: U HAVENT SWORN YET

 

Hot-headed son: fuck you

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 43_

 

Salty son: You just had to tempt him.

 

Dad: awww

 

Hot-headed son: piss off timeophile

 

Dad: yeaaa u have a problem hunny

 

Salty son: Like you're any better; ADHD, kleptomania and a pervert.

Salty son: At least I actually have organisation.

 

Dad: oi oi

Dad: someone is salty

 

Hot-headed son: a drag fest

Hot-headed son: and you started it you bastard

Hot-headed son: also kuroba

 

Dad: yessss

 

Hot-headed son: fucking fuckity fuck fucking fuckshit fucktard fucking fuck fuck

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 52_

 

Dad: srly

 

Salty son: What an extensively vulgar vocabulary.

 

Hot-headed son: when i get out of here i will fuck you up

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 53_

 

Salty son: I wonder what would happened if I threw a dictionary at your head.

Salty son: Would you actually bother taking in the information or would you have an allergic reaction?

 

Dad: ouch allergies

 

Hot-headed son: I WILL END YOU

Hot-headed son: update he just finished

 

Dad: the true question is why hamlet

 

Hot-headed son: let me ask

Hot-headed son: 'because why not'

 

Salty Son: Is no one actually concerned that the police haven't arrived yet?

 

Hot-headed son: HE JUST STARTED MACBETH

 

Dad: SHOOT I HAVE AN ESSAY DUE ON THAT

 

Salty son: Unlike you, I've already finished mine two days ago.

 

Dad: shut up

 

Hot-headed son: rip man

Hot-headed son: i have an essay for romeo and juliet

Hot-headed son: and some maths

 

Dad: ahhhhh

Dad: ive alrdy done maths

Dad: maths is gr8 but chem man

 

Hot-headed son: nerd

Hot-headed son: i've always been a math guy

 

Salty son: And your English is atrocious, as always.

Salty son: The toxic fumes must have gotten to you.

Salty son: Despite that, you still can't put two and two together.

 

Hot-headed son: fuck you too

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 54_

 

Dad: who says i wasnt like this alrdy

 

Hot-headed son: he actually has a valid point though

 

Dad: y thx~

 

Hot-headed son: for once

 

Dad: mean

 

Salty son: This is an absolute mess.

Salty son: Have the police at least contacted you any further?

 

Hot-headed son: nope

 

Dad: btw what case were u guys doing

 

Salty son: We were, technically Shinichi was, looking at a chain of murders that have been occurring in South-East Tokyo

 

Dad: ohhhhhhhh

Dad: that murder chain

 

Hot-headed son: 'that murder chain'

Hot-headed son: what????

 

Dad: shinichi told me he was busy with a murder chain the other day

 

Salty son: Don't you usually avoid cases like the plague?

 

Dad: it just came up

 

Hot-headed son: 'it just came up'

Hot-headed son: bullshit

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 55_

 

Dad: i sorta nabbed him out of tokyo police hq

 

Hot-headed son: oh my godddd

 

Salty son: A fool.

 

Hot-headed son: did the lady cop hunt you down

 

Dad: i vanished before she could get me d(･∀･○)

 

Salty son: A cowardly retreat.

 

Dad: STRATEGIC WITHDRAW

 

Hot-headed son: so what did shinichi say??

 

Dad: he threatened me that if i spilt his coffee he would kill me ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 

Salty son: I am actually not even surprised anymore.

 

Hot-headed son: ew satan sauce

Hot-headed son: efqwuis\ahjfrQA`5WJKL

 

Dad: lol what^

 

Salty son: Who even knows…

 

Hot-headed son: Coffee.

Hot-headed son: Coffee is very good. Yes.

 

Dad: ???^

 

Hot-headed son: how did shinichi even hear me???

Hot-headed son: i'm texting???????

 

Dad: 6th sense for coffee??????

 

Salty son: Again. I am not even surprised anymore.

 

Hot-headed son: update he is up to act 2

Hot-headed son: why does he have hamlet and macbeth memorised??????

 

Dad: who knows

Dad: but all i know is that my wife is very talented

Dad: and very special

 

Salty son: Macbeth isn't too difficult to memorise to be honest.

 

Dad: what

Dad: how

 

Hot-headed son: what even

Hot-headed son: literature nerds

Hot-headed son: the both of you

 

Salty son: And you are just a hot-headed second rate swordsman.

 

Hot-headed son: WHEN I SEE YA IM GONNA FUCKING EVISCERATE YA

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 56_

 

Dad: woah

 

Salty son: Nothing I haven't heard before.

Salty son: Your retorts and reactions are getting even more predictable each day.

Salty son: For example your next word choice:

 

Hot-headed son: BITCH ARE YA CALL ME PREDICTABLE

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 57_

 

Salty son: Exhibit A.

Salty son: Then you will again reply with:

 

Hot-headed son: FIGHT ME YA SHIT

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 58_

 

Salty son: Exhibit B.

Salty son: How fascinating.

 

Hot-headed son: SHUT THE FUCK UP YA PRICK ASS BASTARD

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 59_

 

Dad: this chat is a wild mess

Dad: awwwww

Dad: gtg

Dad: aoko wants me to study (◕︿◕✿)

Dad: studying is borinnnnggggg

 

Salty son: Finish your work, and stop causing her so much grief.

 

Dad: eeehhhhh

Dad: fine

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: DON'T IGNORE ME YOU FUCKSHIT

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 60_

 

Hot-headed son: Heiji is practically frothing at the mouth

Hot-headed son: What is happening?

Hot-headed son: This is Shinichi by the way.

 

Salty son: Hello Shinichi

Salty son: First things first.

Salty son: How on earth did you get locked in a basement?

Salty son: Are you alright? Are you injured?

Salty son: Have the police arrived yet?

Salty son: Are you sure you are alright?

 

Hot-headed son: If I were there I would say take a deep breath but calm down for a moment.

Hot-headed son: 1. I might've slipped and Heiji tried catching me, causing us to fall into the basement with the door slamming behind us.

Hot-headed son: 2. I am fine.

Hot-headed son: 3. Only a scratch on the arm, nothing life-threatening.

Hot-headed son: 4. The police arrived about 5 minutes ago.

Hot-headed son: 6. I am sure that I am fine.

Hot-headed son: Everything all good now?

 

Salty son: …

Salty son: The police arrived five minutes ago.

 

Hot-headed son: Yep.

Hot-headed son: Heiji and I are currently with Takagi-keiji.

Hot-headed son: Heiji told me he notified you already?

 

Salty son: Well it seems to be that you didn't…

Salty son: Wait. Were you really reciting Hamlet and Macbeth earlier?

 

Hot-headed son: Yep. I wanted to recite 'A Study in Scarlet' but Heiji would gag me.

Hot-headed son: So Shakespeare was the option I took.

Hot-headed son: Also Heiji is now back to the land of the living so I'm giving the phone back.

Hot-headed son: I'll see you back at the station Saguru.

 

Salty son: Ah

Salty son: Okay.

Salty son: See you there.

 

Hot-headed son: my threat still stands

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty son: Second rate.

 

_Salty son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: FUCK YOU

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 61_

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 423 COMMENTS  
> 516 KUDOS  
> 64 BOOKMARKS  
> 6072 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> I honestly had a lot of fun with this chapter hurhurhurrr  
> Also, the reason this took a while for me to post (typing up the A/N part really) is that I got side-tracked with watching some KaiShin videos hahahaaa (wow priorities *ignores biology homework*)  
> Since all that is in my head is KaiShin, I've probably left out important stuff I need to mention. Oh well...  
> So I'll just edit this A/N at like 1 am or something later hurhur...  
> And send help. All I've been drawing is Shinichi in heels sdhnjsdfksdf boys in heels. pretty boys in heels.  
> This is all chapter 21's fault. But I'm still hella proud of it so maybe check it out @kaaids on instagram  
> \-------------------------------  
> A message for chapter 18, it will be posted on Friday (AEST) and since it is a Shinichi birthday fic. It will be long (whoop a nice 4500+) so please send prayers to Scheherazade who has to BETA that mess.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Note: this chapter was inspired by this prompt I wrote one day while at DFO:  
> He fucking took down out a whole mafia gang with only a switchblade and a fire extinguisher. And the switchblade was only used to cut his bonds. It was hot and terrifying.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Again. this chapter is not BETA'd. I wanted to give Scheherazade time to BETA chapter 18, considering how long it is, and that school is pretty high on our priority list. So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Friday! (May 4th ｡ﾟ+.(･∀･)ﾟ+.ﾟ)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~! (So this isn't much of a preview but meh)  
> \-------------------------------  
> On the screen, the tabloid article was called, 'Love Across the Waters!' The subtitle being, 'The modern day Sherlock Holmes of Japan - Kudou Shinichi - caught on a date with the modern day Sherlock Holmes of England - Hakuba Saguru. Holmes Squared?!' Underneath was a blurry picture of Shinichi and Saguru but was still recognisable. They were running away from something and were in the middle of attempting to weave through a crowd, but what stood out was their intertwined hands. There was also the strange rainbow sash that was tied around Shinichi's waist that connected to Saguru's left ankle. The media was having a field day.  
> ª§ª  
> Stare down an armed murderer and only scoff in reply before knocking them out with a book. Piece of cake. Stand on the edge of a collapsing building and fling himself off with plans of landing somewhat safely. Done it. Disarm a bomb that could wipe out a whole city with a single push of a button. Cool. Get shot in the arm and then proceed to save said shooter. Fun. But fleeing from rabid fangirls who wouldn't mind ripping you apart to have a piece of you for their worship shrine. No thanks.  
> ª§ª  
> "500 yen! Shinichi-oniisan will get together with Saguru-oniisan!"  
> "Eh?! No way. 500 yen that Shinichi-oniichan will be with Heiji-oniichan!"  
> "As if! My 500 yen will be on Shinichi-san and Kaito-san!"  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


	18. Rabid Bystanders and Memorable Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi's birthday!!! A very special birthday surprise is being made by the girls. A trip to Disneyland for fun times. That is until the fangirls happen. Who knew crazily obsessed teenage girls could be terrifying (am I right?) The media goes wild. Saguru and Shinichi have a 'date.'

_Corpse Magnet opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Haibara I hate you.

 

 _Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Suck it up.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: You could do better.

 

 _Evil-eyed yawny girl closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Loathe.

 

 _Corpse Magnet closed「Fear_ _™_ _」_

 

 

 _Science Mum opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Science Mum: Kudou-kun is secured.

Science Mum: The boys have him in custody.

 

 _Rich (Vodka) Aunt opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: PERFECT

 

 _Tomboy Tantei Daughter opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: this is sorta sad how easy it is to kidnap him

 

Science Mum: It is…

Science Mum: But at least that makes our job easier.

 

 _Aikido Aunt opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Aikido Aunt: heiji won’t shut up;

Aikido Aunt: he keeps spamming me with close-ups on kudou-kun's face

Aikido Aunt: from various angles

 

 _Mop Obsessed Daughter opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: he is a lost cause…

 

Mop Obsessed Daughter: kaito is a lost cause too

 

Science Mum: Like the majority of the male population.

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: STRONG. INDEPENDENT. WOMEN.

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: YASSSSSS

 

Mop Obsessed Daughter: at least hakuba kun is a gentleman

 

Science Mum: I'll give him kudos for that

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: hur 'kudou's

 

Aikido Aunt: stopppppp

 

 _Karate Mum opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Karate Mum: I'VE FOUND THE PERFECT IMAGE

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: SHOW USSSS

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: SHOW US

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: SHOW US

 

Karate Mum: "Cursed image" - Shinichi

 

_Karate Mum sent an image_

 

 

Karate Mum: he despises this image

 

Aikido Aunt: Woah

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: DO IT

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: MAKE HIM DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT

 

Science Mum: I am somewhat afraid and curious as to how this image came to be. 

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: what she said^

 

Karate Mum: Shinichi thinks I deleted it but I never did.

Karate Mum: His mum gave it to me!

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: a miracle worker tbh

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: how???????

 

Science Mum: I smell major bribery.

 

Karate Mum: Bingo~

Karate Mum: She bribed him with some high-quality coffee beans from somewhere

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: omg i could sell this for thousands

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: the fangirls would be all over this

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: girl you’re already rich as heck

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: CONSPIRACY THEORY

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: his family is really rich bcs his mum sells them

 

Science Mum: That actually sounds plausible.

 

Aikido Aunt: FULL SUPPORT ON THE THEORY

 

Karate Mum: I wouldn't even be surprised.

Karate Mum: Anyway let's finish phase 2 -

Karate Mum: Should we make many little copies or blow up one large one?

 

Mop Obsessed Daughter: make loads of little copies

Mop Obsessed Daughter: the boys are going to die

Mop Obsessed Daughter: and embarrassment is only one of those reasons

 

Aikido Aunt: i want to see heiji suffer

Aikido Aunt: im all for the many little ones

 

Science Mum: Another quality that this chat has is that everyone is a sadist in their own way.

Science Mum: A side note, yes, I agree to the multiple small ones.

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: lmao^

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: i guess since everyones going for it

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: A HECK TON OF LITTLE ONES

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: MAKE THEM SUFFER

 

Karate Mum: On it!

 

 _Karate Mum closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: PHASE 3

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: WE GLAM UP THE PLACE

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: how long will they be out for?

 

Science Mum: From 11 till 5; we have 6 hours.

Science Mum: I will be getting the food together.

 

 _Science Mum closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: 6 hours to cause hell

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: challenge accepted

 

 _Rich (Vodka) Aunt closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Aikido Aunt: LETS GO

 

 _Aikido Aunt closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Mop Obsessed Daughter: TIME TO CAUSE HAVOC

 

 _Mop Obsessed Daughter closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Tomboy Tantei Daughter: i love this family

 

 _Tomboy Tantei Daughter closed_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

ª§ª

 

"I hate this so-called family."

 

"Aww~ Love you too Shin-chan."

 

Forget it. He loathed this so-called family. A Family who actually loved you would at least know not to drag you out of bed earlier than noon. But has that ever stopped them? Nope.

 

"And I call this kidnapping."

 

"Harsh." Kaito only pouted, "I call this persuasive maneuvering."

 

Shinichi only had three options. One, complain the whole way and sulk for the rest of the day. Two, sleep the rest of the way because being social is a waste of energy. Three, pretend to go to the bathroom and then escape by jumping onto the platform when the shinkansen stopped and catch a taxi home. Considering the shinkansen was about to stop at the next station on approximately two minutes, he had to choose fast.

 

"Kaito, scoot over. I need to go-"

 

"Don't even think abou' it."

 

Heiji glared from the seat behind him.

 

"What are you talking about-"

 

"I know tha' look Shinichi."

 

'Well, shit.'

 

Kaito only cackled. Saguru gave a muffled chuckle.

 

"I hate you guys."

 

"Duly noted," smirked Saguru.

 

Since option one seemed less appealing and a waste of energy, Option two it was. Shinichi sighed and leaned back into his seat. Maybe it would somehow contain a portal that could suck him up and expel him into a void of great nothingness, so he wouldn't have to even bother anymore. Saguru, who was sitting in the aisle seat, continued to read contently. Kaito who was seated in between Shinichi and Saguru, simply hummed and shuffled cards.  Behind him, due to it be a three to three-seater, Heiji only grumbled and texted. Probably Kazuha. All of that aside, there was one more thing bugging Shinichi: something was missing.

 

'Have I forgotten something???’

 

Beat.

 

'Nah.'

 

ª§ª

 

"Welcome to Disneyland~!"

 

"Oh great."

 

The sarcasm was clearly evident. Despite napping for the rest of the train trip there, Shinichi was still tried; and when he was tired, he became snappy and even more sarcastic. On the other hand, Kaito was bounding around like the Detective Boys on a sugar rush. Saguru pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put his book away, which was rather strange considering he wasn't carrying a bag and was wearing a suit Why a suit. Who knows?

 

"Yah must be a robot or some shit. How are yah not burnin' in tha'?" Heiji stared in confusion, "What the shit?"

 

"Must you always speak with such profanities?"

 

Heiji's eye twitched and lashed back, "well fuck yah too then."

 

"Shin-chan, our kids are squabbling again."

 

"Can I go home now?"

 

Shinichi attempted to walk away from the scene that the two other detectives were making. Of course, Kaito being the little scheming shit he was, had anticipated Shinichi's escapades and had somehow tied a rainbow sash around Shinichi's waist; which effectively stopped him in his tracks. Well, as far as he could have gotten, which wasn't very far as it was connected to Saguru's left ankle causing the blonde stumble. Heiji snickered at their predicament, whilst Shinichi glared at the offender.

 

"Dammit Kaito…" he then thought, 'Where is a fish tank when you need one.'

 

"Kuroba you-!"

 

"Come on! Let's go to Splash Mountain!"

 

This also (un)fortunately caught Heiji's attention from his post-verbal battle with Saguru.

 

"Oi, hold up! We shoul' at least get some food first."

 

"It's always food with you, second rate."

 

"Why yah-!"

 

"Okay kiddies time out."

 

"I want to go home…"

 

The moment of peace was quickly destroyed. Kaito had decided to latch onto Shinichi's arm and began to tug him towards the direction of Critter Country. As Shinichi was still attached to Saguru, this caused the other to be along, sputtering at the inconvenience. Heiji not missing a beat voiced his protests.

 

"Oi Kuroba! Get offa' him. Yah like a barnacle!"

 

"And you're just a hot-head my son," Kaito teased in retaliation.

 

"Yah ain't my ol' man!" Heiji fumed.

 

"What even is this group…" sighed Saguru.

 

If anything, the four of them had, over-time, become a very strange dysfunctional family. Kaito is the alleged dotting father, although no one had actually agreed to begin with, who loves his 'wife' a bit too much: Wife complex. Heiji and Saguru are the two twins who would constantly fight over who their 'mother' loved more, and Shinichi being the exasperated mother figure. And this was all because Ran had constantly nagged him to make more friends. That was what he did and this was the result. Why was it that he always found the weird ones…

 

Kaito continued to lead him towards the first location, happily ignoring protests from the rest of the group, their hands had somehow become connected. So the usual routine pursued: Heiji swearing to the heavens at Saguru and Kaito, Kaito dancing along to his own tune and Saguru throwing back off-handed comments. That is until there was a shriek from behind.

 

"Oh my gosh! Isn't that the famous high school detective, Kudou Shinichi?!"

 

"Seriously?!"

 

"Shinichi-sama!!"

 

"It's him!"

 

Various other shrieks and similar comments were made but all that Shinichi had managed to registered was that shit had somehow hit the fan.

 

"Run!"

 

ª§ª

 

The Agasa household was as noisy as usual, but now its usual clutters and bangs were accompanied by the screams of a certain Kudou Shinichi.

 

"Um, Ai-kun.."

 

Ai looked away from the bubbling pot to the pudgy inventor who was fidgeting at his desk.

 

"Yes?"

 

"I-I um… think someone is trying to contact you."

 

Her phone that was innocently sitting on the table top let out another recorded scream of the Beika detective. The screen lit up and showed 34 unread messages from Corpse Magnet. Another scream. Make that 35.

 

"Don't worry Professor, it's only Kudou-kun."

 

"A-ah."

 

The phone let out another scream. Make that 36.

 

ª§ª

 

Meanwhile, the Kudou mansion was undergoing some changes with its interior.

 

"Hey, Sonoko-chan! What do you think about this?"

 

"Perfect!"

 

Ping.

 

"Hey Aoko-chan, where did you put the tape?"

 

"Ahh. It's on the left shelf."

 

"Got it, thanks!"

 

Everything was going according to plan.

 

Ping.

 

'Once the boys get home, all hell will break loose.' Sonoko smugly thought to herself, internally cackling at the impending chaos.

 

Ping.

 

'And-'

 

Ping. Ping. Ping.

 

"Oi! Sera-chan! What are yah doing?"

 

"Guys, you need to come see this…"

 

Sera was hunched over a tablet. Hearing the lack of cheer in her voice, the rest of the room's occupants made their way towards her.

 

"What is it?"

 

Sera only shoved the tablet in their faces in reply. Her usual smile was replaced with a mask of seriousness. The girls remained silent but decided to read the article that was on the tablet. The room was silent. After registering what they read, the silence was broken with giggle fits and chortles.

 

"Is tha-"

 

"Oh my."

 

"I know right!"

 

"I actually sorta feel- nevermin'. This is hilarious!"

 

On the screen, the tabloid article was called, _'Love Across the Waters!'_ The subtitle being, _'The modern day Sherlock Holmes of Japan - Kudou Shinichi - caught on a date with the modern day Sherlock Holmes of England - Hakuba Saguru. Holmes Squared?!'_ Underneath was a blurry yet still distinguishable picture of Shinichi and Saguru. They were running away from something and were in the middle of attempting to weave through a crowd, but what stood out was their intertwined hands. There was also the strange rainbow sash that was tied around Shinichi's waist that connected to Saguru's left ankle. Needless to say, the media was having a field day.

 

ª§ª

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: HELP

Hot-headed son: KUROBA IS ABOUT TO HAVE A CAT FIGHT WITH SOME HARDCORE FAN OF YOURS

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: No thank you.

Mum: Saguru and I are happy with where we are currently hiding.

Mum: And why is he about to have a catfight with a hardcore fan?

 

Hot-headed son: they thought he was you

Hot-headed son: then the hardcore chick came in and said no because he eyes were wrong

Hot-headed son: and shit and said that yours are royal blue

Hot-headed son: but before we could leave kuroba was an idiot

Hot-headed son: and said that they ain't

Hot-headed son: that they are azure blue

Hot-headed son: and they keep going

Hot-headed son: man they look like they are about to fight

 

Mum: Wow

 

Hot-headed son: please help

 

Mum: No thanks.

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: SHINICHI WHY?!

Hot-headed son: FUCK

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 65_

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

Stare down an armed murderer and only scoff as a reply before knocking them out with a book. Piece of cake. Stand on the edge of a collapsing building and fling himself off with plans of landing somewhat safely. Done it. Disarm a bomb that could wipe out a whole city with a single push of a button. Cool. Get shot in the arm and then proceed to save said shooter. Fun. But fleeing from rabid fangirls who wouldn't mind ripping you apart to have a piece of you for their worship shrine? No thanks.

 

"Why didn't I make a run for it when I still had the chance…"

 

"To think we somehow ended up in this situation…"

 

"Sorry."

 

"Don't apologise. You didn't ask to be mobbed by ferocious teenage girls."

 

"Who knew teenage girls could be so terrifying…"

 

Their luck could only take them so far when Shinichi and Saguru managed to 'borrow' some wigs and spare clothes from a costume storeroom. The wigs being long and dark brown, as well as a strange looking auburn mullet. Luckily the clothes were just a large green bomber jacket and a rather obnoxious t-shirt that had a minion waving. Again about luck, after doing a speed round of janken, Shinichi got the long one wig and the bomber jacket, whilst Saguru got the mullet and t-shirt. Oh, what a pair they made. At least they had managed to cut off the sash earlier. Kaito knew how to tie a mean knot.

 

"Right or left?"

 

"Let's take a right."

 

Being crammed into a couples' swan peddler was just embarrassing. Who would pay to sit in one of those to peddle around to just show off their relationship status? Saguru and Shinichi would rather be dead than be caught in one. Thank god for the disguises to protect what remained of their dignity. However, when it comes to escaping from rabid fangirls, there is no such thing as dignity: Only survival.

 

"Hey, Saguru."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Don't we look like a couple flaunting our relationship status?"

 

The half Brit only choked in response, causing their method of escape to slightly rock.

 

"Oi! Careful!"

 

ª§ª

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: where the hell are you guys??

 

_Salty son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty son: Shinichi and I are lining up for a ride.

 

Hot-headed son: YO WHAT

 

Salty son: Since we are currently disguised, we are using it to our advantage and are trying to enjoy the rest of the day.

 

Hot-headed son: still, where the hell are yah

 

Salty son: We will eventually run into each other.

Salty son: We are currently in Adventureland.

Salty son: Do try to be inconspicuous about it.

Salty son: Shinichi and I do not want our cover blown.

Salty son: After all, we are under the guise of a couple.

 

Hot-headed son: THE FUCK

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 66_

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: WHAT

 

Salty son: After all, the media must be having a field day.

 

Dad: WHAT

 

Salty son: You're repeating yourself Kuroba.

 

_Salty son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Clover opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

Clover: hakubastard

 

 _White Horse opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

White Horse: Yes, Kuroba?

 

Clover: if u dare touch shin chan in any way i will throw u out of the castle

 

White Horse: Anything else you would like to add Kuroba?

White Horse: Shinichi and I are about to board a ride together.

 

Clover: I will find you

Clover: And I will throw you

 

 _Clover closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

White Horse: How original.

 

 _White Horse closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

ª§ª

 

This wasn't the first time Kaito was being surrounded by some - many - overly enthusiastic girls. But this was the first time they were trying to get Shinichi through him.

 

"Do you have Shinichi-sama's mail address?"

 

"What's his type?"

 

"Why do you look so alike?"

 

"Are you his twin?!"

 

"Are you a detective as well?"

 

"How old are you?"

 

"Are you single?

 

Kaito could only blink in response. His phone kept going off, the notification being the recording of Conan calling him an idiot. Who wouldn't want their notification tone to be their one true love in travel sized form being a total tsundere? Getting back on track, Kaito managed to carefully fish it out of his pocket, being mindful of the smoke pellets and the grabby hands of some desperate girls. It was everywhere. Articles of Shinichi and Hakuba spotted on a 'date' at Disneyland. AND IT WAS TRENDING. The media was having an absolute frenzy. From a blurry picture of the two holding hands - how dare that tea guzzling bastard touch Shinichi's delicate (not really) hands whilst fleeing from crazy teenage girls.

 

Articles popping up left and right. _'Love Across the Waters!'_   Sure because Shinichi is Japanese but Hakuba is, like, half? _'The Forbidden Love.'_ Romeo and Juliet style? _'JohnLock IRL!'_   Whatever the hell that meant. _'The Gentlemen Pair.'_ Hakuba? A gentleman? Please. Even Hattori could smell the bull. But the fact that the two were masquerading as a couple. Oh hell no. Not on his watch. Kuroba Kaito wasn't a scheming bastard for nothing. He would protect the innocence of his wife; whether his wife knows it or not. So Operation - 'Stop Hakubastard from Tainting Shin-chan' was a go. Of course, with full and boisterous support from Hattori as well. That is, after they both manage to get away from the fangirls who were still surrounding them.

 

 

'A nice simple smoke pellet will do. Maybe with some staining too. That skirt is an atrocious colour - salmon and fuchsia - it completely clashes with the blouse. Some baby blue would do her some good.'

 

Quickly snagging Hattori's arm, which earnt a garbled protest, they were off to crash a date.

 

"Sorry ladies. But we have a date to crash~!"

 

BANG.

 

Where the two boys once stood was replaced by baby blue smoke. The squeals and chatter replaced with cries of outrage and confusion.

 

"My skirt!"

 

"They're gone!!"

 

"No Heiji-sama!!"

 

"Shinichi-sama's look-a-like!!"

 

"Come on! We need to find them!"

 

ª§ª

 

After going on some rides in Adventureland, the 'couple' - as they were still disguised - were now resting at a café called Cleo's. Saguru was having a Vanilla latte and Shinichi was having a fruit tart.

 

"Saguru. You have to try this."

 

"Hm?"

 

"Here."

 

"What-!"

 

A spoon full of cream and fruits cut him off. Shinichi looked smug and Saguru felt his ears burn. There were squeals from an adjacent table.

 

"Look at how cute that couple is!"

 

"Shush. Don't be so loud."

 

"Goals!"

 

Back to the topic at hand, swallowing it down. Saguru gave his reply.

 

"It's pretty good."

 

"I know right!"

 

ª§ª

 

"Oi Kuroba. What the hell-!"

 

"Shush! We don't want Shinichi noticing."

 

After using some rather invasive means of tracking Shinichi down - What he doesn't know won't hurt him - Kaito and Heiji were currently seated at a table near a decorative hedge that was close to Shinichi and Saguru, but still far enough to not be heard or noticed. Kaito was glaring at the fake couple, mainly Saguru, from behind his Disney sunglasses at the cute and lovey-dovey display. Which wasn't exactly being subtle about it. Heiji could only tug at the Mickey Mouse hat, which replaced his usual cap and attempt to cover his face in embarrassment.

 

'What the fuck Kuroba…'

 

From the other side of the hedge, a little girl watched the drama unfold.

 

"Mummy look!"

 

"Ami-chan! It's not polite to point at strangers, even if they are suspicious."

 

The mother quickly hurried her child along, trying to put as much distance as she could from the suspicious teenagers.

 

'What has the world even come to? Maybe I should call security over…'

 

ª§ª

 

On the other hand, six teenage girls were in a booth in a different café, crowded around a single tablet on the center of the table. They all had their phones out, furiously texting and scrolling.

 

"Riko-chan. Have you found him yet?"

 

"Shush! Not yet."

 

"Why is it so hard to find Shinichi-sama…"

 

"Well, he is super smart and everything!"

 

"But that look alike was pretty cute too…"

 

"Pft! He's just a look alike. Nothing like Shinichi-sama. If only he didn't escape I could have given him a beating. No one knows more about Shinichi-sama than I do!"

 

Ping.

 

"Look!"

 

"Mimi and Ren spotted Hattori Heiji at Cleo's!"

 

"That means-"

 

"-Shinichi-sama has to-"

 

"-be nearby!"

 

"Let's go!"

 

The girls quickly grabbed their belongings and sprinted out of the café. The nearby waiter who was listening to their every word could only pray for the poor 'Shinichi-sama.'

 

'This is why I play for the other team…'

 

ª§ª

 

 

"There they are!"

 

"Shinichi-sama why?!"

 

 Again, hand in hand, whilst Shinichi and Saguru sprinted away from the fangirls, Saguru swore he could have heard the sound of a camera shutter going off. 

 

"Left." Shinichi hissed, taking the sharp turn.

 

 

"Right."

 

They had been running for a good five minutes until they - they mainly being Shinichi - were suddenly pulled into an alley, by none other than a fuming Osakan and magician. 

 

Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong. Will go wrong.

 

ª§ª

 

In a condo in Beika city sat three children, huddled around a tablet.

 

"500 yen! Shinichi-oniisan will get together with Saguru-oniisan!"

 

"Eh?! No way. 500 yen that Shinichi-oniichan will be with Heiji-oniichan!"

 

"As if! My 500 yen will be on Shinichi-san and Kaito-san!"

 

Behind them, on the couch sat Ayumi's mother, exasperated and humoured by the children's antics.

 

'Oh my…'

 

ª§ª

 

They were free. No more fleeing from screaming teenage girls. No more flinching from ominous camera shutters. But as a result, they were tired as hell. Heiji groaned from his place on the pavement. Heiji looked at Shinichi who was slowly licking his ice-cream and frowned.

 

"What the shit?! How the fuck did tha' not spill?"

 

Shinichi continued to contently lick his ice-cream as a form of response. Saguru gave a winded chuckle from his place on the pavement.

 

"Let's just go home…"

 

"I'm set for exercise for the next 6 months."

 

"Wait! We need to at least take a photo!!"

 

Kaito, who was just sprawled on the pristine stone, had somehow regained his energy from earlier and sprung from the ground like a daisy.

 

"Wha-!"

 

"Wait jus-!"

 

"Huh?"

 

Ignoring their protests - and confusion - Kaito had already pulled the other three towards him and pulled out his phone.

 

"Three. Two. Cheese!"

 

"Kai-!"

 

Click.

 

ª§ª

 

Ran had come with the special birthday cards.

 

"How many are there?!"

 

The small box was stacked to the brim with the small matte cards. From the current angle, they only looked like innocent business cards.

 

"Um.. 200?"

 

"2-200?!"

 

"There was a deal…?"

 

"Ppftt-"

 

"And they gave me a complimentary A4 version."

 

"I love it!"

 

The occupants of the room were near hysterical. The A4 print out of the allegedly 'cursed image' was framed above the mantelpiece.

 

"Okay ladies. Calm, down."

 

After many more giggles and wheezes, the noise level finally dropped. Sera was draped across the couch, Kazuha against a wall, Aoko was stabilising herself near a ladder and Sonoko was on the kitchen table top. As the room continued to sober, Ai entered the room, a tray in hand and raised an eyebrow at the spectacle before her.

 

"Do I even want to know?"

 

"Ran's got them."

 

"All 201."

 

"Oh?"

 

Sera wheezed from her place on the couch and directed Ai to the mantelpiece.

 

"Oh."

 

Kazuha let out a muffled snort.

 

"Ai-chan! When are they arriving?"

 

The shrunken scientist placed the tray on the table. She already completed her end of the cooking, the food neatly displayed on a table. Ai quickly looked at her phone

 

"In five minutes."

 

Crash.

 

"Aoko-chan are you okay?!"

 

"A-ah…"

 

"Pft-!"

 

In the second district of Beika, all you could hear were the near hysterical wheezes and cackles being emitted from the Kudou mansion. Who said the boys were the only insane ones?

 

ª§ª

 

"Nope! No more! Bye!"

 

"Ah! Shinichi come back!"

 

The rest of the room was either slack jaw silent or hysterically wheezing - or in Ai's case, silently plotting. Shinichi struggled against Ran's iron grip, flailing his limbs in all sorts of directions. A rather prominent blush on his face.

 

"I thought I could trust you?!"

 

"Shinichi-!"

 

"Never again!"

 

It was truly a whole new level of chaotic in the Kudou home. Luckily no one in the neighbourhood decided to call the police, despite the various screams and shouts. It was truly, a memorable day.

 

ª§ª

 

_Ai-chan opened「Embarrassing a Deduction Idiot」_

 

Ai-chan: I believe this is a rather memorable birthday for the idiot.

 

_Ai-chan sent an image_

 

 

 

_Ai-chan closed「Embarrassing a Deduction Idiot」_

_Yukiko-nee opened「Embarrassing a Deduction Idiot」_

 

Yukiko-nee: THX U AI-CHAN!!!

Yukiko-nee: its a shame we cant be there for his bday

Yukiko-nee: but u girls managed to make just as embarrassing for him

Yukiko-nee: the hakuba boy is rather cute too

Yukiko-nee: my baby is growing up

 

_Yukiko-nee closed「Embarrassing a Deduction Idiot_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 440 COMMENTS  
> 537 KUDOS  
> 68 BOOKMARKS  
> 6512 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHINICHI MY SON!!!  
> But what I also want to say is, SCHEHERAZADE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BETA'ING THIS MONSTER AND MESS OF WORDS! LOVE YOU!!!!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Honestly, this chapter wouldn't be the way it is without her help. Serious kudos and a dozen chocolate blocks to her. Considering she kept getting triggered at my awful grammar in her editor notes. Bless her (non-existent) soul.  
> \-------------------------------  
> But another set of thanks goes to you guys. THANK YOU FOR THE LONG WAIT AND MANAGING TO READ THIS MESS OF A CHAPTER.  
> \-------------------------------  
> EDIT: THANK YOU VOCALISTLOVER FOR TELLING ME THAT THE IMAGES WERE MISSING. I LITERALLY UPDATING THIS AT 1:43AM DUFOSVJKSVVBVBSV MANY APOLOGIES  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Salty son: Brilliant  
> Salty son: This supposedly family is composed of a hellspawn 'father', a tea guzzler, an ape and an absentee 'mother'.  
> ª§ª  
> Absentee Mother: I want a divorce.  
> Dad: WIFE NO  
> Hot-headed son: SHINICHI YES  
> Salty son: What a turn of events.  
> ª§ª  
> Single Father: i thought murder was a no go for u  
> Salty son: I never mentioned anything about being against murdering a second rate.  
> Single Father: wowwwwwww  
> Single Father: my son is a cold blooded killer  
> ª§ª  
> Salty Son: Where has this conversation gone to?  
> Hot-headed son: to hell you blonde fuck  
> ª§ª  
> Single Father: being a single dad is tiring (Ｔ▽Ｔ)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> BETA'D


	19. Absentee Mother and Internet Exploits (Exploration)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi continues to hole himself up in his house. Kaito becomes a single father of a tea guzzler and an ape. Heiji has a lot of unmanaged anger. Saguru is a cold-blooded killer. National murder day is next month! Then there is the internet…

_Mother hen opened「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mother hen: Shinichi?

Mother hen: You have to leave your house sometime

 

_Mystery Otaku opened「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mystery Otaku: No.

Mystery Otaku: I don't.

Mystery Otaku: I'm never leaving this house.

 

Mother hen: What about school?

Mother hen: This is our final year

 

Mystery Otaku: I can do it online

Mystery Otaku: Or I could resort to my parents to pull a couple of strings

 

Mother hen: …

Mother hen: Then what about cases?

 

Mystery Otaku: I can do them over the phone or video call

 

Mother hen: Groceries?

 

Mystery Otaku: Online shopping

 

Mother hen: But you have to leave eventually!!

Mother hen: You've holed yourself in there for a week already

Mother hen: I've been lenient of your stubbornness but this is crazy

 

Mystery Otaku: The power of technology

 

Mother hen: SHINICHI

 

Mystery Otaku: I'm not leaving my house.

Mystery Otaku: Especially not with everyone thinking I enjoy having romantical escapades whilst cross-dressing

Mystery Otaku: I can't even do paperwork at headquarters without some of the officers screaming or staring at me.

 

Mother hen: …

Mother hen: If you keep hiding away in your house

Mother hen: You're just proving them that they're right

 

Mystery Otaku: …

Mystery Otaku: But the moment I step foot out of my house I instantly get swarmed

 

Mother hen: Then I'll beat them up for you

 

Mystery Otaku: …

 

Mother hen: Threaten

 

Mystery Otaku: …

 

_Mystery Otaku closed「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mother hen: SHINICHI

Mother hen: YOU CANT HIDE AWAY FOREVER

 

_Mother hen closed「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hot-headed son opened_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: oi fucks

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 67_

 

Hot-headed son: has shinichi been on at all

 

_Dad opened_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: 1. RUDE

Dad: 2. NO ༶ඬ༝ඬ༶

 

_Salty Son opened_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: SHINICHI COME BACK

Dad: DONT LEAVE ME WITH OUR TEA GUZZLER AND APE SONS

Dad: COME BACK WIFE

Dad: YOURE THEIR MOTHER

 

Hot-headed son: WHO YAH CALLIN AN APE

Hot-headed son: GO DIE HELLSPAWN

Hot-headed son: FUCK YOU

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 68_

 

Salty son: Brilliant

Salty son: This supposedly family is composed of a hellspawn 'father', a tea guzzler, an ape and an absentee 'mother'.

 

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

 

_Mum opened_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: (*´∇｀*)

 

_Mum removed Mum from_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: (*‘A ` *)

 

_Mum closed_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: SHINICHI NO

 

Hot-headed son: well shit

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 69_

 

Salty son: It was going to happen eventually.

 

_Dad added Kudou Shinichi to_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Dad changed Kudou Shinichi to Absentee Mother_

 

Hot-headed son: yea

Hot-headed son: don’t think he's coming back

 

_Absentee Mother opened_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: HA

Dad: WIFE

 

_Absentee Mother removed Absentee Mother from_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Absentee Mother: I want a divorce.

 

_Absentee Mother closed_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: WIFE NO

 

Hot-headed son: SHINICHI YES

 

_Dad closed_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty son: What a turn of events.

 

_Dad opened_ _「_ _Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: HE BLOCKED ME

 

Hot-headed son: you deserved it

Hot-headed son: let him cool off

Hot-headed son: since the whole nation as gone ballistic over those pictures

 

Salty son: There is also the fact that you have most likely been messaging him since the beginning of this week.

Salty son: It's surprising he's just blocked you

 

Dad: ive only messaged him every hour…

 

Salty son: Of course you did.

 

_Dad changed Dad to Single Father_

_Single Father changed closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」to「Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: also he can just kill you later

Hot-headed son: after i finish getting my hands on yah

 

Single Father: ape

 

Hot-headed son: YOU WANNA GO

 

Salty son: Don't Kuroba

 

Hot-headed son: THANK YOU

 

Single Father: ehhhhhhh

Single Father: ur defending him???????

Single Father: who r u and what have u done with my son

 

Salty son: By calling Hattori an ape, you are offending the whole Hominoidea superfamily

 

Single Father: woah

 

Hot-headed son: THATS FUCKING IT

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 70_

 

Hot-headed son: IM TAKIN THE NEXT PLANE OVER AND WHOOPING YAH FUCKING ASS

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 71_

 

Salty son: If you keep that up, you could risk having a stroke or cardiac arrest.

Salty son: I can point you to the closest professional who could assist you in anger management.

Salty son: It also makes me wonder why you are able to constantly buy tickets to Tokyo.

 

Single Father: my son lives up to his name

Single Father: and

Single Father: HEI CHAN U NEED SOME ICE FOR THAT SICK ROAST

 

Hot-headed son: FUCK YOU

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 72_

 

Hotheaded son: YOU'RE BOTH DEAD

Hot-headed son: USODHJFKl

 

_Hot-headed son closed_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Single Father: is he dead

 

Salty son: No

Salty son: Unfortunately

Salty son: I did warn him about the risks of unmanaged anger

 

Single Father: COUGH

Single Father: (didnt u just make it worst tho)

Single Father: COUGH

 

Salty son: I have no idea what you are implying.

 

Single Father: wow

Single Father: i thought murder was a no go for u

 

Salty son: I never mentioned anything about being against murdering a second rate.

 

Single Father: wowwwwwww

Single Father: my son is a cold-blooded killer

 

_Hot-headed son opened_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: can I kill yah both instead

 

Single Father: is this national murder day or smth???

 

Hot-headed son: nah that's next month

 

Single Father: WAIT SRLYS

Single Father: LEMME GET MY CALENDAR

 

_Single Father sent an image_

 

 

 

Hot-headed son: 1. what the fuck

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 73_

 

Hot-headed son: 2. I want it

Hot-headed son: 3. holy shit

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 74_

 

Salty Son: I don't know how to feel about this.

Salty Son: Kuroba. Explain.

 

Single Father: it was either this one or the kid one

 

Hot-headed son: wait WHAT

 

Single Father:???

 

Hot-headed son: there's a kid one too?????

 

Single Father: well duh

 

Salty Son: …

 

Hot-headed son: wait

Hot-headed son: is there one for me too?

 

Single Father: u go look

 

Hot-headed son: but i don’t know where you got them from

 

Single Father: theres a thing called the internet

 

Hot-headed son: fuck you

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 75_

 

Salty Son: Where has this conversation gone to?

 

Hot-headed son: to hell you blonde fuck

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 76_

 

Salty Son: I don't want to respond to that, samurai wannabe.

 

 _Salty Son_ _clos_ _ed「Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: fuck you prick

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 77_

 

Hot-headed son: hey kuroba

 

Single Father: yesss?

 

Hot-headed son: private now

 

_Hot-headed son closed_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

_Single Father clos_ _ed「Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

 

 _HANGRY_ _opene_ _d「WHAT THE FUCK MAN」_

 _(_ _◕_ _‸_ _◕✿_ _)_ _opened_ _「_ _WHAT THE FUCK MAN」_

 

HANGRY: i'll give you a cute pic of shinichi when he was conan if you tell me where you got that poster

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): hmmm

(◕‸ ◕✿): can u give me a sample

 

HANGRY: …

HANGRY: fine

 

_HANGRY sent an image_

 

 

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): AHHH HES SO CUTE

 

HANGRY: so yah bite?

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): OKAY

 

_HANGRY sent an image_

 

 

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): SAVED

(◕‸ ◕✿): HERE U GO~!

 

 _(_ _◕_ _‸_ _◕✿_ _)_ _sent you_ **_[Hattori Heiji]_ ** _a_ _link_

 

 _『_ [ _www.shinichi-sama_4eva.jp/goods/posters/_ ](http://www.shinichi-sama_4eva.jp/goods/posters/) _』_

 

**_[Accept_** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): and if u use the code: SHIN0910 u can get a 5% discount

 

HANGRY: sweet

 

 _(_ _◕_ _‸_ _◕✿_ _)_ _changed_ _「_ _WHAT THE FUCK MAN」_ _to_ _「_ _Pleasure doing business_ _」_

 

(◕‸ ◕✿): until next time (○ﾟε^○)

(◕‸ ◕✿): gotta blast

 

HANGRY: my god

 

 _(_ _◕_ _‸_ _◕✿_ _)_ _closed_ _「_ _Pleasure doing business_ _」_

 _HANGRY_ _closed_ _「_ _Pleasure doing business_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hot-headed son opened_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: I WAS LOOKING ON MY FANBASE

Hot-headed son: AND I FOUND ME

 

_Hot-headed son sent an image_

 

 

 

_Single Father opened_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Single Father: my son looks so cool~ ╭⚈¬⚈╮

 

_Salty son opened_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty son: Aren't you concerned with the fact that there is merchandise with your face on it?

 

Hot-headed son: a bit

Hot-headed son: but it's my face

Hot-headed son: it's pretty great

 

Salty son: Should I add narcissist to that list of insults then?

 

Hot-headed son: fuck off prick

 

 _【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 78_

 

Salty son: Vulgar and unoriginal.

 

Single Father: being a single dad is tiring (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

 

Hot-headed son: i also found this

 

_Hot-headed son sent an image_

 

 

 

Salty son: Already dealing with the real thing is irritating.

Salty son: How can one have a body pillow of you?

Salty son: And where are these pictures from?

 

Hot-headed son: yea…

Hot-headed son: i get the picture of me from the calendar

Hot-headed son: but…

 

Single Father: that is a bit creepy…

 

Salty son: …

Salty son: Now he's concerned.

 

Hot-headed son: i think i'm gonna search a bit more…

 

_Hot-headed son closed_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty son: I have to say I am rather curious about my fan base as well now.

 

Single Father: mine sorta scares me…

 

_Salty son closed_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

_Single Father closed_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 450 COMMENTS  
> 547 KUDOS  
> 68 BOOKMARKS  
> 6746 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> HEY HEY EVERYONE~~~  
> LOOK SOME PLOT (or is it...)  
> \-------------------------------  
> I'm procrastinating way too much but I have quite a bit on my plate right now hahaha  
> I currently have three assignments that I have made little to no progress on. I'm currently working on chapter 24 and Kaito's birthday chapter (why did I have to make a schedule for myself...). I NEED to work on my cosplay for AnimeFest, and I need a sewing machine ahhhhhhh  
> DONT BE LIKE ME KIDDIES  
> \-------------------------------  
> I'm probably going to make an edit here later after I realise I left something important out...  
> Also, I should reply to your comments now~  
> Then finish my biology homework...  
> \-------------------------------  
> This chapter is not BETA'd. Scheherazade also has a lot of things on her plate and she still needs to recover from the previous chapter. So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Single Father: sowhatifihaveashrineofmywifefndsjksk  
> Hot-headed son: what  
> Salty son: Please text property.  
> Salty son: You are not worth the effort for me to decipher what you've messaged.  
> Single Father: SO WHAT IF I HAVE A SHRINE OF MY WIFE  
> Single Father: RUDE  
> Single Father: I RAISED U ON MY BACK  
> ª§ª  
> Salty Prude son: I am just going to leave now when I still have the chance.  
> Hot-headed son: weakling  
> Single Father: dont be mean to ur sagubabyboo  
> Hot-headed son: …  
> ª§ª  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: What are you doing  
> Corpse Magnet: help  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Why are you hanging from the third story balcony  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Are you trying to die  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: That's pretty desperate  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: And sad for your standards  
> ª§ª  
> Mother hen: I will drag you out  
> Mother hen: Even if you're kicking and screaming  
> Mother hen: Or sedated and immobilised  
> Mother hen: The choice is yours  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	20. Absentee Mother and Internet Exploits (Importance)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our favourite dysfunctional family delve deeper into Shinichi's Fanbase… Kaito is an avid fan. Saguru is questioning. Heiji uses voodoo. Ai has to save Shinichi from falling out of the third story window. He also attempts to make a nest in the professors' living room. Ran threatens with force.

_Hot-headed son opened_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: OI YOU FUCKS

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 79_

 

Hot-headed son: GET ONLINE

Hot-headed son: THIS IS IMPORTANT

 

_Salty son opened_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty son: I don't believe anything that comes from you is important.

 

_Single Father opened_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: oh fuck off

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 80_

 

Single Father: sons no

Single Father: what is it

 

Hot-headed son: you know the link you sent me

 

Single Father: yeaaa

 

Salty son: Do I even want to know?

 

Hot-headed son: I found something…

 

_Hot-headed son sent an image_

 

 

 

Single Father: woah

 

Salty son: Oh

 

Single Father: HOW MANY ARE LEFT

 

Hot-headed son: i think only 7??

Hot-headed son: why

Hot-headed son: don’t you have your free copy from the party?

 

Single Father: SHINICHI FOUND MINE AND BURNED IT (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 

Hot-headed son: HA

Hot-headed son: SUCKS TO BE YOU

 

Single Father: …

Single Father: the next time u come to tokyo

Single Father: im going to throw u off the sky tree

 

Salty son: Is no one going to question how this came to be?

 

Single Father: ???

 

Salty son: Whose selling these?

 

Hot-headed son: …

 

Single Father: …

 

Hot-headed son: it has to be the rich gal

 

Salty son: Who?

 

Single Father: sonoko chan +.(*'v`*)+

 

Salty son: Ah

Salty son: Then the next question would be why.

Salty son: The Suzuki Financial group is already very wealthy.

 

Single Father: HA

 

Hot-headed son: ????

 

Single Father: MAKE THAT ONLY 4 LEFT

 

Salty son: Oh my god.

Salty son: And is no one going to answer my question?

 

Hot-headed son: dude

 

Single Father: DONT LIE AND SAY U ONLY TOOK ONE

 

Hot-headed son: …

 

Salty son: I have no obligation to answer that question.

 

Hot-headed son: moving on…

Hot-headed son: LOOK AT WHAT ELSE I FOUND

 

_Hot-headed son sent an image_

 

 

 

Single Father: THEY RESTOCKED

Single Father: hDJFDHJKG

 

Hot-headed son: why do i have the feeling you've bought more than those photocards on this website

 

Salty son: I really won't be surprised

 

Single Father: sowhatifihaveashrineofmywifefndsjksk

 

Hot-headed son: what

 

Salty son: Please text property.

Salty son: You are not worth the effort for me to decipher what you've messaged.

 

Single Father: SO WHAT IF I HAVE A SHRINE OF MY WIFE

Single Father: RUDE

Single Father: I RAISED U ON MY BACK

 

Salty son: …

 

Hot-headed son: wow

 

Single Father: I DONT HAVE A BODY PILLOW OR ANYTHING

 

Hot-headed son: wowww

Hot-headed son: question

Hot-headed son: which one though

 

Salty son: I don't want to be a part of this anymore.

 

Single Father: this one

 

_Single Father sent an image_

 

 

Hot-headed son: nice

Hot-headed son: i got the other one

 

Salty son: I do not condone this behaviour.

 

Single Father: party pooper

 

_Single Father changed Salty son to Salty Prude son_

 

Salty Prude son: …

 

Hot-headed son: kuroba is probably still jealous about your date with shinichi last week

 

Single Father: SAYS U

Single Father: U WERE USING CREEPY VOODOO ON SAGUBOY

 

Salty Prude son: What

Salty Prude son: Also Saguboy…

 

Hot-headed son: I WASN'T

Hot-headed son: JUST A BAD FORTUNE CHARM

Hot-headed son: ALSO EW

 

Salty Prude son: That explains some things…

 

Single Father: im pretty sure i saw another one too…

Single Father: its either saguboy or sagubaby

 

Salty Prude son: I would prefer neither of those.

 

Single Father: saguboy it is

 

Salty Prude son: …

 

Hot-headed son: and you're just imagining things

Hot-headed son: being… divorced is doing things to you

 

Single Father: …

Single Father: I MISS HIM

Single Father: I LOVE MY WIFE

Single Father: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

Salty Prude son: I am just going to leave now when I still have the chance.

 

_Salty Prude son closed_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: weakling

 

Single Father: dont be mean to ur sagubabyboo

 

Hot-headed son: …

Hot-headed son: no

Hot-headed son: i think i just threw up in my mouth

Hot-headed son: what the fuck

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 81_

 

Hot-headed son: no

Hot-headed son: i'm tapping out

 

Single Father: wowwwwwww

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

Single Father: Y DONT MY FAMILY LOVE ME

 

_Single Father closed「Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Corpse Magnet opened「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Hey Haibara…

Corpse Magnet: Are you free?

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Hm?

 

Corpse Magnet: Are you home right now?

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Yes?

Evil-eyed yawny girl: And if you are asking if I can send food over, the answer is no.

 

Corpse Magnet: Can you look outside

Corpse Magnet: A window from lounge room

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: ?

 

Corpse Magnet: please hurry actually

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: What are you doing

 

Corpse Magnet: help

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Why are you hanging from the third story balcony

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Are you trying to die

Evil-eyed yawny girl: That's pretty desperate

Evil-eyed yawny girl: And sad for your standards

 

Corpse Magnet: uhhh

Corpse Magnet: please get me down

Corpse Magnet: im slipping

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: My god

 

_Corpse Magnet closed「let me drown in my sorrows」_

_Evil-eyed yawny girl closed「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Ai-chan opened「Shinichi is a brat」_

 

Ai-chan: Mouri-chan, can you please tell Kudou-kun that he has to leave his house eventually?

Ai-chan: I just finished rescuing him from falling out of the third story window.

_Mouri-chan opened「Shinichi is a brat」_

 

Mouri-chan: OH MY GOD

Mouri-chan: Is he alright

 

Ai-chan: Just sedated and immobilised on the professor's couch.

Ai-chan: He was attempting to make a nest in the professor's living room.

 

Mouri-chan: Oh my god…

Mouri-chan: I'll have a talk with him

Mouri-chan: I'll make him properly leave his house, even if he is kicking and screaming.

 

Ai-chan: That's a relief

Ai-chan: Anyway, I'll be waking him up in half an hour

 

Mouri-chan: Thanks Ai-chan

 

Ai-chan: It's no problem.

 

_Ai-chan closed「Shinichi is a brat」_

_Mouri-chan closed「Shinichi is a brat」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Mother hen opened「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mother hen: Shinichi

Mother hen: Online

Mother hen: Now

 

_Mystery Otaku opened「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mystery Otaku: …

Mystery Otaku: Haibara messaged you then…

 

Mother hen: Then you've deduced what I want to say then.

 

Mystery Otaku: …

Mystery Otaku: Fine…

Mystery Otaku: But when most of this blows over

 

Mother hen: Good.

Mother hen: I'll give you until the end of this week

 

Mystery Otaku: But…

 

Mother hen: No buts

Mother hen: Any longer and I'll kick your door down

Mother hen: I will drag you out

Mother hen: Even if you're kicking and screaming

Mother hen: Or sedated and immobilised

Mother hen: The choice is yours

 

Mystery Otaku: …

Mystery Otaku: Noted

 

Mother hen: Good.

Mother hen: If you don't show up for school next week I am storming over there.

 

_Mother hen closed「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mystery Otaku: I should've taken the option of moving to America when I still had the chance…

 

_Mystery Otaku closed「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 472 COMMENTS  
> 570 KUDOS  
> 70 BOOKMARKS  
> 7078 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> Yeah, not my best work. Also, I should be worried since we've hit chapter 20 and I'm currently working on chapter 25. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO WRITE A PLOTTY CHAPTER DVGHNJIODFGANFDJGKS (can't rant anymore, otherwise I'll spoil it A̸̡̜̜̺̞̳̖͕̍̑̇͐̌̔̓̐͛͜͝H̶̢̨̢͙͇̫͙̟͚͆͐̑͊͘͜Ḩ̸͕̫͉̖̦̩͕̲͕̏̅͐̈́̏̈́̓̀͛̑͗̇͜H̴͎̭͈̍H̸͈̫̹̝̩̦̥͉̀̓͌̑͆͆̾H̶̥̓̂H̵̨̡̰̫͍͎̱͕̳̘͉̩̤̍̏̔H̴͕̖̬̙̲̺̹̫̣̩̙͌̅̈́̈̈́͗͋̓̐̄͜͝H̸̳͎͍̤͔͚̞̱̑̊͛)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Side Note: If anyone wants to know which Shinichi body pillow Heiji got, I can send over a link if you're curious (◕ω◕✿)  
> \-------------------------------  
> EDIT: AO3 WHY IT CHANGES MY JAP BRACKET SPACING DFGJAIKFSKDJ NO WONDER  
> \-------------------------------  
> I seriously need to get my ass moving and work on my assignments.... I want to move to Maths A... why did i choose two sciences and maths b.... then there's sor...  
> \-------------------------------  
> This chapter is not BETA'd. Scheherazade is pretty much dead right now (please send her your thoughts and prayers (chocolate is also acceptable)), and I'm probably going to end up bed bound by the end of this week (tissues are your best friend in flu season). So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Blue-san: you are just sad  
> Watson-san: A whole new level of pathetic  
> Magician-san: SON NO  
> Magician-san: Y U LIKE THIS  
> West-san: i have to agree  
> Magician-san: SONS Y  
> ª§ª  
> Leaf-san: wait  
> Leaf-san: does that mean if ran-chan and shinichi-kun were to get together  
> Leaf-san: ran-chan would be one to wear the pants in the relationship?  
> ª§ª  
> JKD-san: fight  
> JKD-san: fighT  
> JKD-san: figHT  
> JKD-san: fiGHT  
> JKD-san: fIGHT  
> JKD-san: FIGHT  
> Okaa-san: Please don't…  
> ª§ª  
> JKD-san: AMEN  
> JKD-san: THAT BOY LOOKS SO SOFT  
> JKD-san: BUT HE COULD CRUSH ME WITH HIS THIGHS  
> Magician-san: he can crush me with his thighs any day  
> ª§ª  
> Rich-san: Prepare yourselves  
> Rich-san sent an image
> 
>  
> 
> Ẻ̶͚̖͍̺͗̈̊̄͋͆͋͛̓̅̾̎̚M̴͓͇̼̘̼̎̋̌E̷̢̙̯̼̪̺̪̪͔̻͓͎͎̮̲͗̈́̋͛R̷̳̘̳͈̦̯̩̫͚͌͋̍͐̂̾̓̎̽̾͐̕͘̚G̸̩̟̼̬̮̿̐̂Ẻ̵̻͓͌̋͒̏͗͐́́͆͂̓͘N̸̙̯̦̼͂͑̀̃͘̕̕͠͠͝ͅC̷̻͈͙̟̮͂̒̏́̌̈́͛̅̐́̕Ÿ̶̭́ ̸̧͉͈̙͍̖̤͖̼͊͘͜͝Ṡ̸̳̩͚̂͗̓̑̾͗̌̈̅̚T̴̮͇͍̖̻̣͕̻̝͆͒͜͜͝O̵̢̼͎̟̬͓̝̝͓̫͇̝̠͗͑͊̏̾͜͜P̶̧͖͍̠̹̟̼̜̳͒̎̄̏̇̈́̑͛̒̕͘̚̕ ̷̧͕͉̬̓̈́̆̅̊͐͗̾͑̇̕̚K̵̡͉̗̺͍͖͚̹̲̘̤͉͚͕̓̃͒̾͂̇̕̕Į̵̢͇̰̪͕̫̠̟̬̈̑̏̃̕D̴̲̰̟̫͔̠̖̦̻͙̭̭͕̬̋̍́͆͜Ḋ̴̨̨͓̩̗͇̰̣̞͓͕̞̻͉̤͊͗̕͠Ǐ̶̛̛̙͓̪̦̭̻͓̬̰̬͕͗͗̉́̔͆̍̊̈́͗͜Ȩ̴̼͔͕̟̰̣̥͍̝͑̈̌̂̎̆́̅͌̋͌̄̚͜͠S̸̡̞̝̙̤͖͎̟̞̻͚̖͓͕̋͗̒̋͒̑̔͜͝
> 
>  
> 
> West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」  
> Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」  
> Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」  
> ª§ª  
> Rich-san: 110  
> Rich-san: I JUST WITNESSED A MURDER  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	21. Absentee Mother and Internet Exploits (Content)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sonoko and Ran get the OK to share the 'Great Kudou Family Album.' Things got spicy. The emergency stop button was needed. Sonoko witnesses a murder and smackdown, all in one day. Shinichi is still in his self-sentenced house arrest.

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: GUYS

Rich-san: GUYS

Rich-san: GUYS

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: what????

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: ????

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: WE NEED EVERYONE FIRST

 

JKD-san: why????

 

West-san: what??

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: G

Rich-san: U

Rich-san: Y

Rich-san: S

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Watson-san: ?

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: ??

Okaa-san: What is it Sonoko?

 

Rich-san: RAN AND I GOT THE OK FOR THE THING

 

Leaf-san: the thing?

 

JKD-san: the thing???????

 

Watson-san: Care to elaborate?

 

Okaa-san: The thing?

 

Rich-san: THE THING

 

West-san: any time now

 

Okaa-san: The thing

Okaa-san: the thing?

Okaa-san: WAIT REALLY

 

Rich-san: YES

Rich-san: CHECK UR MAIL

 

Okaa-san: On it

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: If we don't get an explanation soon

Science-san: I don't want to be the one to explain to Kudou-kun why you are dead

 

Rich-san: WE HAVE THE GREAT KUDOU FAMILY ALBUM

 

JKD-san: the what

 

Leaf-san: I don't know whether to be afraid or interested

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: I HAVE THEM

Okaa-san: It's full of all sorts of pictures

Okaa-san: Shinichi's mum could be a photographer if she wanted

Okaa-san: It's almost scary

Okaa-san: But since Shinichi is still holed up in his house for the remainder of this week

Okaa-san: This is the perfect moment to show you guys

 

JKD-san: SHOW USSSS

 

Rich-san: ran u want to go first

 

Okaa-san: You can :)

 

Rich-san: OKAYYY

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Rich-san: STARTING OFF SOFT

 

JKD-san: CUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

Magician-san: fhleriahgfalkjbgjklg

 

West-san: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHSLFKJKA

 

Science-san: What happened…

 

JKD-san: pft^

 

Leaf-san: THAT’S ADORABLE

 

Watson-san: That is absolutely adorable.

 

Rich-san: RAN UR TURN

 

Okaa-san: Ta-da

 

_Okaa-san sent an image_

 

 

 

JKD-san: LOOK

JKD-san: AT

JKD-san: HOW

JKD-san: PURE

JKD-san: THIS

JKD-san: IS

 

Magician-san: THIS IS THE CONTENT I LIVE FOR

 

Watson-san: I guess he got his taste of bowties from his father then.

 

Rich-san: WAIT I HAVE THE PERFECT ONE

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Rich-san: THIS IS WHY EVERYONE THOUGHT U GUYS WERE MARRIED

 

Magician-san: HA HE IS MY WIFE NOW

 

Watson-san: Would you like to be reminded that you are now 'divorced'?

 

JKD-san: UHDFUOSDJK

JKD-san: WHAT

 

Rich-san: DRAMA

Rich-san: DETAILS

Rich-san: GIVE

 

West-san: he legit said a divorce

 

_West-san sent an image_

 

 

Magician-san: DID U REALLY HAVE TO MAKE IT HUGE

 

Science-san: Rubbing salt into the wound.

Science-san: Nicely played.

 

Magician-san: AOKO SUPPORT ME

Magician-san: IM A SINGLE FATHER NOW

 

Blue-san: ouch

 

Magician-san: AHOKO

 

Blue-san: BAKAITO

 

Magician-san: AHOKOOOOOOO

 

Blue-san: you are just sad

 

Watson-san: A whole new level of pathetic

 

Magician-san: SON NO

Magician-san: Y U LIKE THIS

 

West-san: i have to agree

 

Magician-san: SONS Y

 

West-san: and we never actually said you were our dad

 

Watson-san: If you recall back to our conversation in chapter 10.

Watson-san: We never officially accepted you as our 'father.'

 

_Watson-san sent an image_

 

 

Watson-san: That was all that we had agreed to.

 

Magician-san: …

 

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

Watson-san: …

 

West-san: pfttttttt

 

JKD-san: i love this chat

JKD-san: its become dysfunctional family feud

 

Science-san: And imagine how insane it is when they are all in a room together.

 

JKD-san: rip

 

Leaf-san: wait

Leaf-san: does that mean if ran-chan and shinichi-kun were to get together

Leaf-san: ran-chan would be one to wear the pants in the relationship?

 

West-san: KAZUHA NO FJKAFGNF

 

Rich-san: WAIT I HAVE THE PERFECT PICTURE FOR THAT

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

JKD-san: DHasfjkla

 

Okaa-san: But he is seriously insanely light though

Okaa-san: And when did his mum get this photo???

 

Rich-san: blackmail trades ;0

 

Magician-san: HI IM INTERESTED

 

Blue-san: What

Blue-san: How

Blue-san: that is not fair

 

Rich-san: I KNOW RIGHT

 

Leaf-san: unfair…

 

Science-san: Let's not forget your strength Mouri-chan.

 

Magician-san: tru…

Magician-san: and dont ignore me (_ _|||)

 

Watson-san: You know that all too well.

 

Magician-san: …

 

West-san: you must have a death wish

West-san: i'll be right back

West-san: gotta do something for my mum

 

Magician-san: byeeeee

 

Leaf-san: tell her I say hi!

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: I got another!!

 

_Okaa-san sent an image_

 

 

Leaf-san: THAT’S SO CUTE

 

Magician-san: i want my own shinichi sandwich…

 

Blue-san: you have no shame

 

Magician-san: WHO SAID IT WAS SPICY

 

Watson-san: My god…

 

Okaa-san: Sonoko you've been silent for a while

 

Rich-san: IM KICKING IT UP A NOTCH

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Leaf-san: AWWWWW

 

JKD-san: CUTE

JKD-san: also why are they all so well dressed????

 

Watson-san: I guess it just runs in the family.

 

Okaa-san: Wait a minute!

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Blue-san: FAMILY GOALS

Blue-san: i wish my dad would be home more often…

 

Magician-san: …

 

Blue-san: …

 

Science-san: And there goes the mood.

 

Blue-san: ill just have to use my mop

 

Magician-san: I sorta feel sorry for him now…

 

Blue-san: dont

 

Rich-san: drama^

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: I remember this photoshoot now!

 

_Okaa-san sent an image_

 

 

Magician-san: SHIN CHAN IN TRADITIONAL

Magician-san: YESSSSS

 

Watson-san: I have to say he does suit that era's style.

 

Leaf-san: YOU GUYS SHOULD COME TO OSAKA THEN

Leaf-san: ha heiji is missing out

 

JKD-san: lol I bet

 

Rich-san: I GOT ANOTHER PICTURE FOR THIS

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Magician-san: YES

 

Leaf-san: OHHHHH

Leaf-san: Where was this taken?

 

Okaa-san: Kyoto

Okaa-san: The sight was amazing!!

 

Leaf-san: Nice choice!!

Leaf-san: Maybe we should have a group trip to somewhere?

 

Blue-san: YES

 

JKD-san: HELL YEAH

 

Watson-san: I am interested.

 

Magician-san: IM ALL FOR IT

 

Science-san: Sounds interesting but I'll pass.

 

JKD-san: ur missing out

 

Science-san: I will be fine with that.

Science-san: Who knows how much chaos would occur

 

Watson-san: I have to agree on that point.

 

Okaa-san: Well we have pretty much everyone on board.

Okaa-san: We should plan on for the upcoming holidays then.

 

Rich-san: NICE RAN

 

Okaa-san: And I really enjoyed this photoshoot!

 

_Okaa-san sent an image_

 

 

Blue-san: AHHH

Blue-san: SO PRETTY

Blue-san: DID YOU GET TO KEEP THE DRESS?

 

Okaa-san: Yep! It's still in my wardrobe!

 

Blue-san: LUCKYYYYY

 

Rich-san: AGAIN WHY EVERYONE THOUGHT U GUYS WERE MARRIED

 

Watson-san: And before you say anything Kuroba, you are now 'divorced.'

 

Magician-san: …

 

JKD-san: fight

JKD-san: fighT

JKD-san: figHT

JKD-san: fiGHT

JKD-san: fIGHT

JKD-san: FIGHT

 

Okaa-san: Please don't…

 

Science-san: Don't.

 

Magician-san: …

 

Watson-san: …

 

Blue-san: they stopped

Blue-san: PLEASE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS

 

Science-san: Alright

Science-san: But there will be a price

 

Blue-san: what about a kinta gift voucher

 

Science-san: Done.

Science-san: How does Thursday afternoon sound?

 

Blue-san: AWESOME

Blue-san: what location?

 

Science-san: How about Haido Shopping Centre?

 

Magician-san: AHOKO NO

Magician-san: DONT BE FOOLED

 

Blue-san: because of that insult no

 

Magician-san: IT WAS AUTOCORRECT

Magician-san: IGNORE IT

 

Blue-san: …

Blue-san: It will be a pleasure

 

Rich-san: did we just witness a deal with satan and an innocent soul

 

Science-san: Hm?

 

Rich-san: IT WAS NOTHING IGNORE IT

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Rich-san: and despite being a huuuuuge geek

Rich-san: he has a pretty good sense of fashion

 

Blue-san: I have to agree

Blue-san: and even as conan he had pretty good fashion too

 

Science-san: As a child, he really didn't help his case by dressing like an adult.

 

Watson-san: I was rather surprised the first time I met him.

Watson-san: Not a lot of children nowadays wear formal wear often

Watson-san: Or even willingly.

 

Leaf-san: AGREED

Leaf-san: I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT NOTICED

 

JKD-san: LIKE WHATS UP WITH THAT

 

Science-san: Taking in mind that his mother is a well-known actress and public figure

Science-san: She most likely drilled it into his head to be conscious of his fashion choices

Science-san: And to not throw on a clean shirt and a spare pair of jeans

 

Okaa-san: Pretty much

Okaa-san: She can be pretty scary when she wants to

 

Watson-san: She is quite the whirlwind of nature.

 

Rich-san: understatement

 

JKD-san: damn now i wish i spoke more with her last time

 

Magician-san: u were a bit preoccupied with the thoughts of murdering someone with ur motorbike

 

JKD-san: meh

JKD-san: i was busy wanting to bitchslap the culprit with my bike

 

Leaf-san: i don’t really see much of a difference…

 

Rich-san: geez everything goes back to murder

 

Okaa-san: It is just the norm

Okaa-san: And I found another modelling one!!

 

_Okaa-san sent an image_

 

 

Rich-san: shinichi kun in model wear tho

 

JKD-san: truuuuu

JKD-san: wait

JKD-san: dont you have a bf

 

Rich-san: HEY

Rich-san: im just appreciating Shinichi kuns feminine figure

Rich-san: tbh its not fair

Rich-san: i miss makoto san…

 

JKD-san: message him then

JKD-san: he is a cool dude

 

Leaf-san: IM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT NOTICED???

 

Blue-san: I actually agree

Blue-san: It really isn't fair like??????

 

JKD-san: AMEN

JKD-san: THAT BOY LOOKS SO SOFT

JKD-san: BUT HE COULD CRUSH ME WITH HIS THIGHS

 

Magician-san: he can crush me with his thighs any day

 

Rich-san: so can u tbh

Rich-san: woah

 

Okaa-san: …

 

Blue-san: KAITO NO

 

Magician-san: KAITO YES

 

Watson-san: Anyone willing to change the conversation?

 

Blue-san: i would like to put in that kaito also has a crazy feminine figure

 

Leaf-san: truuue

Leaf-san: since he disguises as both genders

 

Magician-san: there r only two genders

Magician-san: nudists and furries

 

JKD-san: are you high

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: i heard someone was high

 

Blue-san: I swear you've only eaten cookies this morning

Blue-san: unless they were laced

 

JKD-san: lol welcome back

 

Watson-san: Who let Kuroba have drugs

 

West-san: if it makes your day like hell then i confess to it

 

Watson-san: Jesus Christ

 

Leaf-san: you took a while

Leaf-san: and this chat is a mess

 

West-san: i have to help my mum with moving some bookshelves

 

Magician-san: THE ENTIRE BIBLE BUT IN COMIC SANS

 

Blue-san: KAITO SHUT UP

Blue-san: PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN

 

Leaf-san: I didn't sign up for this

 

Okaa-san: You were bound the moment you became friends with us

 

JKD-san: this is where I get my daily dose of drama tbh

 

Rich-san: same

Rich-san: AND GUYS

Rich-san: BACK TO TOPIC

 

West-san: what's up?

 

Rich-san: shinichi kun in model wear

Rich-san: uve missed out a lot

 

West-san: WAIT LET ME SCROLL UP

 

Magician-san: bless my active imagination

 

JKD-san: tmi

 

Blue-san: kaito no

 

Leaf-san: oh 

 

Magician-san: hey i didnt say anything about it getting spicy now did i

 

Okaa-san: Perverts

Okaa-san: the lot of you

 

Leaf-san: Mother Hen Disapproves

Leaf-san: Critical Hit

 

Okaa-san: and who says those pictures don't exist

 

JKD-san: ur joshing me

 

West-san: i have 5000 yen on me

 

Watson-san: The true pervert is revealed.

 

West-san: WHAT

 

Magician-san: hei chan is a perv

 

West-san: pot and kettle

 

Science-san: And he didn't even deny it.

 

West-san: …

 

Magician-san: I HAVE CLASS

 

Watson-san: A classy pervert…

 

Rich-san: Ran

 

Okaa-san: ?

 

Rich-san: That one

 

Okaa-san: That one?

 

Rich-san: THAT one

 

Leaf-san: ???

 

Blue-san: I feel threatened

 

JKD-san: i feel scary vibes from this

 

Science-san: …

 

Rich-san: Prepare yourselves

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 _West-san_ _closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 _Watson-san_ _closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 _Magician-san_ _closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: I am never letting Kudou-kun live this down.

 

JKD-san: WOWZA

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Blue-san: you just killed them

Blue-san: and kaito is scarily quiet next door

 

Leaf-san: that escalated

Leaf-san: and I can hear heiji screaming from here

Leaf-san: hfduifjkds

Leaf-san: HIS MUM IS CALLING ME FJKSDFNS

 

JKD-san: fhaljdfhknbasj

JKD-san: ANSWER IT

 

 _Leaf-san closed_ _「_ _Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: and guys

 

Okaa-san: ???

 

JKD-san: why do you have this

 

Rich-san: his mum

 

Blue-san: what?

 

Rich-san: his mum period because there is no other reasonable explanation

 

Blue-san: What even happens in the Kudou household

 

Okaa-san: The question is what doesn't happen in the Kudou household

 

JKD-san: tru

 

_Leaf-san opened_ _「_ _Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Science-san: A valid point.

 

JKD-san: I BET HAKUBA WILL COME BACK FIRST

JKD-san: WELCOME BACK

JKD-san: what did his mum say

 

Rich-san: tell ussss

 

Leaf-san: I have no faith in heiji…

Leaf-san: his mum was asking if I knew why heiji just threw his phone out of his window

Leaf-san: and im going for kuroba-kun

 

Rich-san: PFT

 

JKD-san: WOW

 

Science-san: Hm

 

Blue-san: i'm for hakuba-kun

Blue-san: kaito is a lost cause

 

Okaa-san: I'll place some faith in Hattori-kun then

 

Science-san: Hakuba-san has my vote

 

Rich-san: IM FOR KID

Rich-san: even if he is a weirdo

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: HA

JKD-san: SUCK MY IMAGINARY BALLS

 

Science-san: It was obvious to begin with.

Science-san: And don't you mean your 'chest'

Science-san: As you don't have one yourself

 

JKD-san: UHDSFJKA

JKD-san: U BRAT

JKD-san: THEYRE BOUND TO POP OUT SOON

 

Okaa-san: SERA SAN

Okaa-san: AI CHAN

 

Rich-san: DUJFKNALS

Rich-san: 110

Rich-san: I JUST WITNESSED A MURDER

 

Leaf-san: at times like these i just like to sit back and watch

 

Blue-san: I agree with you sister

 

Watson-san: That should be illegal.

 

Watson-san: Where did you get that image from?

 

Rich-san: curious?

 

Okaa-san: …

 

Watson-san: ...

 

Okaa-san: …

 

Watson-san: It was nothing.

 

Rich-san: did I just witness a smackdown

 

JKD-san: gET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME

 

Leaf-san: ???

 

Science-san: I don't believe that reference was necessary.

 

Blue-san: poor hakuba kun

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Blue-san: wow bakaito was less of a letdown than i thought

 

Magician-san: AHOKO

 

Rich-san: wHAT IS WITH THIS CHAT TODAY

 

Leaf-san: just sit and watch the chaos unfold

 

Science-san: A spectacular show as always.

Science-san: However, I must leave now.

Science-san: It is getting late now and I need to make dinner.

 

Leaf-san: I should get going too

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: Bye guys!!!

 

Rich-san: awwwww

Rich-san: Bye

 

JKD-san: SEE YA

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Okaa-san: AH

Okaa-san: Me too

Okaa-san: I'll talk to you guys later then

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Blue-san: bakaito help me make dinner

 

Magician-san: ahoko

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: and then there were three

 

Watson-san: A fantastic piece of literature in my opinion

 

Rich-san: well i got to dash before the geek germs get me

 

JKD-san: rudeeeee

 

Rich-san: byeeeee

 

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Watson-san: Well I must take my leave then.

 

JKD-san: gonna go search more pics huh

 

Watson-san: I have no idea what you are talking about

 

JKD-san: texting technically

JKD-san: also u sound hella guilty

 

Watson-san: …

 

JKD-san: BYEEE

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

ª§ª

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

West-san: I'VE REVIVED

West-san: ?

West-san: FUCK

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 494 COMMENTS  
> 584 KUDOS  
> 71 BOOKMARKS  
> 7368 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> ≪CREDIT TO ALL THE REFERENCED ART - PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF ANY IS YOURS I WILL CREDIT YOU BELOW≫  
> \-------------------------------  
> Aka. the author wanting to share all the amazing art she found whilst procrastinating.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I have quite a bit on my plate right now: the three assignments that I seriously need to work on (ha draft for Chem is due on Thursday - NOT DONE MY INTRO YET), chapter 25... and my cosplay for AnimeFest (why didn't I choose to just buy my cosplay....).  
> So I am unable to reply to your lovely messages (◕︿◕✿)  
> I will try to finish all my school stuff as soon as I can to produce better chapters - unfortunately, the ones I've written during this period felt more like fillers.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Side note: THE RELEASE OF LY TEAR KILLED ME FNUJIASDFKASDNMFVJKAD  
> \-------------------------------  
> This chapter is not BETA'd (again, and it won't be for a while, Scheherazade also has her problems to worry about - and I've been too busy to send her any chapters to BETA).  
> So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~! (Note: If the names are a bit confusing - read them aloud, slowly ❁◕ ‿ ◕❁)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Subtle Miracle: WHO KEEPS STICKING HAKUSHIN FANART IN MY DESK DRAWS  
> ª§ª  
> The Car Key What to Do: A friendly reminder that Kudou-kun is less than 15 metres away from us doing his paperwork.  
> The Car Key What to Do: I don't think he would appreciate hearing us gambling over his love life.  
> Cheetah Footy Ninjago: What?  
> Shiba Casino Boot: wait really  
> ª§ª  
> Shiba Casino Boot: btw isnt kudou kun on his 5th coffee  
> The Car Key What to Do: 6th actually  
> Shiba Casino Boot: i was never good at math anyway  
> Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Why am I still here…  
> ª§ª  
> Marakagi-keiji: What is on your mug?  
> Marakagi-keiji: I noticed it when you were getting your 3rd coffee  
> Kunan-kun: Ah  
> Kunan-kun: It says 'I like my coffee as black as my soul.'  
> Kunan-kun: The kids got it for me  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	22. Absentee Mother and Internet Exploits (Hostilities)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The TMPD is full of shipping hostility. And their target is innocently sitting at his allocated desk doing paperwork (wow he's finally outside). Most likely drinking his 6th mug of coffee (the mug being a gift from his kids - how cute).

_Subtle Miracle opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Subtle Miracle: WHO KEEPS STICKING HAKUSHIN FANART IN MY DESK DRAWS

Subtle Miracle: YUMI

Subtle Miracle: SHIRATORI KUN

Subtle Miracle: ITS ONE OF YOU

 

_Cheetah Footy Ninjago opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Satou-san, there is no need to use the message hub.

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: You're shouting our names out loud.

 

Subtle Miracle: WAS IT YOU

 

_The Car Key What to Do opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

The Car Key What to Do: Satou-san…

 

Subtle Miracle: WHAT

 

The Car Key What to Do: Please, at least, stop shouting everything aloud

The Car Key What to Do: Tsugiwara-san is about to wet himself

 

_Shiba Casino Boot opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Shiba Casino Boot: i thought he already did

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: My god

 

Subtle Miracle: THEN AT LEAST ANSWER ME

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: It wasn't me

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: And that still leaves the remaining 11% of Division 1

 

Shiba Casino Boot: is it still too late to change my vote

 

Subtle Miracle: NO

Subtle Miracle: YOU HAVE TO STAY WITH YOUR LOT

Subtle Miracle: 19%

 

The Car Key What to Do: She's violently texting…

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Satou-san…

 

Subtle Miracle: CLOSE IT 11%

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: …

 

The Car Key What to Do: A friendly reminder that Kudou-kun is less than 15 metres away from us doing his paperwork.

The Car Key What to Do: I don't think he would appreciate hearing us gambling over his love life.

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: What?

 

Shiba Casino Boot: wait really

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: That's a surprise.

 

Shiba Casino Boot: WAIT WHEN DID HE GET HERE

Shiba Casino Boot: I THOUGHT HE VOWED NEVER TO LEAVE HIS HOUSE EVER AGAIN

 

The Car Key What to Do: Ran-san threatened him

 

Shiba Casino Boot: ahhh

Shiba Casino Boot: i feel him

Shiba Casino Boot: well not really

Shiba Casino Boot: but you get the idea

 

The Car Key What to Do: Yeah…

 

Subtle Miracle: back to topic

Subtle Miracle: YUMI

Subtle Miracle: REVEAL YOURSELF

 

_Need a Motto You Me opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Need a Motto You Me: miwako…

 

Subtle Miracle: DONT MIWAKO ME

Subtle Miracle: YOU STARTED IT WITH THE FANART

 

Need a Motto You Me: …

 

Subtle Miracle: THIS IS A WAR YUMI

Subtle Miracle: EVER SINCE THOSE ARTICLES THE HAKUBA SUPPORTERS HAVE BECOME ROWDIER

Subtle Miracle: THE LOT YOURE WITH

 

Need a Motto You Me: well

Need a Motto You Me: U WERE JUST LIKE THAT

Need a Motto You Me: LIKE THE TIME WHEN THE OSAKA KID GOT LOCKED UP WITH KUDOU IN THAT BASEMENT AND HAD ALONE TIME

Need a Motto You Me: OR THE TIME WHEN THE TWO ROCKED UP IN MATCHING SHIRTS

 

Subtle Miracle: …

Subtle Miracle: ITS CUTE

Subtle Miracle: AND AT LEAST WE GET MORE INTERACTIONS

 

Need a Motto You Me: …

Need a Motto You Me: AT LEAST OUR INTERACTIONS MADE THE NEWS

 

The Car Key What to Do: I seriously pity Kudou-kun

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: I have to agree

 

Shiba Casino Boot: btw isnt kudou kun on his 5th coffee

 

The Car Key What to Do: 6th actually

 

Shiba Casino Boot: i was never good at math anyway

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Why am I still here…

 

Subtle Miracle: WELL WEVE BEEN AROUND FOR LONGER

 

The Car Key What to Do: Actually it was Kid who made contact with Kudou-kun first

 

Need a Motto You Me: wait really

 

Subtle Miracle: WHAT

Subtle Miracle: WHEN

 

The Car Key What to Do: At the Clock Tower Heist in Ekoda

The Car Key What to Do: Before Kudou-kun left the public spotlight for his 'case'

 

Shiba Casino Boot: well you learn something new every day

 

Need a Motto You Me: well damn

 

Subtle Miracle: WELL YOU ONLY KNOW THIS BECAUSE YOURE A KID SUPPORTER

Subtle Miracle: MR 39%

Subtle Miracle: BUT WELL BEAT YOU

 

The Car Key What to Do: …

The Car Key What to Do: Why did I have to learn about the betting pool…

 

Shiba Casino Boot: because you're dense?

 

Need a Motto You Me: cuz ur missing out on the good stuff

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: You are too curious for your own good.

 

The Car Key What to Do: …

The Car Key What to Do: I'll just take the third comment then.

 

_Megadeth Juice opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Megadeth Juice: Considering we just got another chain of murders

Megadeth Juice: Why are you all on the convo

 

Shiba Casino Boot: convo…?

 

Megadeth Juice: That is what you all call this right?

Megadeth Juice: Short for conversation

 

The Car Key What to Do: You can just stick to what you know, Megure-keibu.

 

Need a Motto You Me: hes using slang…

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: …

 

Megadeth Juice: Anyway

Megadeth Juice: Get back to work

 

The Car Key What to Do: Yes sir

 

_The Car Key What to Do closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Shiba Casino Boot: texting tip

Shiba Casino Boot: type in all caps to make it more important

 

Megadeth Juice: Caps?

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: I'm just going to take my leave.

 

_Cheetah Footy Ninjago closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Need a Motto You Me: capitals

 

Megadeth Juice: GET BACK TO WORK

Megadeth Juice: Like this?

 

Shiba Casino Boot: yep

 

_Shiba Casino Boot closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Need a Motto You Me: ur getting better

 

_Need a Motto You Me closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Subtle Miracle: Sir

 

Megadeth Juice: Yes?

 

Subtle Miracle: We will beat them

 

Megadeth Juice: We will

 

_Subtle Miracle closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

_Megadeth Juice closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

 

_Kunan-kun opened「The Afterlife」_

 

Kunan-kun: Takagi-keiji?

 

_Marakagi-keiji opened「The Afterlife」_

 

Marakagi-keiji: Yes?

 

Kunan-kun: Why was Satou-keiji yelling earlier?

 

Marakagi-keiji: Ah…

Marakagi-keiji: Yumi played a little prank on her earlier

 

Kunan-kun: It didn't seem to be 'a little prank' from here.

Kunan-kun: I believe Tsugiwara-keiji pretty much wetted himself earlier.

 

Marakagi-keiji: Ah

Marakagi-keiji: Well, Megure-keibu decided to intervene and send us on our ways

Marakagi-keiji: So it's all fine now

 

Kunan-kun: The recent murder chain I presume

 

Marakagi-keiji: Correct as always

 

Kunan-kun: Not always

Kunan-kun: Anyway I'll stop bothering you now

 

Marakagi-keiji: It's no problem.

Marakagi-keiji: I was going to ask you something anyway

 

Kunan-kun: Oh?

 

Marakagi-keiji: What is on your mug?

Marakagi-keiji: I noticed it when you were getting your 3rd coffee

 

Kunan-kun: Ah

Kunan-kun: It says 'I like my coffee as black as my soul.'

Kunan-kun: The kids got it for me

 

Marakagi-keiji: Wow

 

Kunan-kun: Yeah

Kunan-kun: Haibara thought it would be a good gag gift.

 

Marakagi-keiji: That is actually hilarious

Marakagi-keiji: Thanks for satisfying my curiosity

 

Kunan-kun: No problem

 

Marakagi-kun: And I'll see you around

Marakagi-keiji: It seems like I'm not leaving headquarters anytime soon

 

Kunan-kun: Ah

Kunan-kun: Good luck

Kunan-kun: I'm about to head home soon

 

Marakagi-keiji: Thank you

Marakagi-keiji: We'll need it

Marakagi-keiji: And take care getting home

 

_Kunan-kun closed「The Afterlife」_

_Marakagi-keiji closed「The Afterlife」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Holmes UNBLOCKED Lupin_

 

_Holmes opened「WIFE NO」_

 

Holmes: Stop spamming me.

Holmes: No there will not be a 'divorce'

Holmes: I just needed some much needed alone time

Holmes: And I'm just leaving headquarters right now

Holmes: So, yes, I've been outside.

 

_Lupin opened「WIFE NO」_

 

Lupin: SHINICHI

Lupin: FGHJBNADKL

Lupin: ༼ꉺɷꉺ༽

 

Holmes: …

 

Lupin: FHNJKDLSABNMCJK

Lupin: FDYUIOASJLKGN

 

 _Lupin changed「WIFE NO」to「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Lupin: UFISJLKASDFD

Lupin: NFDJKSAFN

Lupin: DJASDAN

 

Holmes: Calm down

Holmes: And I'm betting that your terrifying everyone around you

Holmes: Anyway, you can add me back into the chat if you want.

 

 _Holmes closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Lupin: DFUSJKFAJKDS

 

 _Lupin closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

 

_Single Father opened「Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

 

_Single Father added Kudou Shinichi to_ _「_ _Divorced and the rest of the fam」_

_Single Father changed Single Father to Dad_

_Dad changed Kudou Shinichi to Mum_

_Dad changed「Divorced and the rest of the fam」to「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: IM NOT DIVORCED ANYMORE

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 498 COMMENTS  
> 598 KUDOS  
> 72 BOOKMARKS  
> 7662 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> ※NOTES※  
> While Takagi is right about Kaito being the first to meet Shinichi - he is wrong about the interaction itself. He doesn't know that the two met much earlier in their toddler to kindergartener years. In case any of you guys were ready to throttle me and go: "nO YOU'RE WRONG YOU SAID THAT THEY FIRST MET WHEN THEY WERE STILL TODDLERS"  
> Marakagi-keiji = Takagi + his love of maracas (it's on his wikia page)  
> Kunan-kun = Hattori's not so subtle Conan (Ku-Conan)  
> \-------------------------------  
> ※IMPORTANT※  
> I'm going to make a SurveyMonkey and put it in my A/N next week because I am wondering what ship you guys want to have as the winner. I honestly love all three ships (one in particular) but I have a bad habit of not planning my endings so I will be leaving that up to you guys!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Gosho Boys' (minus Kaito) reactions to the image he just sent:  
> Heiji: *reADy tO FigHT*  
> Saguru: *a blushing high school girl who is also screaming on the inside*  
> Shinichi: *ready to commit [INSERT BLANK]*  
> \-------------------------------  
> HA I JUST NOTICED THAT IN THE PICTURE SHINICHI AND KAITO HAVE HICKEYS ASDFJNKASFNASJKF  
> It is now up to your imaginations on how Kaito got this picture ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡~)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, sorry for the late update. I got home later than usual today as I was staying after school today to work on my Chemistry assignment. Only my SOR oral, English assignment/exam, my other exams left and cosplay (ANIMEFEST IS THIS SATURDAY OH GOD).  
> \-------------------------------  
> But another arc is completed~!  
> Current Love Square (?) Stats:  
> SaguShin gets more popularity - Saguru is getting more aware.  
> Kaito is not divorced (it is not a fakeu love v(￣∇￣)).  
> Unfortunately, not much for Heiji in this arc. But soon....  
> \-------------------------------  
> This chapter is not BETA'd. You guys have heard plenty of my constant excuses. But I PROMISE she will BETA chapter 25 (after I manage to finish it).  
> So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Dad: fine  
> Dad: SHINICHI  
> Dad: SHINICHI  
> Dad: whats the hwk  
> Dad: SHINICHI  
> Dad: SHINICHI?  
> Dad: SHINICHI?  
> Mum: Is unfortunately not dead yet.  
> ª§ª  
> Mum: Whereas everything else in my life is a mess.  
> Mum: All I want to do is just sleep for the rest of my short life.  
> Hot-headed son: i still have 2 other subjects  
> Hot-headed son: please end my suffering  
> Hot-headed son: same  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: present heiji is going to continue to procrastinate by looking at cases my old man doesn’t want me looking at  
> ...  
> Mum: And what about future Heiji?  
> ...  
> Hot-headed son: future heiji can freak out when he stays up till 4 to finish his assignment and fuck ton of homework  
> ª§ª  
> Mum: 'Reporter becomes desperate in lack of stories and decides to make their own by murdering small children.'  
> Mum: The Reporter who killed for a story.  
> Hot-headed son: calm down  
> Hot-headed son: wow  
> Hot-headed son: are you okay?  
> Mum: No.  
> Mum: I am never okay.  
> Mum: I just really want to sleep.  
> ª§ª  
> Hot-headed son: past heiji was right  
> Hot-headed son: present heiji is currently freaking out  
> ª§ª  
> Dad: excuse u  
> Dad: i am genuine  
> Hot-headed son: bullshit  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	23. Late Nighters and Procrastination Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito likes to leave his homework to the last minute and then pull miraculous all-nighters to finish it all (of course passing out for the next 8 hours after handing it all in). Shinichi is organised in his school work but his life is a mess. Present Heiji likes to procrastinate, this causes future Heiji to have a meltdown at 2 am. Saguru is as always, on time - how boring…

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: yo whats the hwk for chem

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: homework

Hot-headed son: what's that

Hot-headed son: that's a job for tomorrow

Hot-headed son: i don't think so

 

Dad: sameeeee

 

_Salty Prude son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: Unlike you, I listen in class.

Salty Prude son: It's section 3.6.1, pages 118 - 121, questions 1 - 15.

 

Dad: thanks son

 

Hot-headed son: i have maths, history and biology left

Hot-headed son: end me

Hot-headed son: why did i do this to myself

Hot-headed son: and i have an english assignment due tomorrow in period 3

 

Dad: OMG SAME

Dad: like i have everything in dot points

Dad: but im still stuck on my intro

Dad: speech or essay

 

Hot-headed son: speech

 

Dad: rip me too

 

Salty Prude son: Kuroba

Salty Prude son: Our English assignment is also due tomorrow.

Salty Prude son: In first period.

 

Dad: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Dad: thats what all nighters are for

 

Hot-headed son: dude

Hot-headed son: i only have my third and conclusion left

Hot-headed son: but i need to fix my first

Hot-headed son: but dude

 

Salty Prude son: Well I've finished mine, considering we had three weeks to complete it.

 

Hot-headed son: no one asked for your opinion jackass

 

Dad: sons no

Dad: no fighting

Dad: and whats the maths hwk

 

Hot-headed son: ask blondie

 

Salty Prude son: Just wow

Salty Prude son: And why should I tell you?

Salty Prude son: Why not try, and ask Shinichi

 

Dad: fine

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: whats the hwk

Dad: SHINICHI

Dad: SHINICHI?

Dad: SHINICHI?

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Is unfortunately not dead yet.

Mum: Kaito, at least try to write down your homework.

Mum: It's chapter 5F Q 2 - 9, 13 - 17.

 

Dad: thank XXX

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: am i the only one question how shinichi knows your maths homework????

 

Salty Prude son: No you are not.

 

Mum: Don't ask…

 

Hot-headed son: you have an english assignment too right?

 

Mum: Yeah, just an essay

 

Hot-headed son: lucky

Hot-headed son: how much have you done

 

Mum: I only have my third paragraph left.

Mum: Unfortunately, I've been stuck on it all afternoon.

Mum: But the good news is that I've finished all my work for my other subjects.

 

Hot-headed son: what the hell

 

Salty Prude son: That's good to hear.

Salty Prude son: You're pretty organised.

Salty Prude son: Unlike the two idiots in this chat.

 

Hot-headed son: that’s good

Hot-headed son: you're good

Hot-headed son: and fuck you

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 87_

 

Mum: Whereas everything else in my life is a mess.

Mum: All I want to do is just sleep for the rest of my short life.

 

Hot-headed son: i still have 2 other subjects

Hot-headed son: please end my suffering

Hot-headed son: same

 

Salty Prude son: Anyway, I need to go finish the rest of my Chemistry homework.

 

Mum: Okay

Mum: Bye

 

Hot-headed son: and don’t come back

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Heiji no

 

Hot-headed son: what

 

Mum: …

 

Hot-headed son: anyway

Hot-headed son: present heiji is going to continue to procrastinate by looking at cases his old man doesn’t want him looking at

Hot-headed son: he never lets me look at the good stuff

 

Mum: Oh? Please elaborate.

Mum: That also sounds mildly concerning.

Mum: And what about future Heiji?

 

Hot-headed son: i mean the twisted ones

Hot-headed son: future heiji can freak out when he stays up till 4 to finish his assignment and fuck ton of homework

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 88_

 

Mum: So you mean cases like: ' X killed Y because Y killed Z, and Z had killed W who was having an affair with Y but plot twist X was having an affair with Z.'

 

Hot-headed son: wow

Hot-headed son: pretty much

Hot-headed son: you should write a book or something

 

Mum: 'Reporter becomes desperate in lack of stories and decides to make their own by murdering small children.'

Mum: The Reporter who killed for a story.

 

Hot-headed son: calm down

Hot-headed son: wow

Hot-headed son: are you okay?

 

Mum: No.

Mum: I am never okay.

Mum: I just really want to sleep.

Mum: Also I've just had a flash of inspiration.

Mum: Talk to you later.

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: okay then

Hot-headed son: i guess i'm going to procrastinate for the next 3 hours

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: past heiji was right

Hot-headed son: present heiji is currently freaking out

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: LATE NIGHT BUDDIES

Dad: well not really late since its only 12

 

Hot-headed son: oh great

Hot-headed son: so what have you got left

 

Dad: geography

Dad: history

Dad: english

Dad: u

 

Hot-headed son: ouch

Hot-headed son: history and english left for me

Hot-headed son: good luck then

 

Dad: byes

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: 1 AM MARK

Dad: HISTORY AND GEOGRAPHY ARE DONE

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: you're on english now?

 

Dad: hurrrrr

Dad: ive always liked french better

Dad: and y do i need to write a speech on macbeth ༼ಢ_ಢ༽

 

Hot-headed son: i still have my conclusion and i need to re-write my second

 

Dad: mmmmm

Dad: rip

Dad: up to my 2nd para

Dad: i still have a ton left

 

Hot-headed son: have fun

Hot-headed son: so glad i'm not you right now

 

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: meanie

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: IM DONE

Dad: FHRUDISGLSFJDKGN

Dad: and at the 2 am mark

Dad:（ ´థ౪థ）

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: WHAT THE FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 89_

 

Hot-headed son: I HAD LESS

Hot-headed son: HOW

Hot-headed son: I STILL HAVE TO FIX MY SECOND

 

Dad: magic 彡ﾟ◉ω◉ )つー☆*

 

Hot-headed son: how do i know you didn't just bullshit it

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 90_

 

Hot-headed son: you must have

 

Dad: excuse u

Dad: i am genuine

 

Hot-headed son: bullshit

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 91_

 

Hot-headed son: calling bullshit

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 92_

 

Hot-headed son: bullshit alert

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 93_

 

Dad: RUDE

Dad: ur just slow

 

Hot-headed son: shut up

Hot-headed son: but what the absolute fuck

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 94_

 

Hot-headed son: HOW?!

Hot-headed son: THE FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 95_

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: It is 2 am.

 

Dad: HI SHIN CHAN

 

Mum: I've been running on less than 4 hours of sleep for the past couple of days.

 

Hot-headed son: shit man

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 96_

 

Mum: I like my sleep.

Mum: So, go to sleep.

Mum: Or I will kill you both.

Mum: Slowly.

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Hot-headed son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 514 COMMENTS  
> 615 KUDOS  
> 74 BOOKMARKS  
> 8021 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> ※IMPORTANT※  
> PLEASE VOTE WHICH SHIP YOU WANT AS THE ENDGAME!!
> 
> https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/QPQZTNL
> 
> I have made a Survey Monkey especially for this. So please vote!! As much as I adore all the ships (and Kaishin a bit too much haha) I still want to give them a chance to win or at least some more interactions on the shipping ladder.   
> However, if anyone wants the whole package (Shinichi + Kaito + Heiji + Saguru) a big warning is that I've never written a poly ship before. AND BEFORE ANYONE GETS OFFENDED. I have nothing against poly ships!!! I just have no clue how to write them, it would come out more as a harem fic. I already struggle writing fluff hahaha...  
> \-------------------------------  
> I know this chapter was a bit OOC but what is a fic containing high school characters if they are not freaking out about homework and assignments.   
> This chapter was actually inspired by a conversation in my LINE chat with my friends (including Scheherazade - most of Shinichi's lines were inspired by her words hahaha)  
> \-------------------------------  
> I will answer the previous comments later this week as I sort of have an exam tomorrow and on Wednesday. So, haha maybe Wednesday afternoon?   
> But on a serious note, I have received some concern in the comments about some certain chapters. So, I will post the reply (edited, of course) up on here instead of the comments section so everyone can see it and it would clear up any misunderstandings. Probably tonight or tomorrow night, who knows.  
> \-------------------------------  
> On a happier note, Animefest was awesome - very tiring but awesome. I saw so many amazing cosplays (a Kaneki had a super detailed kagune and everything) and I also saw Ishikawa Yui. AHHHH she was so cute!   
> But being the awkward person I am, I was also reacting to when she was speaking in Japanese. Whereas everyone else gave me weird looks for not waiting for the English translation to understanding what she said. They probably saw me as a huge weeaboo (I absolutely despise the word...).  
> \-------------------------------  
> This chapter is not BETA'd. You guys have heard plenty of my constant excuses. But I PROMISE she will BETA chapter 25 (after I manage to finish it - I actually finish exams before the post date so I can finish before then!!).  
> So please let me know if there are any errors. I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!   
> (Can't give away too much. Otherwise, it would be no fun.)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Mother hen: Wait  
> Mother hen: Don't tell me it's them  
> Mystery Otaku: Ran  
> Mother hen: Are they back?!  
> Mother hen: Shinichi?!  
> ª§ª  
> Clover: ehhhh  
> Clover: timeophile  
> White Horse: Kleptomaniac  
> ª§ª  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Who am I talking to?  
> Corpse Magnet: Nobody, as you are currently communicating via text message.  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: …  
> ª§ª  
> Clover: thats creepy  
> White Horse: What is?  
> Clover: that fact that u deduced my sleeping hours  
> White Horse: It was simple to figure out.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	24. ※ IMPORTANT PLEASE READ ※

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ※VERY IMPORTANT※
> 
> This is not an update - if only - but I need to talk about the concerns that have been voiced about the previous chapters. I will try my best to explain why I chose to write what I did.  
> However, I will also provide a status update about the 'Love Square', just go Ctrl F or Command F (I think??) and type in LOVE  
> For those who want to get to the point, type in FINAL POINT  
> Thank you.
> 
> \- Kai

Firstly, thank you for your concern. Please don't worry. Chapter 18 - 22 was supposed to be rather OOC and no one was harmed in the making of this. I apologise for the message I apparently portrayed. I am very bad at providing explanations and context - especially for this chapter as I was short on time when writing and posting, so I was unable to provide an explanation in my author's note for that update.

[This more of a message to the commenter of concern – do not want to point any fingers or flash any lights.]

 

So, to clear stuff up about chapter 18, overall, the girls had good intentions, even if a bit mean but they really honestly care about Shinichi's wellbeing. They do not wish any harm upon him, because what birthday party would it be between good friends where the birthday person isn't a bit embarrassed. And the humiliation that he faced in this chapter was mainly caused by rapid fangirls who were at Disneyland and made it their business to stalk him. Which effective ruined the rest of the week for him – as mentioned in chapters 19 – 22.

 

Now the topic about Ran's actions in chapter 18, she did not print the 200 copies of that picture of Shinichi for malicious reasons, she literally only printed that many copies because it was cheaper. The reason to why I chose this number was from me messing around on a business card printing website by looking at prices and their deals. So, I went with 200 (the extra one is a bonus from the printing company that I made up). This is also because my family owns a business, so I have to deal with business cards quite a bit, and bulk printing them is overall cheaper than printing a small and specific amount.

 

However, Sonoko's actions, on the other hand, was morally wrong as she took some of those photo cards and sold them on the internet without Shinichi's knowledge or permission – referring to chapter 20. Another point about that is that it is unknown whether she asked for permission from Yukiko or not as I did not actually plan this far... But the reason to why I wrote this was that I took in the facts that we were given from much earlier in the anime – where she was much shallower and less developed and boosting these factors in this chapter to borderline extreme.

 

With the picture from chapter 18, yes, Shinichi was uncomfortable with it. And it was unfair of the others to look at the pictures (referring to chapter 21) but it also remained in the friendship group and was not distributed to any other parties (as it is a big no-no in friendship rules – what happens in the group chat, stays in the group chat). There is no way to defend their actions about this, but I wrote this part similar to the group conversations that I have with my past and present friendship groups, we did similar things to each other, such as: sharing embarrassing photos of each other. But if someone really didn't want any more images of them, we would stop – most of us depending on our morals. Of course, this would be different to other friendship groups. I think mine was drastically different as the past friendship group that I was in wasn’t very healthy for me. Thus, affected my entire outlook and behaviour – I am easily influenced – and it isn’t exactly a healthy friendship group if the group willingly break up into three factions – for, against and neutral (which I was in) – to bitch talk (pardon me) about a bad break up between two of the members behind their backs when they have already forgiven each other. However, even in my new and much healthier one, we still occasional share embarrassing pictures of each other

  1. Mika (her nickname that has stuck since Animefest) being asleep with an unflattering expression, in many different angles – taken by yours truly. Scheherazade in the cute clothes that I basically peer pressured her to try on – yes, I am an awful person, but I know when I am toeing a line, don’t worry. She even bought the outfit, it was very cute hurhur – even her mum thanked me, we like to gossip about Scheherazade. In the chat, there is probably still a picture of me half-naked. Please don’t question why, a lot happens in THAT chat. Also, please don’t report me, I wasn’t sexting or any of the sort. Our chat consists of a closet (?) bisexual who is not afraid of talking about their fascination about boobs (but is about their proper sexual orientation – no matter how much support we give, but considering their wishes, we have dropped the issue), Scheherazade who is pretty much dead most of the time (she didn’t even bother rocking up to school today – I constantly joke that she is probably dead in a pit somewhere or in hospital, again. Yes, my sense of humour is dark and cruel – it is a twisted coping mechanism), Mika, who is very pure and doesn’t know why that joke fanfic she wrote about Scheherazade with a deer is a big no-no (god bless her pure soul and let her remain pure), and then there is me who is up at ungodly hours looking at either cute animal videos or reading angsty Danny Phantom fics (fight me).



 

But getting back on track, yes, in chapter 21, that is a different scenario as Shinichi wasn't there BUT what I didn't remember to mention was that those pictures were Shinichi APPROVED (of course ignoring the last image of Shinichi that was provocative, but I will explain that in a moment) as they were in the Kudou Family Photo Album. And being the family photo album, it would be likely that other people would see those images; considering the fame that the Kudou family hold, it would be bad for their reputation if very unflattering images were shown to the public. In my personal opinion, I see Yukiko as a flamboyant person but also someone who would still want to be seen as a professional who has high standards. Apologies for my poor English but I will try to explain it into a situation that I am familiar with. But I imagine Yukiko being like my mum when she makes me wear fancy clothes, or at least dress nicely. Even if I was going to a very casual meet up with my friends in a rundown dog park, and when I mean my fancy. I mean as in rocking up in heels with a dress (with makeup if she managed to pin me down long enough), while everyone else is in ripped jeans and T-shirts. So, Yukiko would make sure the pictures in the photo album were not unflattering, so NOW about that last picture of Shinichi looking rather provocative. My reasoning to why Yukiko even shared that image with Shinichi’s friends is that:

  1. She trusts them to not share them with third parties. I ALSO have some more reasoning for this but I will come back to it.
  2. She wants to – in a way – be proud of Shinichi and show this image to others: “Look at my son, look at how amazing and beautiful he is. I am very proud of him. Despite having to bribe him with very expensive high-quality coffee beans, but it was worth it. What a milestone.”



Now about point number one, where I said that Yukiko is sharing it to them and trusting them to not share it to third parties – there is a backstory to this image that I did not bother providing. The backstory to that image is that that picture of Shinichi in his underwear, etc. was done for an advertisement (wow headcanons coming into play) so it would already be rather hush-hush public knowledge. As Yukiko and Yuusaku travel a lot and have fame, they also have connections, so they can make the image as hush-hush as they want.

 

OKAY, more explanations about the sexual over/undertones is that this is a romance fic. So, of course, there will be sexual implications or mentions of it. Another thing would be that they are also teenagers, no matter how mature they would be, they would still make sexual jokes. Yes, the boys are perverts, there is no denying it, but are they joking most of the time – surprising right? Now, about the reactions about the rest of the friendship group about the sexual implications, it really depends on who. But, yes, they are joking as well, they are going along with the joke. There might be some outliers like Sonoko who is really into romantic affairs, so she is a bit more serious than the others. Ran, she isn’t as involved in romantic affairs as she is more of someone who would watch from the sidelines and support, the same with Aoko. Whereas Kazuha, Masumi and Ai, not as much as Sonoko, they are a bit more active. Giving subtle hints or nudges in the right direction. And before commenting on this, this is foreshadowing, I only mention this as I’ve already written this into a future chapter.

 

※ LOVE ※

But about the sexualisation and sexual objectification of Shinichi. I seriously hope it didn’t come out like this. I will explain this the best as I can, considering I have never been in a relationship or fallen in love – unless that counts as my bed then never mind.

So, when people are first falling in love, there will be some amount of lust that starts it off. Not the lust as it: “Oh my god, you are beautiful. Let’s have sex.” No. In my opinion, I wanted to portray it more as in a “This person is brilliant. Oh my god. I love them. But not romantically.” with the combination of: “This person is gorgeous/talent/smart/amazing etc. I want to fully appreciate that.” Then building into, “I want to have this person in my life. I can’t live without them.” Or something similar. So I will now go into detail about each candidate with their ‘love’ for Shinichi, starting with the least and the most passionate.

Saguru’s case:

At first, it was more of a mild fascination, as his first interaction with Shinichi was in chapter 3 (?) where he nabs Shinichi’s number from Kaito’s phone out of pure curiosity. Yes, he is very nosy. But this mild fascination is happily fed when he befriends Shinichi and finds out that “Hey we have quite a bit in common. That’s pretty cool! Let’s, maybe, hangout?” But it slowly builds into a more admiration stage, like: “Wow, this person is amazing. I am glad to be their friend.” To this current point, however, it has grown into an “I am fond of this person. I would protect them (from Kuroba and other nasties) with my life. We are now besties.” With the combination of “Puppy crush…?” and “I want to maybe be closer to this person.” So, if I were to rate him on the ‘In Love with Shinichi Scale’ from 0 – 100 it would be a 45 – 55. Not very strong, as they haven’t had many interactions. But there is also the fact that with Heiji and Kaito’s strong presence, it is almost as if Saguru doesn’t have the chance. But Saguru still has plenty to grow, but only if he is given a strong nudge in the right direction. COUGHforeshadowingCOUGH.

Heiji’s Case:

Okay, so we know how protective Heiji is, and how close he is with Shinichi/Conan in the anime. But in this fic, times it by 3 or maybe even 4. At the beginning of this fic, it was started near the end of the BO take down so Heiji wanted to be there for Shinichi – moral support and filling the role of the greatest bestie. But then suddenly, a wild Kaito appears! Threatening his closeness with Shinichi, especially in chapter 10 when he was asking Shinichi if they were close. So, being the competitive guy, he is, he had to retaliate. But at first, this petty competitiveness with Kaito to see who was closer to Shinichi made him (Heiji) think about his status and what he sees himself as to Shinichi. Whether as a best friend or a brother or etc. This protective instinct that he has for Shinichi continues to grow over time, originally being a: “I will protective you will my life. This is a job for only me, and me alone (well maybe Ran as well).” This continues to grow to a: “I really care for this person and I can’t see my life without them.” And eventually to now: “I really like this person. But is it love or just an intense puppy crush? Who knows, but I want to give it a shot.” So, rating him on the ‘In Love with Shinichi Scale’ from 0 – 100 it would be a 60 – 70.  Of course, Heiji still has time to develop – I have that chapter tucked away in somewhere in my long ass sleeves.

Kaito’s Case:

So out of the three, Kaito has been with Shinichi for the longest due to his family’s connection with the Kudous. Making this brief in comparison to the previous two. Kaito first sees Shinichi as the guy who is a distant family friend with the combination of the smart rival who keeps him on his toes during heists. Kaito would at least admire Shinichi for his skills. Now, referring back to chapter 1, where I talked about the BO takedown. Kaito would then see Shinichi as the guy who took down Snake, the man who murdered his father in cold blood. So, this admiration grows – maybe even exponentially. Now, with the factor that Kaito can hang out with Shinichi, their relationship (platonic) grows and develops onto the level where Kaito is about to jokingly call Shinichi his ‘wife’ without being kicked in the balls with the powered kick shoes. Scheherazade and I make jokes about being a couple all the time and I am not six feet under yet. Her sexual intentions are on par with a rock – so not at all. So yes, in some cases, people could see Kaito lusting on Shinichi, but no, not in the case of, pardon my language: “You’re hot. Let’s fuck.” So, on the ‘In Love with Shinichi Scale’ from 0 – 100, he would be a 65 – 80. Quite strong, but not 100% as Shinichi still has his own say in this matter.

The part we have all been waiting for, Shinichi’s thoughts on the whole she-bang.

Shinichi’s Case:

Is he interested in the boys? Yes. Is it sexual? No. BUT! This can develop. Shinichi is capable of getting flustered from compliments or strong sexual jokes – he is not a robot, he is capable of emotions. He is just bad at portraying them; it’s a detective thing – not so much for Heiji. Heiji is a hot head so his emotions come out embedded with swears and curses. For god’s sakes, in canon, Shinichi is depicted as a (shy) romantic. Like who casually takes their love interest to the place that their parents got engaged???

Below is basically a little list of what he thinks of the other characters (yes, not just the other Gosho boys):

Ran – Shinichi sees her as a big sister figure who is very overprotective. Her constant worry and idealistic views (eg. Her trying to constantly get her parents back together again) can be a bit tiring at times but he knows she has good intentions.

Ai – Shinichi respects her, but as not much is mentioned in the anime, I had to make do with my headcanons. He sees her as an equal who understands the struggle he had to face, prior to taking down the BO. There is a possibility that he sees her as a big sister like figure – considering the fact that she constantly nags him for not caring for his own health. However, if this opinion where to be set, I would need to write more with these hints.

Masumi – He sees her as a supportive friend who is very protective – refer to chapters 4 - 8. She is also a fellow detective and he respects her in that aspect. [Sorry, not much on Masumi – I got lazy, and I promise I will write more of her]

Sonoko – Shinichi whilst a bit put off by her brash (?) behaviour at times, he knows that she is a good person. While they may not see eye to eye, he knows that she is his friend. There is the fact that Shinichi also knows that she would do anything to protect her friends – he respects this fact.

Kazuha – Again, not much interaction from the anime, if you take out movie 7. They have pretty much, little to no interactions. However, Shinichi sees Kazuha as a friend, at least an acquaintance, he knows that she is a great friend for Heiji and respects her patience (?) with the guy.

Aoko – NOW this is entirely headcanon as these two have not met and never will (unless Gosho wants to do the ultimate crossover and make the Magic Kaito and Detective Conan cast meet). But like Kazuha, Shinichi respects her for her tolerance of Kaito’s misbehaviours. He also sees her as good friend for Kaito due to their history. Shinichi sees Aoko as a friend or at least, an acquaintance.

Kaito – Shinichi at first sees Kaito as a distant family friend who he had some complicated linked up history with – with the KID the first in his first childhood, and then KID the second in his second childhood (Haha, you see what I did there). Shinichi is also able to relate and maybe even confide with Kaito about the fact that they were basically being hunted down and constantly risked their lives. There is also the toll of leading a double life that they could tell their childhood friends with the risk of death to not only themselves but to their loved ones and others who were too closely connected. Shinichi also sees him as quite the jokester, considering Kaito called him (Shinichi), his ‘wife’ and has given up on trying to make Kaito drop the nickname.

Heiji – Shinichi knows that Heiji is constantly looking out for him, but he just doesn’t know about the romantic side of that but anyway. Shinichi respects Heiji and sees him as a confidant – being best friends and all.

Saguru – Similar to Kazuha’s response, these two in the anime have only met briefly in the anime and Shinichi saw him as a bit of a brat – similar to his past self, prior to the poisoning. So, headcanons again! Shinichi sees Saguru as a good friend (ouch friend zoned) – the most level-headed so he is able to get along well with Saguru. They also have many things in common, the main being Sherlock Holmes, so they get to geek out – this was pretty much what drew them together in this fic, with the addition of unlimited curiosity that can get them killed.

 

※ FINAL POINT ※

 

So, before I somehow hit 3500+ words, my final message is that this is fictional. Whilst I have poorly attempted to occasionally be realistic by incorporating real-life elements, such as locations and try to put some events into perspective. This is entirely fiction. I don’t think things through, so I cannot provide reasons for everything that I have written. I also forget things very easily – I have a very selective memory (this is most likely medically incorrect, feel free to correct me). So, if you guys have any specific questions about previous chapters, feel free to ask me if you want them cleared up.

Eg. fujoshi100 (psycho_otaku) previously asked me: What was Shinichi doing that made him fall out his third-floor window though? (From Chapter 20)

And the answer is that:

Now about Shinichi, he was attempting to escape the Kudou manor. The idea was that since the front door was in open view (but also booby-trapped in case any of the reporters got past the front gate) it was out of the question. The second-floor balcony was barricaded shut and taking down the barricade was troublesome. So, Shinichi decided to try the third-floor balcony and landed himself in that mess. Lucky for him Ai was there, otherwise, we would have a detective pancake (and no more fic). A funny note is that Shinichi forgot about the back door haha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear lord that was the longest author's note I have ever written - a crazy 3440 words. If only I could have written that much for chapter 25...  
> Edit: Oh boy....


	25. Strong Suspicions and Abnormal Actions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi is jittery. Kaito is 0.413 seconds late in flipping Aoko's skirt. What is going on?? Something's up! (The sky?) Ran is worried. Ai realises. Saguru is overly suspicious and caught. (Meanwhile, Heiji is dozing off in class - missing out on all the drama.)

_Mother hen opened「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mother hen: Shinichi?

 

_Mystery Otaku opened「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

Mystery Otaku: Hm?

 

Mother hen: Are you okay?

Mother hen: You look really jittery today.

Mother hen: Is something wrong?

Mother hen: Was it a bad case?

 

Mystery Otaku: Ran

 

Mother hen: Wait

Mother hen: Don't tell me it's them

 

Mystery Otaku: Ran

 

Mother hen: Are they back?!

Mother hen: Shinichi?!

 

Mystery Otaku: RAN

Mystery Otaku: It's nothing

Mystery Otaku: I'm fine

 

Mother hen: ARE YOU SURE

 

Mystery Otaku: YES

Mystery Otaku: Also you're about to shatter your phone if you don't calm down

Mystery Otaku: Tatewaki-sensei is going to notice if you don't put it away

Mystery Otaku: We can talk later at lunch

 

Mother hen: …

Mother hen: Fine

 

_Mother hen closed「LET ME ROT THEN」_

_Mystery Otaku closed「LET ME ROT THEN」_

 

ª§ª

 

_White Horse opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

White Horse: Kuroba.

White Horse: I know you're on your phone right now.

White Horse: Reply.

 

_Clover opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

Clover: ohhhh

Clover: someones being a rebel

 

White Horse: Hypocrite

White Horse: Anyway, is something the matter?

 

Clover: ?????

 

White Horse: You seem off today.

 

Clover: ???

Clover: u need to elaborate sagubaby

 

White Horse: …

White Horse: You were 0.431 seconds slower in flipping Aoko-san's skirt today.

 

Clover: ehhhh

Clover: timeophile

 

White Horse: Kleptomaniac

 

_White Horse closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

Clover: OI

Clover: U CANT JUST LEAVE ME HANGING

 

_Clover closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Kudou-kun.

 

_Corpse Magnet opened「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Haibara.

Corpse Magnet: Aren't you in the middle of class?

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: I could say the same to you.

 

Corpse Magnet: You're the one who instigated this conversation.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: However, I am not the one who chose to reply.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Fun fact, I am in my study period.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Whereas you are currently in your Japanese Language class.

 

Corpse Magnet: …

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Now to the matter at hand.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Is something the matter?

 

Corpse Magnet: Please elaborate?

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: You, apparently, have been acting strange all morning.

 

Corpse Magnet: I'm guessing Ran told you about her 'concerns'?

Corpse Magnet: Considering the fact that Heiji isn't interrogating me.

Corpse Magnet: He most likely got his phone taken off of him when he disrupted the class.

Corpse Magnet: Voicing his confusion aloud.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Correct.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Now answer my question.

 

Corpse Magnet: Nothing is the matter.

Corpse Magnet: But everything is made up of matter.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: …

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Who am I talking to?

 

Corpse Magnet: Nobody, as you are currently communicating via text message.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: …

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Once Mouri-chan finds out, she is going to kill you.

 

Corpse Magnet: …

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl closed「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Scary…

 

_Corpse Magnet closed「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

ª§ª

 

_White Horse opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

White Horse: Who are you?

 

_Clover opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

Clover: ?????

 

White Horse: What are you planning?

White Horse: According to my deductions and the circumstantial evidence found, you are not Kuroba.

 

Clover: ehhhhh

Clover: what do u mean???

 

White Horse: At first, I believed you were only slower in flipping Aoko-san's skirt due to staying up late last night.

White Horse: However, I was able to confirm with Aoko-san that Kuroba previously mentioned and proved that he was capable of operating without sleep for a total of three days and two nights.

White Horse: With only approximately 4 to 5 hours' worth of sleep; perhaps even less.

White Horse: Kuroba would still be able to function as normal.

 

Clover: wow

Clover: thats creepy

 

White Horse: What is?

 

Clover: that fact that u deduced my sleeping hours

 

White Horse: It was simple to figure out.

White Horse: To continue, there is more evidence indicating that you are most likely an imposter.

White Horse: During second period, you answered question 9, part b, 1.1467 seconds faster than your average time.

 

Clover: creep

Clover: so????

Clover: i answered a physics question a bit faster than usual???

 

White Horse: You also included all the steps in the proof for question 11

 

Clover: ???

 

White Horse: As I just said.

 

Clover: texted

 

White Horse: You included all the steps in the proof.

 

Clover: ?

 

White Horse: Kuroba never includes all the steps when writing the proof.

 

Clover: …

Clover: what if i felt like doing it today

 

White Horse: Kuroba has stated in the past that "Writing all the steps in a proof is screaming to the world that you have a stick up your ass."

 

Clover: …

 

White Horse: My final piece of evidence is that Kuroba calls me 'Saguboy' not 'Sagubaby.'

 

Clover: overly suspicious creepy guys deserve mean pranks

 

White Horse: What

 

_Clover closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

_White Horse closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Holmes opened「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Holmes: hey darling?

 

 _Lupin opened「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Lupin: What?

 

Holmes: which one is ur physics folder???

 

Lupin: Sky blue

 

Holmes: but thats maths

 

Lupin: No, maths is powder blue.

 

Holmes: ehhhh (￣Д￣；；

Holmes: y r ur folders varying shades of blue?????

 

Lupin: Why not?

 

Holmes: tru

Holmes: also I found it now~

 

Lupin: I still think this is a bad idea

Lupin: I feel bad for Saguru

 

Holmes: ew y

 

Lupin: I had to prank him earlier because he was being a bit too suspicious

Lupin: That reminds me.

 

Holmes: AWWW

Holmes: IM PROUD OF U

Holmes: hm?

 

Lupin: What do you mean by "Writing all the steps in a proof is screaming to the world that you have a stick up your ass"?

Lupin: Care to elaborate?

 

Holmes: uhhhh

Holmes: "unless ur my wife shin chan because hes a special bean"?

 

Lupin: …

Lupin: I'm still unsure about this.

 

Holmes: BUT ITS FUN

Holmes: MESSING WITH SAGUBOY IS THE BEST

Holmes: and u get hq coffee in return d(⌒ー⌒)

 

 _Holmes closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Lupin: This better be worth it…

 

 _Lupin closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 557 COMMENTS  
> 629 KUDOS  
> 76 BOOKMARKS  
> 8363 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> Whoop another filler~ BUT next chapter will be a looooong one. Seriously, it's the longest one I've written so far. HOWEVER, it's an important one~ Can you guys guess what special event is coming up? Here is a hint! It's on a Thursday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, this chapter was a filler, but I decided to incorporate some of my favourite scenarios where the boys switch places for the day and give everyone some mind fuck.  
> And for those who are a bit confused:  
> \- Shinichi and Kaito switched places for the day  
> \- Kaito wanted to give people mindfuck (also why not practise his skills once in a while?)  
> \- Shinichi only did it because he was in it for them beansssss  
> \- Ran was somewhat suspicious but she played it off as Shinichi having (intense) paranoia  
> \- Ai got involved as Ran contacted her to try weed info out of 'Shinichi'  
> \- Ai found out (and she does not pity the boys when Ran finds out)  
> \- Saguru got very suspicious but was thrown off on who was disguising as 'Kuroba' when the fake pranked him to next week  
> \-------------------------------  
> Edit: HAHA I FORGOT THE TITLE  
> Also please send prayers to Scheherazade, she is currently puking her guts out, again, but this time due to anxiety. On a lighter note, two (technically three??) exams down, one more to go! (haha somehow I finished my both of my japanese exams in 45 mins despite having 2 hours kill me)  
> Also, I deeply apologise for not replying to the comments - I swear once my last exam finishes, I will answer them! (◕▿◕✿)  
> \-------------------------------  
> This chapter is not BETA'd. BUT I have sent Scheherazade chapter 25!!!! So next chapter will actually sound good!!!  
> Please send many prayers to her - it's super long this time.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Thursday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> [Sadly since I don't want to spoil it too much, the preview will be really short in comparison to the actual chapter.]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Lupin: oi  
> Lupin: dont tell me  
> Lupin: r u still mad at me for gluing saguboy to his desk??  
> Lupin: shinichiiiiii  
> Lupin: wait  
> Lupin: r u mad about when i threw ape chan out of the window?  
> ª§ª  
> Dad: SHINICHI NO  
> Salty Prude son: Please explain.  
> Mum: I received a note, technically a riddle, which led me to Nara.  
> Mum: Then I got knocked out?  
> A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): THIS IS WHY YAH KEEP GETTING FUCKING KIDNAPPED  
> ª§ª  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Must be fun.  
> Corpse Magnet: We must have very different definitions of fun.  
> Corpse Magnet: You love scaring the others with the threat of human experimentation.  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Many humans are already the scum on the streets.  
> Evil-eyed yawny girl: Why not make them useful?  
> ª§ª  
> Holmes: The injured crane flies towards its healing light.  
> Holmes: To deliver the good news.  
> Holmes: Till only Artemis remains.  
> Holmes: Good luck.  
> ª§ª  
> "You are talking about the master thief who decided to break into a Black Organisation sub-base to change all of the desktop wallpapers into the Boston ballet bear."  
> "He is retired."  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	26. Self-Inflicted Rivalry and Strange Adoption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito's birthday!!! (And Aoyama-sensei's!!!) An unexpected family reunion happens?! Kaito can talk in kaomojis..? Heiji decides to tap out of this adventure. Saguru does not believe in his 'father.' Shinichi just can't catch a break and wants to be a corpse. Ai's psychopathic tendencies begin to show. This is a battle of wits and a thief's honour! We have some very special guests today~

_Lupin opened「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Lupin: shin chan~~~

Lupin: oi~~

Lupin: shin chan??

Lupin: u online?

Lupin: oiiiii

Lupin: r u ignoring meeeeee

Lupin: fineeee

Lupin: but im giving u 15 mins

 

 _Lupin closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Lupin opened「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Lupin: shin channnnnnnn

Lupin: u back yet?

Lupin: oi

Lupin: dont tell me

Lupin: r u still mad at me for gluing saguboy to his desk??

Lupin: shinichiiiiii

Lupin: wait

Lupin: r u mad about when i threw ape chan out of the window?

Lupin: shinichiiii

Lupin: throw me a bone

Lupin: fine

Lupin: im gonna throw ape chan out the window again

Lupin: and maybe tape saguboy to the wall this time

 

 _Lupin closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Lupin opened「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

_Lupin is calling Holmes_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

_Holmes is unavailable_

 

Lupin: Shinichi

Lupin: Im slowly freaking out…

Lupin: Correction

Lupin: Im pretty much freaking out

Lupin: Please answer…

Lupin: Im outside your house

 

 _Lupin closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: Guys.

Dad: Get online.

Dad: Now.

 

_Hot-headed son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Hot-headed son: what

Hot-headed son: you want a piece of me?

Hot-headed son: you bastard

 

_Salty Prude son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: You seem to be texting somewhat coherently today;

Salty Prude son: something's wrong.

Salty Prude son: I thought I already met my 'being-pranked' quota for today?

 

Hot-headed son: fucking windows…

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 98_

 

Dad: I can't contact Shinichi

 

Hot-headed son: Ha?

 

Salty Prude son: What?

 

Dad: I've been trying to contact him for the past 20 minutes, but nothing.

 

Hot-headed son: he's probably busy

Hot-headed son: but why should i answer yah?

Hot-headed son: last time he didn't talk to you for a week

 

Salty Prude son: Stalker.

Salty Prude son: To think I was worried.

 

Dad: LET ME FINISH

Dad: So I was rummaging around

 

Salty Prude son: Of course you broke in…

 

Dad: Then I got a message from an unknown number

 

Hot-headed son: creepy

 

Dad: It was a challenge note.

 

Salty Prude son: A challenge…

 

Hot-headed son: that sounds so fucking suspicious

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 99_

 

Hot-headed son: i'm in.

 

Dad: Here

 

_Dad sent an image_

 

 

 

Dad: From Lupin the III

 

Hot-headed son: WAIT WHAT?!

 

Salty Prude son: How can you be so sure?

 

Dad: I could never forget such an outrageous hairstyle.

 

Salty Prude son: …

 

Hot-headed son: …

 

Salty Prude son: Did you at least check if it was a prank from Shinichi's parents?

 

Dad: Already done that.

Dad: They're currently in Russia.

Dad: I even asked the little science lady and Ran-chan.

 

Hot-headed son: so why does he want to challenge you

Hot-headed son: and why would shinichi be involved??

 

Dad: Hattori, remember when you teamed up with the ICPO inspector?

 

Hot-headed son: yeah?

 

 Dad: I sort of stole the diamond instead.

 

Hot-headed son: wow…

 

Dad: HE STOLE MY IDENTITY FIRST

 

Hot-headed son: petty

 

Dad: LIKE YOU WOULDNT DO THE SAME

 

Hot-headed son: can't deny that

 

Salty Prude son: From his criminal profile, he is described as a 'so-called gentleman thief who likes to taunt the law.'

Salty Prude son: Much like a certain someone.

 

Dad: RETIRED

 

Hot-headed son: someone's pretty bad at writing profiles

 

Salty Prude son: He is also a drunk and rouge flirt.

 

Hot-headed son: What the fuck did you do.

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 100_

_【_ _WOW HEI-CHAN YOU BAD BOY_ _(ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’)】_

 

_SYSTEM_02 changed Hot-headed son to A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’)_

 

Dad: HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW HE WOULD TAKE SHINICHI!!!

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WELL NOW WE HAVE A PERV ON OUR HANDS

 

Salty Prude son: This is a mess…

 

Dad: I DIDNT EXACTLY HAVE TIME TO GO ONTO THE ICPO WEBSITE AND LOOK HIM UP,

Dad: I WAS PANICKING ABOUT WHERE THE HELL SHINICHI WENT

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WELL NOW WE HAVE TA FIND HIM

 

Dad: WELL, DUH

 

Salty Prude son: I believe you mean, only Kuroba can go find him.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): THE SHIT YAH TALKING ABOUT

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 101_

 

Dad: WHAT HE SAID

 

Salty Prude son: The note specifically said that Kuroba has to go and find them.

Salty Prude son: It was sent only to you and there is visual emphasis on the fact that only you

Salty prude son: Can go and find them.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WELL I CAN'T JUST SIT HERE AND DO NOTHIN

 

Salty Prude son: Well, we don't exactly have a choice in this matter.

Salty Prude son: If anything. We are only spectators.

Salty Prude son: This is a rivalry between thieves.

Salty Prude son: Which we are not.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): …

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): fuck you

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 102_

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Tut tut

Mum: Profanities

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): THE FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 103_

 

Salty Prude son: Now, why have you revealed yourself to us?

Salty Prude son: Arsène Lupin the III

 

Mum: Well because there is no plot

Mum: And it's fun~~

 

Dad: WHERES MY WIFE

 

Mum: WIFE?!

Mum: HOW DARE YOU LAY A HAND ON MY DARLING NEPHEW

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): YO WHAT

 

Dad: WHAT

 

Salty Prude son: Please explain…

 

Mum: Oh~?

Mum: You didn't know??

Mum: Papa Jigen is his papa

Mum: So I'm his uncle

 

Dad: WHAT

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): NO FUCKING WAY

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 104_

 

Mum: Profanities~

Mum: But YES WAY

 

Salty Prude son: I'm sorry, but Shinichi would never accept that

 

Mum: FHBEDJKAS

Mum: WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO USE HIS FIRST NAME!?

 

Salty Prude son: Shinichi did.

Salty Prude son: Now, answer my question.

 

Mum: He did though~!

Mum: And I'm Uncle Lupin~

Mum: Doesn't that have a nice ring to it?

 

Salty Prude son: …

Salty Prude son: No comment.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WHY ARE YOU SO CALM

 

Dad: WHERE.

Dad: IS.

Dad: HE.

 

Salty Prude son: Just because I am panicking in reality, does not mean I have to type in capitals whilst texting.

 

Mum: OHOHOHO~~~

Mum: He's spending quality time with us~

 

Salty Prude son: What are your intentions, Lupin?

 

Mum: Ehh~

Mum: You really like asking questions…

Mum: AH

Mum: WHY SHOULD I ANSWER YOU THIS TIME

Mum: YOURE ONE OF THE SCUMBAGS WHO WANT TO TAINT MY DARLING NEPHEW

 

Salty Prude son: Scumbags…

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): LIKE YOU AINT ONE

 

Mum: EXCUSE YOU!

Mum: -5 POINTS FOR YOU

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): THE SHIT?!

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 105_

 

Salty Prude son: Why are you here?

 

Mum: aslkdlllllllllllllllllllll

Mum: Please ignore his dramatics.

Mum: He likes to hold grudges.

 

Dad: ?!

Dad: WIFE IS THAT YOU

 

Mum: Yes it's me.

 

Salty Prude son: Please confirm for us.

 

Mum: Elaborate.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): true

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): you could be faking

 

Mum: Saguru, we first met at the Sunset Mansion.

Mum: Due to circumstances, I suggested a plan where all the remaining detectives were to fake their deaths in order to reveal the culprit.

Mum: Your death was via gunshot wound by Soda-san.

 

Salty Prude son: …

Salty Prude son: You could have asked for that information from one of the other detectives who were present.

 

Mum: Fine.

Mum: Heiji, the first time we met you gave me Baijiu which allowed me to temporarily regain my body.

Mum: Is that good enough for you?

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): that sounds about right

 

Dad: Shin-chan.

 

Mum: Yes?

 

Dad: ?

 

Mum: !

 

Dad: WIFE IT IS U

 

Mum: …

Mum: That is what I've been trying to prove for the past 64 words…

 

Salty Prude son: Are you alright?

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): do yah know where you are?

 

Mum: I'm fine. I'm not sure where I am,

Mum: but I am definitely in the Kantou region.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): definitely narrows things down…

 

Mum: Which is strange considering I was last in Nara…

 

Dad: WHAT WERE U DOING OUT THERE

 

Salty Prude son: Why on Earth were you in Nara?

 

Mum: I was collecting some evidence for a case.

 

Dad: a case…

 

Mum: Also because I received a note to go there.

 

Dad: SHINICHI NO

 

Salty Prude son: Please explain.

 

Mum: I received a note, technically a riddle, which lead me to Nara.

Mum: Then I got knocked out?

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): THIS IS WHY YAH KEEP GETTING FUCKING KIDNAPPED

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 106_

 

Dad: SHINICHI NO

Dad: YOU DONT GO FOLLOWING SUSPICIOUS NOTES

 

Mum: I told Haibara where I was going and to track me down if I took too long.

Mum: I guess she gave Uncle Lupin the okay.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WHAT?!?!?!

 

Dad: UNCLE LUPIN?!

 

Mum: Autocorrect.

Mum: He set it up so that whenever I typed his name normally, it would change to Uncle Lupin.

Mum: Same with Papa Jigen.

Mum: And I can't change it.

 

Salty Prude son: …

 

Mum: Ummmmmmmmmmm………

Mum: We adopted him~!

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 107_

 

Mum: He is a bit of the black sheep in our little rag tag family but we love him all the same!

 

Salty Prude son: A detective adopted by a family of thieves…

 

Mum: ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

 

Dad: …

Dad: Σ(ﾟÅﾟ)

 

Mum: (∩╹□╹∩)

 

Dad: ఠ_ఠ

 

Mum: ℃ↂ_ↂ

 

Dad: (__|||)

 

Salty Prude son: What are we even witnessing…

 

Mum: |*￣ー￣|

 

Dad: ヘ(＿ ＿ヘ)

 

Mum: （｀ー´）

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): fucking beats me

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 108_

 

Dad: 눈_눈

 

Mum: ಠ⌣ಠ

 

Dad: (’益’)

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): OI

 

Mum: ఠ ͟ಠ

 

Dad: (╬ಠ益ಠ)

 

Mum: (◔ д◔)

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): QUIT IGNORING US

 

Dad: (ʘ言ʘ╬)

 

Mum: (ﾟωﾟ;)

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): YOU THIEVING ASSHOLES

 

Dad: ＝(￣□￣;)⇒

 

Mum: ٩(๑`н´๑)۶

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WHERE THE FUCK IS SHINICHI

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 109_

 

Dad: dont be rude hei chan

Dad: let ur father speak

 

Mum: Yeah Hei-chan~

Mum: We are currently having a very important conversation.

 

Salty Prude son: I would like to remind you that you have done absolutely nothing to rescue Shinichi.

 

Dad: pft

Dad: i already have a location~~~~

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WHAT

 

Dad: yea

Dad: believe in ur father

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): there is no way in hell I'm believing your bullshit

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 110_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): you absolute nutcase

 

Salty Prude son: Crazy must be a requirement for thieves.

 

Mum: Excuse you

Mum: We're gentlemen thieves

 

Dad: and i believe the term is insanity not crazy

Dad: geez

 

Mum: Anyway~

Mum: That was a fun chat.

Mum: We'll see you soon, Kid.

 

Dad: See you then, Lupin.

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): CAN SOMEONE JUST EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

 

Salty Prude son: Kuroba, what is Shinichi's location?

 

Dad: saitama prefecture

 

Salty Prude son: …

Salty Prude son: Well?

 

Dad: ??

 

Salty Prude son: Aren't you supposed to be going to rescue him?

 

Dad: ahhhh

Dad: well duh

Dad: ive been on the train the whole time

 

Salty Prude son: …

Salty Prude son: It is unsafe to travel whilst texting.

 

Dad: speech to text saguboy

 

Salty Prude son: …

Salty Prude son: Since when did you…

 

Dad: since shinichi said he was in the kantou region

Dad: im still on speech to text

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): wait a second

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): then how the shit did you send those kaomojis

 

Dad: magic (つ◕౪◕)つ━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): IM TAPPING OUT

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): NO MORE

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): NO MORE MINDFUCK THANKS

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 111_

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: …

Salty Prude son: Just make sure to bring back Shinichi safely.

Salty Prude son: It must be a blessing in disguise that the ones that kidnapped him this time aren't set on murdering him or the sort.

 

Dad: believe in ur father

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: rude…

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

Kaito remained silent for the rest of the train ride, staring at the scenery as it passed. However, on the inside, his mind was screaming.

 

'What is Lupin planning? Why would he kidnap Shinichi out of the blue? Plus, why would Shinichi be naïve enough to carelessly listen to a mysterious note when Anokata, Rum and Vermouth are still out there plotting his demise? Well, Vermouth maybe not so much…'

 

The magician let out a huff and ruffled his hair in frustration. He leant forward to rest his elbows on his thighs.

 

'Then there's the little science lady. Would she really be alright with Shinichi being whisked away by some thieves? She doesn't trust easily! The amount of times she would try to incinerate me with her eyes would put even Cyclops to shame.'

 

Kaito straightened himself and suddenly slapped both of his cheeks.The older man sitting beside him jumped at the rather violent action, nearly dropping his notebook. Kaito ignored him in favour of ruffling his hair once more. Releasing another huff, Kaito returned to his previous position and attempted to reorganise his thoughts.

 

'Focus Kaito! You are the amazing and suave, but retired, Kaitou Kid! Just go and find Shinichi.'

 

Kaito nodded to himself; a self-pep talk well done.

 

"Next is Kawaguchi. Kawaguchi. The doors are on the left. Please be careful."

 

'30 minutes left. Okay. Now think! If I were Lupin, where would I make my hideout…'

 

Kaito pulled out his phone and began to furiously text and tap. Whereas Kaito's unfortunate seatmate could only sigh.

 

'I just wanted to stay home and work on my story board…' He doodled a chibi of himself being shot in the head, occasionally scribbling notes in the margins.

 

ª§ª

 

_Evil-eyed yawny girl opened「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Kudou-kun.

 

_Corpse Magnet opened「let me drown in my sorrows」_

 

Corpse Magnet: Yes?

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Did you disclose my number to a certain female thief?

 

Corpse Magnet: ???

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Hm?

 

Corpse Magnet: Ah

Corpse Magnet: I swear it was an accident.

Corpse Magnet: I was unconscious at the time.

Corpse Magnet: She probably got your number then.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Great.

 

Corpse Magnet: Would me saying 'sorry' make it any better?

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: …

Evil-eyed yawny girl: No, but me sending a rather nasty virus would.

 

Corpse Magnet: Ouch.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Anyway…

 

Corpse Magnet: ?

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: How is your 'family bonding' time?

 

Corpse Magnet: …/////

Corpse Magnet: It's going great~!

Corpse Magnet: Thanks for asking!

Corpse Magnet: Haha cute nicknames you have going one here.

Corpse Magnet: Miss Sherry.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Lupin, I presume?

 

Corpse Magnet: Bingo~

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Don't call me that.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Otherwise I will be forced to send over TWO rather nasty viruses.

 

Corpse Magnet: Got it…

Corpse Magnet: Anyway~ I'll put my darling nephew back on~!

Corpse Magnet: Sorry, Auntie Fujiko got me.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Auntie Fujiko?

 

Corpse Magnet: Autocorrect.

Corpse Magnet: I can't change it.

Corpse Magnet: It was that or Big Sis Fujiko

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Sounds like fun…

 

Corpse Magnet: We must have very different definitions of fun.

Corpse Magnet: You love scaring the others with the threat of human experimentation.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Many humans are already the scum on the streets.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Why not make them useful?

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Humans make the best lab rats.

 

Corpse Magnet: That's where your psychopathic tendencies went.

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Says you.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: The thrill of slicing open flesh is much more interesting than seeing the end result.

 

Corpse Magnet: …

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: A corpse is rather boring.

Evil-eyed yawny girl: Just another failure ready to be disposed of

 

Corpse Magnet: I wish I was one right now…

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: …

 

_Evil eyed-yawny girl changed Corpse Magnet to Corpse Wannabe_

 

Evil-eyed yawny girl: A much needed name change.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Thanks.

 

_Corpse Wannabe changed Evil-eyed yawny girl to Psychotic Individual_

 

Psychotic Individual: Not bad.

Psychotic Individual: Now, how is your family boing going?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Right now, or overall?

 

Psychotic Individual: Right now.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Well, Auntie Fujiko keeps trying to hug me to death.

Corpse Wannabe: Uncle Lupin is ranting about Saguru and Heiji being 'scumbags' who want to taint me.

Corpse Wannabe: Papa Jigen shooting BB bullets at targets with Kaito's face on them.

Corpse Wannabe: Then there is Uncle Goemon meditating.

Corpse Wannabe: Overall,

Corpse Wannabe: It's rather nice to talk to them

Corpse Wannabe: I guess…

 

Psychotic Individual: A detective adopted by a family of thieves.

Psychotic Individual: Your life is like a soap opera mixed with a crime show.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Hahahaaa

 

Psychotic Individual: At least act more enthusiastic.

 

Corpse Wannabe: I guess I'll try to be less alive…

Corpse Wannabe: Less dead!

Corpse Wannabe: I meant less dead!

 

_Psychotic Individual changed「let me drown in my sorrows」to「be less alive」_

 

Corpse Wannabe: …

 

Psychotic Individual: Good job.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Thanks.

 

Psychotic Individual: Anyway, I'll leave you to it.

Psychotic Individual: Good luck.

 

Corpse Wannabe: I'll try…

 

_Psychotic Individual closed「be less alive」_

_Corpse Wannabe closed「be less alive」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _Lupin opened「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

Lupin: shin channnnn

Lupin: can u tell me where u r?

Lupin: i dont wanna break into every single warehouse to find u

 

 _Holmes opened「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

 Holmes: Hello to you too, Kaito.

Holmes: As Uncle Lupin is currently watching from over my shoulder, I can only tell you this.

 

Lupin: u know i like a challenge (・ω<)

 

Holmes: The injured crane flies towards its healing light.

Holmes: To deliver the good news.

Holmes: Till only Artemis remains.

Holmes: Good luck.

 

Lupin: see you soon （´・｀ ）♡

 

Holmes: I'll see you then.

 

 _Holmes closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_  

  _Lupin closed「Happily Not Divorced_ _♡_ _ඩ_ ⌔ _ඩ_ _♡_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

Kaito continued to stare at his phone; eyebrow twitching. After closing the messaging app, Kaito was debating whether to inform the others with the news. Of course, before he could, Saguru had already shot him an insult. Pocketing his phone, Kaito let out a dark snicker.

 

'Someone's getting the 15 inch stilettoes later.'

 

However, getting back to the topic at hand, he decided to read out his scribbled findings.

 

" _The injured crane flies towards its healing light_. The location is the ‘crane’, and ‘injured’ refers to its colouration, making it red or even a brown. The healing light probably refers to the moon." 

 

Kaito looked at his watch. It was already late afternoon, but there was still another three hours before the sun would set. Shifting slightly, he returned to the riddle.

 

" _To deliver the good news_. Good news? Maybe it's near a post office…"

 

Pulling out his phone, Kaito began to pinpoint any nearby post offices. Thank goodness for the advancement in technology. He had 217.43 square kilometres to search. But when the phone loaded his search request, he sweated at the number of results that came up.

 

"A-ah. Maybe not…"

 

Kaito was slightly frustrated, it would be rather cruel if the hint really meant post offices. Shinichi wouldn't be that cruel would he? Wait. He would…

 

"Dammit. I'll just work on the next part… _Till only Artemis remains_..." 

 

Another searched confirmed that Artemis was the Greek Goddess of the hunt, forests and hills, the moon, and archery. So that meant that Shinichi was in a red or brown warehouse that faces the moon and can be only seen at night.

 

"But there are loads!!"

 

Whilst flailing from branch that he was currently perched upon, he accidentally lost his balance. When attempting to regain it, Kaito was a fraction of a second too late; falling head first into a nearby rose bush. Effectively scaring a passer-by into dropping his notebook, again.

 

"OW!"

 

ª§ª

 

"Oi Haibara…"

 

"What is it Kudou-kun?"

 

Ai looked up from her fashion magazine, sliding a finger in-between the pages to not lose her place. Shinichi, however, continued to stare at his phone. A frown creasing his brow.

 

"Do you think Kaito got lost?"

 

Ai blinked in response.

 

"Kudou-kun."

 

Shinichi then looked up and made contact. Slightly flinching at the deadpan expression that was on the mini-scientist's face.

 

"You are talking about the master thief who decided to break into a Black Organisation sub base to change all of the desktop wallpapers into the Boston ballet bear."

 

"He is retired."

 

The shorter of the pair twitched in her seat. But decided to return to her magazine, ignoring the slightly worried looks sent her way. If it wasn't public knowledge that Shinichi was a well-respected high school detective, people would think of him as an idiot. A very dense idiot.

 

ª§ª

 

_Femme Masquée opened「Hunting」_

 

Femme Masquée: The dove has found the crane.

 

_Gizouno Kodomo opened「Hunting」_

 

Gizouno Kodomo : Please keep a scope on the dove.

 

_Femme Masquée closed「Hunting」_

_Gizouno Kodomo closed「Hunting」_

 

ª§ª

 

It was dark. Kaito found it getting increasingly weirder. After managing to find the red warehouse he was able to easily break in; very strange for the safehouse of an internationally wanted thief.

 

'Where is Shinichi…'

 

Creeping along the wall of the dark corridor, Kaito kept moving forward. He had tried taking a left earlier but it led him back to his original position. Meaning that he could only go right to begin with.

 

'A trap?'

 

But the teen couldn't think about that anymore. He had to find Shinichi. Quickening his pace, uncaring whether it gave away his presence or not, Kaito continued to venture further down the corridor. He also kept an eye, or a hand, out to find a light switch. 

 

'Why the hell does it have to be so dark?!'

 

 

ª§ª

 

_Femme Masquée opened「Hunting」_

 

Femme Masquée: The dove is about to find the raven.

 

_Gizouno Kodomo opened「Hunting」_

 

Gizouno Kodomo : The preparations are complete.

 

_Femme Masquée closed「Hunting」_

_Gizouno Kodomo closed「Hunting」_

 

ª§ª

 

Unfortunately, another ten minutes passed and Kaito still could not find Shinichi (or a light switch, so he had to make do with his phone light). He was ready to scream out defeat but his pride would not allow him. It would mean that he would accept his defeat to Lupin and his gang, and that he would break his promise to his kids - who both still refuse to acknowledge it. The worst part was that Shinichi would still be with them!

 

Taking another right - his seventh one - Kaito decided to speed up. Completely unware of the many eyes watching his every move: Waiting. 

 

ª§ª

 

They began to count down. Their prey was nearly there. Once the door opens, then they would strike.

 

The sound of footsteps neared.

 

'5'

 

Soft pants got slightly louder.

 

'4'

 

A soft but surprised cry was heard.

 

'3'

 

The footsteps stopped from behind the door.

 

'2'

 

Muttered curses came from the other side.

 

'1'

 

The door swung open.

 

'0'

 

It became a warzone.

 

ª§ª

 

"Mou. Sensei! We told you to relax. Not to work on the story board!"

 

"It seems to be that my old age is getting to me and I have gone temporarily deaf Yui-chan."

 

Yui could only sigh, the other assistants doing the same. Truly a stubborn man, much like his beloved characters.

 

"Sensei, you should at least have some cake!"

 

"Hai hai."

 

One thing was that Sensei could never resist a cake with the little frosted Animal Crossing characters - even since playing the mobile version he became absolutely hooked.

 

ª§ª

 

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GUYS!"

 

Ah. Kaito was still peeved. Glaring at the offenders before him.

 

"I know right?" Sonoko crowed.

 

The magician glowered from his seat. He was still covered in an assortment of slimes and glitter - looking like a piñata gone wrong. The moment Kaito swung open the door, everyone else who was waiting in the room struck. All armed with various prank items, ranging from paint to peacock feathers, hit him from all angles. At least some of them had the decency to look sheepish - Ran, Kazuha, Fujiko, Ayumi and Goemon (well in his case, he was blank faced). While the rest had smirks or were still snickering and giggling at his current state - Jigen, Lupin, Sonoko, Masumi, Aoko, Akako (wait what?!), Saguru, Heiji, Shinichi, Chikage (to think, even his mother was in on this!), Yukiko, Yuusaku, the remaining detective boys and Ai.

 

"I was terrified! How dare you?!"

 

Tugging at a stray feather that was still in Kaito's hair, Saguru rebutted.

 

"You do this to everyone on a daily basis."

 

A certain Osakan was muttering about windows.

 

"You can't argue with that Kai-chan!"

 

Yukiko chirped from the side.

 

Pouting, Kaito his closed eyes and turned to face the other direction.

 

"Well at least I don't plan false kidnappings as a hobby!"

 

Giggling at this Yukiko poked him on the cheek.

 

"Silly Kai-chan. This was all Shin-chan's idea!"

 

At this, Kaito's eyes snapped open and instantly staring at said detective. Mouth open with shock and disbelief. This whole event was planned by Shinichi?!

 

"SHINICHI?!" Kaito squawked.

 

Shinichi only smiled. But when Kaito blinked, his face was covered in cream, again.

 

"Happy Birthday Kaito!"

 

Various other similar remarks were made and Kaito was once again pelted with prank items. What a turnout.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 581 COMMENTS  
> 656 KUDOS  
> 77 BOOKMARKS  
> 8776 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAITO AND AOYAMA-SENSEI!!!!!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Boy, I'm late ahhhhhhh. I completely forgot to ask Scheherazade to send over the beta'd version earlier. (HAHA FINALLY A BETA'D CHAPTER BLESSED BY SCHEHERAZADE) But then I still had work fdsjknsvjksvnsjd so here it is! Late, but it's here! Also, I swear I will answer the comments this Sunday - I still have work for the rest of the week ╮(╯∀╰)╭  
> \-------------------------------  
> Do you guys like my shitty riddle skills?  
> Here is the full explanation that I didn't include, and some reasoning.
> 
> The injured crane flies towards its healing light.  
> \- Injured - colouration = red/brown building  
> \- Healing light - time = moon  
> [I was torn between making it the sun, but when I asked Scheherazade on what she thought would be a healing light, she answered the Moon. As, and I quote: "Sun gives people cancer."]
> 
> To deliver the good news.  
> \- Good news [Yep, it wasn't post offices, but messing with Kaito is fun] - Shobu (Iris), meaning: Good news, Glad tidings, Loyalty = the building is near irises  
> [And boy trying to find some Japanese Summer flowers with the right meanings was difficult. I was actually rather tempted to use Suiren (Lotus), meaning: Far from the one you love. But that would be a bit cruel and also because they bloom mid-July, sometimes even early July - I'm trying to stick to the timeline -`д´-.]
> 
> Till only Artemis remains.  
> \- Artemis - time/view = the building faces the moon and can be only seen at night  
> \-------------------------------  
> I'll probably edit this AN later when I realise I forgot to mention something important haha  
> I will now proceed to attempt to warm up my appendages - haha my blood circulation is absolute shit, it's even worst than Scheherazade's overall health, and THAT is definitely something.  
> \-------------------------------  
> I was really tempted to write this scenario instead haha
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/285837907584165710/  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> [hurhur another filler chapter ¯\\_༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽_/¯]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Corpse Wannabe: Also I'm coming through the back door  
> Psychotic Individual: You learn something new every day  
> Psychotic Individual: Is that a fish onesie?  
> Corpse Wannabe: It's comfortable.  
> ª§ª  
> Papa: WHAT  
> Papa: Don't worry we're turning around.  
> Uncle: WE WILL KILL HIM FOR YOU  
> Uncle: THEN YOU CAN LEAVE THE COUNTRY AND COME LIVE WITH US  
> Uncle: BRING OUT YOUR INNER WANDERLUST  
> ª§ª  
> The Cooler Lupin: WIFE PLEASE  
> The Cooler Lupin: MERCY  
> Darling Wife: Mercy?  
> Darling Wife: I do not know such concept.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> BETA'D


	27. Preventive Measures and First-Degree Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where Shinichi basically Kaito-proofs his house for the day. Ai is amused and is watching how this plays out. Papa and Uncle are ready to commit first-degree murder. But Auntie wants Kaishin to sail. Also, Kaito being part cat, confirmed.

_Psychotic Individual opened「be less alive」_

 

Psychotic Individual: Kudou-kun.

 

_Corpse Wannabe opened「be less alive」_

 

Corpse Wannabe: Haibara.

 

Psychotic Individual: Why is Kid sitting in our yard, pawing at our fence?

Psychotic Individual: And is that a fish wind chime above the doorstep?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Preventive measures

 

Psychotic Individual: Ichthyophobia?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Yep

 

Psychotic Individual: So you have basically Kid proofed your home.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Yep.

 

Psychotic Individual: I'm surprised it took you this long to do that.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Kaito went too far today.

 

Psychotic Individual: I don't even want to know.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Honestly, it's a rather weak reason now.

Corpse Wannabe: But I want Kaito to learn that when he did was wrong.

 

Psychotic Individual: Keep at it.

Psychotic Individual: And do you have any more fish themed items?

Psychotic Individual: He won't leave the yard and I don't want to use the gun already.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Yeah, I'll bring it over.

Corpse Wannabe: Papa and Lupin got me fish themed souvenirs as a late birthday present.

 

Psychotic Individual: Despite giving Kid their blessing, they still have a preventive measures

Psychotic Individual: How cute

 

Corpse Wannabe: I don't know whether they are as bad or worse than my parents.

Corpse Wannabe: Also a temporary Kaito preventive measure is the spray bottle

 

Psychotic Individual: Seriously?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Yep.

Corpse Wannabe: Also I'm coming through the back door

 

Psychotic Individual: You learn something new every day

Psychotic Individual: Is that a fish onesie?

 

Corpse Wannabe: It's comfortable.

 

_Corpse Wannabe closed「be less alive」_

 

Psychotic Individual: Never have I been so glad to be alive to see this.

 

_Psychotic Individual closed「be less alive」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Brat opened「The Best Family」_

 

Brat: Thanks for the souvenirs.

Brat: I actually got to use them today.

 

_Uncle opened「The Best Family」_

 

Uncle: ALREADY?!

Uncle: DID HE DO SOMETHING TO YOU??!!!!

Uncle: I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT TOO SOON

Uncle: JIGEN THIS IS YOUR FAULT

 

_Papa opened「The Best Family」_

 

Papa: Stop poking me

Papa: You're sitting right next to me

 

Brat: Hey papa

 

Papa: Hey brat

 

Uncle: LOOK UP

Uncle: IN THE CHAT

 

Papa: Did that rat do something to you

 

Brat: …

Brat: It was awful.

 

_Auntie opened「The Best Family」_

 

Auntie: Hi hi~

Auntie: something is happening

 

Uncle: FUJIKO-CHAN OUR DARLING NEPHEW GOT DEFILED BY THE BRATTY KID

 

Auntie: OH MY

 

Papa: WHAT

Papa: Don't worry we're turning around.

 

Uncle: WE WILL KILL HIM FOR YOU

Uncle: THEN YOU CAN LEAVE THE COUNTRY AND COME LIVE WITH US

Uncle: BRING OUT YOUR INNER WANDERLUST

 

Auntie: EHHHHH

Auntie: Dont kill him

Auntie: I want kid to join our family

 

Uncle: FUJIKO NO

 

Auntie: FUJIKO YES

Auntie: And wouldnt it be hot

 

Brat: Oh my god.

Brat: Guys calm down

Brat: I don't think what Kaito did warrants first-degree murder

 

Papa: Then what did he do

Papa: If I think it is as back as I think it is

Papa: I am turning this car around

 

Brat: You shouldn't text and drive

 

Uncle: TELL US

Uncle: YOUR PAPA IS GIVE YOU THE STINK EYE FROM HERE

 

Brat: Kaito decided that it was funny to replace all of my mystery novels with various erotic novels.

 

Uncle: HUH?!!

 

Auntie: EHHHHHH

 

Papa: …

Papa: This is why you're called a brat.

Papa: I'm out of here

Papa: To think I was worried.

Papa: See you around, brat.

 

_Papa closed「The Best Family」_

 

Brat: See you around papa.

 

Uncle: WAIT!

Uncle: WHAT?

Uncle: HA?!

 

Auntie: boringgggg

 

_Auntie closed「The Best Family」_

 

Brat: See?

Brat: There is no need to commit first-degree murder.

Brat: And I have it covered.

Brat: Also Kaito keeps trying to contact me through a burn phone.

Brat: See you next time Uncle Lupin.

 

_Brat closed「The Best Family」_

 

Uncle: IS NO ONE GOING TO QUESTION HOW HE GOT THE EROTICA?!?!?!

 

_Uncle closed「The Best Family」_

 

ª§ª

 

_UNKNOWN sent you **[Kudou Shinichi]** a friend request_

 

 **_[Accept]_ ** _or **[Decline]**_

**_…_ **

**_[Accepted]_ **

 

_UNKNOWN made a new conversation_

_UNKNOWN changed「New Conversation」to「HELL」_

_UNKNOWN added Kudou Shinichi to「HELL」_

_UNKNOWN changed UNKNOWN to The Cooler Lupin_

_The Cooler Lupin changed Kudou Shinichi to Darling Wife_

 

_Darling Wife opened「HELL」_

 

Darling Wife: Kaito.

 

The Cooler Lupin: wife

The Cooler Lupin: i love you

The Cooler Lupin: BUT WHY

 

Darling Wife: I have no clue what you are talking about.

 

The Cooler Lupin: WIFE PLEASE

The Cooler Lupin: MERCY

 

Darling Wife: Mercy?

Darling Wife: I do not know such concept.

 

The Cooler Lupin: WIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The Cooler Lupin: IM SORRY

 

Darling Wife: I seem to be temporarily blinded due to your stupidity.

 

_The Cooler Lupin is calling Darling Wife_

 

**_[Accept_** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

_Darling Wife **[Declined]** the call_

 

The Cooler Lupin: SHINICHI PLEASE

 

_The Cooler Lupin is calling Darling Wife_

 

**_[Accept_** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

_Darling Wife **[Accepted]** the call_

 

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: *hollering* I'M SORRY _

 

_ Darling Wife: Che. Why should I? _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: … *uncertain* Because mercy is in style? _

 

_ Darling Wife: *strained* I am going to hang up. _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: *panicked* NO WAIT! I'M SORRY! _

 

_ Darling Wife: You have ten seconds. _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: Um… _

 

_ Darling Wife: 10 _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: Because… _

 

_ Darling Wife: 9 _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: I-I… _

 

_ Darling Wife: 8 _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: *silence* _

 

_ Darling Wife: 7 _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: I LOVE YOU I'M SORRY FOR HIDING YOUR MYSTERY NOVELS _

 

_ Darling Wife: *stern* And? _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: AND REPLACING THEM WITH EROTICA _

 

_ Darling Wife: *sighs* I'll ask Saguru to take off the stickers on your phone. Tomorrow all the… preventive mechanisms will be down. _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: *choked tears* LOVE YOU _

 

_ Darling Wife: *sighs* I hope you learn from this. _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: *sniffs* Never touch your mystery novels. _

 

_ Darling Wife: Good to know we are on the same page. _

 

_ The Cooler Lupin: Wai- _

 

_Darling Wife ended the call_

 

_Darling Wife closed「HELL」_

 

The Cooler Lupin: WAS THAT A PUN I HEARD

 

_The Cooler Lupin closed「HELL」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 587 COMMENTS  
> 667 KUDOS  
> 80 BOOKMARKS  
> 8992 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> WHOOP EARLIER THAN USUAL. I'm sorta at work right now but bless my co-worker. I also found out that she has the same interests as me hurhur. We had a whole squee fest about Kaishin [I was highkey worried that I would scare her off with my yaoi ships hahah], then internally bawled when we listened to the Hotaru no Mori E soundtrack.  
> \-------------------------------  
> ALSO, HELP I FORGOT I STILL NEED TO WRITE CHAPTER 28 HAHAHA. Do any of you guys have any username suggestions for Heiji and Kazuha? I have some written down but they are either too vague or too normal for the situation. My notes for chapter 28 are a mess. My co-worker was silently judging my messy ass handwriting when I was working on them at work.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Subaru: Stalker  
> Tooru: Piss off.  
> Subaru: Back at you.  
> Rena: Dear god.  
> Conan: Here we go again.  
> ª§ª  
> Subaru: No need to be jealous.  
> Tooru: I hope you choke.  
> Subaru: On the cake Masumi got me.  
> ª§ª  
> Conan: I'm fine, I was just busy with readjusting to being my full size again.  
> Tooru: Then you should've just stayed small  
> Conan: Not this again…  
> Subaru: Someone's in denial  
> ª§ª  
> Conan: Saguru and I are good friends, we have similar interests  
> Conan: And he is a gentleman  
> Rena: Oh?  
> Rena: Are you referring to the article about your date in Disneyland?  
> Conan: …  
> Tooru: WHAT  
> ª§ª  
> Subaru: Without context, you sound like a child predator.  
> Subaru: A paedophile.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	28. Helicopter Parenting and Severe Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amuro keeps trying to convince Shinichi to revert back into Conan. He's in denial that little Conan is now a big boy. Akai likes to taunt Amuro; they try (?) to get along, mainly for Shinichi's sake. Rena prefers to watch the chaos unfold; her reporter habits occasionally making the situation even worse with her questions. Poor Shinichi. Why did he make this chat?

_Conan opened「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Conan: Furuya-san

Conan: Please stop trying to spike my coffee with alcohol

 

_Tooru opened「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Tooru: But you're so much cuter when you're small

Tooru: And I keep telling you, call me Rei

 

Conan: Furuya-san…

 

Tooru: Call me Rei

 

Conan: …

Conan: Rei-san

 

Tooru: Yay!!!

Tooru: Success!!

 

_Rena opened「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Rena: Furuya-san!

Rena: That's illegal!

Rena: Also, are you still working at Poirot?

 

Tooru: It's a nice past time

Tooru: As well as a good cover to maintain

Tooru: Similar to your reporter persona.

 

Rena: I'm still back at HQ, filling out paperwork

Rena: But they will eventually deploy me back into Japan to maintain my cover

Rena: Which I honestly find much more interesting

 

Tooru: Point proven!

 

Conan: Rei-san

 

Tooru: Yes, Conan-kun?

 

Conan: Are you sure it's not another way to keep a closer eye on me?

Conan: And you can stop calling me Conan now.

 

Tooru: No.

 

_Subaru opened「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Subaru: Stalker

 

Tooru: Piss off.

 

Subaru: Back at you.

 

Rena: Dear god.

 

Conan: Here we go again…

 

Tooru: Honestly, you've already finished your mission,

Tooru: so why are you still here?

 

Subaru: I am currently staying with my family;

Subaru: no need to be jealous.

 

Tooru: I hope you choke.

 

Subaru: On the cake Masumi got me.

 

Rena: Why are they both in the same chat again?

 

Conan: I wish I could remember

Conan: I was probably sleep deprived when I made this chat.

 

Tooru: Conan-kun!

Tooru: You shouldn't be sleep deprived!

Tooru: Sleep is important!!!

 

Rena: well that took a sudden turn…

 

Conan: I'm fine, I was just busy readjusting to my full size again.

 

Tooru: Then you should've just stayed small

 

Conan: Not this again…

 

Subaru: Someone's in denial

 

Tooru: You want to say that to my face you bastard

 

Conan: Guys please…

 

Tooru: Now look at what you've done!

 

Rena: Oh my god.

 

Conan: Rei-san, please calm down

Conan: Akai-san, please stop taunting him

Conan: I bet Sera is nagging you to pay attention to her.

 

Tooru: …

Tooru: Fine

 

Subaru: Fine

 

_Subaru closed「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Rena: Thank god

 

Conan: God, I feel like a constant buffer

 

Rena: Anyway, Kudou-kun?

 

Conan: Yes?

 

Rena: How have your studies been?

Rena: Two years' worth of high school would be difficult to catch up on.

 

Tooru: You better be getting enough sleep!

Tooru: Or you could just become an elementary schooler again!

 

Conan: I'm doing alright.

Conan: Also, no thanks.

Conan: I just have to take extra classes to make sure that I have to maintain my grade

Conan: The principal was rather understanding

 

Rena: That's good to hear

Rena: He definitely would, considering you have the TMPD, FBI, CIA and PSB on your side

Rena: Only a fool would go against that.

 

Tooru: Our offer is still open.

Tooru: You don't have to go to the FBI dogs.

 

Conan: I sort of feel overpowered…

Conan: I'll just stick to being a high school detective for now…

 

Rena: With the things you had to go through, you deserve it.

 

Conan: Eh? That's a bit far-fetched.

Conan: How is your brother?

Conan: Last time I saw him, he nearly broke his neck on the hospital stairs.

 

Rena: Ahh Ei-chan?

Rena: He has been doing well.

Rena: Minus his usual clumsiness

Rena: Maybe I should get him a good luck charm that next time I'm in Osaka.

 

Conan: If you want, I could ask my friend Heiji.

 

Rena: Hattori Heiji?

 

Conan: Yeah

Conan: He comes over often

 

Tooru: WAIT

Tooru: When did you start calling that boy by his first name

 

Conan: A couple of months ago.

Conan: Why?

 

Tooru: Why is this the first time I am hearing of this!!

 

Conan: At the time you were still finishing up the final paperwork for Gin's trial.

Conan: Also, I don't believe it’s necessary to tell you when I start to use other people's first names…

 

Tooru: Still!!!

Tooru: Does that mean there are others?!?

 

Rena: Are you two close?

 

Conan: Yeah

Conan: He's my other half

 

Tooru: OTHER HALF?!

 

Rena: Other half?

 

Conan: Since I'm the Detective of the East, he is the Detective of the West.

 

Tooru: Other half…

 

Rena: Ah

Rena: I've heard of that title

Rena: But ignoring that,

Rena: how close are you two?

 

Conan: Well, he's become a constant in my life - literally

 

Rena: What do you mean?

 

Conan: Literal sense being that he is over in Tokyo at least 3 times a week

Conan: I've even joked about him having his own room here, but he says he prefers to stick in my room

Conan: Anyway, Heiji is always looking out for me - even if it's sometimes questionable?

Conan: He is honestly an amazing guy

 

Tooru: Oh god

 

Conan: ?

 

Tooru: That boy likes you

 

Conan: Well, yeah?

 

Rena: AHH

 

Tooru: OH GOD

Tooru: And you didn't answer me!!!

 

Conan: Which question?

 

Tooru: Does that mean you've been addressing others by their first names?

 

Conan: Yes?

 

Tooru: OH GOD

 

Rena: I bet he suppressed the urge to swear because you're a 'child.'

 

Conan: …

 

Tooru: Children should not be exposed to such foul language.

 

_Subaru opened「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Subaru: You sound like a helicopter parent

 

_Subaru closed「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Tooru: PISS OFF

Tooru: AT LEAST I CARE

 

Conan: Rei-san

 

Tooru: He did it first

 

Rena: I cannot tell who the parent is in this relationship…

 

Tooru: But who else?!

 

Rena: What a fast recovery

 

Conan: Well…

Conan: There is Hakuba Saguru and Kuroba Kaito

Conan: Saguru, is a high school detective who is more active in England.

Conan: Kaito, is the infamous, retired Kaito Kid

 

Tooru: A snobby brat and Kaito Kid?!

 

Conan: Rei-san

 

Rena: How did you come across them?

 

Conan: Well, for Saguru - it was more circumstance and chance

Conan: He got my number from Kaito and contacted me out of curiousity

 

Rena: Much like yours?

 

Conan: I can't deny that.

Conan: But since we have similar interests, we hit off pretty well

 

Tooru: What about Kid

 

Conan: I actually have history with Kaito

Conan: Our families knew each other pretty well

Conan: But after his father, the first Kid, was killed by the assassin Snake, we lost contact

Conan: Then I faced him again two years ago as Shinichi in the Ekoda Clock Tower Heist.

Conan: I later faced him as Conan on the Black Star Heist.

 

Rena: Interesting…

 

Tooru: What is your relationship with them?

 

Conan: Saguru and I are good friends; we have similar interests.

Conan: And he is a gentleman

 

Rena: Oh?

Rena: Are you referring to the article about your date in Disneyland?

 

Conan: …

 

Tooru: WHAT

 

Conan: It wasn't a date

Conan: Well… sort of?

Conan: We were disguised as a couple??

 

Tooru: WHAT

 

Conan: We were being chased by some rabid fangirls

Conan: But we managed to find some spare costumes

Conan: So we assumed the disguise of a couple since it would be less likely for us to be found

 

Rena: Ah the _'Love Across the Waters!'_  tabloid article!

Rena: I remember seeing that - it was all over social media

 

Tooru: WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ANY OF THIS?!

 

Conan: …

Conan: You were still finishing off paperwork at the time?

Conan: Also, it never came up?

Conan: Not that I wanted it to.

 

Rena: There was a picture of you and Hakuba-san holding hands.

 

Tooru: Where is this boy.

 

Conan: Rei-san, no.

 

Tooru: Dammit

 

Rena: Wait! What about Kid?

 

Conan: Eh?

Conan: Well, Kaito is…

Conan: A strange one

Conan: He keeps calling me his wife

Conan: But I've accepted it

 

Tooru: I'M GOING TO KILL HIM

 

Conan: REI-SAN

 

Rena: Dear god

 

Tooru: HOW DARE HE

Tooru: DEFILE CONAN-KUN'S PURITY

Tooru: NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH CONAN-KUN

Tooru: I'LL KILL HIM

 

Conan: REI-SAN

Conan: PLEASE CALM DOWN

 

Rena: I'm just going to watch this

Rena: Don't mind me

 

Tooru: BUT CONAN-KUN

Tooru: KID

Tooru: HE

Tooru: TAINT

 

Conan: If you don't stop, I'll refuse to go near you ever again.

Conan: Furuya-san.

 

Tooru: Please take it back.

 

Conan: Good.

 

Rena: As much as I would love to continue watching this, I have to go now.

Rena: One of my seniors need me to confirm something for them.

 

Conan: Okay, sorry for keeping you

 

Rena: It's no problem

Rena: It's refreshing

 

Conan: Haha

Conan: An interesting way to describe this chat

 

Rena: Anyway, best of luck for your studies

 

Conan: Thank you

 

Rena: And romantic interests

 

_Rena closed「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Conan: Wait what

 

Tooru: DON'T ENCOURAGE THIS

Tooru: Conan-kun!

 

Conan: Yes?

 

Tooru: Just listen to me carefully

 

Conan: Um, okay?

 

Tooru: You should become a little boy again

Tooru: I'll take care of you and everything

Tooru: There is no need to face the cruelties of the world ever again

Tooru: All you have to do is shrink again and come with me

 

Conan: Uhhh…

 

_Subaru opened「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Subaru: Without context, you sound like a child predator.

Subaru: A paedophile.

 

_Subaru closed「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Tooru: YOU'RE DEAD

 

_Tooru closed「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

Conan: Dear god

 

_Conan closed「Try to Get Along for His Sake」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 600 COMMENTS  
> 698 KUDOS  
> 86 BOOKMARKS  
> 9355 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> I'VE BEEN WAITING TO USE THIS HEADCANON!!!  
> God, I love the NOCs so much rejfgknalgjfav  
> Do you guys want to see more of them? Otherwise, I will go wild on the ideas I have drafted so far [haha chapter 28 wait for me...] I also have a separate fic planned out on my phone - sadly still full of plotholes - but Scheherazade and I are excited to see it be brought into this dark, sad world.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Unfortunately, I have some bad news for next chapter. As I am a disorganised piece of shit, I have not finished writing it yet (ಥ_ʖಥ) Please forgive me!!! I'll try to finish it tonight!!! HOWEVER! As I can't do the usual preview, I can tell you guys that Makoto will finally have an appearance next chapter! autumnskiess, I have kept you waiting until now!  
> Edit: haha rip me, I'm rewriting chapter 28  
> [our conversation from last night]
> 
> 01:42 Kai HAHA NOW TO PASS OUT  
> 01:43 Scheherazade I don't even know what to question anymore...  
> 01:43 Scheherazade The images or the fact that it is almost 2:00am.... 
> 
> \-------------------------------  
> But talking about how disorganised I am, I'm sorry for responding to any comments! [I broke my promise (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ)] Despite it being holidays, I am busy throughout the week with either work, driving, catching up on sleep and Sunday school [yup, no rest for the wicked as Scheherazade's mother says]. BUT I do read them and my heart screams within the messed up flesh sack that I occupy [wow poetic].  
> \-------------------------------  
> Blessings to Scheherazade for using her holiday time to beta this mess. PLUS MY CONGRATS TO HER BEING ABLE TO LEGALLY RUN OVER CHILDREN NOW.  
> I'm kidding, please don't report me.  
> Also, I'm going to expose Scheherazade.
> 
> 20:34 Scheherazade There weren't too many mistakes in this chapter, so good job~  
> 20:34 Scheherazade Also i loved the child predator joke
> 
> I LOVE YOU  
> PLEASE DON'T KILL ME ༼♥ل͜♥༽  
> \-------------------------------  
> ^god i sound like kaito from the previous chapter  
> \-------------------------------  
> ^^this also reminds me of the fact that our math teacher thinks we are a couple [and he is not the first]  
> Edit: it happened again ahhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> BETA'D


	29. Fresh Meat and Host Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome~! The SPAS has gained a new member!! Masumi either edits her friends faces onto anime characters in her spare time or she just a really fast editor??? Ran is special (and a queen) so she gets extra flowers and MORE SPARKLES. Kaito is slightly wary. Saguru is the groom?!? Kazuha is a sweetheart. Heiji is picked on (as usual). Aoko is a cutie. Sonoko is the new Renge. Does that make Shinichi secretly a girl????

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Rich-san: GUYS I WAS JUST THINKING

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Leaf-san: You were thinking????

 

Rich-san: rude

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

JKD-san: i heard someone get burned

 

Leaf-san: lol joking

Leaf-san: Love you!

 

Rich-san: you better

 

JKD-san: THE FORBIDDEN ROMANCE

JKD-san: I SHIP IT

 

Rich-san: sorry honey but im off the market

 

Leaf-san: Oh yeah!

Leaf-san: Don't you already have a boyfriend?

 

Rich-san: ahhhhhh

Rich-san: i miss him

 

Leaf-san: You need to introduce him to us!!!

 

JKD-san: BRING HIM BACK

 

Rich-san: but i dont want to force him away from his passions

 

Leaf-san: ?

 

JKD-san: wow that was sorta ooc of u

 

Rich-san: IM CAPABLE OF BEING CONSIDERATE

Rich-san: ANYWAY

Rich-san: i will introduce him to everyone

 

Leaf-san: YAY

 

JKD-san: everyone?

 

Rich-san: EVERYONE

Rich-san: why????

 

JKD-san: i wanna see how he reacts when he meets kuroba

 

Rich-san: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Leaf-san: ???

 

JKD-san: u remember the green emperor heist?

 

Leaf-san: I don’t think so…

 

JKD-san: well last time sonoko chans bf was there

JKD-san: but while she was ranting about how cool kid was, he thought that kid had won her over

JKD-san: so it was basically kid vs her bf for her hand

 

Leaf-san: oh my god

Leaf-san: A soap opera in the making

 

JKD-san: YUP

JKD-san: so he, the bf, went to her uncle to prove himself etc etc

JKD-san: shit when down

JKD-san: but if u want details, u need to ask shinichi kun

JKD-san: he was there

 

Rich-san: YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I WAS UNLOYAL

 

JKD-san: *disloyal

 

Rich-san: AH

 

Leaf-san: Ah?

 

JKD-san: what?

 

Rich-san: I NEVER GOT TO TELL YOU GUYS WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT

 

Leaf-san: Then tell us!!

 

Rich-san: makoto san would be a good addition to the group

 

JKD-san: YES

JKD-san: DO IT

 

Leaf-san: From what I've heard

Leaf-san: YES

 

JKD-san: HE CAN AID US IN OUR DUTY

 

Leaf-san: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leaf-san: The excess exclamation marks emphasise my slightly confused enthusiasm

 

Rich-san: LET ME ADD HIM

 

JKD-san: JUST DO IT ALREADY

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

JKD-san: BRING ON THE FRESH MEAT

 

Rich-san: oh my god

 

Leaf-san: oh wow

Leaf-san: Fresh meat?

 

JKD-san: FRESH MEAT

JKD-san: FRESH MEAT

JKD-san: FRESH MEAT

JKD-san: FRESH MEAT

JKD-san: FRESH MEAT

JKD-san: FRESH MEAT

 

Rich-san: jesus calm down

 

JKD-san: ho?

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Leaf-san: dear god

 

_Rich-san added Kyougoku Makoto to「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

_Rich-san changed Kyougoku Makoto to Prince-san_

 

_Prince-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」_

 

Prince-san: ?

Prince-san: Sonoko-san?

 

Rich-san: WELCOME TO THE SPAS MAKOTO SAN

 

Leaf-san: Hi!!

 

JKD-san: Welcome~!

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Prince-san: Ah?

 

Rich-san: you have now become a member of this special secret society

Rich-san: SSS

 

Prince-san: A host club?

 

Leaf-san: Oh my god

 

_JKD-san changed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Squad」to「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE IN A HOST CLUB

 

JKD-san: well thats off my bucket list

JKD-san: dude

 

Prince-san: I am very confused…

 

Magician-san: WHO ARE U

 

Prince-san: I am Kyougoku Makoto, it's nice to meet you.

 

Magician-san: oh god

 

Prince-san: ?

 

Rich-san: GUYS INTRODUCE YOURSELVES

 

JKD-san: u know me

JKD-san: its sera masumi

JKD-san: the tomboyish type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Leaf-san: OH MY GOD

 

Magician-san: ART

 

Prince-san: Ah, Sera-san.

Prince-san: It's been a while.

 

JKD-san: IT HAS

 

Rich-san: did you seriously just make that or did you just happen to have it already

 

JKD-san: ill leave that up to u

 

Leaf-san: MY TURN!!

Leaf-san: Hi Kyougoku-kun!

Leaf-san: I'm Touyama Kazuha

 

JKD-san: the headstrong type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

JKD-san: kazuha chan gets sparkles

 

Leaf-san: oh my god

Leaf-san: I love it

 

Prince-san: It's nice to meet you Touyama-san.

 

Rich-san: how many do you have…

 

Magician-san: DO U HAVE ONE OF ME

 

JKD-san: U NEED TO INTRO URSELF FIRST

 

Magician-san: ah

 

Prince-san: ?

Prince-san: Do I know you?

 

Rich-san: INTRODUCE YOURSELF

 

Magician-san: kuroba kaito

Magician-san: nice to meetcha

 

JKD-san: the mischievous type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Prince-san: It's a pleasure.

 

Rich-san: TELL HIM THE REST

 

Magician-san: Also known as the [RETIRED] Kaitou Kid

 

Prince-san: You

 

JKD-san: BEAT HIM UP

 

Magician-san: PLEASE DONT

 

Prince-san: …

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: What's happening?

 

Magician-san: BLESS

 

Rich-san: RAN WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER

 

Okaa-san: ?

Okaa-san: Who is it?

 

Prince-san: Hello again, Mouri-san.

 

Okaa-san: EHHH?!

Okaa-san: KYOUGOKU-SAN

 

Prince-san: I am now part of a host club?

 

Okaa-san: Ahhh??

 

JKD-san: RAN CHAN INTRODUCE URSELF

 

Okaa-san: I am Mouri Ran?

 

JKD-san: the motherly type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

JKD-san: ran chan is special so she gets an extra flower and the sparkles

 

Leaf-san: Oh my god

 

Okaa-san: Oh my

Okaa-san: Thank you!

 

JKD-san: WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE

JKD-san: I STILL HAVE MORE

 

Rich-san: WAIT

Rich-san: DO YOU HAVE ONE FOR ME!!!

 

JKD-san: DUH

JKD-san: BUT U GOTTA INTRO URSELF

 

Rich-san: Suzuki Sonoko~

 

JKD-san: the manager

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Rich-san: ehhhhh

Rich-san: boring…

 

Leaf-san: I think it fits

 

Magician-san: the obsessed type

 

Rich-san: RUDE

 

Okaa-san: I think it's great!

 

Prince-san: I agree

 

Rich-san: HOHOHO

Rich-san: IM THE MANAGER

 

Leaf-san: oh my god

 

Magician-san: akako part 2

 

Rich-san: ?

 

Leaf-san: The way sera chan edited it, does that make her and Kuroba-kun the twins?

 

Magician-san: CHAOS

 

JKD-san: MAYHEM

 

Okaa-san: Oh my

Okaa-san: Wait!

 

Leaf-san: ?

 

Okaa-san: We still need Hakuba-kun, Aoko-chan and Hattori-kun!!

Okaa-san: Maybe Ai-chan, but I don't want to disturb her.

 

Magician-san: haha…

Magician-san: everyone is wary of her…

 

Prince-san: ?

 

Magician-san: trust me

Magician-san: dont bother her

 

Prince-san: Alright...?

 

Rich-san: AS MANAGER, GET THEM ONLINE

Rich-san: STAT

 

Leaf-san: ON IT!

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: ROGER

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO~~

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: That was fast…

 

Watson-san: What is going on…

 

JKD-san: WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER

JKD-san: INTRO URSELF

 

Prince-san: Hello, I am Kyougoku Makoto.

Prince-san: It's a pleasure to meet you.

 

JKD-san: the stoic type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

JKD-san: cuz he is a new member he gets a different outfit

 

Okaa-san: Oh wow

 

Watson-san: Hakuba Saguru; likewise.

 

JKD-san: the gentlemanly type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: ??

Blue-san: Oh wow

 

Okaa-san: Just roll with it

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: PFT

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Leaf-san: I'm back!

Leaf-san: He was being an ass

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: jesus

 

JKD-san: INTRO URSELF

 

West-san: ?

 

Rich-san: AOKO CHAN FIRST

 

Blue-san: Eh?

 

Prince-san: I am a new member

Prince-san: Kyougoku Makoto, nice to meet you.

 

Blue-san: Oh!

Blue-san: You're Sonoko-chan's boyfriend!!

Blue-san: Nakamori Aoko

Blue-san: Nice to meet you!

 

JKD-san: the childish type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

JKD-san: PLUS SPARKLES!!

 

Blue-san: EH?!?!

 

Magician-san: HAHA

 

Okaa-san: It's cute!

 

Leaf-san: It suits yah!

 

Blue-san: …

Blue-san: you guys sure…

 

Watson-san: Yes

 

West-san: the fuck????

 

Rich-san: INTRODUCE YOURSELF

 

West-san: hattori heiji, nice to meet ya

 

JKD-san: the hot-headed type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

West-san: OI

 

Watson-san: Accurate

 

Magician-san: PFT

 

Leaf-san: YES

 

Rich-san: ITS PERFECT

 

JKD-san: and finally

JKD-san: the  jewel of this group

JKD-san: Kudou Shinichi

JKD-san: the obliviously cool type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Magician-san: AGREED

 

West-san: Too oblivious at times…

 

Okaa-san: And dense

 

Leaf-san: oh my gosh

Leaf-san: kudou-kun is haruhi…

 

Blue-san: does that make him secretly a girl????

 

Rich-san: well he certainly has the waist for it

 

Magician-san: i have the wig (・ωｰ)～☆

 

JKD-san: and the fake boobs

JKD-san: don’t leave that out

 

Rich-san: of course you would mention the fake boobs

 

Prince-san: …

Prince-san: This information is not helping your case, Kuroba-san.

 

Magician-san: PLEASE DONT BEAT ME UP

 

Okaa-san: Let's not.

 

Watson-san: Shinichi does not condone in unnecessary violence.

 

West-san: why the fuck did i hear an unfortunately in that sentence

 

Prince-san: Now that I think about it,

Prince-san: is Kudou-san not in this chat?

 

Okaa-san: Nope

 

JKD-san: its better this way

 

Magician-san: we need to protect him from the horrors of this world

Magician-san: *tiny script* this excludes murder, etc…

 

Watson-san: *in italics* Especially from perverted magicians or second-rate detectives

 

Magician-san: OI

 

West-san: FUCK YOU

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

Blue-san: BAKAITO

 

Leaf-san: YOU PLAYED A BIKINI GUESSING GAME WITH SHINICHI-KUN

 

Blue-san: YOU FLIP SKIRTS ON A DAILY BASIS

 

West-san: BUT HE STILL PLAYED IT

 

Magician-san: …

 

Leaf-san: AT LEAST HE HAD THE MIND TO BE EMBARRASSED BY IT

 

Blue-san: DON’T YOU DENY IT

 

Leaf-san: I BET YOU WERE THE ONE WHO INITIATED IT

 

JKD-san: *IN BOLD* ESPECIALLY THEM

 

Prince-san: …

Prince-san: I must agree on this statement, mainly the magician part.

 

Magician-san: GUYS WHY

Magician-san: WHAT ABOUT SAGUBOY

Magician-san: HE IS STILL IN THE PICTURE

 

Okaa-san: He is a gentleman.

Okaa-san: I wouldn't mind allowing him to date Shinichi.

 

West-san: WHAT

 

Rich-san: GENTLEMEN PAIR

 

Blue-san: SUPPORT

 

Magician-san: AHOKO NO

 

Prince-san: I also agree.

 

JKD-san: so what does the groom have to say abt this

 

Watson-san: Groom?!

 

Blue-san: HE'S FLUSTERED

Blue-san: I CAN FEEL IT

 

Rich-san: I CAN START WEDDING PLANS

 

West-san: GROOM

West-san: WEDDING?!?!?!?!

 

Magician-san: OH HELL NO

 

Leaf-san: first we need to get rid of these two

 

JKD-san: DEPORT THEM

JKD-san: DEPORT THEM

JKD-san: DEPORT THEM

JKD-san: DEPORT THEM

JKD-san: DEPORT THEM

JKD-san: DEPORT THEM

 

West-san: i think we hear that enough in the states

 

Watson-san: Dear god

 

JKD-san: SHIT U RIGHT

JKD-san: WAIT

JKD-san: did u guys just say im trump

 

Rich-san: pft

Rich-san: omg

 

Watson-san: Dear God

 

Magician-san: LOOK WHAT U MADE ME DO

 

_Magician-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Rich-san: GET OUT

 

Okaa-san: Please delete this

 

Watson-san: Kuroba, get off the internet.

 

Prince-san: This image has now been permanently burned into my mind.

 

JKD-san: bye guys

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Okaa-san: SERA NO

 

Leaf-san: THINK ABOUT IT FIRST

 

Rich-san: WHAT ABOUT THE WEDDING

 

 

JKD-san: fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

JKD-san: I STILL HAVE A PURPOSE

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Science-san: My my, it's certainly busy here.

 

Okaa-san: Ai-chan!

 

West-san: the little nee-chan

 

Leaf-san: Oi! Don't ignore me!

Leaf-san: Hi Ai-chan!

 

Rich-san: INTRODUCE YOURSELF

 

Science-san: ?

 

Prince-san: Kyougoku Makoto, nice to meet you.

 

Science-san: Haibara Ai, pleasure.

 

JKD-san: the aloof type

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

JKD-san: cuz im slightly terrified

JKD-san: she gets kyouya

 

Science-san: Do I even want to know?

 

Watson-san: No

 

Science-san: Anyway, Kudou-kun was wondering if anyone wanted some cake

Science-san: He was distracted and baked too much.

Science-san: It's a hassle to stop the professor from try to eat more than his set limit

 

Okaa-san: Of course!

 

JKD-san: CAKE

 

Blue-san: Cake!!!!

 

Magician-san: IM ALWAYS READY FOR MY WIFES CAKE

 

Leaf-san: Please!!!

Leaf-san: Wait, dang it

Leaf-san: You guys are in Tokyo

 

West-san: oh look at this convenient ticket to tokyo

West-san: bye

 

JKD-san: ^so many questions

 

Leaf-san: I've stopped

 

Prince-san: I didn't know Kudou-san could bake

 

Rich-san: he is crazy good at it

 

Okaa-san: The next time you visit you need to try some!

 

Prince-san: I shall gladly wait for that moment then.

 

Science-san: So for those who want cake, come over to Kudou-kun's house.

 

JKD-san: YEET

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: HAHA BYE LOSERS

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: time for me to go

 

Leaf-san: WAIT GET SOME FOR ME TOO

 

West-san: fine fine

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: we should demote him to the dog

 

Leaf-san: oH MY

 

Okaa-san: SONOKO

 

Watson-san: Do it.

 

Prince-san: I apologise, Sonoko-san,

Prince-san: I have to leave for a match now

 

Rich-san: awww

Rich-san: we can talk later then

Rich-san: good luck!!!

 

Okaa-san: Good luck Kyougoku-san!

 

Leaf-san: Break some legs!!

 

Watson-san: Good luck.

 

Prince-san: Thank you

Prince-san: We shall talk again later, I promise.

 

Rich-san: you better

Rich-san: love you!

 

Prince-san: Love you too, Sonoko-san

 

_Prince-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Leaf-san: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Okaa-san: THAT WAS SO CUTE

 

Watson-san: This is my cue to leave.

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: SHUSH IT

Rich-san: THE CAKE IS MINE

 

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Leaf-san: She's embarrassed

 

Okaa-san: It's funny to see her flustered

Okaa-san: since she's usually shameless about these things

Okaa-san: Anyway, I want to go get some cake too

 

Leaf-san: Awwww

Leaf-san: I'll be all alone…

 

Okaa-san: Sorry Kazuha-chan!

 

Leaf-san: Just kidding, Heiji will bring back some

 

Okaa-san: True

 

Leaf-san: But if he doesn’t,

Leaf-san: he is a dead man

 

Okaa-san: Haha

Okaa-san: I'll remind him

 

Leaf-san: Bless yah Ran-chan

 

Okaa-san: I'm off!

 

Leaf-san: Talk to yah later!

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 607 COMMENTS  
> 718 KUDOS  
> 90 BOOKMARKS  
> 9686 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> DID YOU GUYS LIKE THIS MESS HAHAHA ALL THOSE MICROSOFT WORD EDITS  
> I've been excited all week to post this.  
> Despite having to rewrite - then shifting my previous draft to a future chapter slot - it somehow hit 2000 words????  
> \-------------------------------  
> It also came to mind that when ao3 is down, I have no way to communicate with you guys, so I decided to finally pull up my old tumblr. So yeah, you guys can scream, rant or talk at/with me on my tumblr: kaids-lu  
> I can also post some special sneak peaks. Or perhaps some drafting notes of old/new chapters to have a more "Behind the Laptop w/ the author" idk  
> But I am crazily excited to post chapter 31 fhrejkafgnajkdvadk  
> I posted a snippet of my notes for chapter 32 on sc and I got the response of:  
> 'I just see "brutally murder" and "sell victim to..." and that sounds like a very pg, wholesome story'  
> Tis very wholesome and pg, this fic  
> \-------------------------------  
> Sorry, this unbeta'd - my schedule is a mess, I am literally posting this at work - so there will be errors. Please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Next chapter is a birthday chapter for Heiji! （〜^∇^)〜  
> Okay, before everyone gets confused - as there is no canon date for Heiji's b-day, I just decided to chose a convenient date with the info I could find on the interwebs. Also, yes, you guys get to see my shitty narrative writing again. Even Scheherazade says it's a mess - I wrote this chapter all the way back in early April fnjknvgadjkva  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> [Have fun guessing the names~]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Yep, Heiji was having a blast, and the fun hadn't even started yet.  
> 'What a great birthday this is going to be.'  
> Well, that is until a woman let out a shriek from row 23, standing in front of a man who was lying face down on the ground. Probably dead was tacked on as an afterthought.  
> 'Shit… At least Shinichi is also dead to the world, that's a plus at least.'  
> ª§ª  
> Shinichi Protector #1: HUSH #3  
> Shinichi Protector #1: IM EXPLAINING  
> Shinichi Protector #1: FIRST HEI CHAN HAS KIDNAPPED SHIN CHAN  
> Shinichi Protector #1: TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE DISTANCE HEI CHAN HAS ENOUGH TIME TO DO STUFF TO SHIN CHAN BEFORE WE CAN GET THERE IN TIME  
> Shinichi Protector #1: ASSUMING HE SMUGGLED OUT SHIN CHAN AT 7AM TO GET SHIN CHAN ONTO THE NOZUMI SHINKANSEN AT 7:30AM  
> Shinichi Protector #1: THAT ALREADY MAKES 0.5 HOURS  
> Shinichi Protector #1: THE TRIP ITSELF IS 2.5 HOURS MAKING IT 3 HOURS  
> Shinichi Protector #1: IF WE TAKE THE NEXT NOZUMI SHINKANSEN THEN THAT WIDENS THE GAP TO 5.5 HOURS  
> Shinichi Protector #1: THEN TAKING ACCOUNT OUR CURRENT TIME WHICH IS 11AM MAKES THE GAP 6.5 HOURS  
> Shinichi Protector #2: lol u sound like a detective  
> Shinichi Protector #1: NOW WE NEED TO ASSIGN POSITIONS  
> Shinichi Protector #3: Could you at least stop typing everything in capitals?  
> Shinichi Protector #1: IM TRYING TO GET MY URGENCY ACROSS  
> Shinichi Protector #2: u sound like a possessive girlfriend  
> ª§ª  
> 'His hands are seriously soft.'  
> Heiji felt another intense glare but ignored it in favour of holding Shinichi's strangely soft hands.  
> 'All it needs is a ring.'  
> ª§ª  
> Shinichi Protector #1: honestly shinichis beauty is illegal  
> Shinichi Protector #3: What we're doing is illegal.  
> Shinichi Protector #2: riperino  
> ª§ª  
> Crisis (barely) averted.  
> ª§ª  
> Shinichi Protector #3: Apparently Hattori has booked a couples' room.  
> Shinichi Protector #1: which floor  
> Shinichi Protector #3: Floor 4  
> Shinichi Protector #1: a 5 story fall okay  
> Shinichi Protector #3: My god.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	30. Illegal Deeds and Artless Flirtations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heiji's birthday!!! A special Osaka tour for Shinichi, hosted by the birthday boy (it is obviously a date in disguise). Of course, the newly formed SHC squad (STOP HEI CHAN) are keeping an eye on them (more like, just Heiji) in case anything happens. Is Saguru finally understanding his feelings? Will Heiji understand that he is not subtle? And will Kaito get a restraining order or charged for second-degree murder?

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: GUYS WHERE IS SHINICHI?!

Magician-san: I SWEAR IF THIS ANOTHER JOKE…

 

_Okaa_ _-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: Have you checked with Shinichi's parents in case they pulled another fake kidnapping?

 

Magician-san: I have, but they confirmed as negative

 

_JKD-_ _san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: ITS TOO EARLY BUT I HEARD SHINICHI GOT KIDNAPPED AGAIN

 

Magician-san: WHICH BASTARD GOT THEIR HANDS ON HIM THIS TIME!?

 

_Science_ _-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Science-san: Have you checked the date yet Kid?

 

Magician-san: July 16th?

Magician-san: The last week before Summer break?

 

Science-san: Wrong

 

Okaa-san: July 16..

Okaa-san: Isn't that Hattori-kun's birthday?

 

Science-san: Bingo~

Science-san: The birthday boy even asked for my permission earlier

 

_Science-san closed_ _「_ _Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: gtg to school

 

_JKD-san closed_ _「_ _Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: Me too

Okaa-san: So I'll talk to you guys later.

 

_Okaa-san closed_ _「_ _Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: BUT SHINICHI!?!!!

Magician-san: THAT PERVERT WILL-

 

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: KAITO YOU PROMISED ME SHOPPING

 

Magician-san: but…

 

Blue-san: KAITO

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

ª§ª

 

It was just past 8 am, which in Shinichi's opinion was 4 hours too early to be awake; but of course he couldn't have everything the way he wanted. Grumbling, he snuggled closer into his seat and let out a sigh. This got a chuckle from his seat mate. He grumbled a bit louder.

 

"Sorry, sorry."

 

"Shush. I'm only coming along because it's your birthday and today is only a review lesson. Also because the shinkansen tickets were expensive."

 

"Hai hai.."

 

'Honestly, what is with people kidnapping me all the time?… Is there a "Kidnap me!" sign on my back or something?'

 

The blue eyed sleuth slowly shuffled in his seat and faced the window, the busy scenery of Tokyo being left behind in the dust. What he would do just to stay in bed for once…

 

'At least I can get another 2 hours of sleep before I have to act alive again.'

 

The clutters of the shinkansen eventually lulled him to sleep.

 

Heiji only gave a grin at his sleeping companion who was dead to the world (much like his beloved cases), his nearly silent snores were barely heard over the sounds of the shinkansen and its occupants. Of course, how could he resist the chance to snap another picture of the sleeping sleuth to add to his 'Shinichi Album' on his phone? Ignoring the furious buzzes coming from the SPAHC group chat, most likely Kuroba having an aneurysm.

 

'Smuggle Shinichi onto the shinkansen without being pulled over by security. Check. Guilt trip him into staying and not jumping out of the window. Check. Take photos of Shinichi sleeping. Check.'

 

Yep, Heiji was having a blast, and the fun hadn't even started yet.

 

'What a great birthday this is going to be.'

 

Well, that was until a woman let out a shriek from row 23, standing in front of a man who was lying face down on the ground. Probably dead was tacked on as an afterthought.

 

'Shit… At least Shinichi is also _dead_ to the world, that's a plus at least.'

 

The Osakan let out a sigh and made his way towards the body and began listing out the procedures that he has recited a thousand times in the past. If he got one yen for every time he did, he would probably be as rich as the Suzukis…

 

ª§ª

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: GUYSSSSSSS

Magician-san: WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT HATTORI

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: lol jelly

JKD-san: also keep it down unlike u I still have school

 

Magician-san: NO

Magician-san: WHAT IF HE POUNCES SHIN CHAN

Magician-san: OR FORCES SHIN CHAN INTO STUFF

 

JKD-san: …

JKD-san: is it bad that I can sorta see a point

 

Magician-san: WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING

Magician-san: WAIT ILL MAKE A DIFFERENT CHAT

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: oh boy

 

_JKD-san closed_ _「_ _Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

 

_Kuroba Kaito made a new conversation_

_Kuroba Kaito changed「New Conversation」to「STOP HEI CHAN」_

_Kuroba Kaito added Sera Masumi to「STOP HEI CHAN」_

_Kuroba Kaito changed Kuroba Kaito to Shinichi Protector #1_

_Shinichi Protector #1 changed Sera Masumi to Shinichi Protector #2_

 

 

_White Horse opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

White Horse: Kuroba

 

_Clover_ _opened_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

Clover: yo

Clover: u want in dont ya

 

White Horse: Yes

 

Clover: okie dokie

 

_Clover closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

_White Horse closed_ _「_ _FIGHT ME」_

 

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 added Hakuba Saguru to「STOP HEI CHAN」_

_Shinichi Protector #1 changed Hakuba Saguru to Shinichi Protector #3_

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

_Shinichi Protector #3 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: im guessing #3 is hakuba kun?

 

Shinichi Protector #3: It is a surprise to see you here.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: same to u

 

Shinichi Protector #1: GUYS BATTLE PLAN

 

Shinichi Protector #3: And what would that be?

 

Shinichi Protector #1: HUSH #3

Shinichi Protector #1: IM EXPLAINING

Shinichi Protector #1: FIRST HEI CHAN HAS KIDNAPPED SHIN CHAN

Shinichi Protector #1: TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE DISTANCE HEI CHAN HAS ENOUGH TIME TO DO STUFF TO SHIN CHAN BEFORE WE CAN GET THERE IN TIME

Shinichi Protector #1: ASSUMING HE SMUGGLED OUT SHIN CHAN AT 7AM TO GET SHIN CHAN ONTO THE NOZUMI SHINKANSEN AT 7:30AM

Shinichi Protector #1: THAT ALREADY MAKES 0.5 HOURS

Shinichi Protector #1: THE TRIP ITSELF IS 2.5 HOURS MAKING IT 3 HOURS

Shinichi Protector #1: IF WE TAKE THE NEXT NOZUMI SHINKANSEN THEN THAT WIDENS THE GAP TO 5.5 HOURS

Shinichi Protector #1: THEN TAKING ACCOUNT OUR CURRENT TIME WHICH IS 11AM MAKES THE GAP 6.5 HOURS

 

Shinichi Protector #2: lol u sound like a detective

 

Shinichi Protector #1: NOW WE NEED TO ASSIGN POSITIONS

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Could you at least stop typing everything in capitals?

 

Shinichi Protector #1: IM TRYING TO GET MY URGENCY ACROSS

 

Shinichi Protector #2: u sound like a possessive girlfriend…

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Now we just need to address his stalking tendencies, perverted fantasies and cross dressing habits.

Shinichi Protector #3: Of course that is just scratching the surface.

Shinichi Protector #3: A restraining order is also needed.

 

Shinichi Protector #1: GUYS

 

Shinichi Protector #2: okay okay chill

Shinichi Protector #2: so u wanted to assign positions?

 

Shinichi Protector #1: #2 with be on cctv

Shinichi Protector #1: #3 will be on deducing hei chans next location

 

Shinichi Protector #3: And what about you?

 

Shinichi Protector #1: of course I will be on the front line

 

Shinichi Protector #2: ?

 

Shinichi Protector #1: ill observe them from a distance

 

Shinichi Protector #3: In Osaka

Shinichi Protector #3: Don't tell me

 

Shinichi Protector #1: im on the nozumi shinkansen rn

 

Shinichi Protector #2: this guy works fast

 

Shinichi Protector #3: A well-seasoned stalker through and through.

 

Shinichi Protector #1: CCTV. DEDUCING. GO.

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN_ _」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: I feel a migraine coming

 

Shinichi Protector #2: everything must come with a cost

Shinichi Protector #2: welp im gonna go hack myself some cctv shit

Shinichi Protector #2: hopefully my teacher doesn't bother reading what's on my screen…

Shinichi Protector #2: see yah

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN_ _」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Deducing a hot-headed idiot…

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

ª§ª

 

'Why do I have a feeling that we are being watched?…'

 

"Hey Shinichi-"

 

Shinichi was suddenly jolted out of his thoughts and looked at the Osakan besides him; who was currently bouncing up and down incessantly.

 

"-what did yah think of lunch? Ain't okonomiyaki and monja great!"

 

Heiji continued to grin from ear to ear.

 

'Was he that excited for me to eat some food from Osaka? He's like an overgrown puppy; all he needs now are ears and a tail.'

 

Shinichi grinned and gave his reply.

 

"It was pretty good. So, birthday boy. Where are we heading off to next?"

 

Heiji paused and made a quick glance at his watch.

 

"How 'bout we go to the gardens? We can go walk off the food and then we can go look aroun' in the castle."

 

"That sounds good."

 

"Heck yeah! Let's go!"

 

"Wait-!"

 

Heiji started making large strides towards the castle gardens, Shinichi having to do a slight jog to keep up with their entwined hands. When were their hands entwined again?

 

'Oh well.'

 

Shinichi gave a smile and continued to enjoy the day, after all, it was his best friend's birthday. With this thought, the feeling of being watched was long forgotten.

 

ª§ª

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: yo boss where r u

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: osakajokouen station

Shinichi Protector #1: and shinichi is currently at nishinomaru gardens

 

Shinichi Protector #2: dude

Shinichi Protector #2: dont tell me u have a tracker on him

 

Shinichi Protector #1: a necessary evil

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Stalker.

 

Shinichi Protector #1: ay im nearing their location.

Shinichi Protector #1: #2 are you in their cameras yet

 

Shinichi Protector #2: i have a visual

Shinichi Protector #2: ur lucky shuu nii is letting me use his id because he is fond of shinichi

 

Shinichi Protector #1: wait who is Shuu-nii

Shinichi Protector #1: is he an obstacle

 

Shinichi Protector #2: lol no

Shinichi Protector #2: he helped out in the big take down

 

Shinichi Protector #1: ?

 

Shinichi Protector #3: That should be my line.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: Akai Shuuichi

Shinichi Protector #2: FBI agent

 

Shinichi Protector #1: ohhhhh

Shinichi Protector #1: but he is still pretty young though…

 

Shinichi Protector #2: omg stop

Shinichi Protector #2: like the idea of shinichi being my step bro is cool but stop

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Shouldn't we get back to topic?

 

Shinichi Protector #2: shinichi and osaka kun are about 5 meters on your left

 

Shinichi Protector #1: on it

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN_ _」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: I feel like a stalker.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: lol then y did u join

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Why did you?

 

Shinichi Protector #2: i wanna see if u really deserve my support

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Pardon?

 

Shinichi Protector #2: stop denying it

Shinichi Protector #2: anyway kuroba is winning so far

 

Shinichi Protector #3: …

Shinichi Protector #3: I guess I can't lose.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: that's the spirit!

Shinichi Protector #2: anyway u need to deduce where they will be next

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Already on it.

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: god we're gonna get arrested

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

ª§ª

 

It was truly refreshing.

 

No one dropping dead.

 

No screams of fear.

 

No elevated stress levels.

 

Haibara's constant nagging of his stress levels have practically become her third choice of quick responses in their texts. His lack of a stable diet and inhumane coffee in-take as his first, risky and stupid behaviour as the second.

 

While in thought Shinichi didn't notice the speedy motion of Heiji taking his photo.

 

'Wallpaper, wallpaper, wallpaper… Saved! Geh-'

 

Heiji quickly turned around towards the source the intense glare that was previous aimed at the back of his head.

 

'Gone…'

 

"Heiji?"

 

Said teen turned towards the sound of this name and made a sound of reply.

 

"Yeah?"

 

Shinichi made a slight frown of worry. Careful as to not step on the flowers, he made his way towards the taller who was holding onto his jacket. 

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"J-just wondering where we could stop to grab takoyaki later."

 

The Tokyoite let out a sigh and slight chuckle.

 

"Of course it is food. Honestly, the amount of times you talk about it makes you sound like you've married it."

 

Heiji let out a sputter.

 

"M-married."

 

Was that a voice crack? Probably.

 

"Come on lover boy. How about we head over to the sakura trees? It's less crowded now."

 

Without letting him argue the elder grabbed the younger's hand and began pulling him towards the less crowded sakura trees.

 

'His hands are seriously soft.'

 

Heiji felt another intense glare but ignored it in favour of holding Shinichi's strangely soft hands.

 

'All it needs is a ring.'

 

ª§ª

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Shinichi Protector #1: SOMEONE IS GONNA GET THROWN OUT OF A WINDOW FROM OSAKA CASTLE SOON

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Defenestration.

Shinichi Protector #3: And may I ask what he do to deserve such treatment?

Shinichi Protector #3: Although I am all for it.

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: first class seats tho

 

Shinichi Protector #1: HE KEEPS HOLDING SHINICHI RREEEAAALLLLYY CLOSELY

Shinichi Protector #1: AND THE LOOK IN HIS EYES

Shinichi Protector #1: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Ah

Shinichi Protector #3: Dotonbori

 

Shinichi Protector #1: sera

 

Shinichi Protector #2: wait a sec

Shinichi Protector #2: the higher level cameras are a pain in the ass to get into

Shinichi Protector #2: they are coming down hall 5 on ur right

Shinichi Protector #2: also u look suspicious as hell

Shinichi Protector #2: jesus at least get rid of the moustache

 

Shinichi Protector #1: fine

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN_ _」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: god were gonna get arrested

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Agreed.

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN_ _」_

_Shinichi Protector #3 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

"Hey Shinichi."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I think you're standing on the wrong side."

 

An incredulous raised eyebrow was thrown his way.

 

"And why is that?"

 

"Because the art is supposed to be behind the glass."

 

"My god."

 

A hand met a blushing face.

 

ª§ª

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: honestly shinichis beauty is illegal

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: What we're doing is illegal.

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: riperino

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

_Shinichi Protector #3 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

_Shinichi Protector #1 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

ª§ª

 

"Three. Two. One. Cheese!"

 

Click.

 

"There yah go!"

 

"Thanks miss!"

 

Dotonbori Bridge was pretty crowded as usual but that's what made it lively and awesome. Shinichi was admiring the lights. Again with great speed and precision, the birthday boy snapped another picture.

 

'A work of art.'

 

"Oi Heiji!"

 

He was broken out of his daze and found a pair of curious sapphire orbs in his face.

 

"You keep zoning out. Did you leave something behind?"

 

"Yeah. I left my heart in your hands."

 

"Okay never mind. To think I was worried."

 

'His ears are really red.'

 

"Aw you care 'bout me. I'm touched."

 

Shinichi became even more flustered and let out a huff.

 

"Idiot. I wasn't."

 

"Tsundere."

 

'Shit. That was out loud.'

 

"What-!"

 

Quickly changing the subject Heiji began pulling the flustered teen towards a ramen bar.

 

"How 'bout some ramen for dinner?"

 

"Fine."

 

Crisis (barely) averted.

 

ª§ª

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: damn my mouth is watering

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: i want ramen…

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: I don't think he was talking about the ramen.

Shinichi Protector #3: But I will have some faith and pretend.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: …

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Go eat.

Shinichi Protector #3: They will still be there for another 35 minutes, 30 seconds and 48 milliseconds before they go to the hotel.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: …

Shinichi Protector #2: okay

Shinichi Protector #2: what abt u

 

Shinichi Protector #3: I will be leaving for dinner also.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: ok

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: wait hotel

Shinichi Protector #1: which

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Hotel Hillarys

Shinichi Protector #3: Apparently Hattori has booked a couples' room.

 

Shinichi Protector #1: which floor

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Floor 4

 

Shinichi Protector #1: a 5 story fall okay

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: My god.

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

ª§ª

 

"Come on Shinichi, we've shared a futon before. It's not much different from a bed."

 

"I was still Conan at the time."

 

Heiji was seated on the bed, looking up at Shinichi who had his arms crossed over his chest.

 

"So? You're just a lot taller this time."

 

A fine eyebrow rose.

 

" _Couples'_ package Heiji."

 

"A-ah. Uh.. It was cheaper?"

 

'It wasn't.'

 

Only an exasperated sigh was given. Shinichi pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. However, Heiji was undeterred and marched on.

 

"The bath is a bit small but if you sit on my lap we can make it. You wanna try?"

 

A strangled garble and a well-aimed kick to his face was Shinichi's reply.

 

ª§ª

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: OI SAGUBOY

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Yes?

 

Shinichi Protector #1: DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR GUN

 

Shinichi Protector #3: KUROBA NO

 

Shinichi Protector #1: KUROBA YES

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 opened_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #2: this is wild

 

Shinichi Protector #1: SHINICHIS SANCTITY IS ON THE LINE

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Kuroba calm down

 

Shinichi Protector #1: I AM CALM

 

Shinichi Protector #2: boi

 

Shinichi Protector #3: I see.

 

Shinichi Protector #1: YOU SEE BUT YOU DO NOT OBSERVE

 

Shinichi Protector #3: Did you just.

 

Shinichi Protector #2: HE DID

 

Shinichi Protector #3: There is a comma between 'see' and 'but'.

Shinichi Protector #3: "You see, but you do not observe."

Shinichi Protector #3: I am insulted.

Shinichi Protector #3: Farewell.

 

_Shinichi Protector #3 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: hey sera chan do you have a gun

 

Shinichi Protector #2: lol no

Shinichi Protector #2: i got a motorbike tho

Shinichi Protector #2: but u aint having it

 

_Shinichi Protector #2 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

Shinichi Protector #1: traitors

 

_Shinichi Protector #1 closed_ _「_ _STOP HEI CHAN」_

 

ª§ª

 

_West-san opened_ _「_ _Shinichi Appreciation & Protection Host Club」_

 

West-san: Today has been a great birthday.

 

_West-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_West-san closed_ _「_ _Shinichi Appreciation & Protection Host Club」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 613 COMMENTS  
> 737 KUDOS  
> 95 BOOKMARKS  
> 9994 HITS  
> \-------------------------------  
> ≪ART CREDITS≫  
> Art by EliOrni   
> \-------------------------------  
> Was Heiji a bit too straightforward because - wHOOPS. But I hope the Heishin shippers liked it hurhur.  
> I had to do a bit of research for this chapter because I'm picky with these kinds of things. Honestly, I wish I researched this much for my religion assignments instead...  
> Random side note: Hotel Hillarys is 13/10 - I stayed here whilst I was in Osaka, an absolute favourite. There is a convenience store downstairs; a Maccas and an anime store are across the street. But I don't think they have a couples room though... (・∧‐)ゞ   
> \-------------------------------  
> Sadly, school starts back up tomorrow and rIP I still haven't written chapters 32 - 35. My notes are just sitting on my desk and just ahhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH This term hasn't even officially started yet and I know it is going to whoop my crusty ass.  
> Also, I finally got a new laptop. So I can finally see the tiny ass words on my screen and my keyboard doesn't die every five minutes or everytime someone bangs the bloody table.   
> \-------------------------------  
> Many thanks again to Scheherazade ˶⚈Ɛ⚈˵ for beta'ing this mess. Yay for your 9th attempt in emailing (｀∇´ゞ  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Traitor-han: oi oi  
> Traitor-han: u threw me out of the fucking castle and the hotel  
> Traitor-han: i could have died you piece of shit  
> Kid-sama: thats y im mad  
> Kid-sama: u didnt die  
> ª§ª  
> Kid-sama: winner gets limited edition shinichi pictures from yukiko neesan  
> Traitor-han: repeat that  
> Kid-sama: winner gets limited edition shinichi pictures from yukiko neesan  
> Tantei-san: May I remind you that we are in a text conversation.  
> ª§ª  
> West: do you have advanced radiation poisoning?  
> West: cause you're glowing  
> East: I hope not, we just found the woman's decapitated head was in contact with some radioactive waste  
> ª§ª  
> Watson's Cousin: Before I get an aneurysm  
> Watson's Cousin: Explain  
> Holmes' Apprentice: Well, I was in the middle of replying back until I spotted the murderer and began to chase them  
> Holmes' Apprentice: Then also sorts of complications happened because they sort of fell out of a window  
> ª§ª  
> East: I'm fine  
> East: It's just Kaito  
> West: it ain't just kaito  
> West: if you opened the dictionary you would find a picture of the guy next to the word defenestration and molester  
> East: Heiji no.  
> ª§ª  
> Corpse Wannabe: Then I dissed him  
> Psychotic Individual: Of course you did  
> Psychotic Individual: Another example  
> Corpse Wannabe: Kaito then asked me for a band-aid, and I cut him off by asking if it was for the burn that I gave him earlier  
> Corpse Wannabe: And he started choking?  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> BETA'D


	31. Self Defenestration and Death Matches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pick-up line competition(?) between a father and his two sons whilst their mother is with the relatives (the TMPD), chasing after a murderer. Unfortunately, Shinichi is denser than osmium. The boys are absolutely destroyed. Ai is the Gosho Boys' therapist - give her a pay rise. (This is what I meant by slow burn)

_Kuroba Kaito made a new conversation_

_Kuroba Kaito changed「New Conversation」to「Death Match」_

_Kuroba Kaito added Hakuba Saguru to「Death Match」_

_Kuroba Kaito added Hattori Heiji to「Death Match」_

_Kuroba Kaito changed Kuroba Kaito to Kid-sama_

_Kid-sama changed Hakuba Saguru to Tantei-san_

_Kid-sama changed Hattori Heiji to Traitor-han_

 

_Traitor-han opened「Death Match」_

_Tantei-san opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-han: yo what?

 

Tantei-san: Oh god, what now

 

Kid-sama: 1. im still mad at u

Kid-sama: 2. yes

 

Traitor-han: oi oi

Traitor-han: u threw me out of the fucking castle and the hotel

Traitor-han: i could have died you piece of shit

 

Kid-sama: thats y im mad

Kid-sama: u didnt die

 

Tantei-san: As much as I would enjoy the extermination of a pest

Tantei-san: I want to know why you've made another chat

 

Traitor-han: u fuck

 

Kid-sama: well

 

Tantei-san: Well?

 

Traitor-han: DON’T IGNORE ME YOU FUCKS

 

Kid-sama: since shinichi is at the station why not all of us play a game

 

Tantei-san: Oh god

 

Traitor-han: nope

Traitor-han: im leaving

 

_Traitor-han closed「Death Match」_

_Traitor-han opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-han: OI WHY CAN'T I LEAVE YOU BASTARD

 

Kid-sama: anyway~

Kid-sama: y not a pickup line comp

 

Tantei-san: Excuse me?

 

Kid-sama: cant excuse u srry

Kid-sama: so lets play a pickup line competition

 

Traitor-han: what's the catch

 

Tantei-san: There is always a catch

 

Kid-sama: winner gets limited edition shinichi pictures from yukiko neesan

 

Traitor-han: repeat that

 

Kid-sama: winner gets limited edition shinichi pictures from yukiko neesan

 

Tantei-san: May I remind you that we are in a text conversation.

 

Traitor-han: what are the rules

 

Tantei-san: Oh my god.

 

Kid-sama: shinichi has to acknowledge it or reply back positively

Kid-sama: u cant tell him abt this

 

Tantei-san: I would like to say that this is a mistake

 

Traitor-han: BRING IT ON YOU PRICKS

 

_Traitor-han closed「Death Match」_

 

Kid-sama: may the best man win

 

_Kid-sama closed「Death Match」_

 

Tantei-san: This is a mistake.

 

_Tantei-san closed「Death Match」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Lupin opened「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

 

Lupin: hey shinichi

 

_Holmes opened「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

 

Holmes: What is it Kaito?

 

Lupin: u looked a bit pale earlier

 

Holmes: I guess?

 

Lupin: I guess ur just lacking some vitamin ME

 

Holmes: I think it was because I watched a video of a woman being brutally mutilated and dissected

Holmes: But I guess I'm also lacking some Vitamin D

 

Lupin: wait what

 

Holmes: Sorry, I have to go

Holmes: Forensics finally found her left hand

Holmes: We still need to find her other limbs

 

_Holmes closed「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

_Lupin closed「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

 

ª§ª

 

_West opened「Couples' Package」_

 

West: yo

 

_East opened「Couples' Package」_

 

East: Back at you

 

West: do you have advanced radiation poisoning?

West: cause you're glowing

 

East: I hope not, we just found the woman's decapitated head was in contact with some radioactive waste

 

West: yo what

 

East: Back at you?

East: Go to go, we found her right hand this time

East: We can talk more about radiation poisoning later

 

_East closed「Couples' Package」_

 

West: dude

 

_West closed「Couples' Package」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmage♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Saguru

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _opened「Holmage ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Shinichi

 

Holmes' Apprentice: What the hell is going on with Kaito and Heiji?

 

Watson's Cousin: Please ignore them, they are being idiots.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Okay

 

Watson's Cousin: I have a question actually.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Yes?

 

Watson's Cousin: How many people make up the world?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: 7.6 billion, why?

 

Watson's Cousin: Because only you make up mine.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Saguru

 

Watson's Cousin: Yes?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Is Kaito or Heiji putting you up to this?

 

Watson's Cousin: No

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Then I am toooo

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _closed「Holmage ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Shinichi?

Watson's Cousin: Shinichi

 

_Watson's Cousin is calling Holmes' Apprentice_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

_Holmes' Apprentice is unavailable_

 

Watson's Cousin: I swear to god

 

_Watson's Cousin closed_ _「_ _Holmage ♡」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmage ♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Saguru?

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _opened「Holmage ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Thank god

Watson's Cousin: Shinichi are you alright

Watson's Cousin: What happened

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Sorry about that

Holmes' Apprentice: I'm fine

Holmes' Apprentice: Only a few scratches

 

Watson's Cousin: Before I get an aneurysm

Watson's Cousin: Explain

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Well, I was in the middle of replying back until I spotted the murderer and began to chase them

Holmes' Apprentice: Then also sorts of complications happened because they sort of fell out of a window

 

Watson's Cousin: Don't tell me

Watson's Cousin: Which story window was it?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Um

Holmes' Apprentice: Sixth

 

Watson's Cousin: My god

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I'm not dead I guess?

Holmes' Apprentice: Only some scratches

Holmes' Apprentice: Also, it was only the sixth

 

Watson's Cousin: I don't know how to respond to this.

Watson's Cousin: What do you mean it was only the sixth?!

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I guess you don't because I need to go give my report to Megure.

Holmes' Apprentice: Talk to you later then?

 

Watson's Cousin: Okay.

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _closed「Holmage♡」_

_Watson's Cousin closed_ _「_ _Holmage ♡」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Tantei-san opened「Death Match」_

 

Tantei-san: I would like to repeat, that this is a mistake.

 

_Kid-sama opened「Death Match」_

 

Kid-sama: I LOVE HIM BUT WHY IS HE SO DENSE

Kid-sama: AND WHY WAS HE WATCHING A VIDEO OF A WOMAN BEING BRUTALLY MUTILATED AND DISSECTED

 

_Traitor-han opened「Death Match」_

 

Tantei-san: Shinichi left mid-way of our conversation to chase and then save the murderer actually

 

Kid-sama: OH MY GOD

 

Traitor-han: why is he like this

 

Kid-sama: how abt round 2

 

Tantei-san: I want to again repeat.

Tantei-san: This is a mistake.

 

Kid-sama: then r u gonna forfeit

 

Tantei-san: I didn't say that.

Tantei-san: Also, I would like to add that if the murderer hadn't interrupt I would have gotten his reply

 

Kid-sama: well i guess i've gotta take his attention then

 

Traitor-han: already ahead of you

 

Kid-sama: oh rly

 

_Traitor-han closed「Death Match」_

_Kid-sama closed「Death Match」_

 

Tantei-san: Brats

 

_Tantei-san closed「Death Match」_

 

ª§ª

 

_West opened「Couples' Package」_

 

West: shinichi

 

_East opened「Couples' Package」_

 

East: Heiji

East: Would you like to continue our conversation on radiation poisoning?

 

West: ah no i'm good

 

East: Ah okay

East: So what do you want?

 

West: what do you mean

 

East: Well, you don't seem like the guy to initiate a simple friendly conversation without a motive

 

West: feeling the love

 

East: So, spit it out

East: Unless you want Ran to punch you in the stomach in order for you to vomit it out

East: I am currently trapped in Kaito's arms

East: He keeps saying really strange and rather inappropriate things

 

West: i'm good, i want to keep my stomach acids in

West: i don't really want to experience any internal bleeding

West: wait why is that bastard with you

 

East: Then answer the question

East: He came to give me some lunch and company

 

West: company?

West: that bastard doesn't just pop out of nowhere with food and company

West: be careful that bastard is planning something

 

East: I will keep that in mind then.

 

West: do you need help

West: nee-chan can whizz over and beat that bastard up if he is bothering you

 

East: I'm fine

East: It's just Kaito

 

West: it ain't 'just kaito'

West: if you opened the dictionary you would find a picture of the guy next to the word defenestration and molester

 

East: Heiji no.

East: Whilst he does have some… perverted tendencies, he is a good guy.

East: Also Kaito apparently has a 'pretty huge dictionary'

East: I think that's what he said

 

West: because that damn bastard has something against me

West: even hakuba doesn't have it this bad

West: and i don’t even wanna know

 

East: I clearly remember a tabloid article of Saguru being taped to the ceiling at an old Kid heist

East: But okay.

 

West: the number of times that bastard has thrown me out of windows

West: i should wear a parachute 24/7

 

East: Unless he switches it

East: But aren't you overreacting?

East: He is pretty harmless

East: He is just being a rather clingy but good friend

East: The he just dived out of a window

East: Which is rather strange

East: But okay.

 

West: oh god he has brainwashed you

West: i'm taking the next ticket to tokyo

West: don't worry i'll save you

West: never mind

West: god i would throw myself out of a window too

 

East:?

East: Heiji

East: Are you high?

 

West: what

 

East: You've been acting weird all day

East: As your best friend

East: I am concerned.

 

West: can you repeat that

 

East: ?

East: I am concerned.

 

West: before that

 

East: As your best friend

 

West: can i have a moment

 

East: Okay?

East: But aren't we having a virtual conversation?

 

West: i'll be back

 

_West closed「Couples' Package」_

 

East: ???

 

_East closed「Couples Package」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _opened「Holmage ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Shinichi

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmage ♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Yes?

 

Watson's Cousin: Sorry for the bother but I was wondering about earlier

 

Holmes' Apprentice: ?

Holmes' Apprentice: Ah, your question about Earth's population?

 

Watson's Cousin: Ah yes

 

Holmes' Apprentice: 7.6 billion

Holmes' Apprentice: And how you said I only made yours

 

Watson's Cousin: Yes

Watson's Cousin: I was just wondering what your response was

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Ah

Holmes' Apprentice: I just wanted to say that I'm flattered and grateful to have a friend think so highly of me

Holmes' Apprentice: But I also wanted to say that it would be rather lonely to only have one

 

Watson's Cousin: Ah.

Watson's Cousin: Okay.

Watson's Cousin: Oh, I have to go, there is a conveniently placed window here that I need to exit from.

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _closed「Holmage ♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Ah okay??

Holmes' Apprentice: Talk to you later then

 

_Holmes' Apprentice closed「Holmage ♡」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Psychotic Individual opened「Be less alive」_

 

Psychotic Individual: Kudou-kun

Psychotic Individual: Get online

Psychotic Individual: NOW

 

_Corpse Wannabe opened「Be less alive」_

 

Corpse Wannabe: Yes?

 

Psychotic Individual: Don’t you, 'Yes?' me

Psychotic Individual: What the hell did you do?

 

Corpse Wannabe: ??

Corpse Wannabe: More like what didn't I do but

Corpse Wannabe: ??

 

Psychotic Individual: Why the hell did Touyama-chan and Nakamori-chan message me about Hakuba-kun and Hattori-kun jumping out of windows?

Psychotic Individual: So, what did you do?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Oh, Kaito did that too actually

 

Psychotic Individual: My god

 

Corpse Wannabe: Honestly, I think I'm the one who wants to jump out of a window

 

Psychotic Individual: Why is that?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Do you want the long or short version?

 

Psychotic Individual: Short

Psychotic Individual: I've put up with too much bullshit today.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Oh wow

Corpse Wannabe: Okay

Corpse Wannabe: So all day Kaito, Heiji and Saguru have been messaging and saying weird things to me

 

Psychotic Individual: An example would be?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Well at the police station, Kaito told me he had a PhD

Corpse Wannabe: Which "apparently" stands for 'Pretty Huge Dictionary' I think?

Corpse Wannabe: I wasn't really listening

Corpse Wannabe: It sounded like dictionary?

Corpse Wannabe: Then I dissed him

 

Psychotic Individual: Of course you did

Psychotic Individual: Another example

 

Corpse Wannabe: Kaito then asked me for a band-aid, and I cut him off by asking if it was for the burn that I gave him earlier

Corpse Wannabe: And he started choking?

 

Psychotic Individual: Okay, did they have any similar reactions when you said certain keywords?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Ah

 

Psychotic Individual: ?

 

Corpse Wannabe: They all reacted strangely when I called them my friends

Corpse Wannabe: Technically best friend, in Heiji's case.

 

Psychotic Individual: Oh my god

 

Corpse Wannabe: What?

 

Psychotic Individual: You are so dense

 

Corpse Wannabe: Wow thanks

Corpse Wannabe: Feeling the love

Corpse Wannabe: But how does that have any correlation to their strange behaviour?

 

Psychotic Individual: Kudou-kun

 

Corpse Wannabe: Yes?

 

Psychotic Individual: You really truly are a dense deduction freak

 

Corpse Wannabe: Wow

 

Psychotic Individual: Anyway, because of this I am expecting the latest Fusae wallet hand delivered this week

 

Corpse Wannabe: What?

Corpse Wannabe: Fine.

Corpse Wannabe: Got to go, the guy we caught today was a copycat

 

Psychotic Individual: Fine, but that doesn't mean you can drown yourself in coffee

 

Corpse Wannabe: Coffee is the sacred liquid from the Gods

 

Psychotic Individual: I thought it was made from child labour

 

Corpse Wannabe: Wow

 

Psychotic Individual: Goodnight

 

Corpse Wannabe: Night

 

_Psychotic Individual closed「Be less alive」_

_Corpse Wannabe closed「Be less alive」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, I am very excited to finally post the next chapter, but I am also rather stressed as I am still in the middle of writing chapter 32. Plus with school and it being term 3, things are going to go downhill for me... We already have some of our assignments and fuck me they are for the subjects that I really need to bring my grades up in :')   
> Also past me, why did you think it was a good idea to volunteer to help out in the senior video project?? And be a science ambassador which means you have to come to the open day on a perfect study day to entice children into loving science, whilst dressed as a satanist emo in a dark room???????  
> \-------------------------------  
> But enough of my rant though, as I don't want to put you guys on a hiatus (unlike my past self who still hasn't updated her HTTYD fic in 3 years). I will try to fix up my schedule in order to find time to write the upcoming chapters and still be able to do well for school. Plus I should just finish my assignments early, instead of leaving them till the night before and pull a Heiji.  
> so dont cha feel special guys, author isnt gonna hiatus (Ｔ▽Ｔ)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Unfortunately, this unbeta'd. With school leering over our shoulders, Scheherazade is unable to look over it and I am barely able to find time to write out new chapters or look over olds ones for mistakes. So please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> You guys can scream, rant or talk at/with me on my tumblr: kaids-lu  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Idiots Float: that fucker took mine as well  
> Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: The whole thing?  
> Idiots Float: no just the stick  
> Idiots Float: of course the whole fucking thing  
> ª§ª  
> Idiots Float: at least make the chat name something fucking shorter   
> P.Eric but Loyal changed「A beach is a landform alongside a body of water which consists of loose particles. The particles composing a beach are typically made from rock, such as sand, gravel, shingle, pebbles, or cobblestones. The particles can also be biological in origin, such as mollusc shells or coralline algae [Wikipedia, 2018]…」to「something fucking shorter」  
> ª§ª  
> The REAL Mermaid: //myfangirlsensesaretingling//  
> ª§ª  
> F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: whats up saguboy  
> Beach Grinch: Certainly not his dignity levels  
> ª§ª  
> The REAL Mermaid: Where are you then?  
> P.Eric but Loyal: somewhere with a crap ton of sand  
> The REAL Mermaid: …  
> The REAL Mermaid: stay lost  
> ª§ª  
> Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I'll be on standby with some towels and the first-aid kit  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	32. Checked In and Knocking Doors (Emotion)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would the summer holidays be without a trip to the beach? Shinichi is a constant MOOD (Press F to Pay Respects). Masumi continues to relate and document this rare 'species.' Saguru has to put up with everything - and not get reported for public indecency. Ran has favourites. Kaito is back at it again with the thieving. (I don't know what to say about Kazuha, sorry guys.) Sadly, Sonoko, Aoko and Ai will not make an appearance today. (But instead, you guys get shitty art from yours truly.)

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「_ _A beach is a landform alongside a body of water which consists of loose particles. The particles composing a beach are typically made from rock, such as sand, gravel, shingle, pebbles, or cobblestones. The particles can also be biological in origin, such as mollusc shells or coralline algae [Wikipedia, 2018]_ _…_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: shinichi kun looking shook whilst staring at his ice block is a MOOD

 

_The REAL Mermaid opened「_ _A beach is a landform alongside a body of water which consists of loose particles. The particles composing a beach are typically made from rock, such as sand, gravel, shingle, pebbles, or cobblestones. The particles can also be biological in origin, such as mollusc shells or coralline algae [Wikipedia, 2018]_ _…_ _」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: pics otherwise the statement is false

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch opened「_ _A beach is a landform alongside a body of water which consists of loose particles. The particles composing a beach are typically made from rock, such as sand, gravel, shingle, pebbles, or cobblestones. The particles can also be biological in origin, such as mollusc shells or coralline algae [Wikipedia, 2018]_ _…_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: wait a sec

 

_P.Eric but Loyal sent an image_

 

 

 

The REAL Mermaid: GOD MOOD

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Is Shinichi alright?

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: How long has he been like that?

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: He wasn't like that 6 minutes, 34 seconds and 12 milliseconds ago.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: kuroba took a bite of it and then ran

P.Eric but Loyal: hes been like this for the past 5 min

 

_Idiots Float opened「_ _A beach is a landform alongside a body of water which consists of loose particles. The particles composing a beach are typically made from rock, such as sand, gravel, shingle, pebbles, or cobblestones. The particles can also be biological in origin, such as mollusc shells or coralline algae [Wikipedia, 2018]_ _…_ _」_

 

Idiots Float: that fucker took mine as well

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: The whole thing?

 

Idiots Float: no just the stick

Idiots Float: of course the whole fucking thing

Idiots Float: PLUS WHY THE FUCK IS THIS MY USERNAME

 

The REAL Mermaid: HEIJI DON’T BE RUDE TO HAKUBA-KUN

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Yours suits you.

 

Idiots Float: FUCK YOU

Idiots Float: AT LEAST I AINT A SEA BITCH

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I didn't exactly have any say with mine

 

P.Eric but Loyal: i proudly claim cred

 

Idiots Float: ALSO,

Idiots Float: WHY DO WE EVEN NEED THIS CHAT????

 

P.Eric but Loyal: BECAUSE THIS IS A MOMENTOUS OCCASION

P.Eric but Loyal: plus i didnt want those who couldnt come be jealous

 

Idiots Float: at least make the chat name something fucking shorter

 

_P.Eric but Loyal changed「_ _A beach is a landform alongside a body of water which consists of loose particles. The particles composing a beach are typically made from rock, such as sand, gravel, shingle, pebbles, or cobblestones. The particles can also be biological in origin, such as mollusc shells or coralline algae [Wikipedia, 2018]_ _…_ _」_ _to「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

_QUEEN opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

QUEEN: Guys!

QUEEN: We're at the beach, get off your phones!!

QUEEN: I've been planning this for almost a month now!

QUEEN: RELAXATION TIME

 

 

The REAL Mermaid: Ran-chan has a point…

 

P.Eric but Loyal: aww

P.Eric but Loyal: i wanna document the relatable moods that shinichi kun make

 

QUEEN: Fine, Sera-chan can keep hers, but everyone else off!

 

P.Eric but Loyal: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Idiots Float: now we know who's nee-chan's favourite

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I have to agree

 

The REAL Mermaid: //myfangirlsensesaretingling//

 

QUEEN: OFF

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_The REAL Mermaid closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_Idiots Float closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

QUEEN: Sera-chan, can you please 'wake-up' Shinichi for me?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: on it!

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_QUEEN closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Kuroba, reveal yourself and return my belongings

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽:  whats up saguboy

 

_Beach Grinch opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Beach Grinch: Certainly not his dignity levels

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: pFT

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Shinichi, please…

 

_Beach Grinch closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Now, return the rest of my belongings.

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: nah

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I do not want to be reported for public indecency, Kuroba.

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: At least return my clothes.

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: hmmmmmmmmmmmm

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: give me 1 good reason y

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Otherwise I will have to spend the rest of the day in Shinichi's clothes

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: but he isnt ur size tho

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Luckily, his hoodie was my size; he is apparently fond of oversized clothes for comfort reasons.

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: …

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: still ur naked below

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: He also kindly sacrificed his towel for me,

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: the towel that he is going to later use.

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: they r in the 5th sand castle from the right

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: They better be.

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: again

 

_P.Eric but Loyal sent an image_

 

 

 

 

P.Eric but Loyal: MOOD

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: press f to pay respects

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: f

 

P.Eric but Loyal: f

 

_The REAL Mermaid opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: F

 

_QUEEN opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

QUEEN: Everyone, off

QUEEN: Sera-chan, please wake him up

QUEEN: He is going to suffocate

 

The REAL Mermaid: That is if he hasn't already...

 

P.Eric but Loyal: on it

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: SHOOT WAIT I WANNA TAKE A PICTURE FIRST

 

QUEEN: Off!

 

_The REAL Mermaid closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_QUEEN closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: god kazuha chan

P.Eric but Loyal: ur face

 

_P.Eric but Loyal sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: HOW COULD U GUYS

 

_The REAL Mermaid opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: ??

 

P.Eric but Loyal: I TOLD U GUYS 2 WAIT 4 ME

 

The REAL Mermaid: Where are you then?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: somewhere with a crap ton of sand

 

The REAL Mermaid: …

The REAL Mermaid: stay lost

 

P.Eric but Loyal: WAIT

P.Eric but Loyal: I WAS KIDDING

P.Eric but Loyal: IM NEAR THE KEBAB STAND

 

The REAL Mermaid: …

The REAL Mermaid: Stay there, Shinichi-kun is coming to collect you

 

P.Eric but Loyal: THANK

 

_The REAL Mermaid closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: GUYS

P.Eric but Loyal: GET ONLINE

 

_Idiots Float opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Idiots Float: what?

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽:  hm??

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: What's going on?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: HELP US CONVINCE SHINICHI KUN INTO GOING ONTO THE INFLATABLE OBSTACLE COURSE

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: YES

 

Idiots Float: WAIT SERIOUSLY?!

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I think you mean, blackmail.

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: ILL BE THERE IN A MIN

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: AYEEEEEEEEEE

P.Eric but Loyal: IF ANYONE CAN DO IT

P.Eric but Loyal: ITS KUROBA

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I am torn…

 

Idiots Float: i sorta want to try it too

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: actually i think ran chan is abt to drag him there

 

_P.Eric but Loyal sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Idiots Float: who needs kuroba when yah got nee-chan

Idiots Float: i need to watch this

 

_Idiots Float closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I'll be on standby with some towels and the first-aid kit.

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch closed「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_P.Eric but Loyal_ _opened「something_ _fucking shorter_ _」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ayeee

P.Eric but Loyal: back at it again with them editing skills

P.Eric but Loyal: i present this gem

 

_P.Eric but Loyal sent an image_

 

 

 

P.Eric but Loyal: tag urselves im partially drowning hakuba

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didja guys like my shitty digital art;;;;;;;;;;  
> Anyway, school is going to murder me [Scheherazade will bury me with my logbooks]. But the good news is that I've typed up chapter 32?? I was originally going to type up 33 yesterday but with my school commitments, which have made me come to dislike children even more, I was only able to type 3 lines. Sorry, this is all over the place, I just woke up from a 5 hour nap - I was feeling really bad today so I had to go home early, and have been sleeping since.  
> \-------------------------------  
> But as you guys can tell from the title - we have another arc this time :)))  
> And to clear some things up:  
> \- Sonoko, Ai and Aoko aren't in this because: Sonoko is in another country with her family for the summer holidays, Ai is with the professor and the kids - camping, and Aoko is with her Dad in Hakone - relaxing [plus she had been planning that trip for a while].  
> \- Usernames:  
> P.Eric but Loyal - Masumi [because she is like Prince Eric - from the Little Mermaid - but actually loyal to his [her] chick]  
> The REAL Mermaid - Kazuha [reference to 'And Then There Were No Mermaids']  
> Ursu*a the Sea Bitch - Saguru [Kaito being mean and making Saguru Ursula but also not wanting to get copyright]  
> Idiots Float - Heiji [Kaito and Masumi being mean to Heiji ┐(‘～`;)┌]  
> F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ - Kaito [Heiji and Saguru getting back at Kaito + Reference to old Magic Kaito - the scene when Aoko shows Kaito the fish and he screams, but the animators wrote 'Fisch' above the kanji]  
> QUEEN - Ran [why not]  
> Beach Grinch - Shinichi [the Beach + the Grinch ┐(´∀｀)┌]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Unfortunately, this unbeta'd. With school leering over our shoulders, Scheherazade is unable to look over it and I am barely able to find time to write out new chapters or thorough look over olds ones for mistakes. So please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> You guys can scream, rant or talk at/with me on my tumblr: kaids-lu  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> QUEEN: But Hattori-kun  
> Idiots Float: ?  
> QUEEN: You need to tone it down  
> QUEEN: Shinichi and I are 5 rooms away  
> QUEEN: If we can hear you, then the rest of this wing can too  
> P.Eric but Loyal: 500 yen that reception will call in the next 5 mins  
> F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: NICE GOING HEI CHAN  
> ª§ª  
> P.Eric but Loyal: r u dragging the poor boi along?  
> QUEEN: Yay!  
> QUEEN: He's a bit grouchy from having to go into the water today   
> QUEEN: Don't listen to him, he knows he had fun  
> ª§ª  
> P.Eric but Loyal: it sounds like the two pervy nuts are having intense hate sex  
> QUEEN: SERA-CHAN NO  
> QUEEN: HOW DARE YOU PLANT THOSE MENTAL IMAGES INTO MY HEAD  
> P.Eric but Loyal: PLOT TWIST   
> P.Eric but Loyal: THEY HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP THE WHOLE TIME AND THEY WANT SHINICHI KUN TO JOIN THEM  
> QUEEN: MASUMI YOU NEED TO STOP  
> ª§ª  
> Psychotic Individual: Anyone drop dead yet?  
> Corpse Wannabe: Not yet  
> Corpse Wannabe: But the receptionist looks like she is about to commit a double homicide  
> Corpse Wannabe: So please don't tempt fate  
> ª§ª  
> The REAL Mermaid: What in the 7 circles of hell is going on in Heiji and Kuroba-kun's room?????  
> Beach Grinch: I really don't know  
> The REAL Mermaid: I'm going to go beat them up real quick  
> The REAL Mermaid: brb  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	33. Checked In and Knocking Doors (Enjoyment)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didja know that Heiji is a cryptid????? Masumi considers pursuing a different career path. Ai makes a brief return + the kids are very supportive of their mum's possible career path of being an underwear model. The receptionist is ready to commit a double homicide. Starfish nipples...?

_Idiots Float opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

Idiots Float: jesus fucking christ

Idiots Float: i'm honestly shinichi being dead

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ayeeeee

P.Eric but Loyal: a mood

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: rUDE

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: JUST BECAUSE IM UR ROOM BUDDY

 

Idiots Float: i hate pulling straws

Idiots Float: i will seriously pay someone to switch rooms with me

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Never have I been so glad to be alone.

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: saguboy is a lonely loner

 

Idiots Float: bastard

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: You're just jealous.

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Have fun rooming with Kuroba,

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: MEAN

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I'll be enjoying myself in my peaceful seclusion.

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

Idiots Float: fucker

 

_QUEEN opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

QUEEN: I can hear Hattori-kun yelling

QUEEN: What's wrong?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: hes jelly cuz he has to room with kuroba

 

Idiots Float: AM NOT

 

QUEEN: Ahh

QUEEN: Understandable

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: HEY

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: STOP ACTING LIKE IM NOT HERE

 

QUEEN: But Hattori-kun

 

Idiots Float: ?

 

QUEEN: You need to tone it down

QUEEN: Shinichi and I are 5 rooms away

QUEEN: If we can hear you, then the rest of this wing can too

 

P.Eric but Loyal: 500 yen that reception will call in the next 5 mins

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: NICE GOING HEI CHAN

 

Idiots Float: FUCK YOU

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: PFTTTT

 

P.Eric but Loyal: is he rage texting

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: YES

 

Idiots Float: FUCK OFF

 

P.Eric but Loyal: SEND PICS

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: ON IT

 

Idiots Float: HELL NO

 

_Idiots Float closed「something fucking shorter」_

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

QUEEN: Oh my god

QUEEN: I can hear a lot of thumping noises

 

P.Eric but Loyal: at least he aint shouting anymore

 

QUEEN: I'm surprised Kazuha-chan hasn't gotten on to shout at him

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ahhh

P.Eric but Loyal: shes in the shower

P.Eric but Loyal: she wanted to shower first before going to check out some of the night stalls

 

QUEEN: When are you leaving?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: in abt 5 mins

P.Eric but Loyal: y?

 

QUEEN: Can Shinichi and I come too?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: sure!!

P.Eric but Loyal: r u dragging the poor boi along?

 

QUEEN: Yay!

QUEEN: He's a bit grouchy from having to go into the water today

QUEEN: Don't listen to him, he knows he had fun

QUEEN: But he also said that there are some puzzle stalls nearby

QUEEN: You know how he is for puzzles?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ayee

P.Eric but Loyal: i might have a go too actually

 

QUEEN: Haha

QUEEN: Maybe you could have a battle to see who is better?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: maybe

P.Eric but Loyal: also is it just me but...

 

QUEEN: ??

 

P.Eric but Loyal: it sounds like the two pervy nuts are having intense hate sex

 

QUEEN: SERA-CHAN NO

QUEEN: HOW DARE YOU PLANT THOSE MENTAL IMAGES INTO MY HEAD

 

P.Eric but Loyal: PLOT TWIST

P.Eric but Loyal: THEY HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP THE WHOLE TIME AND THEY WANT SHINICHI KUN TO JOIN THEM

 

QUEEN: MASUMI YOU NEED TO STOP

 

P.Eric but Loyal: aAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

QUEEN: Can I just erase the past 2 minutes out of my mind?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

QUEEN: I'm just going to go shower now

 

P.Eric but Loyal: awwwww

P.Eric but Loyal: WAIT

P.Eric but Loyal: THAT MEANS SHINICHI KUN CAN JOIN ME NOW

 

QUEEN: If you do, then you are no better than them.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ...

 

QUEEN: Don't you dare.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: shit

P.Eric but Loyal: i nearly sunk to their level of low

 

QUEEN: Good

QUEEN: Anyway I'm off to shower

 

P.Eric but Loyal: oh yeah

P.Eric but Loyal: meet near the water fountain?

 

QUEEN: Okay~

 

_QUEEN closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ahhhhh

P.Eric but Loyal: im all lonely...

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: AHAHA

 

P.Eric but Loyal: UR BACK

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: HE NEARLY KILLED ME

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽:  BUT VICTORY IS MINE

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _sent an image_

 

 

 

P.Eric but Loyal: HES A CRYPTID

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽:  SDUFJKDANAKJDVNADFKJ

 

P.Eric but Loyal: DJKSCNDSJKSJFDGKDF;GJAFDLKAGG;GFAD;L

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽:  JKDNFJKAFALKKFDA;LFKAVMSDL;KFD;SLGJ;DSLGK'LGKSLFDGK'SD

 

P.Eric but Loyal: IOJDASLKDASLKMCAS

P.Eric but Loyal: i would keep going but my fingers r tired

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: ahhhhhhhuasdjklsad

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: pft

P.Eric but Loyal: rip

 

_Beach Grinch opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

Beach Grinch: I heard yelling from Heiji and Kaito's room earlier

Beach Grinch: then it turned into loud thumping noises

Beach Grinch: but now its become a combination of both

Beach Grinch: only twelve times worse.

Beach Grinch: Plus, I'm in the lobby and I can still hear them

Beach Grinch: The receptionist looks like she is down for some murder

Beach Grinch: Do I even want to know?

P.Eric but Loyal: just the boys being boys

P.Eric but Loyal: plus hattori is actually a cryptid

P.Eric but Loyal: god a mood

 

Beach Grinch: ???

Beach Grinch: Heiji is a weirdo

Beach Grinch: You do remember that you're a detective right...?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: nothing u need to know of

P.Eric but Loyal: huhuuu 4 now

 

Beach Grinch: Okay...?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: anywayyyyyyyy

P.Eric but Loyal: didja have fun??

P.Eric but Loyal: i felt a bit bad that we made u go on the course

 

Beach Grinch: Ehhhh...

Beach Grinch: Not as bad as it could have been

Beach Grinch: It was enjoyable

 

P.Eric but Loyal: YEEEEEE

 

Beach Grinch: That is until I fell into the ocean

 

P.Eric but Loyal: -YEEEEEE ???

P.Eric but Loyal: do u have smth against the ocean??

 

Beach Grinch: Not really

Beach Grinch: I just prefer to stay on land and just observe

 

P.Eric but Loyal: WAIT

 

Beach Grinch: ??

 

P.Eric but Loyal: r u secretly a mermaid

 

Beach Grinch: ...?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: r u secretly a mermaid

 

Beach Grinch: Yes, I am secretly a mermaid

Beach Grinch: this is why I prefer to stay on land and remain dry,

Beach Grinch: in order to not transform back into a half fish hybrid,

Beach Grinch: that is also why I stayed in the water for a period of time before exiting in private to ensure I had regained my lower appendages.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: I KNEW IT

P.Eric but Loyal: IT ALL ADDS UP

 

Beach Grinch: Ha?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: WAIT A SEC

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

Beach Grinch: Okay...?

Beach Grinch: Uh

Beach Grinch: I'll just text Haibara whilst I wait then

 

_Beach Grinch closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

 

_Corpse Wannabe opened「Be less alive」_

 

Corpse Wannabe: Hey Haibara

 

_Psychotic Individual opened「Be less alive」_

 

Psychotic Individual: Anyone drop dead yet?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Not yet

Corpse Wannabe: But the receptionist looks like she is about to commit a double homicide

Corpse Wannabe: So please don't tempt fate

 

Psychotic Individual: Oh? A double homicide?

Psychotic Individual: Also, I didn't know you were one to believe in fate

 

Corpse Wannabe: Heiji and Kaito are making a racket in their room.

Corpse Wannabe: I am a believer of quite a few things

 

Psychotic Individual: Ho, what a development.

Psychotic Individual: Does this include magic?

 

Corpse Wannabe: ?

Corpse Wannabe: There is a scientific explanation for many things that have been deemed as magical

 

Psychotic Individual: Interesting

Psychotic Individual: Anyway, how's the trip so far?

Psychotic Individual: I heard that Mouri-chan has been planning it for a while now.

 

Corpse Wannabe: I don't even know how to describe it

Corpse Wannabe: but Sera now has, most likely, more blackmail photos of me

 

Psychotic Individual: Most definitely,

Psychotic Individual: sounds like I will be expecting a photo drop then

 

Corpse Wannabe: ...

Corpse Wannabe: Thanks.

 

Psychotic Individual: You're most welcome.

Psychotic Individual: even the kids are supportive in your could-be future underwear modelling career

 

Corpse Wannabe: Okay, bye.

 

_Corpse Wannabe closed「Be less alive」_

 

 

_Beach Grinch opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

Beach Grinch: I hate life.

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: a mOOD

P.Eric but Loyal: HERE WE GO

 

_P.Eric sent an image_

 

 

 

Beach Grinch: oh wow

 

P.Eric but Loyal: SEE

 

Beach Grinch: Nice detail with the... Starfish nipples

 

P.Eric but Loyal: pFT

P.Eric but Loyal: starfish nipples

 

P.Eric but Loyal: god i should be a diagram maker now

 

Beach Grinch: If you wish to pursue such a career, go for it

 

Beach Grinch: Also,

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ?

 

Beach Grinch: My eyes?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: THE EYES

P.Eric but Loyal: IVE NEVER SEEN ANYONES EYES THAT R AS BLUE AS URS

 

Beach Grinch: Thanks..?

Beach Grinch: I got them from my mother

 

P.Eric but Loyal: GASP X2

P.Eric but Loyal: UR MUM IS A MERMAID 2

 

Beach Grinch: Oh no

Beach Grinch: You have discovered my mother's secret backstory

 

P.Eric but Loyal: MAN IM ON A ROLL

 

Beach Grinch: Good job.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: SHIT

 

Beach Grinch: What is it?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: that means ur user is inaccurate

P.Eric but Loyal: GASP

P.Eric but Loyal: THAT MAKES KAZUHA CHAN AN IMPOSTER

 

Beach Grinch: Oh my god...

Beach Grinch: Just keep them as they are

Beach Grinch: Remember, this is a secret between the two of us

Beach Grinch: I must maintain my cover

 

P.Eric but Loyal: GOT IT P.SN

 

Beach Grinch: P.SN?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: prince starfish nipples

 

Beach Grinch: Oh wow

 

P.Eric but Loyal: PRINCE BUDDIES

 

Beach Grinch: Yay

 

P.Eric but Loyal: also kazuha chan the imposter is here!!!!!

 

_The REAL Mermaid opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: Hi!!!

The REAL Mermaid: Is there really a point?

The REAL Mermaid: Considering I'm right next to you

 

P.Eric but Loyal: meh

 

The REAL Mermaid: Plus, what do you mean by 'the imposter'?????

 

P.Eric but Loyal: A SECRET THAT IVE BEEN BLESSED TO KEEP

 

Beach Grinch: Just roll with it

 

The REAL Mermaid: ???

The REAL Mermaid: But why are you glaring at me

The REAL Mermaid: and furiously making hand signals

 

P.Eric but Loyal: NDJSDKVNADJNVLKVD

 

The REAL Mermaid: ???????????

The REAL Mermaid: ALSO

The REAL Mermaid: What in the 7 circles of hell is going on in Heiji and Kuroba-kun's room?????

 

Beach Grinch: I really don't know

 

The REAL Mermaid: I'm going to go beat them up real quick

The REAL Mermaid: brb

 

_The REAL Mermaid closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: a legend that one

 

Beach Grinch: The only one who can have a handle over Heiji

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ??!?!?!?!

P.Eric but Loyal: u fukin serious

 

Beach Grinch: ??

 

_The REAL Mermaid opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: Done~

 

Beach Grinch: Thank god

 

P.Eric but Loyal: lol they dead

 

_QUEEN opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

QUEEN: Hey guys!

 

Beach Grinch: Yo

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ayeo

 

The REAL Mermaid: Hi~!

 

QUEEN: Ready to go?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: AYE

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

Beach Grinch: I'm already by the water fountain.

 

_Beach Grinch closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: We'll be down in 2 minutes

The REAL Mermaid: I'm just getting my purse

The REAL Mermaid: Sera-chan is putting on her shoes

 

QUEEN: I'm currently in the elevator

QUEEN: See you there!

 

_The REAL Mermaid closed「something fucking shorter」_

_QUEEN closed「something fucking shorter」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoopie I'm sick again~~~~~  
> But I'm back again with a messy and all over the place AN, sorry for the late update! I was busy watching 'Silence of the Lambs' for my English assignment and got distracted. Haha school is going to kill me before the flu does...  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, a warning for next chapter though, because of my last minute plot change for this chapter, it's going to go from 0 -100 real quick haha... Plus I just noticed that the title 'Checked In and Knocking Doors' is now technically invalid as I decided to change the plot part way through this chapter and then word vomited the rest??  
> \-------------------------------  
> Unfortunately, this unbeta'd. With school leering over our shoulders, Scheherazade is unable to look over it and I am barely able to find time to write out new chapters or thorough look over olds ones for mistakes. So please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> You guys can scream, rant or talk at/with me on my tumblr: kaids-lu  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> P.Eric but Loyal: oh whelp  
> P.Eric but Loyal: we can just have a girls only outing again  
> Beach Grinch: What about me?  
> P.Eric but Loyal: ur included duhhh  
> Beach Grinch: ...  
> ª§ª  
> P.Eric but Loyal: but its just a local spooky theory  
> P.Eric but Loyal: abt people going missing around here  
> QUEEN: Not helping!  
> The REAL Mermaid: THEN YOU SAID THEY WERE BRUTALLY MURDERED  
> The REAL Mermaid: CORRECTION  
> The REAL Mermaid: THEIR HEADS BASHED INTO DUST  
> ª§ª  
> P.Eric but Loyal: oi oi  
> P.Eric but Loyal: we had a bonding moment  
> Beach Grinch: What bonding moment?  
> P.Eric but Loyal: dont u deny it p.sn  
> P.Eric but Loyal: u love me  
> ª§ª  
> The REAL Mermaid: WHERE DID ALL THIS PLOT DEVELOPMENT COME FROM?!?!!!  
> Beach Grinch: It's called procrastination.  
> ª§ª  
> Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Good morning to everyone, except Kuroba and Hattori.  
> Beach Grinch: Saguru, what happened?  
> The REAL Mermaid: What did Heiji do this time...  
> ª§ª  
> K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post  
> [13/8/18 3:16 PM]  
> "Hey everyone! Unfortunately, I don't have any good news. Mr. L got two more victims today.
> 
> Victim 1.  
> Age: 17 -19  
> Gender: ... [OPEN TO READ MORE]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	34. Checked In and Knocking Doors (Exasperation)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Masumi x Shinichi as power couple?? But it gets pretty gay here. But then it gets hella intense. Also, Saguru got to take a quick dip in the pool. The author is writing the summary whilst sleep-deprived. Also, anyone curious about the envious bashing case????? Well, you'll just have to search for it...

_QUEEN opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

QUEEN: Hey guys!

QUEEN: Are we heading to Bitto's Breakfast?

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: srry

P.Eric but Loyal: kazuha chan is being slow

P.Eric but Loyal: and grouchy cuz she didnt get enough sleep

 

_The REAL Mermaid opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: ITS ALL SERA-CHAN'S FAULT

The REAL Mermaid: HER FREAKY STORY KEPT ME UP

The REAL Mermaid: BUT RAN-CHAN WHY AREN'T YOU TIRED

 

QUEEN: I got plenty of sleep!!

 

_Beach Grinch opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

Beach Grinch: She practically invaded my bed because she was too afraid to sleep in her own bed.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: I KNEW IT

 

QUEEN: Anyway!!

QUEEN: You guys didn't answer my question, are we having breakfast at Bitto's?

 

The REAL Mermaid: I think so

 

P.Eric but Loyal: WAIT

 

QUEEN: ?

 

Beach Grinch: What is it Sera?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: where r the boys??!!?!

 

QUEEN: Oh no...

 

The REAL Mermaid: Oh boy

 

P.Eric but Loyal: oh whelp

P.Eric but Loyal: we can just have a girls only outing again

 

Beach Grinch: What about me?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ur included duhhh

 

Beach Grinch: ...

Beach Grinch: Last time I checked, I was most definitely not female.

Beach Grinch: Unless I have somehow undergone a sex change over night without noticing.

 

QUEEN: Considering you turned into Conan over night, I wouldn't be surprised...

 

Beach Grinch: ...

Beach Grinch: I thought you were on my side.

 

The REAL Mermaid: One of us

The REAL Mermaid: oNE OF US

The REAL Mermaid: ONE OF US

 

Beach Grinch: ...

 

QUEEN: Anyway, Shinichi and I are already at a table, so hurry up!!

 

P.Eric but Loyal: okie dokie

 

The REAL Mermaid: Blame Sera-chan for telling us that scary story

 

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ehhhh

P.Eric but Loyal: but its just a local spooky theory

P.Eric but Loyal: abt people going missing around here

 

QUEEN: Not helping!

 

The REAL Mermaid: THEN YOU SAID THEY WERE BRUTALLY MURDERED

The REAL Mermaid: CORRECTION

The REAL Mermaid: THEIR HEADS BASHED INTO DUST

 

P.Eric but Loyal: technically they still havent found the victims

P.Eric but Loyal: so its not 100% that they are dead

 

QUEEN: This is one of the times I'm glad that I am rooming with Shinichi.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: ehhh

P.Eric but Loyal: considering he is mr resident murder magnet

P.Eric but Loyal: wouldnt that be counter productive

 

QUEEN: But he also makes a great human shield.

 

The REAL Mermaid: Oh wow

 

P.Eric but Loyal: laying it on huh

 

QUEEN: He is currently making exasperated sounds

QUEEN: Haha

 

Beach Grinch: Feeling the love.

Beach Grinch: Thanks guys...

 

The REAL Mermaid: Wait, am I included?

 

Beach Grinch: No, you're my new favourite.

Beach Grinch: Stay amazing.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: oi oi

P.Eric but Loyal: we had a bonding moment

 

Beach Grinch: What bonding moment?

 

P.Eric but Loyal: dont u deny it p.sn

P.Eric but Loyal: u love me

 

Beach Grinch: ...

Beach Grinch: We may have had our... bonding moment but that doesn't stop me from being exasperated by your actions.

 

QUEEN: Haha

QUEEN: You two have gotten close

QUEEN: Also, what is p.sn?

 

Beach Grinch: Please ignore it

 

The REAL Mermaid: AHH

The REAL Mermaid: Is it a pet name?!

 

P.Eric but Loyal: cant tell u srry srry

P.Eric but Loyal: its our secret~~~~

 

The REAL Mermaid: EHHHHH

The REAL Mermaid: Does that mean that if Sera-chan got together with Shinichi-kun first,

The REAL Mermaid: they could have become a power couple

 

Beach Grinch: That is if Sera was interested in guys and still single.

 

QUEEN: JDIAKL

 

The REAL Mermaid: HA?!

 

P.Eric but Loyal: uUUUUHHHHHHH

P.Eric but Loyal: surprise

 

_P.Eric but Loyal sent an image_

 

 

 

Beach Grinch: My work here is done.

 

P.Eric but Loyal: man ive been waiting to use that

 

The REAL Mermaid: EH?!?!?

The REAL Mermaid: WHERE DID ALL THIS PLOT DEVELOPMENT COME FROM?!?!!!

 

Beach Grinch: It's called procrastination.

 

QUEEN: SHINICHI DRINK YOUR COFFEE

 

_QUEEN closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: aaaAAAHHHHHHAHAHA

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

The REAL Mermaid: Are they?

 

Beach Grinch: Yeah.

 

The REAL Mermaid: SERIOUSLY?!

 

Beach Grinch: But you can just ask Sera to confirm if you don't trust me.

 

The REAL Mermaid: I trust you plenty, also she sprinted ahead.

 

Beach Grinch: Ah

Beach Grinch: Thank you for trusting me then.

 

The REAL Mermaid: You're welcome.

The REAL Mermaid: But...

 

Beach Grinch: ?

 

The REAL Mermaid: Did they already tell you?!

 

Beach Grinch: No, but I've known for a while now,

Beach Grinch: it was pretty obvious.

Beach Grinch: Plus Ran kept calling me 'Masumi' whilst cuddling me last night.

 

The REAL Mermaid: OH MY GOD

The REAL Mermaid: You wanna tag team and make em spill?

 

Beach Grinch: Sure.

Beach Grinch: Anyway, I need to drink my coffee,

Beach Grinch: Otherwise Ran might attempt homicide.

 

_The REAL Mermaid closed「something fucking shorter」_

_Beach Grinch closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _P.Eric opened「_ _PRINCE BUDDIES_ _」_

 

P.Eric: U R MY BEST MAN NOW

P.Eric: ALSO

 

_P.Eric changed P.StarFishNips to BEST Wing Man_

_P.Eric changed to P.GAY BITCH_

 

 _P.BEST Wing Man opened「_ _PRINCE BUDDIES_ _」_

 

P.BEST Wing Man: You're welcome,

P.BEST Wing Man: Now go enjoy your date with Ran.

P.BEST Wing Man: Also a tip, go for the Choco-la Tip Strawberries instead of the Choc*y Dust Strawberries

 

P.GAY BITCH: THX MY MAN

 

 _P.BEST Wing Man closed「_ _PRINCE BUDDIES_ _」_

 

P.BEST Wing Man: She deserves to be happy

P.BEST Wing Man: Also her frantic bisexually-confused texts about you were getting annoying.

 

 _P.BEST Wing Man closed「_ _PRINCE BUDDIES_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Good morning to everyone, except Kuroba and Hattori.

 

Beach Grinch: Saguru, what happened?

 

The REAL Mermaid: What did Heiji do this time...

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Those two idiots decided it would be a good idea to throw my mattress into the pool,

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: while I was still asleep, and on it.

 

Beach Grinch: Oh my god...

 

The REAL Mermaid: I'll go beat Heiji up for you

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I appreciate the thought,

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: but at least Hattori received some karma for his deeds.

 

Beach Grinch: Did Kaito double cross him...?

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Spot on.

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Apparently, when they were in the process of throwing me off the balcony, the weight of the mattress caused Hattori to loose his footing.

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Unfortunately, he didn't fall, but it left him clinging to the balcony, at the mercy of Kuroba.

 

The REAL Mermaid: I wasn't there but 10/10 he deserved it.

The REAL Mermaid: But, dang I wish I saw it.

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: You could try asking another guest at the hotel, considering the two idiots did it in broad daylight.

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: However, I sure Kuroba planned all over this,

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: ensuring that not only I, but Hattori would also be publicly humiliated.

 

The REAL Mermaid: Ohhhh

The REAL Mermaid: WAIT

The REAL Mermaid: I'm getting distracted

 

Beach Grinch: Keep going Saguru

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Afterwards, I had to be fished out of the pool,

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: but at least Hattori will be paying for a new mattress, and I will be moving into a new room for the remainder of the trip.

 

Beach Grinch: I'm surprised the staff didn't attempt to kick them out of their rooms.

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Oh, they certainly tried,

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: But this is Kuroba we're talking about.

 

The REAL Mermaid: Ahhhh

The REAL Mermaid: That's rough

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Anyway, enough about me,

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: How have you two been?

 

The REAL Mermaid: AH

The REAL Mermaid: We, well technically me, had the biggest shock this morning

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: What was it?

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Did Kuroba also prank you?

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: My condolences then.

 

Beach Grinch: There is a rather 'spooky' theory going around about the mysterious disappearances in the area

 

The REAL Mermaid: YEAH

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Why does it seem like the two of you were originally on two different trains of thought?

 

Beach Grinch: Well, there was a station change.

 

The REAL Mermaid: Ouch

The REAL Mermaid: Anyway, were you thinking of doing anything today then?

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I believe I originally planned to partake in the scavenger hunt.

 

The REAL Mermaid: That's what we were planning to do!

The REAL Mermaid: Wanna join us?

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Sure

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: Where are you?

 

Beach Grinch: We're on our way to the sign up stall.

 

The REAL Mermaid: Shall we meet up there?

 

Ursu*a the Sea Bitch: I'll see you there.

 

_The REAL Mermaid closed「something fucking shorter」_

_Beach Grinch closed「something fucking shorter」_

_Ursu*a the Sea Bitch closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

ª§ª

 

 _CRYPTID_ _opene_ _d「I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

 

CRYPTID: kuroba

CRYPTID: if yah show yourself in the next 5 mins

CRYPTID: i wont kill yah

 

 _Pro-Double Crosser_ _opened_ _「_ _I. WIL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

 

Pro-Double Crosser: now thats just silly hei chan

 

CRYPTID: YOU FUCKER

 

Pro-Double Crosser: man ur 2 slow

Pro-Double Crosser: im alrdy on my 4th pancake

 

CRYPTID: ....

CRYPTID: found you bastard

 

Pro-Double Crosser: geh

 

 _CRYPTID_ _closed_ _「_ _I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

_Pro-Double Crosser closed「I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

 

ª§ª

 

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[13/8/18 3:16 PM]

_"Hey everyone! Unfortunately, I don't have any good news. Mr. L got two more victims today._

 

_Victim 1._

_Age: 17 -19_

_Gender: Female_

_Appearance: Dark brown hair - in a pony tail. Orange tank top and denim shorts. Brown sandals._

 

_Victim 2._

_Age: 17 - 19_

_Gender: Male_

_Appearance: Blonde hair. Grey short sleeve button up and cargo shorts. Black sandals._

 

_There were some witness reports that suggested that there was supposably a third victim, but it has not been confirmed yet._

_Keep an eye out for any updates."_

 

 

KiriKiri commented

[13/8/18 3:18 PM]

_"Seriously?!? Two more victims!!The police need to step up their game!!_

_My condolences to their families. But who knows what Mr. L will do to them?!?!"_

 

TT commented

[13/8/18 3:18 PM]

_"It could just be the tourists trying to looking for attention. No need to panic._

_Seriously, the things people do for attention now a days is insane."_

 

RiLi0 replied to TT's comment

[13/8/18 3:20 PM]

_"Oi oi! You gotta be jokin_

_Who the hell would think of a sick joke like this?!?!?"_

 

RayRay_02 commented

[13/8/18 3:21 PM]

_"Shit thats awful!! And people just wanna to have a holiday here??? Mr. L needs to stop!!!!!"_

 

TT replied to RiLi0's comment

[13/8/18 3:21 PM]

_"I practically know everyone in this town and there is no one crazy enough to legitimately pull this off._

_So it's gotta be those tourists trying to pull one on all of us."_

 

Mikki_401 replied to TT's comment

[13/8/18 3:23 PM]

_"You're just saying that because you distrust tourists ever since that one incident."_

 

M00N_DAEM0N replied to Mikki_401's comment

[13/8/18 3:24 PM]

_"What incident?"_

 

TT replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[13/8/18 3:26 PM]

_"it's none of your business."_

 

Mikki_401 replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[13/8/18 3:26 PM]

_"Ignore him._

_Did you ever hear of the Envious Bashing Case? It didn't occur too long ago."_

 

M00N_DAEM0N replied to Mikki_401's comment

[13/8/18 3:28 PM]

_"No, I only moved here recently."_

 

TT replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[13/8/18 3:29 PM]

_"So you're an outsider. It's none of your business!"_

 

Mikki_401 replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[13/8/18 3:31 PM]

_"Really??_

_And, shush TT - no one cares._

_So, it happened about two months ago. A tourist, his girlfriend and their friends came here for a holiday._

_But apparently the girlfriend vanished for a week - no note, nothing. A search party was sent out and everything._

_However, she was found hanging in the nearby forest. First police thought it was a suicide but after closer investigation, it was found that she had her skull smashed in - like full on, it was crushed to dust._

_Of course, the boyfriend and the friends were pull in for interrogation._

_But the investigation lasted for a couple of days until the boyfriend broke and confessed._

_He said that they were fighting about something - that I didn't bother remembering, sue me - and he lost himself. And when I mean 'lost himself' I mean he practically crushed her skull into dust. It was pretty sad."_

 

Mikki_401 replied to Mikki_401's comment

[13/8/18 3:32 PM]

_"Wait! I remembered the reason!! They were fighting over the fact that it was heavily hinted that the girlfriend was cheating with one of the friends. And when the boyfriend found out and confronted her - boom. It caused that whole mess."_

 

M00N_DAEM0N replied to Mikki_401's comment

[13/8/18 3:33 PM]

_"I see. Thank you for telling me._

_But is it alright for me to ask another question?"_

 

Mikki_401 replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[13/8/18 3:35 PM]

_"Fire away, unlike the police. I've got free time."_

 

M00N_DAEM0N replied to Mikki_401's comment

[13/8/18 3:36 PM]

_"How does TT have a connection to this case?"_

 

TT replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[13/8/18 3:37 PM]

_"It's none of your f*****g business!"_

 

Mikki_401 replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[13/8/18 3:38 PM]

_"Eh? TT... Well, I don't know if it's my place to tell... But TT was one of the friends from the case."_

 

M00N_DAEM0N replied to Mikki_401's comment

[13/8/18 3:40 PM]

_"I see, thank you for the valuable piece of information."_

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[13/8/18 3:41 PM]

_"Victim 3 confirmed._

 

_Victim 3._

_Age: 17 - 19_

_Gender: Male_

_Appearance: Black hair. Blue sleeveless hoodie and cargo shorts. Black sneakers._

 

_The police are asking that if anyone can help further identify the victims - please call the Bōsō Police Department."_

 

 

RayRay_02 commented

[13/8/18 3:42 PM]

_"Poor bastard."_

 

C0OKI3  commented

[13/8/18 3:43 PM]

_"dam tht maks 10 vicims alrdy"_

 

RiLi0 commented

[13/8/18 3:43 PM]

_"THIS IS TOO SICK TO BE A HOAX!!!!!"_

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[13/8/18 3:46 PM]

_"Identities of latest victims confirmed._

 

_Victim 1 - Touyama Kazuha_

_Victim 2 - Hakuba Saguru_

_Victim 3 - Kudou Shinichi_

 

_Prayers to their friends and families, Mr. L must been stopped._

_So please, do not be afraid to report any suspicious behaviour to a nearby police officer."_

 

 

Err0r_011 commented

[13/8/18 3:48 PM]

_"Be afraid."_

 

User **Err0r_011** is currently  [SUSPENDED] by **K_YANG (Admin)**

 

 

 

 

ª§ª

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. My finger slipped. Ran x Masumi is happening.  
> And I told you guys it would escalate!!  
> \-------------------------------  
> So, today's chapter was longer than usual - but this is because the next chapter will be much shorter in comparison.  
> And what do you guys think of the forum set up?? When writing it I just decided to pull this out of my ass for some sleep-deprived reason??? Anway, not much else, but I sorta have two major assignments to finish [both due this Friday and I haven't started them yet hA]. So Imma just put this here and dashhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
> \-------------------------------  
> TRANSLATION:  
> 房総半島に失踪 - Bōsōhan'tō ni shissō - Disappearances on the Bōsō Peninsula  
> サーチ - Sāchi - Search  
> ローディング - Rōdin'gu - Loading
> 
> Please tell me if I stuffed up - my Japanese is crap!!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Unfortunately, this unbeta'd. School has me in a chokehold, and Scheherazade is unable to look over it [dudes, she is either sleep-deprived or unconscious, please nag her in the comments to look after herself - my nagging is not enough] and I am unable to find time to write out new chapters. There will be errors, so please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Mikki_401 replied to Err0r_012's comment  
> [14/8/18 8:11 PM]  
> "What are you guys talking about???"
> 
> TT replied to Mikki_401's comment  
> [14/8/18 8:13 PM]  
> "The truth."  
> ª§ª  
> Idiots Float: Got it  
> Idiots Float: Relaying info  
> ª§ª  
> 0:00:00 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: We were fighting. It wasn't even physical. Just shouting. Screaming. But. I guess I lost myself...  
> ...  
> 0:04:04 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: But what she didn't know was that I was going to kill her.  
> ª§ª  
> K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post  
> [14/8/18 12:04 AM]  
> "Official list of victims and status
> 
> \- Shouki Naeko - Dead, smashed skull and severe dehydration  
> \- Hane Haruka - Dead, smashed... [OPEN TO READ MORE]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	35. Checked In and Knocking Doors (Ensnared)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The latest search party is getting closer. Will tonight be Mr. L's final night?

 

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[14/8/18 8:02 PM]

_"An update on the Mr. L case._

 

  * _Bōsō Police have received a mysterious tip on the possible location of victims - unconfirmed reliability_
  * _Friends of the latest victims have joined in the search party_
  * _Hopeful rumours that Mr. L case will be settled tonight?_



 

_Keep an eye out for any updates."_

 

 

Mikki_401 commented

[14/8/18 8:04 PM]

_"Please let tonight be the end of Mr.L!!."_

 

KiriKiri commented

[14/8/18 8:04 PM]

_"Thank gods! The police are finally moving!!!"_

 

C0OKI3  commented

[14/8/18 8:05 PM]

_"finaly poice doig somthng!!!!!"_

 

RiLi0 commented

[14/8/18 8:06 PM]

_"THANK THE HEAVENS! BRING THEM HOME!!!"_

 

RayRay_02 commented

[14/8/18 8:07 PM]

_"YES!!!!"_

 

M00N_DAEM0N commented

[14/8/18 8:09 PM]

_"They will soon return."_

 

Err0r_012 replied to M00N_DAEM0N's comment

[14/8/18 8:10 PM]

_"They will vanish."_

 

Mikki_401 replied to Err0r_012's comment

[14/8/18 8:11 PM]

_"What are you guys talking about???"_

 

TT replied to Mikki_401's comment

[14/8/18 8:13 PM]

_"The truth."_

 

 

 

 

ª§ª

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: Pin on G9 and H5

 

_P.Eric but Loyal opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

P.Eric but Loyal: On it, South-East is being checked.

 

_P.Eric but Loyal closed「something fucking shorter」_

_Idiots Float opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

Idiots Float: Points F3 n G7 checked

Idiots Float: Nothing found

Idiots Float: Waiting for head detective response

 

_QUEEN opened「something fucking shorter」_

 

QUEEN: F5 searched and moving onto G4

 

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: Pin on H4

F-Fisch ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽: Top priority

 

_F-Fisch_ _༼ ༎_ _ຶ_ _෴_ _༎_ _ຶ_ _༽_ _closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

QUEEN: Ok

 

_QUEEN closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

Idiots Float: Got it

Idiots Float: Relaying info

 

_Idiots Float closed「something fucking shorter」_

 

ª§ª

 

{PLAYING AUDIO - CONFESSION OF ENVIOUS BASHING CASE.mp3}

 

Transcript on?

.

.

 **[Yes** ] **or [No]**

…

Transcript is on.

 

0:00:00 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: We were fighting. It wasn't even physical. Just shouting. Screaming. But. I guess I lost myself...

0:00:23 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: It was just a normal afternoon. We had just come back from the annual sandcastle building competition.

0:00:46 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: We were all tired, so we decided to go back to our rooms. [VICTIM] and I were sharing rooms, of course, she went to shower first. I went to unpack my bags.

0:01:02 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: But then I got a call from [SUSPECT_03]. I was a bit confused since we just saw each other like five minutes ago - max. So, thinking it was an emergency, I picked up. He sounded normal but what he said was strange.

0:01:31 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: He told me to meet him near the laundry room on our floor (Floor 3 - East Wing). So I told [VICTIM] that was going to meet up with [SUSPECT_03] for something important. She didn't answer though, probably couldn't hear me over the sound of the shower.

0:01:48 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: So I just went to go meet him. When I saw him, he looked rather nervous. A bad type of nervous. He has always been the nervous type but, since we've been best pals since high school, I knew that it wasn't his normal nervousness. So I was rather concerned.

0:01:59 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: He told me that it was super important. Too important not to say. So I told him to just tell me already.

0:02:17 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: He told me that [VICTIM] was cheating on me with him. And that it had been going on for three months already.

0:02:31 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: I was basically in shock. That my girlfriend was cheating on me, with my best friend. And at the time I was about to punch [SUSPECT_03] but I knew that he was a good guy. I vouch for him. He is the nicest guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and befriending.

0:02:53 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: So I told him that I needed time to process and went back to my room. Once entering my room [VICTIM] was lying on our bed and smiling at her phone. She asked me what [SUSPECT_03] needed to talk to me about. I tried not to say anything about my conversation with [SUSPECT_03] but I was just so angry.

0:03:11 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: So I turned my anger to [VICTIM]. I started questioning her. I asked her what she thought of [SUSPECT_03]. But she played innocent and confused for a while. She kept trying to shoot down all of my questions.

0:03:29 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: In all honesty, I would have been fine if she had straight out said that she was cheating on me. But she started questioning me about my friendship with [SUSPECT_03].

0:03:35 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: That woman. She could tell that I was about to burst at the seams.

0:03:48 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: Because she knew. She knew that when I first asked her out - I was envious.

0:03:56 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: She knew that I got envious easily. But I always tried to push it down. But.

0:04:04 Suspect_01 [CONFIRMED]: But what she didn't know was that I was going to kill her.

 

{FINISHED PLAYING AUDIO - CONFESSION OF ENVIOUS BASHING CASE.mp3}

 

[[NOTES]]

 

Matsuda Uechi was later trialled and convicted for the murder of Tanaka Hanako.

The suspects: Watanuki Kenichi, Tetsuhara Kento, Nakamura Shuuchi and Saguwara Date were released.

 Tetsuhara Kento decided to remain in Bōsō. The others returned to Aomori.

 

[[EXTRA]]

 

Saguwara Date went missing on 7/11/17.

 

Close file?

.

.

 **[Yes** ] or **[No]**

…

File closed

 

ª§ª

 

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[14/8/18 11:38 PM]

_"Bōsō Police have released a public statement._

 

_ Another lead has been found - the Mr. L case will finally be closed tonight. _

_ The Bōsō Hospital have their beds ready. _

 

_Keep an eye out for any updates."_

 

 

KiriKiri commented

[14/8/18 11:40 PM]

_"I hate to say this - but the latest victims must have crazy connections to be found already."_

 

Mikki_401 commented

[14/8/18 11:41 PM]

_"The police are unusually bold tonight."_

 

C0OKI3  commented

[14/8/18 11:41 PM]

_"brng hm hme!!!!!"_

 

RiLi0 commented

[14/8/18 11:43 PM]

_"MR. L WILL BE NO MORE!"_

 

RayRay_02 commented

[14/8/18 11:45 PM]

_"JUSTICE!!!!!"_

 

M00N_DAEM0N commented

[14/8/18 11:47 PM]

_"They are home."_

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[14/8/18 11:57 PM]

_"Victims have been found!!_

_But it's too soon for the good news. Some victims found dead?_

_The Bōsō Police have released another public statement._

 

_ It is unfortunate that it took this long to rescue the ten victims. _

_ Throughout this case, the Bōsō Police have been inattentive and ignorant of the clues provided. _

_ It is only thanks to the new search party - A03, that the victims were found. _

_ We sincerely apologise for the failures that we have made. _

 

_ Bōsō Police Department. _

 

_A list of the victims will soon be published._

_Keep an eye out for any updates."_

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[14/8/18 11:59 PM]

_"Mr. L has finally been apprehended. No further information has been provided by the police._

_Keep an eye out for any updates."_

 

 

K_YANG (Admin) posted a new post

[14/8/18 12:04 AM]

_"Official list of victims and status_

 

  * _Shouki Naeko - Dead, smashed skull and severe dehydration_
  * _Hane Haruka - Dead, smashed skull and heavy lacerations_
  * _Okemo Hitomi - Dead, smashed skull and light lacerations_
  * _Wanato Tsukuto - Alive, severe dehydration and light lacerations_
  * _Tatewaki Asuka - Alive, severe dehydration and heavy bruising_
  * _Akatano Reiko - Dead, smashed skull and slight dehydration_
  * _Bakotou Yukuto - Alive, dehydration and light lacerations_
  * _Touyama Kazuha - Alive, slight dehydration and light bruising_
  * _Hakuba Saguru - Alive, dehydration and light bruising_
  * _Kudou Shinichi - Alive, slight dehydration and light lacerations_



 

_Prayers and condolences to the families that are experiencing sudden loss._

_May the survivors make full recovery."_

 

 

 

 

ª§ª

 

_Corpse Wannabe opened「Be less alive」_

 

Corpse Wannabe: Hey Haibara

 

_Psychotic Individual opened「Be less alive」_

 

Psychotic Individual: Hey Mr. L Victim no. 10

 

Corpse Wannabe: Wow

Corpse Wannabe: I could be severely traumatised right now

 

Psychotic Individual: I'll have that in mind when I see you stay away from the coffee

 

Corpse Wannabe: Ah

 

Psychotic Individual: Anyway, what is it that you wanted to ask me?

 

Corpse Wannabe: I was going to ask if you can convince Ran and Sera to at least let me sleep alone.

Corpse Wannabe: But I can see that being quite pointless now.

 

Psychotic Individual: Wait...

Psychotic Individual: Are they seriously making you sleep in the same bed as them,

Psychotic Individual: like a child after experiencing a nightmare?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Yeah

Corpse Wannabe: Wait

Corpse Wannabe: You didn't know?

 

Psychotic Individual: No, but they probably told me in the group chat,

Psychotic Individual: however, after reading the first few messages that confirmed your rescue; my phone was practically exploding,

Psychotic Individual: so I've been ignoring it until now.

 

Corpse Wannabe: Oh wow

Corpse Wannabe: I wish I could just ignore my phone...

 

Psychotic Individual: Oh my god

Psychotic Individual: Are they going to get you a child leash next?

 

Corpse Wannabe: Please stop.

Corpse Wannabe: They might get more ideas......................

Corpse Wannabe: heya ai channnn

Corpse Wannabe: thx for the idea

 

Psychotic Individual: No problem.

 

Corpse Wannabe: oh

Corpse Wannabe: gotta run

 

_Corpse Wannabe closed「Be less alive」_

_Psychotic Individual closed「Be less alive」_

 

ª§ª

 

_CRYPTID_ _opene_ _d「I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

 

CRYPTID: the more i know yah

CRYPTID: the more willing i am ta toss my morals aside

CRYPTID: and strangle yah with my charger

 

_Pro-Double Crosser_ _opened_ _「_ _I. WIL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

 

Pro-Double Crosser: do it

 

CRYPTID: dude

CRYPTID: are you alright??

 

 

Pro-Double Crosser: if u do it in front of that incompetent officer

Pro-Double Crosser: he can at least arrest u

Pro-Double Crosser: then i can be short a rival

 

CRYPTID: ....

CRYPTID: TO THINK I WAS FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT YAH

 

Pro-Double Crosser: AWWW

Pro-Double Crosser: U DO CARE

 

_CRYPTID_ _closed_ _「_ _I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

 

Pro-Double Crosser: shinichi getting kidnapped again

Pro-Double Crosser: took another 10 yrs off my lifespan tbh

 

_Pro-Double Crosser closed「I. WILL. DESTROY. YOU.」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anticlimatic? Yep. Sadly, I couldn't write the whole situation and wrap up the case because text form makes it way too choppy and dull. Also a tad unrealistic. But if any of you want to know who Mr. L was and the backstroy for it. Feel free to ask -as the actual explanation is pretty messy and long so I didn't want to put it in this A/N. Also I wanted to write a proper explanation as I don't have time right now and my wifi is dying - like me.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'm pretty worried for the posting of next chapter as I haven't finished it yet - let alone, actually planned the lot of it. My school responsibilities have caught up to me [why did i volunteer for so much stuff...] and I have two assignments due in the next two days [where one I haven't even started yet and it is an EEI]. Plus the fact that next chapter is Saguru's b-day fic and I am dividing it into two parts ahhhhhhhhhh. But I'll somehow manage kiddies (Ｔ▽Ｔ) [for now...]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Unfortunately, this unbeta'd. School has me in a chokehold, and Scheherazade is unable to look over it and I am unable to find time to write out new chapters. There will be errors, so please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	36. Enjoyable Company and Attention Hogging (Tickets)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could we finally start talking about feelings?!?!? Saguru is a total mood. Kaito, sweetie, your jealousy and stalking tendencies are showing. And Heiji makes an unnecessary vine reference.

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmage♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Saguru

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _opened「Holmage ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: It seems to be that you've received them.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Please marry me.

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _closed「Holmage ♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Saguru

Holmes' Apprentice: Saguru?!

 

_Holmes' Apprentice closed_ _「_ _Holmage ♡」_

 

 

_Holmes opened「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

 

Holmes: Kaito

Holmes: Please get online now

 

_Lupin opened「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

 

Lupin: SHINICHI WHATS WRONG

Lupin: DO I NEED TO KILL SOMEONE FOR YOU

 

Holmes: Not today

Holmes: Is Saguru alright?

 

Lupin: ...

Lupin: yeah

Lupin: saguboy just wheezed like hei chan up against touyama chan on a bad tuesday

Lupin: then folded onto a nearby bench

 

Holmes: Uh

Holmes: Okay

Holmes: Just tell him to text me once he's alright...?

 

Lupin: ehhhh

 

Holmes: Kaito

 

Lupin: fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

Holmes: Thanks

Holmes: I'll send over some cookies later

 

Lupin: YEEEEEEE

 

_Holmes closed「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

_Lupin closed「MATCH MADE IN -heaven or hell-」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _opened「Holmage ♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Apologies...

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmage♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: You're alive!

Holmes' Apprentice: It's fine

 

Watson's Cousin: I was just...

Watson's Cousin: Surprised

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Sorry about that,

Holmes' Apprentice: I've been nagged by the girls for saying things without thinking it over

Holmes' Apprentice: Well, texted in this case.

 

Watson's Cousin: It's fine,

Watson's Cousin: Don't worry about it.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: .....

Holmes' Apprentice: If you're sure...

 

Watson's Cousin: I am.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Anyway,

 

Watson's Cousin: ?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: How on earth did you manage to get them?!? I will pay you back!

 

Watson's Cousin: There is no need.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: But Saguru, it's for your birthday

Holmes' Apprentice: I can't make you pay for my ticket

Holmes' Apprentice: A ticket for one of the most expensive seats!!

 

Watson's Apprentice: Then you can repay me with your company.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: .....

Holmes' Apprentice: If you're sure...

 

Watson's Cousin: I am.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: So....

Holmes' Apprentice: What time will we be leaving?

 

Watson's Cousin: Well, from Ekoda I will arrive in Beika at 1:00 pm.

Watson's Cousin: So, how about at 1:30 pm from your residence?

Watson's Cousin: Taking account of transportation time and the walk there,

Watson's Cousin: We would have ten minutes spare to buy some snacks.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Hey Saguru?

 

Watson's Cousin: Yes Shinichi?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: You could just stay over at my place then,

Holmes' Apprentice: Since it is still the holidays and you, hopefully, don't have anything on that morning

Holmes' Apprentice: you can just stay the night

Holmes' Apprentice: It will make things a bit easier?

 

Watson's Cousin: Are you sure?

Watson's Cousin: I have nothing planned for that morning,

Watson's Cousin: but are you sure?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Positive

Holmes' Apprentice: You've stayed over at my house before

Holmes' Apprentice: There is no need to be so formal

 

Watson's Cousin: Last time included Kuroba and Hattori.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Yeah, and this time it will be just the two of us!

 

Watson's Cousin: Ah

 

Holmes' Apprentice: ?

 

Watson's Cousin: It's nothing, just an accidental text

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Okay?

Holmes' Apprentice: Also, Saguru?

 

Watson's Cousin: Yes, Shinichi?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Are you absolutely sure you want to spend your birthday with me?

Holmes' Apprentice: Not that I am ungrateful of the tickets,

Holmes' Apprentice: but going with you to see it makes me feel like I'm hogging you all to myself

 

Watson's Cousin: It's fine

Watson's Cousin: I am absolutely certain that I want to spend my birthday with you

Watson's Cousin: I really enjoy your company.

 

Holmes' Apprentice: ...

Holmes' Apprentice: I enjoy your company as well

Holmes' Apprentice: Gosh, that sounds like a line from a Shōjo manga

 

Watson's Cousin: You've read some Shōjo manga?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Don't judge me

Holmes' Apprentice: It was hard to find any of my preferred books whilst I was in the body of a first grader

Holmes' Apprentice: Also, Haibara got addicted to one and made me binge it with her

Holmes' Apprentice: It was pretty good though.

 

Watson's Cousin: Really?

Watson's Cousin: What was it?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: ....

Holmes' Apprentice: Cardcaptor Sakura

 

Watson's Cousin: Oh?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I can hear your judgement

Holmes' Apprentice: No.

 

Watson's Cousin: I am not, I promise.

Watson's Cousin: Correct me if I'm wrong,

 

Holmes' Apprentice: ?

 

Watson's Cousin: but wasn't it also known for being LGBT inclusive?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Yeah

Holmes' Apprentice: It's a nice change from all the censoring that occurs in the more recent media

 

Watson's Cousin: Oh?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Hm?

 

Watson's Cousin: It's nothing,

Watson's Cousin: Shall we talk again later?

Watson's Cousin: To finalise our arrangement for tomorrow

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Are you psychic?

 

Watson's Cousin: No?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: You have impeccable timing, someone just died

 

Watson's Cousin: ....

Watson's Cousin: Are you sure you're not cursed?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I hope not

Holmes' Apprentice: To answer your previous question, sure!

Holmes' Apprentice: I should be able to wrap this up and complete the necessary paper work in two hours max

Holmes' Apprentice: Talk to you then?

 

Watson's Cousin: Alright, be safe

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I'll try

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _closed「Holmage ♡」_

_Watson's Cousin_ _closed「Holmage ♡」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Kid-sama opened「Death Match」_

 

_Kid-sama changed Tantei-san to Traitor-san No. 2_

 

_Traitor-han opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-han: what the shit happened now???

 

_Traitor-san No. 2 opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Dear god, what now...

 

Kid-sama: as much as i love shinichi and have been blessed by his kindness

Kid-sama: but he wouldnt just text me to check up on u

Kid-sama: and then give me cookies as well

 

Traitor-han: he could have been in a good mood?

 

Kid-sama: thats the problem

Kid-sama: he was probs texting saguboy prior

Kid-sama: so y was he super duper happy

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Is there something wrong with Shinichi enjoying my company?

 

Traitor-han: hate to say this

Traitor-han: but blondie's got a point

 

Kid-sama: ...

Kid-sama: i will find out....

 

Traitor-san No. 2: ...

 

Traitor-han: kuroba, keep your stalking tendencies to yourself

 

Kid-sama: ...............

Kid-sama: wAIT

 

Traitor-san No. 2: What now?

 

Traitor-han: oh boy

 

Kid-sama: ITS UR BIRTHING DAY SOON

 

Traitor-han: oh my god

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Good job, you can read a calendar.

 

Kid-sama: rUDE

Kid-sama: BUT U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

 

Traitor-han: you don't have enough for chicken nuggets

 

Traitor-san No. 2: You're going to accuse me of 'hogging' Shinichi?

 

Kid-sama: UR GONNA HOG SHINICHI FOR THE DAY

 

Traitor-han: well damn

Traitor-han: blondie is secretly psychic

 

Traitor-san No. 2: For one day and night actually.

Traitor-san No. 2: Earlier, Shinichi said the same thing.

 

Traitor-han: what

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Oh look he is calling me now

Traitor-san No. 2: Bye

 

_Traitor-san No. 2 closed「Death Match」_

 

Kid-sama: nSDJKLsvkjasd

 

Traitor-han: well

Traitor-han: i guess we have a job to do

 

Kid-sama: ....

 

Traitor-han: .........

Traitor-han: truce?

Traitor-han: and if you did what you did in Bōsō,

Traitor-han: i will cut you

 

Kid-sama: .....

Kid-sama: power in numbers

Kid-sama: fINE

 

Traitor-han: isn't it safety in numbers?

 

Kid-sama: same difference

 

_Traitor-han closed「Death Match」_

_Kid-sama closed「Death Match」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you mean its less than 10 mins to midnight????????  
> I literally just vomited this out and rolled it in some formatting.  
> Sadly, this chapter was rather boring BUT it was for setting up the next chapter which will be released on Wednesday 29th for Saguru's b-day.  
> So once I manage to properly write that out and post it - I can finally do my chemistry assignment THAT IS ACTUALLY DUE THIS FRIDAY HAHA I AM FUUUUCCCCFDJKVDFSNSKJ I NEED TO REWRITE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM ACTUALLY DOING LIKE ALCOHOLS??!?! UHHHH TO DRINK MY SORROWS AWAY OF COURSE!!! DO I SOUND PANICKED AND STRESSED?!?!?!? MAYBE?!?!?!!!!!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, other things to discuss... Should I keep trying to make things lighthearted? Like random one-shot type chapters or.... should I go for plot moving chapters???? Because planning is an ass and it is hard to not make the boys go out of character....  
> And I don't think I have anything else to say - but I can just edit this at the ass crack of dawn later if I need to  
> EDIT: I'M SORRY GUYS BUT I WILL BE LATE IN POSTING THE NEXT CHAPTER BECAUSE I PROMISED MIKA THAT I WOULD FINISH THE ANALYSIS OF MY CHEMISTRY TONIGHT  
> \-------------------------------  
> UNBETA'D again because i am very unorganised and want to nECK.  
> There will be errors, so please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Wednesday!  
> EDIT: I LIED  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	37. Enjoyable Company and Attention Hogging (Showtime)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito must protect his wife. Heiji disagrees (fire extinguishers...). Saguru is on a date outing with Shinichi. Ran and Masumi being maternal figures and outing Shinichi. Amuro makes a guest appearance and will probably get himself arrested. And... Plot progression?!?!

Kid-sama _opened「Death Match」_

 

Kid-sama: oi saguboy

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

 

_Traitor-han opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-han: the fuck

 

Kid-sama: not u

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

Kid-sama: oi

 

_Traitor-san No. 2 opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-san No. 2: What do you want Kuroba?

 

Kid-sama: if i see another tabloid on u and shinichi

Kid-sama: i will burn all ur books and clocks

 

Traitor-han: jesus

 

Kid-sama: PROMISE

 

Traitor-san No. 2: You aren't Christian Hattori.

Traitor-san No. 2: No promises,

Traitor-san No. 2: but unlike the two of you, I have no impure motives.

 

Kid-sama: I NEED TO PROTECT MY WIFE

 

Traitor-han: i think he can handle himself.....

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Kuroba, you promised Aoko-san to accompany her today

Traitor-san No. 2: But if you are really concerned about his welfare,

 

Kid-sama: ........squint....

 

Traitor-san No. 2: It's Shinichi

Traitor-san No. 2: Don't squint at your phone Kaito,

Traitor-san No. 2: don't deny it

Traitor-san No. 2: You're probably making Aoko-san concerned.

 

Kid-sama: awwwwww

Kid-sama: u know me so welllll

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Also, Heiji is correct.

Traitor-san No. 2: I am capable of looking after myself

 

Traitor-han: + to an extent

 

Traitor-san No. 2: ....

 

Kid-sama: dont deny itttttttt

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Wow, I love the taste of my words being shoved down my throat,

Traitor-san No. 2: I'm giving Saguru back his phone

 

Traitor-han: ouch

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Shinichi is poutinggjhg

 

Kid-sama: GASP

Kid-sama: HIS POUTY FACE DFJSKNFAKJA

 

Traitor-san No. 2: I can't feel two of my toes

 

Traitor-han: be glad it's only 2

Traitor-han: he is being nice since it's your birthday

 

Traitor-san No. 2: I guess there as a price for that pouturyt

 

_Traitor-san No. 2 closed「Death Match」_

 

Kid-sama: rude

Kid-sama: no proper goodbye

Kid-sama: where did i go wrong

 

Traitor-han: gross

 

_Traitor-han closed「Death Match」_

 

Kid-sama: rUDEEEE

 

_Kid-sama closed「Death Match」_

 

ª§ª

 

It was a quiet morning at the agency. Ran looked at her phone and smiled at Masumi's latest text.

 

**_From._ **

 

 **_The Gayest For You_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ **

 

 _《_ _you ready?》_

 

Quickly sending back a reply, Ran grabbed her purse and made her way down the steps.

 

"Oh. Ran-san, where are you off to?"

 

"Amuro-san!"

 

Despite the whole Black Organisation business being wrapped up moths ago, Ran still didn't know how to fully feel about the PSB Agent.

 

"I'm going on a date with my favourite detective."

 

That statement made Amuro's eyebrows shoot up into his hair.

 

"I thought that you and...."

 

Ran giggled.

 

"I meant Masumi. Shinichi is practically my baby brother."

 

_'Actually, Masumi and I should adopt him...'_

 

"Oh."

 

He coughed, shifting a tray of drinks into his other hand.

 

"Well, I hope you have fun then."

 

Ran hummed, but then another thought crossed her mind.

 

"Shinichi is on a date of his own anyway."

 

The tray of drinks fell onto the pavement.

 

ª§ª

 

 _Conan_ _♡_ _opened「Shrink and join me. no.」_

 

Conan♡: Rei-san, I've told you already

Conan♡: Saguru and I are not on a date

Conan♡: Please ignore whatever Ran said.

 

_Rei opened「Shrink and join me. no.」_

 

Rei: But what if his intentions are impure!!!!

 

Conan♡: Rei-san, you're acting as if Saguru would take at advantage of me the moment I turn around

 

Rei: Then, at least let me watch from a far

 

Conan♡: Rei-san.

Conan♡: That's called stalking.

Conan♡: Don't you have a shift at Poirot today??

 

Rei: Not if it's for a greater cause!!

Rei: Aw

Rei: You remembered my schedule

 

Conan♡: ...

Conan♡: I remembered it so I can avoid you easier

Conan♡: You are going to get yourself arrested.

 

Rei: How mean...

Rei: Not if I can unarrest myself!!!!

 

Conan♡: You are part of the law enforcement...

 

Rei: Isn't it convenient?

Rei: And our offer is still open!!

 

Conan♡: I honestly can't...

Conan♡: Hey, how about this,

 

Rei: Yes?

 

Conan♡: I will message you during the intermission as an update,

Conan♡: Would that suffice?

 

Rei: ...

Rei: Phone call, and you've got yourself a deal.

 

Conan♡: Alright

Conan♡: Saguru and I are about to head in now,

Conan♡: Talk to you soon then

 

Rei: Okay~

Rei: But remind him of the rules!!!

Rei: No hand touching or holding

 

Conan♡: No eye contact for more than three seconds

 

Rei: No giving or receiving flirtatious comments

 

Conan♡: And etc.

Conan♡: Talk to you then

 

 _Conan_ _♡_ _closed「Shrink and join me. no.」_

 

Rei: But I guess some CCTV hacking is still okay....

 

_Rei closed「Shrink and join me. no.」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Baby Brother/Son?? opened「I HAVE NO LOVE LIFE STOP. Don't deny it.」_

 

Baby Brother/Son??: Why would you betray me like this...

 

_Maternal Figure opened「I HAVE NO LOVE LIFE STOP. Don't deny it.」_

 

Maternal Figure: Hm?

 

Baby Brother/Son??: You know what I mean.

 

Maternal Figure: How is your date with Hakuba-kun?

 

Baby Brother/Son??: It is not a date.

 

Maternal Figure: Sounds fake, but okay.

 

Baby Brother/Son??: RAN

 

Maternal Figure: hi hi it's your mf no. 2

 

Baby Brother/Son??: ....

Baby Brother/Son??: Hi Sera

 

Maternal Figure: awww

Maternal Figure: we need to adopt you now

Maternal Figure: the papers will arrive tomorrow

Maternal Figure: actually eri-san can get them done today

 

Baby Brother/Son??: Oh my god

Baby Brother/Son??: You're already on first name basis with Kisaki-san?

 

Maternal Figure: yeeee

Maternal Figure: she loved me

Maternal Figure: also your mf no. 1 is getting the phone back now

 

Baby Brother/Son??: Great.

 

Maternal Figure: We'll leave you to your date Shinichi!

 

Baby Brother/Son??: I'm just going to give up now.

 

Maternal Figure: Have fun being a frantic and confused bisexual

Maternal Figure: Love you~!

 

_Maternal Figure closed「I HAVE NO LOVE LIFE STOP. Don't deny it.」_

 

Baby Brother/Son??: Wow, thanks for the love

 

_Baby Brother/Son?? closed「I HAVE NO LOVE LIFE STOP. Don't deny it.」_

 

ª§ª

 

Saguru quirked an eyebrow when his ~~date~~ companion let out another exasperated sigh.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

Shinichi rubbed his forehead and exhaled.

 

"Just Ran and Sera being lovingly unique."

 

"Okay..?"

 

However, an announcement over the speaker interrupted their conversation from continuing.

 

**"Ladies and gentlemen. The show is about to start. Please ensure all devices are turned off or put on silent. The exits are..."**

 

Saguru ignored the rest; turning back to Shinichi.

 

"Do you want to tell?"

 

"They just want to adopt me and are nagging me about other things."

 

"Oh..?"

 

Shinichi snorts, and pokes Saguru on the forehead.

 

"Very eloquent, birthday boy."

 

ª§ª

 

 _Conan_ _♡_ _opened「Shrink and join me. no.」_

 

 _Conan_ _♡_ _is calling Rei_

 

 **_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

_Rei opened「Shrink and join me. no.」_

 

_Rei **[Accepted]** the call_

 

_ Rei: *panicked* Conan-kun is everything alright?! Do I need to come kill him?! I swear to God, I just left for a bathroom break and that bastard took that chance. _

_Conan ♡ : *exasperated* Rei-san, what are you on..._

_Conan_ _♡_ _: And you told me to call you during the intermission as a status update?_

_ Rei: ..... Oh. So.....? _

_Conan_ _♡_ _: Before you start interrogating him, he is in the bathroom. Far away from me._

_ Rei: Good.... _

_Conan ♡ : *sighs* Back to the matter at hand, the show is amazing so far. Saguru and I have not violated any of your... Many rules._

_ Rei: *cheerful* Good! _

_Conan ♡ : *sighs* Honestly...._

_ Rei: *nags* See! This is why you should just shrink again, and join me. I can take care of everything for you. You can be happy. _

_Conan_ _♡_ _: Pass._

_ Rei: Eh?! _

_Conan_ _♡_ _: Anyway, I'm going to hang up soon. I just wanted to keep my promise of a status update._

_ Rei: Aw, Conan-kun.... _

_Conan ♡ : *sighs* Talk to you next time.._

_ Rei: Make sure you visit! _

 

 _Conan_ _♡_ _ended the call_

 

 _Conan_ _♡_ _closed「Shrink and join me. no.」_

_Rei closed「Shrink and join me. no.」_

 

ª§ª

 

Slipping his phone back into his pocket; Shinichi could only sigh, again. Whilst Furuya Rei was a highly capable member of the Japanese Secret Police, Rei-san was an absolute menace as a friend (?). Sure, there were times when the others would tease him, saying that they preferred him in his 'Conan form' as he was just "too adorable". Shinichi internally gagged. Rei-san could be a bit... Overbearing?

 

"Sorry for the wait."

 

Shinichi turned around, Saguru making his way towards him.

 

"I got a bit lost."

 

Shinichi openly frowned at this. It was understandable that people could get lost, but Saguru wasn't just like any other normal person.

 

"Sounds fake, but okay."

 

Saguru weakly laughed as a response.

 

"Shall we get a refill?"

 

"Okay."

 

ª§ª

 

_Psychotic Individual opened「Be less alive」_

 

Psychotic Individual: Could the local bisexual stop dancing next his window

Psychotic Individual: The professor is getting increasingly worried

 

_Corpse Wannabe opened「Be less alive」_

 

Psychotic Individual: Perfect timing, just enough video evidence for future black mail use

 

_Psychotic Individual changed Corpse Wannabe to Local Bisexual_

 

Local Bisexual: Wow

Local Bisexual: What is with the sudden plot progression

 

Psychotic Individual: Procrastination and sleep deprivation

 

Local Bisexual: Me too

 

Psychotic Individual: What

 

Local Bisexual: Do you know how to delete messages?

 

Psychotic Individual: Come over here right now,

Psychotic Individual: I will shoot you with my tranq gun

 

Local Bisexual: Oh wow

 

Psychotic Individual: Any last words

 

Local Bisexual: The actor for Mycroft was hot.

 

Psychotic Individual: Oh my god.

 

_Psychotic Individual closed「Be less alive」_

 

Local Bisexual: Ran keeps nagging to show my 'bi-ness' more often.

 

_Local Bisexual closed「Be less alive」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Traitor-han opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-han: oi hakuba

Traitor-han: you are 100% sure that shinichi said he had a crush on someone other than nee-chan

Traitor-han: right?

 

_Traitor-san No. 2 opened「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Yes, I am sure.

Traitor-san No. 2: He even said that the actor who played Mycroft was hot.

 

_Kid-sama opened「Death Match」_

 

Kid-sama: damn we have to fight actors now....

 

Traitor-han: and indirectly, holmes too

 

Traitor-san No. 2: ....

Traitor-san No. 2: Would this be the best time to say that we need to up our game?

 

Traitor-han: hate to agree

Traitor-han: but yeah

Traitor-han: shit

Traitor-han: gotta go

Traitor-han: and happy birthday hakuba

 

_Traitor-han closed「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Thank you Hattori

 

Kid-sama: ehhhhhh

Kid-sama: me too

Kid-sama: happy birthing saguboy

 

_Kid-sama closed「Death Match」_

 

Traitor-san No. 2: Thank you Kuroba....?

 

_Traitor-san No. 2 closed「Death Match」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SAGUBOY~  
> \-------------------------------  
> A big thing about the author. I lie. A lot.  
> I'm sorry so guys!!! I wanted to post on Wednesday but my chemistry assignment took the priority for this one (ಥ_ʖಥ) And the fact that I kept straying from my notes (notes being a piece of paper covered in marker and stoich calcs)  
> BUT I did try to make it up to you guys but finally making the romance ball roll.  
> Our beloved Shin-chan is Bi~  
> \-------------------------------  
> Unfortunately, I actually have an announcement and I will be posting it separately.  
> Sadly, it is sad news.....  
> \-------------------------------  
> UNBETA'D again because i am very unorganised and want to nECK.  
> There will be errors, so please tell me if you spot any! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not-BETA'D


	38. ※ ANNOUNCEMENT ※

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ※SUPER IMPORTANT※  
> This is the announcement that I mentioned in the previous chapter.  
> Thank you.
> 
> \- Kai

Apologies, as this is not a double update, but a sad announcement... But I will try to quickly get to the point so you folks can continue your daily lives.

I will be going on a hiatus for the next three weeks. As much as I hate to put this fic on pause, I spoke to Scheherazade about this and she agreed that this was the best approach.   
During this period of time, it would be the aftermath of our assignments and the lead into exam block and finally the end of term.

  
I don't think I can effectively function with the stress of pulling out new chapters and decent plots whilst working on a cosprop for my friend [why did i volunteer....], studying for exams and doing the mock-exams for next year. So with this hiatus, I can catch up on my missed school work, study for my exams, scribble out some decent plot ideas and write, work on the cosprop and finally catch up on sleep [?].

The actual dates for my hiatus will be from 3/9 to 23/9.

  
I'll be seeing you kiddies again in three weeks time - hopefully with some plot decent chapters.

 

Lots of love,

 

Kai_Lu


	39. Crispy Roasts and Revenge Pranks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Father and salty son have a bit of a spat. Heiji spectates. Then Shinichi walks in. It gets a little hot in here- NOT THE WAY YOU GUYS ARE THINKING. MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. THE PG-13 FACTOR IS A STRONG 86  
> And it hasn't been three weeks!! What are you guys talking about?!???

_Salty Prude son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: Kuroba, why am I teal.

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: excuse u

Dad: it is turquoise

Dad: u colour-blind mole rat

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): jesus

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): what the shit is happening now 

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 118_

 

Salty Prude son: Well, at least my hair doesn't resemble a rats nest

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): rooting for hakuba

 

Dad: at least i dont have a permanent scowl

Dad: GASP HEI CHAN NO

 

Salty Prude son: Seeing your face every day, it's no wonder.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): pft

 

Dad: r u sure ur not just looking in a mirror

Dad: u narcissist

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): jesus christ

 

Salty Prude son: Yes, I'm not a narcissist,

Salty Prude son: But I'm surprised you're capable of such big words

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): rip

 

Dad: on the scale of 1 to 10

Dad: 1 being nice and 10 being a dick

Dad: ur a strong 17

 

Salty Prude son: Even in insults you don't follow the rules

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): why 17 though...?

 

Dad: at least i have some adventure in my life

Dad: not constantly following the rules to a t

Dad: mr stick up my ass

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): BURN

 

Salty Prude son: I enjoy following the rules.

Salty Prude son: You on the other hand,

Salty Prude son: are crude, unrefined and a menace to all that is orderly

 

Dad: such harsh words from the gentlemanly detective

 

Salty Prude son: A quality of being a gentleman is being honest,

Salty Prude son: unlike you, Mr Gentleman Thief

 

Dad: RETIRED

 

Salty Prude son: Really, I couldn't tell with your kleptomaniacal behaviour

 

Dad: hey i appreciate beauty

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): so you nab

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): what logic

 

Salty Prude son: So you are then compelled to steal

Salty Prude son: It must do wonders for your reputation

 

Dad: ur ego is 2 big for me 2 check my reputation

Dad: srry

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): oh my fuck

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 119_

 

Salty Prude son: Apologies, I overestimated your mobility, especially with that big head of yours

 

Dad: fancy words 4 a bastart

 

Salty Prude son: Try again with better syntax.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): you're getting fucking destroyed kuroba

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 120_

 

Dad: faNcY wORdS 4 a bAStArt

 

Salty Prude son: An obstinate fool as always.

 

Dad: aN ObsTiNAtE fOOl aS AlwAYs

 

Salty Prude son: Very creative

Salty Prude son: Out of insults already?

 

Dad: vErY CreATiVe

Dad: no nice person would have insults ready

 

Salty Prude son: Then you must be very naive

 

Dad: if u looked for asshole in the dictionary i would find a pic of u

 

Salty Prude son: Very creative

 

Dad: hYPOCRITE

 

Salty Prude son: Insolent

 

Dad: JERK

 

Salty Prude son: Disrespectful

 

Dad: PRICK

 

Salty Prude son: Dolt

 

Dad: ASS

 

Salty Prude son: Swine

 

Dad: SNAKE

 

Salty Prude son: Viper

 

Dad: CLOD

 

Salty Prude son: Ignoramus

 

Dad: DUMMY

 

Salty Prude son: Fraud

 

Dad: LIAR

 

Salty Prude son: I don't have to pretend to have manners.

 

Dad: at least i can do more than obsess over a watch

 

Salty Prude son: You are as useless as the 'ueue' in queue.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 121_

 

Dad: if i tried jumping from ur ego to ur iq

Dad: i would die

 

Salty Prude son: Then do it.

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: What is going on

 

Dad: hAAAA

Dad: FEAR FACTOR IS A STRONG 89

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): i'm gonna go back to class now

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): someone is going to die

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): and it ain't gonna be me

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Anyone willing to fill me in?

Mum: or will I have to scroll up

 

Dad: SAGUBOY IS BEING A DISRESPECTFUL BRAT

 

Salty Prude son: I am defending myself,

Salty Prude son: Kuroba started it by dying my hair teal.

 

Dad: IT IS TURQUOISE U UNEDUCATED SWINE

Dad: GET UR COLOUR RECEPTORS CHECKED

 

Salty Prude son: Where has that eloquence when you were insulting me gone

 

Mum: ...

Mum: Saguru, don't brutally roast Kaito - he is sensitive

Mum: Kaito, don't dye Saguru's hair without his permission - it's rude.

 

Dad: ...

Dad: Y R U SO MEAN TO ME

Dad: THIS IS Y HEI CHAN IS MY FAV SON

 

Salty Prude son: Such a favourite, that he high tailed the moment Shinichi entered the chat.

 

Mum: This is why Saguru is my favourite

Mum: I am very proud of you

 

Salty Prude son: Thank you

 

Dad: FAV WHAT THO

 

Mum: Anyway, you need to get off your phones

Mum: Class is starting soon

 

Dad: OI

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: That's up to your imagination then

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: WHAT

Dad: Y DOES EVERY1 PICK ON ME

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): why and how the fuck did kuroba come all the way to osaka to graffiti my desk

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 122_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): its the middle of 4th period

 

_Salty Prude son「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: His revenge for you high tailing the moment Shinichi entered the chat earlier

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): hey i have a survival instinct

 

Salty Prude son: He most likely has pranks rigged in our respective classrooms to trigger at a distance

Salty Prude son: Be grateful he only graffitied your desk,

Salty Prude son: but it could also be a cover for a larger prank

Salty Prude son: He is a hellspawn.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): shit man

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 123_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): what the hell does he even do at your school anyways?

 

Salty Prude son: From just today, he has changed our uniforms into various animal costumes, created a yarn maze in the hallway, caused the literature teacher to run out screaming in the first five minutes of class and made all the stopwatches in the Chemistry labs go off at the same time.

Salty Prude son: And as you remember from earlier, he dyed my hair teal.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): i don't envy you then

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): but not enough for pity either

 

Mum: What's going on?

 

Salty Prude son: Kuroba.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): what he said

 

Mum: Ah.

Mum: Kaito…

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): SHIT DID HE DO SOMETHING TA YAH

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 124_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): DO YOU WANT ME TA KILL HIM

 

Mum: Kill.....

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): SHIT ITS WORST THEN I THOUGHT

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 125_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): SHINICHI IS THINKING ABOUT MURDER

 

Salty Prude son: I hate to say this,

Salty Prude son: but when does he not?

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): ...

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): i hate to agree but

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): shit you're right

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 12_ _6_

 

Mum: ...

Mum: Do you want to know what happened or not

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): go for it

 

Salty Prude son: I will try my best to reprimand him afterwards,

Salty Prude son: better yet, I could ask Aoko-san to 'reprimand' him for me

 

Mum: ...

Mum: I got my clothes switched out

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): that doesn't sound too bad so far but i'm worried

 

Salty Prude son: I am also worried

 

Mum: I got put in a long skirt with a t-shirt that said, 'I love my prissy son more than my darling husband.'

Mum: Now everyone keeps asking who the 'darling' husband is,

Mum: and if I'm gay

Mum: It's annoying

Mum: I'm not

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): ...

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): hakuba

 

Salty Prude son: I agree.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): see yah

 

Salty Prude son: Farewell

 

Mum: I'm bi.

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): ..

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WHAT

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: ...

Salty Prude son: Óh.

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS WOULD THINK THAT A HIATUS WOULD LET ME IMPROVE MY WRITING. NOPE. IT GOT WORSE.  
> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> \-------------------------------  
> So I'm back~! A bit less stressed, needing to bathe and covered in coco pops.  
> But what did you guys think? A bit much? Not enough? Was I pushing it? PLEASE TELL ME  
> It may be holidays but being stressed is a 24/7 commitment :')  
> And the next chapter is about halfway done, so the preview will only have snippets from the first half?? But if things go wrong, next chapter might be rather short ahhhhh (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Ayeeee 666 comments ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ  
> \-------------------------------  
> I wasn't able to complete this chapter when Scheherazade was with me, so it hasn't been beta'd. So please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Marakagi-keiji: It's like....  
> Marakagi-keiji: when you want to be outside socialising but you also want to simultaneously die  
> Kunan-kun: ...  
> Kunan-kun: Pretty much.  
> ª§ª  
> Shiba Casino Boot: i heard bad news  
> Shiba Casino Boot: whats up  
> ª§ª  
> Subtle Miracle: YOUR POSITION WAS COMPROMISED?!?!  
> Shiba Casino Boot: *you're  
> Need a Motto You Me: NOT NOW CHIBA  
> ª§ª  
> Shiba Casino Boot: wowza  
> ª§ª  
> Cheetah Footy Ninjago: I hope the wine at home is strong enough.  
> Shiba Casino Boot: god mood  
> Shiba Casino Boot: but not really cus i dont drink  
> Shiba Casino Boot: but hopefully rewatching hotarubi no mori e will do the trick  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	40. Infectious Humour and Therapy Sessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takagi must go and probe for answers to the recent rumours that float around the TMPD, 'DOES SHINICHI KUDOU IS GAY?!?' - Nah I'm kidding. He gets answers and therapy. Everyone needs therapy, to be honest. Blueberry muffins or strawberry muffins?

_Marakagi-keiji opened「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

Marakagi-keiji: Hey Kudou-kun?

 

_Kunan-kun opened「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

Kunan-kun: Yes?

 

Marakagi-keiji: Um...

 

Kunan-kun: If you are here to confirm the recent rumours,

Kunan-kun: Then yes.

 

Marakagi-keiji: Wait really?!

 

Kunan-kun: I have 83 protons.

 

Marakagi-keiji: What

Marakagi-keiji: Wait.

Marakagi-keiji: WAIT

Marakagi-keiji: I'm bad at Chemistry

Marakagi-keiji: Did you

 

Kunan-kun: Yea

 

Marakagi-keiji: Oh

 

Kunan-kun: Is there anything wrong with liking both?

 

Marakagi-keiji: NO

Marakagi-keiji: There is nothing wrong with liking both

Marakagi-keiji: It's like....

Marakagi-keiji: when you want to be outside socialising but you also want to simultaneously die

 

Kunan-kun: ...

Kunan-kun: Pretty much.

Kunan-kun: But,

Kunan-kun: Do you need someone to talk to?

 

Marakagi-keiji: NO

Marakagi-keiji: Maybe

Marakagi-keiji: ...

Marakagi-keiji: Yeah

 

Kunan-kun: Do you want to do this over text or in person?

Kunan-kun: I recommend the second option, pastries are involved

Kunan-kun: but both is good.

 

Marakagi-keiji: Maybe in person then?

Marakagi-keiji: If that's fine with you

 

Kunan-kun: Alright then, I have a free time slot later this afternoon

Kunan-kun: at 5:30?

 

Marakagi-keiji: Ahhhh thank you

Marakagi-keiji: WAIT

Marakagi-keiji: both....

 

Kunan-kun: I try

 

Marakagi-keiji: Oh wow

 

Kunan-kun: Also, I think Satou-keiji wants to speak to you

Kunan-kun: Her left eye is twitching

 

Marakagi-keiji: ...

Marakagi-keiji: How do you do that

 

Kunan-kun: Bi being myself.

 

_Kunan-kun closed「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

Marakagi-keiji: I can't...

 

_Marakagi-keiji closed「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

 

 

_The Car Key What to Do opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

The Car Key What to Do: I have good news, and bad news.

 

_Subtle Miracle opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Subtle Miracle: WHAT IS IT

 

_Need a Motto You Me opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Need a Motto You Me: TELL US

 

The Car Key What to Do: Well...

The Car Key What to Do: Good or bad?

 

Subtle Miracle: Bad News.

 

_Shiba Casino Boot opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Shiba Casino Boot: i heard bad news

Shiba Casino Boot: whats up

 

The Car Key What to Do: Um...

The Car Key What to Do: He instantly knew that I was probing for information...

 

Subtle Miracle: YOUR POSITION WAS COMPROMISED?!?!

 

Shiba Casino Boot: *you're

 

Need a Motto You Me: NOT NOW CHIBA

 

The Car Key What to Do: BUT GOOD NEWS

The Car Key What to Do: The rumours are true

 

Need a Motto You Me: .

Need a Motto You Me: YES

Need a Motto You Me: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

Subtle Miracle: REALLY?!

 

Shiba Casino Boot: wowza

 

_Cheetah Footy Ninjago opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: I understand that this is very important to you all,

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: but I am very close to making a matching hole next to Satou-san's

 

Shiba Casino Boot: it still hasnt been patched up yet?

 

The Car Key What to Do: It's a plot hole

 

Need a Motto You Me: ...

Need a Motto You Me: WHAT

 

Shiba Casino Boot: ITS HAPPENING

 

Subtle Miracle: TAKAGI NO

 

Shiba Casino Boot: BRO YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD STAY SAFE

 

The Car Key What to Do: ...

 

_Megadeth Juice opened「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Megadeth Juice: Takagi

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: Keibu

 

Subtle Miracle: SIR ITS TRUE

 

Megadeth Juice: You have also have been infected by our bison.

 

Subtle Miracle: NOT YOU TOO

 

The Car Key What to Do: But sir, we're police officers

The Car Key What to Do: Not farmers

 

_The Car Key What to Do closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Megadeth Juice: My misteak

 

_Megadeth Juice closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Need a Motto You Me: I.

 

_Need a Motto You Me closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Cheetah Footy Ninjago: I hope the wine at home is strong enough.

 

_Cheetah Footy Ninjago closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Shiba Casino Boot: god mood

Shiba Casino Boot: but not really cus i dont drink

Shiba Casino Boot: but hopefully rewatching hotarubi no mori e will do the trick

 

_Shiba Casino Boot closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

Subtle Miracle: I hate this.

 

_Subtle Miracle closed「TMPD (Un)Official」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Marakagi-keiji opened「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

Marakagi-keiji: Hey Kudou-kun

 

_Kunan-kun opened「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

Kunan-kun: Yeah?

 

Marakagi-keiji: Can I extend an invitation to Shiratori-san?

Marakagi-keiji: He is on his way to alcohol poisoning,

 

Kunan-kun: And we can also convert him

 

Marakagi-keiji: Two birds with one stone

 

Kunan-kun: A splendid plan

 

Marakagi-keiji: Wow, we're on the same train of thought for once...

 

Kunan-kun: Oh don't put yourself down,

Kunan-kun: You are plenty smart and an absolutely lovely person to be around

 

Marakagi-keiji: Awww

 

Kunan-kun: Blueberry muffins or strawberry muffins?

 

Marakagi-keiji: Whichever are better at symbolising my eternal suffering

 

Kunan-kun: Ohhh

Kunan-kun: Why not both

 

Marakagi-keiji: Both....

 

Kunan-kun: I'll fuse them together,

Kunan-kun: It will also be bi

 

Marakagi-keiji: ...

 

Kunan-kun: I'll see you both soon then

 

_Kunan-kun closed「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

Marakagi-keiji: both....

 

_Marakagi-keiji closed「The ~~After~~ (LOVE)life」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Local Bisexual opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

Local Bisexual: Hey Haibara,

Local Bisexual: I'll be booked out for 5:30

 

_Psychotic Individual opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

Psychotic Individual: I'm not your PA but okay

Psychotic Individual: Till when?

 

Local Bisexual: Maybe 6:30?

 

Psychotic Individual: Okay

Psychotic Individual: Make sure that the conversion process isn't unnecessarily.... messy

 

Local Bisexual: Then 7:15 if there is a mess

 

Psychotic Individual: I await the results

 

Local Bisexual: Ah

 

Psychotic Individual: Ah?

 

Local Bisexual: Without context, this conversation is... concerning?

 

Psychotic Individual: You seriously think that out of all our text conversations,

Psychotic Individual: that this one would be the most concerning without context?

 

Local Bisexual: Ahhh

Local Bisexual: Nevermind

 

Psychotic Individual: Yeah

 

Local Bisexual: Wait

 

_Local Bisexual changed Psychotic Individual to *Molests only for Emergencies*_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Wow

 

Local Bisexual: Hey, you said it yourself

 

_Local Bisexual closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: You are not letting me live that down...

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* changed Local Bisexual to *Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: There

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh this is late ;;;;;;;  
> I got distracted, and the fact that my parents sent me out for a midnight maccas runs vnfjdlvnfdlvdfvkdlfvfdv  
> It's 2 am now and I suddenly remembered I never got to post this chapter.  
> Unfortunately, because of work, I haven't been able to write out the next chapter ;;;;  
> I'll make an edit whenever so I can to add a preview  
> plus hopefully, my eyes will be less blurry then  
> \-------------------------------  
> If anyone is curious, Ai and Shinichi's conversation was partially based off of one that Scheherazade, Mika and I have had.  
> To Scheherazade: IM NOT LETTING YOU LIVE DOWN THE MOLESTING LINE!!   
> Moral of the story is to not mix up the definitions of molesting and assault! Know your definitions!!  
> \-------------------------------  
> I sent this chapter over to Scheherazade to beta yesterday ;;;;; I hate emails..... So please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	41. Extreme Babysitting and Collective High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ai has an announcement to make.... DOES RAN IS PEDO...??? No, the true question... is.... Everyone collectively high?? (But my question is that, is it just me or is Shinichi's selfie a bit... Sketchy..?) Sonoko is continuously questioning. BUT WHAT WAS KAZUHA GOING TO SAY?!? Everyone keeps- E̶̡͔͙̗̯͖͓̘̳̤̟̟͕̣͍̭̱͈̓́̃̌̄͆̄̈́͑̓͐̕͜͝͝͝͝ ̴͖̯̜̣̱͈̻̿̍̿͑̂̓͛̂̽͆̒̑̈̈́̉͋̄̉̕R̶̪̥̦̜͇̪͙̝͙̭̜̱͓͕͎̼͕̄̈́̓͜ ̴̢̡̡͍͚̼͗R̵̨̢̰̯̤̳̜̘̼̳̭͚̺͖͌̂͐̐́͒̅̇̐̏̽ͅͅ ̷̧̧̢͍̠̖͓̞̜͓̼̯͙̟̭̔́͊̓͂̑̅̏̈̈́̈́̌̆͜͝͝O̴̧̡̬̱̭̖͇͓̱̫̗̘̣̙̙̅̊̑̓̒͗͘̕ ̷̡̧̨̧̛̮̬̣͔̻̹͍̤̣̜̥͓͗̎̆̅̇͘̚͝͝ͅR̵̢̧̫͙͙̙͚̘̺͚̭̰̽

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Science-san: I have an important announcement to make

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Leaf-san: What's up?

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: hi~~

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: yo

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Watson-san: ?

 

Blue-san: hi hi

Blue-san: its been a whileeeeeeee

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: Hi the amazing me is here

Rich-san: your lives just got 10 times better!!!!

 

Magician-san: sounds like rip off clickbait

 

West-san: pft

 

Rich-san: OI

 

Blue-san: OI KAITO

 

Magician-san: its not rude if its true

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: Sorry I'm late!

Okaa-san: Dad was being a pain

Okaa-san: yo i'm here too

Okaa-san: That was Masumi

Okaa-san: hiiiiiii

 

Leaf-san: AHHHHHH

 

Blue-san: CUTEEEEEE

 

West-san: from here you look like you're having a battle with yourself

 

Watson-san: Like Kuroba trying to restrain himself from pranking others

 

Magician-san: ehhhhhh

 

Watson-san: [trying is read as failing]

 

Blue-san: HA

 

Okaa-san: lolllllllllllllllllll

 

Magician-san: RUDE

 

Watson-san: It's not rude if it's true

 

Rich-san: SERVES U RIGHT

 

Science-san: Alright then,

Science-san: considering Kyougoku-san's erratic schedule, he will be unneeded for this announcement

 

Blue-san: ahhhhh?

 

Leaf-san: Sorry!

Leaf-san: Say your announcement!!!!

 

Rich-san: Geez

Rich-san: make a comment once in a while

 

Okaa-san: Sonoko

Okaa-san: spit it out little lady

 

West-san: go for it

 

Magician-san: what is itttttt

 

Watson-san: Haibara-san?

 

Science-san: Kudou-kun has once again, unnecessarily, proven himself to be a trouble magnet

Science-san: But as the professor and I will be going away for two weeks for an inventors' conference,

Science-san: I will need someone to be his babysitter for the next two weeks

 

Magician-san: I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE

 

Watson-san: Someone sensible is a better choice

 

Science-san: Mouri-chan will be excluded as she will be unavailable during this period of time

 

Okaa-san: I am???

 

Blue-san: ehhh???

Blue-san: why??

 

Science-san: I heard that Mouri-san has broken his leg, again.

 

Okaa-san: oh yeahhhh

Okaa-san: pops broke a leg again

 

West-san: jesus

 

Science-san: and I don't believe Mouri-chan will be up to handling two injured and stubborn idiots

 

Leaf-san: EH

 

West-san: WHAT

 

Okaa-san: WHAT DID HE DO

 

Rich-san: If I got \1 every time he got in trouble

Rich-san: I would be even richer than I already am

 

Magician-san: IS HE ALRIGHT

 

Blue-san: TELL US

 

Watson-san: What happened?

 

Science-san: Well, not even 2 hours ago,

Science-san: he offered to babysit

Science-san: Santa?

 

West-san: heeeeee?????

 

Blue-san: What

 

Okaa-san: are u high

 

Magician-san: eh

Magician-san: i demand proof!!!!

 

Science-san: He literally called the child Santa

 

Magician-san: pics or audio file

Magician-san: or ur claim is fake news

 

Blue-san: KAITO STOP BEING RUDE

 

West-san: is it just me or did kuroba just fearlessly demand something from little nee-chan

 

Watson-san: Stupid is more like it.

 

Science-san: Fine.

Science-san: I don't like being called a liar.

 

West-san: NOW LOOK WHAT YAH DID KUROBA

 

Blue-san: BAKAITO

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Rich-san: huh

Rich-san: he really did

 

Okaa-san: Ai-chan, do you have a picture of the child?

Okaa-san: I may have an idea who they are

 

Science-san: Here is a picture of the child

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Okaa-san: Ahhhhhh

Okaa-san: Ishikawa Haruka-chan!

Okaa-san: A little cutie

Okaa-san: ehhhhh im jelly

Okaa-san: Goodness, Masumi, Haruka-chan is a child

Okaa-san: pedos still exist

Okaa-san: She is an angel

Okaa-san: MASUMI

Okaa-san: thats what they want u to think

Okaa-san: hey hey just stating a fact

 

West-san: did ya just imply that nee-chan is a pedo...?

West-san: also gross

West-san: they make me want to cry

 

Leaf-san: Eh?

Leaf-san: But Heiji, babies are so cute!!!

 

Magician-san: ewwwwwwww

 

Watson-san: Pass?

 

Blue-san: Haibara-chan!

Blue-san: Please continue!!!

 

Science-san: Well, the babysitting somehow became a hostage situation

Science-san: then he got himself hospitalised

 

Okaa-san: I KNEW THAT SHADE OF BLUE WAS FAMILIAR

 

Rich-san: explain???

 

Okaa-san: She meant the blue of the hospital gown

 

Rich-san: where????

 

Watson-san: I hate to say that I'm not surprised...

 

Leaf-san: Is he okay???

 

Science-san: Enough that he sent me this

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Rich-san: ohhhhhhhhhh

Rich-san: that hospital gown

Rich-san: jesus ur eyesight

 

Leaf-san: 1. awwwww

Leaf-san: 2. WHAT DID HE DO

 

Blue-san: ^pretty much

 

Okaa-san: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okaa-san: ^ mOOD

Okaa-san: ^^^ but same

 

Watson-san: Do you happen to know the extent of his injuries?

 

Science-san: Fractured wrist, sprained ankle some minor cuts and bruising

Science-san: The wrist injury was previously a sprained wrist but the idiot somehow managed to aggravate it even more

 

Magician-san: a strong 58 for effort

 

Watson-san: Don't go and encourage him

 

Blue-san: BAKAITO

 

West-san: ouch?

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

West-san: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY

West-san: CONDOLENCES FOR YOUR WRIST

West-san: BUT A FRACTURE IS BETTER THAN AN AMPUTATION

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

Rich-san: ouch

Rich-san: also

 

Blue-san: ?

 

Rich-san: am i the only one questioning the glasses??????

 

Science-san: Let me ask

 

Magician-san: IS SHIN CHAN THERE

 

Science-san: He said it was because Haruka-chan preferred him with glasses on as she was more familiar with Conan

 

Okaa-san: awwwww

Okaa-san: That's so cute!!!

 

Science-san: Also, he is on a social interaction ban

 

Watson-san: Why is that?

 

Science-san: He will somehow manipulate one of his many contacts into bailing him out of babysitting

Science-san: But I also threatened him with the fact that I could ask Amuro-san to babysit him

Science-san: It was very effective

 

Blue-san: What's wrong with Amuro-san???

 

Leaf-san: I agree

 

Watson-san: Many things...

 

Blue-san: Eh?!?!?

 

Magician-san: mmmmmm

 

Okaa-san: I think he is... Lovely.

 

West-san: wow nee-chan

 

Rich-san: GUYS

 

Okaa-san: yo

 

Rich-san: LMAO I JUST NOTICED THE NAMES

 

_Rich-san sent an image_

 

 

 

Science-san: crap

 

Leaf-san: OH

 

West-san: wow

 

Okaa-san: 'x = Eternal Disappointment' IS A MOOD

Okaa-san: MASUMI

 

Watson-san: I'm sure there is a story behind these

 

Science-san: I forgot to cover them

 

Okaa-san: TELL US

 

Blue-san: '*Molests only for Emergencies*'

 

Magician-san: AND U SAY IM THE PERV

 

West-san: jesus

 

Science-san: I'm leaving

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Leaf-san: ehhhhh

 

Rich-san: BOOOO

 

Okaa-san: COME BACK

Okaa-san: COWARD

Okaa-san: MASUMI

Okaa-san: IF I MUST DIE TO FIND OUT WHY SHE MOLESTS ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES

Okaa-san: THEN I WILL

Okaa-san: MASUMI NO

 

Blue-san: Oh my

Blue-san: that's some determination??

 

West-san: she sounds like she's on drugs

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

Okaa-san: NO MORE DRUG REFERENCES IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

Okaa-san: I CANT TELL WHOS IN CONTROL ANYMORE

 

Watson-san: Dear god

 

Rich-san: WAIT GUYS

Rich-san: I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION

 

Watson-san: Please cease your questioning

 

Rich-san: is it just me or does that kid somewhat look like the kaishin love child????

Rich-san: or am I the one on drugs...

 

West-san: thanks, now i'm traumatised

 

Okaa-san: SONOKO NO

 

Magician-san: could it be

 

Okaa-san: mmmmmm drugssssss

Okaa-san: MASUMI NO

Okaa-san: thanks for coming to my tedtalk

Okaa-san; see u next high

 

West-san: can i pray and hope this is a dream

 

Magician-san: NEW THEORY THAT WE ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY HIGH

 

Watson-san: Kuroba, drugs are bad.

 

Blue-san: NO DRUGS

 

Leaf-san: WAIT

Leaf-san: IF ANYTHING

Leaf-san: SHOULDN'T IT BE

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: kazuha???

 

Okaa-san: where is she????

 

Magician-san: NEW NEW THEORY

Magician-san: THIS IS A DREAM AND SHE FINALLY WOKE UP

 

Okaa-san: I AM SHAKING

Okaa-san: STOP

Okaa-san: Masumi stoppppppppp

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: I AM VERY MUCH AFARID

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: AHHHHHHH AOKO IS WOKE

 

Watson-san: Kuroba stop

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: SALTY PRUDE SON

Magician-san: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: AND THEN THERE WERE 2

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Unknown wants to send the conversation **[Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club] **a message_

 

 _『_ _AND THEN THERE WERE NONE』_

 

 **_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

 **〈** **ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE〉**

**...**

 

 **〈** **ERROR - PLEASE CHOOSE〉**

**...**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**〈** **E̶** **̡͔͙̗̯͖͓̘̳̤̟̟͕̣͍̭̱͈̓́̃̌̄͆̄̈́͑̓͐̕͜͝͝͝͝** **̴** **͖̯̜̣̱͈̻̿̍̿͑̂̓͛̂̽͆̒̑̈̈́̉͋̄̉̕** **R̶̄** **̪̥̦̜͇̪͙̝͙̭̜̱͓͕͎̼͕̈́̓͜** **̴** **̢̡̡͍͚̼͗** **R** **̵̨̢̰̯̤̳̜̘̼̳̭͚̺͖͌̂͐̐́͒̅̇̐̏̽ͅͅ ̷̧̧̢͍̠̖͓̞̜͓̼̯͙̟̭̔́͊̓͂̑̅̏̈̈́̈́̌̆͜͝͝** **O̴̅** **̧̡̬̱̭̖͇͓̱̫̗̘̣̙̙̊̑̓̒͗͘̕ ̷̡̧̨̧̛̮̬̣͔̻̹͍̤̣̜̥͓͗̎̆̅̇͘̚͝͝ͅ** **R** **̵̢̧̫͙͙̙͚̘̺͚̭̰̽** **〉**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey~ This is a bit late??? I tried to upload at like 6ish but for some reason, AO3 wasn't working for me?!?!?!?!?  
> EDIT: i found out whyyyyyy it was because AO3 doesn't like emojis ahhhh time to editttt  
> EDIT 2: ahhhhh formattingggg  
> Soooo what didja guys think~ Did you catch all my [bad] jokes and [obscure] references? You can tell I was really lazy when I drew the art in this chapter gjkafgbkdfjgnadfjk but why is digital so hardddddddddd hats off to all digital- all artists in general  
> \-------------------------------  
> On a random note. Scheherazade, Mika and I finally got to see the BnHA movie fnjdafkvnjkdfnvdjfvnkadj iTs bEeN tWO moNtHs tOO lATe  
> And as today was a pupil free-day I got the tickets for half price!! Ah~ I love saving money. but then i also bought some books [literary classics kiddies] today for about the original price of the tickets so fsdjkfnsdjkfnsdkj  
> But school starts up tomorrow and aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHH I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED MY BIOLOGY REPORT VJKAFDVN ADFJKVNAJKDF  
> \-------------------------------  
> So, as I still haven't finished my biology report and Scheherazade has been busy doing senior calculus, this has not been beta'd. So please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> \-------------------------------  
> DANDY Nee-san: Has he made any attempts to escape?  
> Smartie Freckles: Nope!  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: i locked the windows!!!!  
> ª§ª  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi* I hate you.  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi* Shinichi-oniisan! That's mean!  
> ª§ª  
> DANDY Nee-san: Tsuburaya-kun has a point, Kojima-kun. Whilst, I do trust his care and concern for Kudou-kun. I don't believe he will be able to keep Kudou-kun.... Contained.  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi* C-contained.... What am I, a toddler??  
> DANDY Nee-san: With the way you act. *pause* Yes.  
> ª§ª  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi* How could you betray me like this....  
> Smartie Freckles: *has absolutely lost it*  
> E E L S : *pretty much lost it*  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi* Wow, my kids hate me.  
> ª§ª  
> DANDY Nee-san: *chuckles* Anyway, Hakase and I need to go back to the conference.  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi* Awww.  
> Smartie Freckles: Ehhh. Already?  
> E E L S: *whines* Just a bit longer?  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi, sarcastic* Wow such a shame. Talk to you later Haibara.  
> Smartie Freckles: Eh-  
> (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl ended the call  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	42. Role Reversal and Future Careers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kids finally have another appearance! This time they are looking after their mum~ Ai likes teasing Shinichi (he totally deserves it though). Would Shinichi make a good stay at home dad? Or will he drive the kids mad with his bad dad jokes?

_DANDY Nee-san opened「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

DANDY Nee-san: How is Kudou-kun?

 

_(_ _ㆁ_ _ᴗ_ _ㆁ_ _✿_ _)_ _Mummy's Girl opened「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: hi ai-chan!!!!

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: shinichi-oniisan is doing goof!!

 

_Smartie Freckles opened「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

Smartie Freckles: *good

Smartie Freckles: Hi Haibara-san

 

_E E L S opened「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

E E L S: hey haibara

 

DANDY Nee-san: Has he taken his medication?

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: YUP!!!

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: i made sure to get alllllllll his medication

 

Smartie Freckles: I made sure that he shallowed them as well!

 

E E L S: i watched them do it

E E L S: yay

 

DANDY Nee-san: Has he made any attempts to escape?

 

Smartie Freckles: Nope!

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: i locked the windows!!!!

 

Smartie Freckles: And I hid the keys

 

E E L S: i watched

 

DANDY Nee-san: I see you have a system

 

E E L S: HAHA I THOUGHT OF IT ALLLLLLLLLL

 

Smartie Freckles: He lies

 

E E L S: IM THE LAEDER

 

Smartie Freckles: *Leader !!!!!

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: mitsuhiko-kun is glaring at genta-kunnnn

 

DANDY Nee-san: Can one of you please put Kudou-kun on the phone?

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: OK!

 

_DANDY Nee-san is calling「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

_(_ _ㆁ_ _ᴗ_ _ㆁ_ _✿_ _)_ _Mummy's Girl **[Accepted]** the call_

_Smartie Freckles **[Accepted]** the call_

_E E L S **[Accepted]** the call_

_MUM is unavailable_

 

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: Is everyone there? _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi*  I hate you. _

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi* Shinichi-oniisan! That's mean! _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: You're starting to sound like a broke record. Don't worry Yoshida-san, he's only upset because of the restrictions I have placed _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ )  _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi, deadpan* Oh yeah. Because I love being imprisoned in my own home for two weeks. _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: *giggling* _

 

_ E E L S: *confused* He does? _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: Don't be dramatic. You'll be staying with Hakuba-kun next week. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi, sighs* Why do I have a feeling that it will be even worse than it already is.... _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: *confused* Eh? Why? Saguru-san is really nice though. _

 

_ E E L S: *groans* Ehhhhh. He's no fun. I like Kaito-oniichan more! Cause he's a magician!! _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi, cheers* Kaito-oniisan is super cool! _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: But Genta-kun. Just because Kaito-san is a magician, it doesn't make him a good care taker. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: Tsuburaya-kun has a point, Kojima-kun. Whilst, I do trust his care and concern for Kudou-kun. I don't believe he will be able to keep Kudou-kun.... Contained. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi* C-contained.... What am I, a toddler?? _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: With the way you act. *pause* Yes. _

 

_ E E L S: *chortles* _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi, giggles* _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: *giggling* _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: But if you want... *teasing* Shall I recreate a drug to turn you into a toddler? _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi, gasps* A baby Shinichi-oniisan!! _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: Mouri-chan and the others would have a blast. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi* How could you betray me like this.... _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: *has absolutely lost it* _

 

_ E E L S: *pretty much lost it* _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi* Wow, my kids hate me. _

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi* I love you!! _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *mocking* Aw, you have one child who loves you. No matter how irritatingly reckless you act. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi, nervous* Uh. I'm getting mixed messages... _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: *whispers* Women... _

 

_ E E L S: *snickers* _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *coughs* Whoops. It seems to be that I accidentally bought two extra limited-edition Yaiba figures. _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: *frantic gargling* NO NO NO! You didn't make a mistake! _

 

_ E E L S: *whimpering* Yeah! Uh, Haibara-san! _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi, giggling* Boys. _

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi, sighs* Fools... _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *chuckles* Anyway, Hakase and I need to go back to the conference. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Ayumi* Awww. _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: Ehhh. Already? _

 

_ E E L S: *whines* Just a bit longer? _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi, sarcastic* Wow such a shame. Talk to you later Haibara. _

 

_ Smartie Freckles: Eh- _

 

_(_ _ㆁ_ _ᴗ_ _ㆁ_ _✿_ _)_ _Mummy's Girl ended the call_

 

DANDY Nee-san: Kudou-kun listen to the kids, and have fun at Hakuba's

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: we'll make sure ai-chan!!!

 

DANDY Nee-san: See you all next week.

 

Smartie Freckles: Talk to you later, Haibara-san!

 

E E L S: SEE YUO!!!!

 

Smartie Freckles: *You

 

_DANDY Nee-san closed「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

E E L S: can you not!!!

 

Smartie Freckles: Major pet peeve

 

E E L S: i cant wait for when haibara comes back!!!!!!

 

Smartie Freckles: Not everything is about the reward, Genta-kun!!

 

E E L S: ehhhhhhhhhhhh

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: you guys are sitting right across from each other

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: theres no need to text

 

_(_ _ㆁ_ _ᴗ_ _ㆁ_ _)_ _Mummy's Girl closed「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

E E L S: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Smartie Freckles: Okay

 

_Smartie Freckles closed「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

E E L S: eh

 

_E E L S closed「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Haibara Ai opened「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

Haibara Ai: I'll be having Yoshida-san's mother drop Kudo-kun at your house next week.

 

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: Thank you for the notice

Hakuba Saguru: Sorry for the inconvenience,

Hakuba Saguru: but are you sure you don't want Bayaa to come and pick him up?

 

Haibara Ai: It's no problem.

Haibara Ai: The children will be in the car with him to decrease the chances of escape

 

Hakuba Saguru: I see

 

Haibara Ai: Anyway, have a good night.

 

Hakuba Saguru: Good Night

 

Haibara Ai: And I would like to point out that this is the best chance for you to confess

 

Hakuba Saguru: What

 

Haibara Ai: You have one week

 

_Haibara Ai closed「Shinichi Sitting」_

_Hakuba Saguru closed「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

ª§ª

 

_DANDY Nee-san opened「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

_DANDY Nee-san is calling「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

 

_(_ _ㆁ_ _ᴗ_ _ㆁ_ _✿_ _)_ _Mummy's Girl opened「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

_(_ _ㆁ_ _ᴗ_ _ㆁ_ _✿_ _)_ _Mummy's Girl **[Accepted]** the call_

_Smartie Freckles is unavailable_

_E E L S is unavailable_

_MUM is unavailable_

 

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: The kids all tucked in bed? _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *Shinichi*  Yep. They tired themselves out by keeping me entertained all day. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *mocking, cooes* Aw, it's that cute. They have much a loving mother. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *flustered, grumbles* Stop it. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *teasing* You still have the chance of being a stay at home dad. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *groans* But my cases... _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: The fact that you are more troubled about how you can't actively solve your precious mysteries. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: I love the kids but... My mysteries... _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: Speaking of mysteries. How is your *air quotations* detectiving-withdrawl *air quotations*? _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *groans louder* I feel like if 'The Sign of Four' just gave me a Genta-sized paper-cut and it refuses to cease bleeding onto my newly cleaned carpet. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *muffled giggles* How lovely. Are you also thinking of following your father's footsteps and becoming an author? _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: And lead my editors on wild goose chases across the globe? No thanks, I have children to feed. Kids on planes are a bad combo. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: At least he doesn't get injured on a daily basis. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: That's mum's job. To make sure he doesn't permanently injure himself. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: Permanently? _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl:  Trauma doesn't count as permanent in her *pause* books. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *groans* _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: You may have taken away my phone and detective privileges. But I still have my bad jokes. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *sigh* The one thing your enemies will never be able to take from you... _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *smug* Hey hey, don't book on me now. _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: *groans, sighs* Anyway. Since I'll be occupied for the next couple of days. I would like to wish you good luck in advance. _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *confused* What? _

 

_ DANDY Nee-san: Make sure you take care of Hakuba-kun.  _

 

_ ( _ _ ㆁ _ _ ᴗ _ _ ㆁ _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _ _ Mummy's Girl: *shocked* Wha-! _

 

_DANDY Nee-san ended the call_

 

_DANDY Nee-san closed「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

 

(ㆁᴗㆁ✿) Mummy's Girl: HAIBARA

 

_(_ _ㆁ_ _ᴗ_ _ㆁ_ _✿_ _)_ _Mummy's Girl closed「SHOUNEN TANTEI-DAN OFFICIAL」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have forgotten to post this because I was too busy rewatching Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus and rocking out to La Dolce Vita....  
> ANYWAY- Was this chapter a bit of a letdown? Tbh in my opinion yeaaaaaaa.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd - to be honest, I don't have much of an excuse??? So please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> EDIT: Due to some.... complications, the next chapter will be out on either Tuesday or Wednesday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> I'm sorry - it's still in the planning zone. But here are some quotes????  
> \---  
> "Who knows? Maybe if we kick down the door, they might be in the middle of a makeout ses- MY BIKE!"  
> ª§ª  
> Saguru is standing there with his arms outstretched, frozen on the spot and looking like a pubescent boy caught in the midst of stealing his elder brother's box of Playboy magazines. "Oh?"  
> ª§ª  
> Shinichi is perched on the kitchen stool, leaning over the counter. He is looking at the two intruders dead in the eye, he is somewhat (very much) offended. "The only hot and steamy thing going on in here are our muffins."  
> ª§ª  
> "That is a hella gay muffin. DIBS BITCH!"  
> \---  
> hAAAAAA what a mess.....  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	43. Rude Intrusions and Aggressive Approaches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saguru is afraid, but this is his chance. Shinichi is irritated. Masumi was just about to get busy with Ran when Kaito and Heiji decided to break into a house with a motorcycle. Her motorcycle.

Saguru was acting weird.

 

Well, not really weird, it was more subdued and awkward. But in all honestly, being weird was usually Heiji's job - Kaito was just plain insane - so this sudden change in behaviour was slowly driving Shinichi up a wall. But the fact that for the past three days, despite their initial closeness, Saguru would only speak when spoken to - and the replies would usually be short and quick - or would stare at him for long periods of time.

 

In attempts to try to understand Saguru's behaviour, Shinichi had tried everything from occasional nudges and pointed staring to even following Saguru around the house. But with no results, Shinichi decided to resort to some more... aggressive methods of confrontation. Which is why it turned out like this.

 

"Do you want to kiss me?"

 

ª§ª

 

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: I can't do it.

 

_Hakuba Saguru closed「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

ª§ª

 

Shinichi was acting difficult.

 

Saguru knew that Shinichi was never particularly patient, especially faced with a mysterious of some kind, but he never knew Shinichi could be so difficult until now. But the fact that for the past three days, despite their initial closeness, Saguru just couldn't manage to utter the words that plagued his mind. Saguru didn't know how to confess.

 

When attempting to try to say those words, his throat would constrict, his thought process would pause, Saguru would - put bluntly - chicken out. But this wasn't his only torture, Shinichi would constantly attempt to get a response from him. He would give him occasional nudges to remind Saguru of his presence, pointedly stare at him (those piercing azure eyes dove into the depths of his soul, psychoanalysing him) and even took to following him around the house like a child (similar to his Conan days). However, when he gave no response, Shinichi's methods took a more aggressive route. Which is why it turned out like this.

 

"Do you want to kiss me?"

 

ª§ª

 

_Haibara Ai opened「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

Haibara Ai: You only have 3 days left.

Haibara Ai: If you can't even pluck up the courage to tell him,

Haibara Ai: then you shouldn't even try pursuing him at all.

Haibara Ai: But don't worry, you aren't the first one to give up like a coward

Haibara Ai: Have a good night.

 

_Haibara Ai closed「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

ª§ª

 

Standing before the large oak door, the three teenagers were quiet. Heiji was fiddling with his cap, Masumi was leaning against the wall and Kaito was glaring at the doormat.

 

"Do yah think he will.."

 

"Maybe..."

 

Masumi looked at the two and sighed. Honestly, she was torn between laughing till her lungs failed or riding her bike off the nearest cliff. When she had suggested to go check on Shinichi and jokingly wondered how angry he would be for ruining his peace and quiet. She hadn't expected the two to be so anxious, standing before the door of the Hakuba residence.

 

But what she said next may have been the worst or best thing she had said all week.

 

"Who knows? Maybe if we kick down the door, they might be in the middle of a make-out ses- MY BIKE!"

 

The two mentally dubbed Satan incarnates had broken down the door with her motorbike. Her recently polished motorbike.  
 

ª§ª

 

Saguru laid there, unblinking and looking like a pubescent boy caught in the midst of stealing his elder brother's box of Playboy magazines.

 

"Oh?"

 

Shinichi sighed and pushed on, leaning in closer to the blonde.

 

"Do you want to kiss me?"

 

From his perspective, it looked like Saguru was on the verge of screaming and fainting. Maybe his approach was a tad too aggressive, and the fact that he had (poorly) bodily pinned the blonde onto his bed may have been part of the reason why.

 

"Wh-What? Why would- Whe- Wha?"

 

Saguru continued to incomprehensible stuttering despite his usual eloquence.

 

"Why would you-"

 

Shinichi put a hand to his lips.

 

'So it was true...'

 

"I wanted to confirm something."

 

Saguru remained flustered but did not move to remove Shinichi's hand. Shinichi continued to speak.

 

"But judging from your reaction, it was not what I was looking for."

 

Taking back his hand and shifting to take a seat beside him on the bed, Shinichi waited for Saguru's question.

 

"What were you looking for?"

 

ª§ª

 

_Hakuba Saguru opened「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

Hakuba Saguru: I never had what he wanted,

Hakuba Saguru: but he was also never what I wanted.

 

_Hakuba Saguru closed「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

ª§ª

 

Even though in a rush and frenzy the two intruders still had the decency to take off their shoes and sprinted down the hallway, turning into the first room they saw. Kaito with his card gun in hand rolled into the room and yelled, Heiji was beside him and had a vase that was taken from the hallway.

 

"NO HOT AND STEAMY IN HERE!"

 

Floral cooking mitts covered his hands, Saguru blinked. Shinichi was perched on the kitchen stool, leaning over the counter. He stared at the two intruders dead in the eye, looking somewhat (very much) offended.

 

"The only hot and steamy thing going on in here are our muffins."

 

Said muffins innocently sat on the counter, still in the tray and were cooling. Now a moment later, huffing and hissing, a murderous Masumi slid in behind the two and slapped the two intruders on their heads.

 

"MY BIKE!"

 

However, once she finally turned to look at Shinichi and Saguru, she instantly saw the muffins and lost her murderous rage.

 

"Those are some hella gay muffins. DIBS BITCHES!"

ª§ª

 

_Haibara Ai opened「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

Haibara Ai: I see.

Haibara Ai: Well, I must applaud you for your bravery.

Haibara Ai: Perhaps you will find what you truly want.

 

_Haibara Ai closed「Shinichi Sitting」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: OKAY I PROMISED TO BE QUIET FOR 2 WEEKS

Rich-san: 2 WEEKS

Rich-san: SPILL

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: THOSE 2 AHOLES FUCK UP MY BIKE

 

Rich-san: O-oh???

 

JKD-san: so like i made a joke

JKD-san: tbh it was a bad one

JKD-san: but i joked that the two could have been having a makeout session

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: and they lost their shit

 

Magician-san: I DENY THAT STATEMENT

 

JKD-san: hOW DARE YOU

JKD-san: YOU FUCKED UP MY BIKE

 

Magician-san: ooooOOOHHHHH REALLY

 

JKD-san: I JUST GOT HER POLISHED YOU JERK

JKD-san: POLISHED

 

Magician-san: HEY I USED THE FRONT WHEEL

 

Rich-san: God this is why I bother to wake up in the morning

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: YOU BROKE DOWN AN OAK DOOR

JKD-san: WITH MY POLISHED MOTORCYCLE

JKD-san: AND YOU

 

West-san: ah

JKD-san: YOURE NO BETTER

JKD-san: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO INTERRUPT ME AND RAN

 

Rich-san: Ooohhhhh saucy

 

West-san: oh god

 

JKD-san: JUST WHEN THINGS WERE GETTING ON

 

West-san: i'm sorry

West-san: please stop

West-san: kuroba, you need to apologise as well

 

Magician-san: ....

 

JKD-san: ...

 

West-san: just do it

 

Rich-san: i love this show

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: THERE HE ISSSSSSS

 

JKD-san: YOU BETTER TELL US

JKD-san: OTHERWISE MY POOR BABY GOT BANGED UP FOR NOTHING

 

Magician-san: HEY U WERE JUST YELLING AT US FOR USING UR BIKE

 

JKD-san: THATS DIFFERENT

 

Watson-san: Well...

Watson-san: Repeating what I sent to Haibara-san

Watson-san: I have come to realise that whilst I hold feelings for Shinichi,

Watson-san: they were not romantic

Watson-san: But I am glad to know that I can still have his companionship.

 

Rich-san: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

 

JKD-san: that is so fndjkvadflkvmaldfkvmadf;lvsl;dmvflkdanvdfjkvadfjk

 

West-san: woah

 

Magician-san: ...

 

Watson-san: What?

 

West-san: you're a cool dude

 

JKD-san: //you sure you weren't just glad you lost a rival//

 

West-san: OI

West-san: i ain't that rude

 

Magician-san: im proud of u saguboy

Magician-san: but im honest

Magician-san: i now only have to worry about hei chan

 

Rich-san: oh wowwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

JKD-san: what an ass

 

West-san: ^

 

Magician-san: HEY I SAID IM HONEST

 

Watson-san: Thanks for the input Kuroba.

Watson-san: I have to go now

 

Magician-san: bye saguboyyyyyyyyyy

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: seeing the time now

West-san: i need to go too

 

Magician-san: aww bye bye hei chan

 

West-san: and good luck with her

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: eh

 

JKD-san: YEP

JKD-san: SOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Magician-san: OHHHHHHHHH

Magician-san: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Rich-san: drama fuels me

Rich-san: and i am very full

 

JKD-san: cndlvnlkdsvlkds

JKD-san: dont say shit like that

 

Magician-san: hahahahahah

Magician-san: got to go

Magician-san: AOKOS CALLING ME

Magician-san: SORRY AND BYE

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: geez...

JKD-san: are boys allergic to saying sorry or something

 

Rich-san: who knows

Rich-san: but makoto san is perf sooooooo

 

JKD-san: aaaaawwwwwww

 

Rich-san: actually i need to go check on something byeeeeee

 

JKD-san: awww everyones leaving

 

Rich-san: hey hey you have ran

 

JKD-san: i'm so blessedddddd

 

Rich-san: awwww

 

JKD-san: heeeeeeeeeeee

 

Rich-san: see tomorrow!!

 

JKD-san: see ya!

 

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is lateeeeeeeee. I may or may not have procrastinated writing this chapter ahhhhhhhhhhhh  
> A random note is that I have FINALLY seen Zero the Enforcer!!! Now I can finally scream about how cool Amuro is with my Japanese friend. I also saw the movie, 君の膵臓を食べたい - 'I want to eat your pancreas' and before anyone starts wondering or questioning, I am not a cannibal [just a pyromaniac]. It's pretty good overall, I gave it a 6.5 - 7/10. But there were some unnecessary scenes or some super obvious [in my opinion, but Mika didn't catch them so I guess not too obvious???] plot points. The animation was just aaaAAAHHHH A STRONG 97. So maybe some of you guys might like it?  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, Saguru has been removed from the competition! Despite the lovely chemistry of our Gentlemen duo, it was just not the reaction [haaaaaaaaa] we were looking for.  
> As explained in the end, Saguru had more of a fond admiration of Shinichi that, while it could have built into romantic feelings, it was more of a close companionship between the two. aaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH  
> God, this is why I don't write romance...  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Here is a preview of next chapter since you guys are all so patient and amazing~!  
> [It's a bit of a mess right now because I actually wrote this a while ago so I need to change a lot of the contentfjdlnvfkdfvdl]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: makoto san!!!  
> ª§ª  
> Fire Extinguisher Master: I felt the dread of someone not telling Ran something important.  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: oh hush you poster boy of hypocrisy   
> ª§ª  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: very accident prone  
> Fire Extinguisher Master: Oi oi  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: he literally face-planted this morning  
> Motorbike Girl (?): it was a 10/10 face plant  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: i have photos  
> ª§ª  
> Kicking Prince: Sonoko-san can be overzealous at times, but she means well.  
> Fire Extinguisher Master: And you fell in love with her   
> Kicking Prince: Yes.  
> ª§ª  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: BUT ANY GIRL WOULD LOVE TO BE FOUGHT OVER BY IKEMEN  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: don't worry makoto san you're the only one for me!!  
> Fire Extinguisher Master: But I'm a boy.  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama: NOT WITH THAT WAIST YOU AINT  
> Motorbike Girl: *SIREN NOISES*  
> ª§ª  
> Kicking Prince: I am very confused  
> Kicking Prince: Please explain  
> Motorbike Girl (?): we shall explain soon my child  
> Fire Extinguisher Master: What about me?  
> Motorbike Girl (?): not you my son  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	44. Unnecessary Comments and Relationship Goals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled as 'When you have too many group chats and you accidentally use the wrong one.' But Makoto is coming back~ One major rule in this family is to always inform mother when you're having your boyfriend over. Oops. Shinichi is a mess - literally and figuratively. Masumi makes unnecessary comments. Ran deserves so much respect for the things she has to put up with. Kazuha can smell drama through technology.

_Supreme Sonoko Sama opened「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: makoto san!!!

Supreme Sonoko Sama: do you know when your flight lands???

 

_Kicking Prince opened「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Kicking Prince: Hello Sonoko-san, I will be landing at 4:14 pm.

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: ahhhh

Supreme Sonoko Sama: thank you~~~

Supreme Sonoko Sama: i'm super keen!!

 

Kicking Prince: Me too

 

_Motorbike Girl (?) opened「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: ah shoot

 

Motorbike Girl (?): EHHHHH

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: wrong chat

 

Kicking Prince: My apologies

 

Motorbike Girl (?): DONT APOLOGISE

Motorbike Girl (?): if u didnt then we wouldnt know that ur coming back

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: dang it

Supreme Sonoko Sama: i wanted it to be a surprise

 

Motorbike Girl (?): and we should have a round 2

Motorbike Girl (?): ive been practising

Motorbike Girl (?): WAIT

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: ?????

 

Kicking Prince: Yes?

 

Motorbike Girl (?): oi sonoko-chan

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: yea??

 

Motorbike Girl (?): have u told ran-chan yet?

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: ahhh

 

Motorbike Girl (?): oh boy

 

_Fire Extinguisher Master opened「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: I felt the dread of someone not telling Ran something important.

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: oh hush you poster boy of hypocrisy

Supreme Sonoko Sama: and when did you get your phone back???

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Wow…

Fire Extinguisher Master: This morning, but Haibara has made sure that I wouldn't get any calls or messages for any cases to go solve

 

Motorbike Girl (?): SAVED

 

Kicking Prince: Hello Kudou-san

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Hello Kyougoku-san

 

Kicking Prince: Have you been well?

Kicking Prince: It has been a while since the last time we communicated.

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: I've been doing alright, could be better though.

Fire Extinguisher Master: How are you? Any interesting matches to share?

 

Kicking Prince: I have been well. I have been graced with the opportunity of meeting some very inspiring champions.

Kicking Prince: May have proven their worth of the titles they hold and I am excited to spar with them again in the future.

Kicking Prince: May I inquire to why it could be better?

 

Motorbike Girl (?): why does everything feel so calm again

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Kaito provokes Heiji incessantly, which causes them to have a full out war in my living room.

Fire Extinguisher Master: Then Saguru is no better once he becomes involved.

 

Motorbike Girl (?): plus he fractured his wrist

 

Kicking Prince: Oh my

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: very accident prone

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Oi oi

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: he literally face-planted this morning

 

Motorbike Girl (?):  it was a 10/10 face plant

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: i have photos

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: I also have to deal with this every day.

 

Motorbike Girl (?): rude

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: RUDE!!

 

Kicking Prince: Sonoko-san can be overzealous at times, but she means well.

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: And you fell in love with her

 

Kicking Prince: Yes.

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: awww

 

Motorbike Girl (?): this is what they call relationship goals

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: AND TALKING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

 

Kicking Prince: ?

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: ?

 

Motorbike Girl (?): AHHHHH

Motorbike Girl (?): SHINICHI KUNS SUITORS

 

Kicking Prince: Suitors?

Kicking Prince: Ah, I remember now.

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Oh god…

Fire Extinguisher Master: I get enough from Haibara.

Fire Extinguisher Master: Please stop

 

Kicking Prince: What has happened whilst I was gone?

Kicking Prince: And before any else continues to escalate, I am supportive of you.

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: A lot…

Fire Extinguisher Master: Ah…

Fire Extinguisher Master: Thanks…?

 

Motorbike Girl (?): one actually dropped out

Motorbike Girl (?): and got the close companion slot

 

Kicking Prince: Oh

Kicking Prince: Who was it?

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: hakuba saguru-kun!

 

Kicking Prince: I see.

 

Motorbike Girl (?): so now there is only 2 left~~~

Motorbike Girl (?): and they are pretty vicious

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: ITS THE ULTIMATE DOUBLE CONFESSION SCENARIO

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Oh my god

Fire Extinguisher Master: Please stop

 

Kicking Prince: Vicious? Double confessions?

Kicking Prince: Is everything alright, Kudou-san?

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Please ignore them, they are just exaggerating about the whole scenario and twisting it to their own fantasies

 

Kicking Prince: Oh my

 

Motorbike Girl (?): no u say it like that

Motorbike Girl (?): ew

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: BUT ANY GIRL WOULD LOVE TO BE FOUGHT OVER BY IKEMEN

Supreme Sonoko Sama: don't worry makoto san you're the only one for me!!

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: But I'm a boy.

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: NOT WITH THAT WAIST YOU AINT

 

Motorbike Girl: *SIREN NOISES*

 

_Motorbike Girl sent an image_

 

 

 

Motorbike Girl (?): TOO PRETTY BOY ALERT

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Alright, I get it.

Fire Extinguisher Master: I have my mother's waist, no need to constantly remind me.

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: OH I WILL

 

Kicking Prince: Your mother's waist..?

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Please ignore them…

 

Motorbike Girl (?): and then when they saw IT

Motorbike Girl (?): they just shut down

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: NEVER LETTING THEM LIVE IT DOWN

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Okay, now I am confused as well

Fire Extinguisher Master: Them??

Fire Extinguisher Master: It???

 

Motorbike Girl (?): IT!!

 

Kicking Prince: Do you mean the film?

 

Motorbike Girl (?): IT!!!

Motorbike Girl (?): dont worry about it buddy

Motorbike Girl (?): u had to be there

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: ???

 

Kicking Prince: ???

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: WAIT WE NEED TO SHOW MAKOTO SAN IT

 

Motorbike Girl (?): WE DO!!!!!

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: ?????

Fire Extinguisher Master: IT???

Fire Extinguisher Master: Can I just leave now?

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: NO YOU ARE A KEY PIECE TO THIS SCENARIO

 

Kicking Prince: I am very confused

Kicking Prince: Please explain

 

Motorbike Girl (?): we shall explain soon my child

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: What about me?

 

Motorbike Girl (?): not you my son

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Oh god not again

 

Motorbike Girl (?): shhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: I want my other mother

 

_Pillar Smasher opened「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Motorbike Girl (?): holy shit

 

Pillar Smasher: Sorry for not checking earlier!

Pillar Smasher: Dad had a little accident again.

 

Motorbike Girl (?): DARLING

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Hello mother

 

Pillar Smasher: Hi Masumi, Shinichi!

 

Motorbike Girl (?): didja know?

 

Pillar Smasher: ??

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: That Sonoko has something to share

 

Pillar Smasher: Sonoko?

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: heya ran

 

Pillar Smasher: Hi Sonoko

 

Kicking Prince: Hello Mouri-san.

 

Pillar Smasher: Ah!! Kyougoku-san!

 

Pillar Smasher: It's been a while

 

Kicking Prince: It has, have you been well?

 

Pillar Smasher: I've been doing well!

Pillar Smasher: How have you been?

 

Kicking Prince: I have been well thanks.

 

Pillar Smasher: It's a surprise to see you active on the chat.

Pillar Smasher: Considering how busy you are with your matches

 

Kicking Prince: It is, however, Sonoko-san was just asking me when I would be returning to Japan

 

Pillar Smasher: Really?!

Pillar Smasher: SONOKO

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: ah dang i thought that you would forget about me

 

Motorbike Girl (?): nahhhhhh

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: She doesn't

Fire Extinguisher Master: You should know this by now

 

Pillar Smasher: Shinichi, don't be rude to your Aunt

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: HA

 

Pillar Smasher: Even if it is true

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Ha

 

_Rolling Girlllllllllll opened「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: Hi I smelt drama

 

Motorbike Girl (?): yo

Motorbike Girl (?): ur a bit late to the party

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: yeahhhh

Rolling Girlllllllllll: Heiji was being a brat

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Ahhhhhh

 

Kicking Prince: How so?

 

Pillar Smasher: Do you need me to beat him up?

Pillar Smasher: I would usually point you to Shinichi but his is a limb short

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: you make it sound like he lost his leg

 

Motorbike Girl (?): must be all the soccer balls he's been kicking

 

Kicking Prince: You lost a leg?

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: Just a fractured wrist

Fire Extinguisher Master: but they are acting as if I did lose my leg

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: it's because you're so accident prone!!!

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: at this point i could lose my leg and see no difference

Fire Extinguisher Master: wait

 

Pillar Smasher: SHINICHI NO

 

Motorbike Girl (?): SON

 

Kicking Prince: Please don't

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: AHHHHHHHHHH

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: youre very much wrong

Supreme Sonoko Sama: you should know this by now

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: ow

Fire Extinguisher Master: i love the painful sensation of getting my own words shoved down my throat

 

Motorbike Girl (?): shfcuadjvnslkvskdlvs

Motorbike Girl (?): that sounds kinky

Motorbike Girl (?): are you secretly a m?

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: SERA N O

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: wAS THAT NECESSSAREYUIDKF

 

Pilar Smasher: ...

 

Fire Extinguisher Master: I'm leaving now.

 

_Fire Extinguisher Master closed「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Motorbike Girl (?): ah

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: sweety no

 

Kicking Prince: Me too

Kicking Prince: I will see you all soon

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: bye~!

Supreme Sonoko Sama: ahhh i'm so keen!!!

 

_Kicking Prince closed「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Supreme Sonoko Sama: considering how downhill everything has gone and the love of my life has left

Supreme Sonoko Sama: see ya

 

_Supreme Sonoko Sama closed「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Pillar Smasher: Masumi.

 

Motorbike Girl (?): ahhhh

 

Pillar Smasher: .

 

Motorbike Girl (?): ok.

 

_Motorbike Girl (?) closed「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: oh wow

 

Pillar Smasher: It's an art

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: my respect for you have just quadrupled

 

Pillar Smasher: Thank you

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: if only i could keep mine in heiji

 

Pillar Smasher: You want to talk about it in private?

 

Rolling Girlllllllllll: please

Rolling Girlllllllllll: i need venting

 

_Pillar Smasher closed「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

_Rolling Girlllllllllll closed「The (Not So) Fight Club」_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally called 'Betting Pool 2.0 and One-sided Massacre' but my original content had to be scrapped :(  
> Also, I literally forgot to finish writing this and wrote the remaining 700 words in the past half hour. But like my priorities are somewhat justified?? I had my huge biology report due this morning and it was the only thing that mattered hA NOW FOR MY ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT [that is due next week ahhhh] wHO DOESN'T LOVE A SPEECH ON POETRY ANALYSIS?@?@  
> But because of my mess of a schedule, the next chapter hasn't been written yet ahhhh :') God I bet my right lung that next chapter is going to be a half-assed low-quality mess...  
> \-------------------------------  
> If anyone was confused about the names~  
> Kicking Prince - Kyougoku Makoto  
> Supreme Sonoko Sama - Suzuki Sonoko  
> Motorbike Girl (?) - Sera Masumi  
> Fire Extinguisher Master - Kudou Shinichi  
> Pillar Smasher - Mouri Ran  
> Rolling Girlllllllllll - Touyama Kazuha  
> [Note: I was going to change Masumi's to Motorbike Gay but it was way too much work to fix. But also because OneNote is a bitch when trying to use the editing tools]  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	45. Crushing Competition and Search Party (Starting Line)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the Teitan Cultural Festival! Kazuha terrorises the Kurata club and Heiji watches from afar. Sonoko and Makoto are on a date. Masumi likes being an embarrassingly loving girlfriend. Someone get Kaito away from the magic booth please.... Aoko and Saguru wish for a normal Culture Festival. But where is Shinichi........?

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: heyaaaaa

Blue-san: Hakuba-kun and I are at the gates~~~

Blue-san: kaito is an ass

Blue-san: he left us behindddd

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: YAY!!!

Okaa-san: Ahhhh

Okaa-san: Just look out for a coffee cup shaped sign!

Okaa-san: Shinichi is on pamphlet duty

 

Blue-san: got it!!

Blue-san: AHH

Blue-san: WE SEE HIM!!!!

 

Okaa-san: YAY!!!!!!!

Okaa-san: We'll see you soon!!!!

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

ª§ª

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: yo where is everyone at????

JKD-san: minus sonoko and her bf since theyre on a date

JKD-san: just wanted to check

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: at the karuta club

West-san: kazuha is killin them

 

JKD-san: o-oh?

 

West-san: she's already crushed a good 68% of them

West-san: they're in tears

 

JKD-san: ouch

JKD-san: and ur just watching???

 

West-san: yah

West-san: i don't want to get involved with that shit

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: i too am crushing people

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: kinky...

 

West-san: please leave

 

JKD-san: dncjskvf

JKD-san: is it bad that my mind instantly went to the dIRTY???

 

West-san: ....

West-san: i can't blame ya

West-san: though it was very much unnecessary

West-san: also because kuroba

West-san: what the fuck

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Watson-san: He is terrorising a magic stall.

 

JKD-san: rIP

 

West-san: ouch

 

Watson-san: Kuroba has gone wild

 

JKD-san: a very bit rIP

 

West-san: he's probably playing out his disappointment from not seeing shinichi as a waitress for the 3A cafe

West-san: not really surprised that he didn't try put shinichi in the uniform anyway

 

JKD-san: lol ran would have snapped his arm for even trying to put him in the uniform

JKD-san: cuz his cast and all

 

Watson-san: I was wrong, he is absolutely vicious

 

West-san: i pray for their soul

 

Watson-san: I deal with him at school everyday

Watson-san: where is your concern

 

West-san: nahh

West-san: you're an ass

West-san: well, an ass 70% of the time

West-san: so nahhh

 

JKD-san: lol

 

Watson-san: Then the remaining 30%?

 

West-san: stick in the mud and sherlock nerd

 

Watson-san: I thought the latter would have a higher percentage

 

West-san: nahhh

West-san: your assness takes the cake

 

JKD-san: ndjskvnskjvjkd

JKD-san: his assness

 

Watson-san: Wow

Watson-san: I'm going to leave now

Watson-san: Aoko-san just socked Kuroba

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: ayeeeeeeeeee

JKD-san: what a gal

JKD-san: AHHHH

JKD-san: i gotta go

JKD-san: ran is having a karate demo right now

JKD-san: i have embarrassing gf privilages i wanna use!!!!

 

West-san: really?

West-san: damn sounds cool

West-san: i sorta pity her opponent

West-san: won't yah distract her?

 

JKD-san: nahh

JKD-san: she can easily tune me out

JKD-san: she a TALENTED gal

 

West-san: i have to agree on that

West-san: see yah later then

 

JKD-san: yeah

 

West-san: meeting at 3A again right?

 

JKD-san: yep!

JKD-san: see youu!!!!

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

ª§ª

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: help

West-san: kazuha is challenging the captain for a something

West-san: i repeat

West-san: help

West-san: aaaAAAAHHHHH

 

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: ???

 

West-san: kazuha and the captain are fucking betting me

 

Blue-san: Oh????

Blue-san: Please elaborate

 

West-san: if the captain wins

West-san: i transfer to teitan and join the karuta or kendo club

West-san: if kazuha wins, i stay and she also gets to keep the deck

 

Blue-san: oh

Blue-san: That doesn't sound toooooooo bad

Blue-san: since you like kudou-kun

 

West-san: that's the problem

West-san: i not so low-key want the captain to win

 

Blue-san: Ohhhhhhhhhh

Blue-san: but you do know that if Kazuha-chan scrolls back to to read this

Blue-san: she'll kill you

 

West-san: ...

West-san: fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: i can smell my son making bad choices

 

West-san: 1. what the fuck

West-san: 2. what the Fuck

West-san: 3. what the fuck are you on

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: and where can i get it?

 

Blue-san: AHHHHH

 

West-san: ....

West-san: i'm just gonna leave now

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: awwwwwwww

 

Magician-san: sonnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

JKD-san: ^he's a mummy's boy

 

Blue-san: d faudvnfjdvjdknkjdfndkjaf

 

Magician-san: .............

Magician-san: me too

 

JKD-san: aahhhhhh

JKD-san: i just remembered

JKD-san: where is shinichi

JKD-san: wHERE IS MY SON

 

Magician-san: ohhhh

Magician-san: i have an idea....

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: oh boy

 

Blue-san: AHHH KAITO LEFT

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: welppp

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Daddyyy opened「Boy Time!!!!!!」_

_Daddyyy changed「Boy Time!!!!!!」to「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

Daddyyy: GATHER MY SONS

Daddyyy: I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A COMPETITION

 

_bOI opened「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

bOI: oh no

 

_Manchild opened「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

Manchild: What is it Kuroba?

 

Daddyyy: wellllllll

Daddyyy: since we dont know where shin chan is

Daddyyy: why not make it a game??

 

bOI: to see who finds him first?

bOI: this is literally his school

bOI: he'll be fine

 

Daddyyy: first to find him gets to spend the rest of the day with him

Daddyyy: alone

 

Manchild: Pass

Manchild: I can still spend a day with him without having to play your... Game.

 

Daddyyy: ehhhhhhhhhh

Daddyyy: manchild why?!

 

Manchild: I'm leaving

 

_Manchild closed「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

Daddyyy: boo

 

bOI: like i guess??

bOI: kazuha is about to crush the captain so i don't need to be there as 'moral support' anymore

 

Daddyyy: YAY!!!!!!

Daddyyy: winner also gets bragging rights~~

 

bOI: you're on

 

Daddyyy: im gonna win~

Daddyyy: and loser has to do an impression of a constipated catfish giving birth to a celebrity of your choice

Daddyyy: bye!

 

_Daddyyy closed「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

bOI: FUCK

bOI: there's always some fucking catch

 

_bOI closed「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _opened「Holmage♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Hey Shinichi

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmage♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: hey!@

Holmes' Apprentice: i'mn beng searmed by soom middke schoollers

 

Watson's Cousin: Do you want some help?

 

Holmes' Apprentice: nahhj

Holmes' Apprentice: i gott thus

 

Watson's Cousin: Right..

Watson's Cousin: Anyway, I just wanted to tell that Kuroba started another stupid competition with Hattori to see who could find you first

 

Holmes' Apprentice: ahhhj

Holmes' Apprentice: tganks for the tio

 

Watson's Cousin: It's no problem

Watson's Cousin: We'll see you at the classroom in another hour

 

Holmes' Apprentice: see yoi

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _closed_ _「_ _Holmage♡」_

_Watson's Cousin closed_ _「_ _Holmage♡」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a mess, I just finished writing this, but at least this time I didn't deviate from my notes. AHHH.   
> I was originally planning to post this chapter on Saturday [Nov. 3] as that is the actual date of this year's school culture festivals around Japan - don't quote me on this, I wrote this date down earlier this year so ahh?!? But I didn't have the chapter even halfway done.  
> My English assignment took priority :')  
> But a funny[ish] story from today. So my English draft was due today by 3 pm via. Luckily I had my study period last so I was able to work on it - unfortunately, my study room was right next to my English teacher's class [ohhh glass walls] So the entire time, it was just frantic typing and loud backspacing - Scheherazade was across from me with hers and just internally crying whilst Mika was checking it over [appreantly she can't edit her own work, she likes commas way too much - but same though]. In the end, I managed to submit it at 2:59 pm. But being the polite[ish] person I am, I decided to include a message - email etiquette! It went along the lines of:  
> "Dear Mr Barry,  
> I have one mintue. Hello.  
> Kind Regards, ...."  
> I spelt minute wrong. Fuck. So yeahhhhh.  
> \-------------------------------  
> If anyone was confused about the names~  
> Daddyyy - Kuroba Kaito  
> bOI - Hattori Heiji  
> Manchild - Hakuba Saguru  
> [Why? Because Kaito would name people weird shit like that.]  
> \-------------------------------  
> Side Note: Kazuha and Heiji got to Teitan earlier than Aoko and Saguru [and Kaito] as they were staying in Beika from the previous day. Sonoko will not be in the mini-arc as she is on a date with Makoto~~  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	46. Crushing Competition and Search Party (Finish Line)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito and Heiji are at it again with an unnecessary competition. But unfortunately for them, they seem to have forgotten that the Teiten school festival is a public event - open to everyone....

_Daddyyy opened「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

Daddyyy: forgot to say that rules r

Daddyyy: u cant ask shin chan where he is

 

_bOI opened「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

Daddyyy: everything else goes

 

bOI: got it

 

_bOI closed「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

_Daddyyy closed「Competition Time!!!!!!」_

 

ª§ª

 

No. Shinichi was not entirely comfortable with the current situation. Yes, being fawned over by other people was flattering, but not when it was a bunch of middle school aged girls who were swooning over your every movement.

 

"Um, is there anything else you girls needed help?"

 

"Yes! Can you-"

 

"Can I have yo-"

 

"Marry-"

 

"Hold m-"

 

The list went on and the more it progressed, the more afraid Shinichi became. At this point, he wouldn't even mind if someone he knew broke down the adjacent wall in order to rescue him.

 

_'Kaito... Please find me!'_

 

ª§ª

 

_Nii-chan opened「Please TRUST me」_

 

Nii-chan: oi nee-chan, do you know where i could find a map of the school??

 

 

_Nee-chan opened「Please TRUST me」_

 

Nee-chan: yo hatboy

Nee-chan: why??????

 

Nii-chan: i'm guessing this is sera right?

 

Nee-chan: nah it's bob ross

 

Nii-chan: great

Nii-chan: but can bob ross answer my question?

 

Nee-chan: yahhh

Nee-chan: On the ground floor next to the rightmost door, there should be a table with some maps

 

Nii-chan: ah okay

Nii-chan: thanks

 

Nee-chan: no prob

Nee-chan: just curious

Nee-chan: y tho??

 

Nii-chan: kuroba made it a competition to find shinichi first

 

Nee-chan: ohhhhhhh

Nee-chan: whats the catch tho

 

Nii-chan: loser has to do an impression of a constipated catfish giving birth to a celebrity of our choice

 

Nee-chan: ouch

 

Nii-chan: the bastard

 

Nee-chan: ur a pretty shitty actor

 

Nii-chan: okay

Nii-chan: WHAT THE FUCK

 

Nee-chan: lol

 

Nii-chan: playing favourites

 

Nee-chan: just stating the obvious buddy

Nee-chan: good luckkkk

 

Nii-chan: wow

 

_Nee-chan closed「Please TRUST me」_

 

Nii-chan: this is why i wanted to message nee-chan

Nii-chan: damn dating bonuses

 

_Nii-chan closed「Please TRUST me」_

 

ª§ª

 

Smirking at the last message, Masumi returned the phone to its rightful owner and resumed her partially eaten gelato.

 

_'Dating bonuses indeed.'_

 

"So what did Hattori-kun want?"

 

"A map."

 

"Oh?"

 

"He and Kuroba are having a competition to see who can find Shinichi-kun first. Plus the loser has to do an impression of a constipated catfish giving birth to a celebrity of their choice."

 

Mouth full of slightly overpriced gelato, Ran gave a choked response. Masumi giggled at her girlfriend's reaction.

 

ª§ª

 

_Lupin opened「Me:*writes a 5000-word essay on how much I love you* You: K.」_

 

Lupin: plz dont kill me ༼♥ل͜♥༽

 

_Lupin closed「Me:*writes a 5000-word essay on how much I love you* You: K.」_

 

ª§ª

 

Never in Shinichi's entirely strange and unique life, had he felt so much fear in response to a PA announcement.

 

**"I repeat! Can Shin-chan please go to classroom 3A? Thank you!"**

 

With a click, the PA was turned off and whispers instantly broke out.

 

"Wait, why did that sound like Kudou-san?"

 

"Shin-chan?!"

 

"Does he have a brother?"

 

"Kya! That's such a cute nickname."

 

But as if it wasn't enough.

 

**"Oh yeah! It's a date! Love you Shin-chan!!"**

 

The whispers very quickly became shrieks. Shinichi bolted.

 

_'Damn that magician!'_

 

ª§ª

 

_Watson's Cousin_ _opened「Holmage♡」_

 

Watson's Cousin: Are you still alive?

 

_Holmes' Apprentice_ _opened「Holmage♡」_

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Yeah...

 

Watson's Cousin: I see

 

Holmes' Apprentice: I'm just hiding in my locker for now

Holmes' Apprentice: I'll probably give myself another 5 minutes before going to 3A

 

Watson's Cousin: Ah

Watson's Cousin: I wish you luck then

Watson's Cousin: Aoko-san and I will be here if you need any assistance

Watson's Cousin: She has found a nice mop

 

Holmes' Apprentice: Thanks

 

_Holmes' Apprentice closed「Holmage♡」_

_Watson's Cousin closed「Holmage♡」_

 

ª§ª

 

_'That damn bastard!'_

 

Heiji continued to sprint and weave his way through the crowded hallway.

 

_'If I use the east stairs, I can get to 3A in another three minutes.'_

 

Taking a sharp turn at the corner, and giving several festival goers a heart attack, Heiji skipped up the stairs and continued towards room 3A.

 

ª§ª

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Leaf-san: I'm taking a wild guess that Heiji is playing another stupid game with Kuroba-kun

 

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: yep

 

Leaf-san: Dear god

 

Blue-san: agreed

Blue-san: hey

 

Leaf-san: Yea?

 

Blue-san: you want to team up and mess with the two of them?

 

Leaf-san: heck yes

 

Blue-san: i'll take kaito

 

Leaf-san: and I'm on Heiji

 

Blue-san: Hakuba-kun is support

 

Leaf-san: nice

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

ª§ª

 

Alright, Kaito knew what he did was pretty risky, but hey. Doing risky things was sort of is his thing. (Of course not at the Shinichi standard, but still damn pretty risky). However, in his plans of 'finding' Shinichi, he did not account for the good three-fifths of Tokyo polices of division one who was attending the festival and was attempting to stop him from making his way towards classroom 3A.

 

"Tamaki, cover the east hall. Yamaguchi, secure the east stairs. Yumi, look out on west stairs. Takagi, get back here! You need to patrol the west hall. If any of you see Kid, you have been granted permission...."

 

Chi-clack.

 

Kaito was afraid of what the end of that sentence was (and that sound was terrifyingly familiar). So who knew that regardless of his retirement, Kaito would still have to actively avoid the police.

 

ª§ª

 

_Zero opened「I loathe you」_

 

Zero: Oi

 

_Silver opened「I loathe you」_

 

Silver: ?

 

Zero: Are you anywhere near 3A

 

Silver: Not yet

 

Zero: ....

Zero: You're on the west hall

Zero: I'm on the east

 

_Zero closed「I loathe you」_

_Silver closed「I loathe you」_

 

ª§ª

 

Despite being on different sides of the school, Heiji and Kaito both felt a malicious intent and shivered.

 

_'The fuck?'_

 

_'What was that...'_

 

ª§ª

 

"Wait! Seriously? Did you film it though?! Oh my gosh! Please send it!!"

 

Thus, for the next six months, the video of a Kudou Shinichi look-a-like and Hattori Heiji performing their penalties hit millions of views on the internet. In the background, the real Kudou Shinichi was wheezing against a wall with an amused Hakuba Saguru by his side (Gentlemen pair fans were pleased with the outcome).

 

(Whilst slightly disgusted but very much amused, Tokyo's Division One and other unnamed individuals rejoiced in their small victory.)

 

ª§ª

 

_Auntie opened「The Best Family」_

 

Auntie: Hey sweetie!!!

Auntie: Sorry we couldn't make it :(

Auntie: But your Uncle and Papa are sending some hitmen to take care of the two cuties

Auntie: so tell them to watch their backs!

Auntie: Uncle Goemon is still meditating but he says he will slay those unworthy

Auntie: But from me personally, good luck with Kid!!

Auntie: I want some KidShin!!!! >:D

 

_Auntie closed「The Best Family」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Brat opened「The Best Family」_

 

Brat: Oh my god

 

_Brat closed「The Best Family」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Auntie opened「The Best Family」_

 

Auntie: ehhhh

Auntie: HeiShin is cute too....

 

_Auntie closed「The Best Family」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you guys tell how half-assed this was??? because oh bOY  
> When I starting writing I suddenly realised that I didn't really plan anything and that part 2 was never supposed to exist (ಥ_ʖಥ)  
> So all of this chapter was pretty much written on the go and just aaHHHHH  
> But next week's chapter will actually follow my notes - like the ones I wrote last year aH!  
> \-------------------------------  
> ahhhhh this is late ;u; with both an assignment due and Brisnova occurring, my schedule is a mess....  
> But on the positives! Brisnova was AMAZING!!! I finally got to pull out my villain deku cosplay and I just to buy a bunch of new keychains!  
> Plus I made more friends!! :D  
> \-------------------------------  
> If anyone was confused with names:  
> Zero - Furuya Rei/Amuro Touru  
> Silver - Akai Shuuichi  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	47. Scary Initiative and Many Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi's cast is finally off!!! But whoops his newfound freedom comes with the price of getting a lovely dip in the local river. So back to bed it is... What a perfect time to contemplate and regret all of his many, MANY mistakes.

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* sent an image_

 

 

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: You deserve it

 

  _*Molests only for Emergencies* sent an image_

 

 

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ....

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: okay they are pushing it with the water puns

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: also aren't you supposed to be in class

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Nice set of priorities

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Aren't you supposed to be in bed?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: thanks

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: but back to my original point

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Loathe.

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: You chose to dive into that river

*Molests only for Emergencies*: so it's your fault for getting sick

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: still, was it really necessary to sick everyone on me?

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Of course

*Molests only for Emergencies*: You need to learn your lesson

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: which one

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: that all actions come with their own set of consequences

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Okay, still

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: already you sent Heiji, Kaito and Saguru

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: but Ran, Sera and the kids

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: plus Auntie and Rei-san

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I simply sent them a link to the article and gave them no further instruction,

*Molests only for Emergencies*: what they choose to do is of their own accord.

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Four-fifths of them are in school anyway

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: great

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: yeah but that won't stop them from getting here to bury me under my blankets

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Kid would tear down his school, Osaka would hijack a plane, Sherlock 2.0 would nag you from a distance

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Ran would break down some doors with Sera cackling behind her

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: then Auntie....

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: there are way too many variables and outcomes

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: she is a wild card

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: and Rei-san...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: he is...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I'm too out of it to even think of a word to describe him

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Another reason to why you should go and sleep

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: plus he hasn't physically been here since he dropped off the bugged bouquet

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: to my knowledge that is

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Well now that you've contemplated possible consequences to your actions,

*Molests only for Emergencies*: go back to bed

*Molests only for Emergencies*: otherwise I'll send a mass text that you're refusing to stay in bed

*Molests only for Emergencies*: and you have an idea of what could happen

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Hey, I'm technically in bed

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I'm just conscious and aware of my surrounds

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: and all of my mistakes

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: many mistakes

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: yeah...

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: like that one time you tried to climb out of the house from the balcony

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: oh I remember that one

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: It was the third story balcony

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: or that time you drank the champagne

*Molests only for Emergencies*: even when I explicitly told you to avoid it

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: hey hey

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: the host was trying to pour it down my throat

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I was just being polite

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: By atomically rearranging your entire structure in front of the guests and paparazzi?

*Molests only for Emergencies*: What a gentleman

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: okay I could have tried something else

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: like the time you tried to sneak out of music class by putting the mini fog machine into the piano

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ....

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I will not provide any further justification

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: and you caused the entire school into an evacuation

*Molests only for Emergencies*: but the kids and I didn't say anything because we didn't want to spend another hour listening to a cat choke on Mouri-san's golden business cards

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: oh god the golden business cards....

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I was hoping to ignore their existence and list it as non-canon

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: What a waste of resources

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I know right??

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: and you also know that burying your nose into a book is not a form of social interaction?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ....

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: oh yeah

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: because holding someone at gunpoint is a great way to greet someone

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: You got a free bouquet out of it

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: and step closer to cardiac arrest

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: your constant insistence for a trial antidote was leading you to cardiac arrest

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: i would prefer to go into cardiac arrest in the form of a teenager than an elementary schooler

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Oh it's only for the dramatics and image?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: of course

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: you've met my mother

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: that is where I got it all from

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: and your father contributed to your infatuation with literature and mysteries

*Molests only for Emergencies*: then add some bad jokes

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: my true origin story

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: and your bedtime story

*Molests only for Emergencies*: now sleep

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: oh???

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: i havent had a bedtime story since...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: wait no

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: ?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: witg ran whrn i was still cinan

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Nice texting skills

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: thabks

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ohh

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: thr wirds arr blirrinh

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: A great deduction meitantei-san

*Molests only for Emergencies*: now go to SLEEP

*Molests only for Emergencies*: your mother will be back in two hours to get you another dose of medicine

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: amd if i refude???

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I don't think you have the, pardon me, balls to refuse her.

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ouch

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: byt true

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ran owudl probslu hiold me doiwm hersekf amd firce it down

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: thr ithers will br there ti wstch her assert ger dominsce

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Pretty much

*Molests only for Emergencies*: now SLEEP

*Molests only for Emergencies*: your poor texting is killing my eyes

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: funeee

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: mothrr no. nnn

 

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I think of myself more as a nagging big sister

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lighter and not so plot-heavy chapter!! But I also managed to FINALLY use an idea from my original notes; instead of getting random plot ideas from my everyday life [my life is weird and full of the perfect meme content. Honestly, half of the things my friends and I say are incorporated into this fic.  
> I also really want to use this gem somewhere in this fic:  
> "I'm sorry. I'm cheating on you because I think of Death more than you." // "We can make a threesome with Death."  
> If you guys are curious about the origin, I told Scheherazade this one day after maths class; I was making comments about my inevitable death and my constant self-loathing.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I don't really have anything els to say this week, other than the fact that my exam block starts this Friday with Study of Religion being an hour and a half essay :')  
> So next chapter will be either delayed or really poorly written [as usual] or short, I will try to enforce my rule of all chapters being at least over 1000 words. (ಥ_ʖಥ)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Random note: Was Shinichi making the typos a bit dramatic???? I was just going on personal experience with that part - when I get drowsy whilst texting, I make typos EVERYWHERE and everything is a literal blur. Then I wake up 5 hours later with my contacts stuck in my eyes :) Or is it just me????? I need to see my doctor..... it's been a year and a half.....  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	48. Event Planning and Romantic Charms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keen for the Winter break, Aoko plans to drag everyone out onto the ice. The normal shenanigans ensue. Ai seems to know best. Ran and Masumi being relationship goals. Heiji is doing alleyway drugs. Kaito bets his money. Kazuha makes love charms for her friends.

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: GUYS

Blue-san: GUYS

Blue-san: GUYS

 

_West-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: yo

West-san: what's up??

 

Blue-san: WE SHOULD GO ICESKATING!!!

 

West-san: what

West-san: uhh

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: OHHHH

 

West-san: pass

 

Blue-san: ehhhh

 

JKD-san: Ive never gone iceskating tbh

 

Blue-san: WE NEED TO GO

 

West-san: i'll pass

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: IM IN

 

_Okaa-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: We should go!

Okaa-san: It'll be Masumi's first

 

Blue-san: AGREED

 

JKD-san: oho

JKD-san: my frist ;)

 

Okaa-san: MASUMI

 

Rich-san: *first

Rich-san: the typo lost some of your impact sweetie

 

_Magician-opened 「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: KAITO

Blue-san: ICE SKATING

 

Magician-san: no thank (_ _|||)

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Watson-san: If you keep trying to avoid ice skating, you'll never learn how to

 

West-san: kuroba can't ice skate??

 

Blue-san: yeahh

 

_Leaf-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: lol

 

Leaf-san: Heiji and I can't either

 

Rich-san: really???

 

Leaf-san: yup

 

West-san: ....

 

Okaa-san: Shinichi can teach you guys!

 

Watson-san: Oh?

 

Magician-san: ( )━(ω･´ )━(･ω･´)━(｀･ω･´)━(｀☆ω☆´)

 

Blue-san: now he's interested....

 

Okaa-san: He taught me how to ice skate

 

Rich-san: Tru

Rich-san: you could go professional!!

 

JKD-san: APPRECIATE MY TALENTED GIRLFREIND

 

Blue-san: REALLY?@?@?

 

Okaa-san: GUYS

Okaa-san: you're exaggerating

 

Rich-san: *girlfriend

Rich-san: you can do appreciate but not girlfriend

Rich-san: girl do you even spell???

 

JKD-san: nahhh buddy

 

Okaa-san: Shinichi is better than me

 

Leaf-san: EHHHH

Leaf-san: I wanna see

 

Blue-san: I'LL INVITE HIM!!

 

Okaa-san: Wait wait

Okaa-san: he was just sick recently

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Science-san: As long as he is appropriately clothed and has something warm to eat or drink afterwards,

Science-san: he is free to go.

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: well

West-san: yah heard the doc

 

Okaa-san: .....

Okaa-san: now to make sure he wears the right clothes

Okaa-san: function over fashion

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Science-san: I will ensure he is sent out of the house with the appropriate clothing,

Science-san: it will be both fashion and function.

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: i bet she's just gonna yank him out of bed tomorrow with no explanation

 

Leaf-san: nah

Leaf-san: She seems like the person to wack him in the face and then tell him to put on the clothes she left for him

 

Magician-san: betting 500円 that she will shoot a hole in the ceiling and tell him to get changed for breakfast

 

Blue-san: KAITO

 

Magician-san: hEY

Magician-san: she did that to me before

Magician-san: just not with the breakfast part

Magician-san: it was a threat instead

Magician-san: so its possible

 

Watson-san: I have a feeling you deserved it

 

Magician-san: HOH

 

Okaa-san: Oh??

 

JKD-san: ohhhhhh story time

 

Rich-san: Tell us!!!

 

Magician-san: okay so

Magician-san: im sittin there

Magician-san: bbq sauce on my titties

 

JKD-san: AHHHHHHHHH

 

West-san: was that vine reference really necessary

 

Magician-san: yes

 

Blue-san: ignore him

Blue-san: I bet she'll wake him up with a yell to tell him to get changed for breakfast

 

Magician-san: thats what you do

 

Blue-san: HEY

Blue-san: There still a chance she would do that

 

Okaa-san: Hey guys, how about we just finish planning tomorrow

 

JKD-san: look at my geef

 

West-san: geef??

 

Rich-san: girlfriend for short

 

Leaf-san: It's cuteeee

 

West-san: haaa

 

JKD-san: beef is bf for short

 

Blue-san: but isn't bf still shorter??

 

JKD-san: syllable wise

 

Okaa-san: Guys, we're getting distracted

 

Blue-san: ahh my bad

 

Leaf-san: so which place were you thinking of?

 

Blue-san: ahhh

Blue-san: i didn't really plan that far ahead

 

_Science-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Science-san: Why not Edogawa Sportsland?

 

Magician-san: JSDOFJDLKSFNASK

 

Okaa-san: Wait really?!

 

Science-san: Of course

 

_Science-san sent an image_

 

 

 

_Science-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: OH MY GODDDDD

 

Okaa-san: I didn't know they had an ice rink

 

Watson-san: What a coincidence

 

Magician-san: TIS FATE

 

West-san: jesus

 

Blue-san: OHHH

Blue-san: and it's not too far

Blue-san: So is everyone good with this one?

Blue-san: especially Kazuha-chan and Hattori-kun?

 

Leaf-san: Yes!!

 

West-san: sure why not

 

Blue-san: YAY!!!!

Blue-san now to discuss times!

 

_Blue-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

Okaa-san: How about we meet up outside at 10:30?

 

JKD-san: my body is ready ;)

 

Okaa-san: MASUMI

 

West-san: Sounds good

West-san: Kazuha and I can catch the 9am flight

 

Leaf-san: ....

Leaf-san: where do you keep getting those Tokyo flight tickets from???

 

West-san: no comment

 

Rich-san: that sounds sketchy..

 

Magician-san: could my son be doing alleyway dRUGS

 

Watson-san: What

 

Blue-san: bAKAITO

 

Rich-san: that escalated

 

Okaa-san: Okay, so we have do ice skating for about, let's say,

Okaa-san: 2 hours?

 

Rich-san: AFTER IS A SHOPPING TRIP!!!

 

Leaf-san: AHHH

Leaf-san: SOUNDS GREAT

 

Blue-san: I'M FOR IT

 

JKD-san: ehhh

JKD-san: ill just chill with the guys then

 

Okaa-san: Well, there are some arcades nearby??

 

Watson-san: I don't mind

 

West-san: better than a trip to hell

 

Magician-san: true that

 

Leaf-san: HEIJI

 

Blue-san: KAITO

 

Rich-san: OI

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

West-san: Look at the time

West-san: I need to work on my maths homework

West-san: See yah tomorrow

 

_West-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: was it just me or were they more scared of sonoko

 

Rich-san: THEY BETTER BE

 

Watson-san: Well, I'll take my leave now,

Watson-san: See you all tomorrow then

 

Okaa-san: Ahh okay

Okaa-san: See you!

 

Blue-san: bYEE!!

 

JDK-san: see ya

 

Leaf-san: See you then!!

 

Rich-san: Bye

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Okaa-san: I should get going too

Okaa-san: I need to start making dinner

 

JKD-san: ohhhhh

JKD-san: can I crash?

 

Okaa-san: You're always welcome to

 

JKD-san: aweeee

JKD-san: love you babeeee

 

Okaa-san: Love you too

 

_Okaa-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Leaf-san: CUTEEEEEE

 

Rich-san: that was gOALS

Rich-san: i miss makoto-san...

 

Blue-san: I'm cheering for you guys!!!

 

Leaf-san: AWWW

Leaf-san: You two are so cute

Leaf-san: You'll see him again soon!!

 

Rich-san: True

Rich-san: just not soon enough

 

Blue-san: aaawww

 

Rich-san: BUT

Rich-san: I can wait!

 

Blue-san: AWWWWWW

 

Leaf-san: IM GONNA MAKE YOU A CHARM FOR LOVE

 

Rich-san: REALLY?!

 

Leaf-san: YEAH

 

Rich-san: AHHHHHH

 

Blue-san: OHHHH

Blue-san: You make charms??!?!?

 

Leaf-san: Yep!

Leaf-san: You want one too?

 

Blue-san: PLEASE!

 

Rich-san: OHHHHH

Rich-san: sOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE HAS A CRUSH

 

Blue-san: HFODJCNALKC

Blue-san: GTG BYE

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: oOOOHHHH

Rich-san: more romantic dramaaaa

 

Leaf-san: I SHOULD MAKE ONE FOR EVERYONE

Leaf-san: I NEED TO START NOW AHHHHH

 

Rich-san: AHHH THANK YOU!!!!

Rich-san: just don't strain yourself

 

Leaf-san: It's no problem!

Leaf-san: See yah tomorrow!!

 

Rich-san: See you!!

 

_Leaf-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey heyyyyyyy guess who managed to write this chapter before the actual posting day.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, a little update for you guys; three exams down with two more to go - Biology tomorrow and Chemistry on Wednesday ༼ಢ_ಢ༽. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that the gals and I will be going to the cinemas to watch Crimes of Grindlewald. AHHHHHHH. Even though I've heard some negative stuff about it, Scheherazade and I are hella pumped to go see it.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Since I've been feeling bad about not being able to put down previews, here is the draft for next chapter's summary.
> 
> Chapter 47 - Exhilarating Documentation and Competitive Button-smashing  
> Anyone ready for the DVD special Kid on Ice?! Saguru had decided to document AND commentate the performance, with the guest feature of Shinichi being a competent ice skater. With an occasional Heiji sulking from the sidelines - his devious plans on ice. It also includes bonus clips of the boys plus Masumi and their adventures at the arcade.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	49. Exhilerating Documentation and Scarf Uses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone ready for the DVD special Kid on Ice?! Saguru had decided to document AND commentate the performance, with the guest feature of Shinichi being a competent ice skater. Note: No small children or walls were permanently harmed in the making of this video. Masumi and the boys also get themselves kicked out of an arcade.

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): shiinicu

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’):  pleaser teacj mr

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Mum: Oh my god

Mum: You're going to stain the ice with your blood

Mum: Put your phone away,

Mum: I'm coming over to you

Mum: Just hang on

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): no proimusess

 

 _A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: BUT WIFE

Dad: YOU PROMISED TO HELP MEEEEE

 

Mum: You have Aoko-san and Saguru to cling on to

Mum: Both Heiji and Kazuha don't know how to ice skate

 

_Salty Prude son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: Actually, I'm just going to document his plight

 

Mum: You have Aoko-san to cling on to

 

Dad: WHYYYYYYYYYY

Dad: HOW MY FAMILY HAVE FORSAKEN ME

 

Mum: Drama queen

 

Dad: HOW ARE YOU STILL TEXTING?!?!?

 

Mum: ???

 

Salty Prude son: because he can actually ice skate,

Salty Prude son: very well.

 

Mum: I'm going to have my hands full

Mum: So I'm turning off my phone

 

Dad: wife why

 

Mum: I'll try to teach Heiji and Kazuha the basic first,

Mum: and then I'll deal with you

 

Dad: fineee

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Salty Prude son: I will film in the meantime.

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

Dad: to think i trusted you

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the fam」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Maternal Figure opened「WE CAN BE GROSSLY GAY SWEATY」_

 

Maternal Figure: We'll look after Kazuha for you!

Maternal Figure: So focus on Hattori-kun

 

_Baby Brother/Son?? opened「WE CAN BE GROSSLY GAY SWEATY」_

 

Baby Brother/Son??: And Kaito

 

Maternal Figure: Oh yeah

Maternal Figure: Good luck

 

Baby Bother/Son??: Thanks

 

Maternal Figure: Like, good luck

Maternal Figure: I think he just crashed into a small child

 

Baby Brother/Son??: WHAT

 

_Brother/Son?? closed「WE CAN BE GROSSLY GAY SWEATY」_

_Maternal Figure closed「WE CAN BE GROSSLY GAY SWEATY」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Watson-san: After hours of rendering and cutting, it is here.

 

_Watson-san sent a video_

 

 _≪_ _Kid_on_Ice_Special.mp4≫_

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

ª§ª

 

{PLAYING VIDEO - Kid_on_Ice_Special.mp4}

 

Subtitle on?

.

.

 **[Yes** ] **or [No]**

…

Subtitle is on.

 

0:00:01 Saguru [O.C]: It's filming now.

0:00:03 [KAITO nearly falls face first onto the ice.]

0:00:04 Aoko [O.C]: Oh my god. For how smooth he usually is, he is an absolute mess right now.

0:00:08 Saguru [O.C]: Isn't he always?

0:00:10 Kaito: How dare you!

0:00:14 [KAITO begins to spin on the spot.]

0:00:16 Saguru [O.C]: Oh very threatening.

SKIP

0:01:06 Saguru [O.C]: Alright, while watching Kuroba look like an utter fool for the past sixty-six seconds has been amusing. This is rather....

0:01:14 Aoko [O.C]: Pathetic?

0:01:16 Saguru [O.C]: Hmm...

0:01:17 [KAITO slides into the wall of the rink and takes down HEIJI, who was clinging onto the wall.]

0:01:20 Heiji: YOU ASS-

0:01:22 [KAZUHA skates in and slaps HEIJI in the face with her scarf]

0:01:24 Kazuha: There are children here!

0:01:26 Shinichi [O.C]: Come on Heiji, get up. Let's try again.

SKIP

0:02:47 [KAITO skids into a small child, who falls onto their back, and is then reacquainted with the wall.]

0:02:48 Saguru [O.C]: Dear God.

0:02:50 [SHINICHI quickly skates over to the child and picks them up from the ice.]

0:02:53 Shinichi: Are you alright?

0:02:54 [KAITO is face down on the ice.]

0:02:56 Kaito: Shinichi. I have a boo-boo.

0:02:58 [SHINICHI continues to look over the child as their mother skates over]

0:03:03 Heiji [O.C]: HA.

SKIP

0:04:31 [KAITO crashes into the entwined hands of RAN and MASUMI, pulling them into the wall.]

0:04:32 Shinichi: Oh no.

0:04:36 Heiji: Betting 500 yen that nee-chan will beat his as-

0:04:38 [KAZUHA slaps HEIJI in the face with her scarf, again.]

0:04:39 Saguru [O.C]: Tsk tsk.

0:04:41 Kazuha: Children!

SKIP

0:05:23 Kaito: Why are you just filming my bad moments?! Bad son!

0:05:29 [KAITO is squatting as he latches on AOKO's leg.]

0:05:31 Shinichi [O.C]: Just stand normally and straighten your posture Kaito. Be like Heiji.

0:05:34 Kaito: Oh yeah. Be like 'Heiji'. (Inappropriate muttering for a family friendly video) That damn ape.

0:05:36 Heiji [O.C]: OI! Who are you callin' an ape?!

0:05:40 [HEIJI carefully skates over to KAITO.]

0:05:44 Aoko: Oh my god.

0:05:48 Kaito: How the hick-heck-snick-snack-screaming trumpets are you standing?

0:05:55 Heiji: Wha...

SKIP

0:07:11 Kaito: I'M BLEEDING!

0:07:13 Saguru [O.C]: How on earth...

0:07:15 Heij [O.C]: The fu-

0:07:16 [There is the sound of HEIJI being punched in the stomach by KAZUHA.]

0:07:17 Shinichi [O.C]: Language, Heiji. Kaito hush, you have had way worse. I'll get Saguru's first aid kit.

0:07:23 Saguru [O.C]: Thank god I packed it.

SKIP

0:09:34 [KAITO sits dejectedly on the bench on the sidelines, his hand now covered in a large bandage.]

0:09:35 Saguru [O.C]: Drama queen.

0:09:37 [KAITO loudly and dramatically groans.]

0:09:40 Kaito: My family is so mean to me.

0:09:46 Saguru [O.C]: You make it too easy.

SKIP

0:11:02 Shinichi: Okay, Kaito. It's your turn.

0:11:06 Kaito [O.C]: I don't wanna ice skate anymore.

0:11:09 [SHINICHI rolls his eyes. He skates out of frame for a moment, returning with KAITO who is squatting close to the ice, being pulled along using SHINICHI's scarf.]

0:11:15 Kaito: I refuse!

0:11:17 Shinichi: I'll have a deal with you. If I can't get you to successfully skate in the next ten minutes, I will give you free reign of the Christmas decorating.

0:11:22 [From below, KAITO hums - now he is holding onto SHINICHI's hand.]

0:11:26 Kaito: Throw in a Christmas date and I'm in.

0:11 28 Heiji [O.C]: WHAT. YOU F-

0:11:29 [HEIJI has been incapacitated by KAZUHA'S scarf.]

0:11:30 Saguru [O.C]: I will eat my scarf if he manages to pull this off.

SKIP

0:21:26 Kaito: I'm flying Jack.

0:21:28 Shinichi: Nice work.

0:21:29 [KAITO and SHINICHI continue the Titantic hold, gracefully skating across the ice. HEIJI is seen in the background, in the stands, in shock. AOKO who is not on screen, mirrors him.]

0:21:31 Saguru [O.C]: Oh god....

0:21:34 [Skating by, hand in hand, KAITO is grinning like a madman.]

0:21:36 Kaito: Saguboy~ That scarf looks rather appetising, huh?

0:21:40 Shinichi: Kaito, eating a scarf is very unhygienic. Saguru can eat the tiramisu I made earlier.

0:21:46 Kaito: I want some!

0:21:49 Masumi and Ran [O.C]: Us too!

0:21:51 Sonoko [O.C]: You better have enough!

 

{PAUSE PLAYING VIDEO - Kid_on_Ice_Special.mp4}

 

[[NOTES]]

 

No small children or walls were permanently harmed in the making of this video.

 

[[EXTRA]]

 

Kuroba, however, sustained several bruises and pulled muscles.

 

Close video?

.

.

 **[Yes** ] or **[No]**

…

Video closed

 

ª§ª

 

 _The Gayest For You_ _♡_ _opened「CAN YOU FEEL THE intense romantic affection TONIGHT」_

 

The Gayest For You ♡: WE SORT OF GOT KICKED OUT OF THE ARCADE

 

_Babe opened「CAN YOU FEEL THE intense romantic affection TONIGHT」_

 

Babe: OH MY GOD

Babe: HOW?!?!?

 

The Gayest For You ♡: some dude playing here have some bad beef with the boys

 

Babe: Oh god

Babe: Is everything alright??

Babe: Do I need to call an ambulance?

Babe: Police

 

The Gayest For You ♡: its all good babe

The Gayest For You ♡: we handled it

 

Babe: So...

Babe: how did you get kicked out....

 

The Gayest For You ♡: .....

The Gayest For You ♡: I may or may not have hit a guy with one of those strength testing mallet thingys

 

Babe: ...

 

The Gayest For You ♡: and smashed another guys head into a basket ball hoop

 

Babe: MASUMI

 

The Gayest For You ♡: IM SORRY

The Gayest For You ♡: but they were totally asking for it

 

Babe: You know that hitting someone with one of those mallets is an incredible waste of time

Babe: You should have just kicked his face into the spring target of the strength tester things

 

The Gayest For You ♡: BABE

 

Babe: Anyway, if you are all fine and safe

Babe: and not hiding any injuries

Babe: Meet us at Starbucks, since it's noticeable

 

The Gayest For You ♡: kayyyy

 

Babe: See you then

 

_Babe closed「CAN YOU FEEL THE intense romantic affection TONIGHT」_

_The Gayest For You_ _♡_ _closed「CAN YOU FEEL THE intense romantic affection TONIGHT」_

 

ª§ª

 

_JKD-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

JKD-san: This is basically the entire trip.

 

_JKD-san sent an image_

 

 

 

 

_Blue-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Blue-san: OH MY GOD

Blue-san: HANYU YUZURU

Blue-san: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Blue-san: I LOVE HIMMMM

 

_Rich-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: OMG ARE YOU A FAN TOO??!?!?!?

 

Blue-san: No I'm just screaming and declaring my love for another Japanese citizen for no reason at all

Blue-san: OF COURSE IM A FAN

 

Rich-san: ouch

Rich-san: BUT RSGNFSDKLVMASDKLVDFKLVDFLK

 

Blue-san: FNJDFVNAISKLMSDFLKBMDLKFVMDKLVMSKLMKL

 

JKD-san: jesus ladies

 

_Magician-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: ??

Magician-san: ohhhhhh

Magician-san: aokos celeb crush

Magician-san: she has her walls covered in his face

Magician-san: AND LOOK ITS MY WIFES FACE

 

Blue-san: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Blue-san: DONT EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

 

JKD-san: cUTE

JKD-san: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

 

_Blue-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: CANT BLAME HER

Rich-san: HE IS FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Rich-san: and yeah shinichi's face as well

 

JKD-san: lmao

 

Rich-san: hey im immune to that face

Rich-san: had to grow up with that

 

Magician-san: lUCKY

 

JKD-san: ^hURk

 

Magician-san: i only got to see baby shin chan ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 

Rich-san: and i got to see the whole package

 

Magician-san: ........

 

JKD-san: HAaaaa

 

_Watson-san opened「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Watson-san: Is Kuroba getting jealous over Suzuki-san witnessing Shinichi's course of puberty?

 

JKD-san: pretty much

 

Magician-san: NO IM NOT

Magician-san: its just that ive only been in 27.778% of his life

Magician-san: and sonoko chan has been in 72.222% of his life

 

JKD-san: jesus maths

JKD-san: I'm tapping out

JKD-san: you put maths into this equation

JKD-san: no thank

 

_JKD-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Watson-san: So you're jealous

 

Magician-san: no

 

Watson-san: Dear god

Watson-san: You are irritating

 

Magician-san: thanks

 

Watson-san: Just meet me at Aoko-san's third favourite café and we can talk things out there

 

Magician-san: ????

Magician-san: is this a date......

Magician-san: cause i only have eyes for my wife

Magician-san: sorry but ur my son

Magician-san: i aint into incest

 

Watson-san: No.

Watson-san: Jesus Christ.

Watson-san: It is a friendly outing

 

Magician-san: wasnt that what you called ur dates with shin chan......

 

Watson-san: Well I have no existing romantic intentions with you

Watson-san: However, I do have intentions to help you with your romantic intents

 

Magician-san: ASBDCFKJAJ

Magician-san: ur hELPIGN ME

 

Watson-san: Yes

 

Magician-san: AHJDHSJKDCKAS

Magician-san: SON

Magician-san: HSFOADNLKVKLDSV

 

Watson-san: I'll see you there.

 

_Watson-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Magician-san: UR MY NEW FAV SON

 

_Magician-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

 

Rich-san: Damn

Rich-san: ...........

Rich-san: waittttt

Rich-san: yo hattori kun

Rich-san: meet me at poirot

Rich-san: we need to talk

 

_Rich-san closed「Shinichi Protection & Appreciation Host Club」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long to write. Sorry guys ;-;;; I was hit with a nasty case of writer's block and had work [10-hour shifts for 6 days of the week. + my day off was a family trip to the beach ://] And I had quite a bit of trouble writing the video part if you guys couldn't tell. I actually looked at my old fics for inspiration but it just gave me a cringe seizure. But I'll try to make up for it by posting the next chapter later today - once work finishes.  
> EDIT: Oof. It's taking a bit longer than expected. So hopefully I can wrap it up and put it up tomorrow afternoon.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Something random, but I actually did an aqua park course yesterday [because being at the beach means you need to try stuff that you usually don't want to do]. It was fun and ouch. Don't do it if you are inactive or a bad swimmer - which I am both. And before anyone of you say how stupid that was, I was only 61% willing to even do it. My shoulder and neck aCHE.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Draft summary for chapter 48
> 
> In wake of the recent, mostly, pain-free fun; Shinichi once again gets dragged into a case. This time, it gets a bit explosive. Takagi just wanted to spent his day not frantically running around with bomb disposal tools.  
> \-------------------------------  
> If chat names were confusing:  
> Maternal Figure - Mouri Ran  
> Baby Brother/Son?? - Kudou Shinichi  
> The Gayest For You ♡ - Sera Masumi  
> Babe - Mouri Ran
> 
> Note:  
> O.C - off camera  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	50. Formidable Women and Bomb Disposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In wake of the recent, mostly, pain-free fun; Shinichi once again gets dragged into a case. This time, it gets a bit explosive. Takagi just wanted to spend his day not frantically running around with bomb disposal tools.

_Awkward-kun opened「We have another therapy session: 14/12」_

 

Awkward-kun: Hey Wataru-keiji

Awkward-kun: I sort of have a problem

Awkward-kun: Please reply whenever you can

 

_Awkward-kun closed「We have another therapy session: 14/12」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Anxious-keiji opened「We have another therapy session: 14/12」_

 

Anxious-keiji: Hey Shinichi-kun, sorry for the late reply

Anxiousi-keiji: What seems to be the problem?

 

_Awkward-kun opened「We have another therapy session: 14/12」_

 

Awkward-kun: It's fine, it's only been ten minutes

Awkward-kun: You're still on shift right?

 

Anxious-keiji: That's right

Anxious-keiji: My shift will end in two hours

Anxiousi-keiji: Why?

Anxious-keiji: Is there a case?

 

Awkward-kun: Well....

Awkward-kun: Would you mind bringing me some bomb disposal tools?

 

Anxious-keiji: What

 

Awkward-kun: Because if you can, could you also keep it on the down low?

 

Anxious-keiji: Wait wait

Anxious-keiji: You need to dispose of a bomb

 

Awkward-kun: Yeah

Awkward-kun: So can you?

 

Anxious-keiji: Yes

Anxious-keiji: I can

Anxious-keiji: But please explain

 

Awkward-kun: Sure

 

Anxious-keiji: Wait, is it alright if you explain it via call

Anxious-keiji: And where are you?

 

Awkward-kun: My place

 

Anxious-keiji: Got it

Anxious-keiji: I'll start the call now

 

_Anxious-keiji is calling Awkward-kun_

 

**_[Accept_ ** _] **or [Decline]**_

…

_Awkward-kun **[Accepted]** the call_

 

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *wheezing* Please. Explain. Everything. *doors slam* _

 

_ Awkward-kun: *clunk* Do you want the long version or the short version? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *more doors slam* How about short and then long? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Sure. *tang* So basically, I got a bomb in the mail. I've partially disarmed it, but I need tools to finish it off. So I called someone who could help with that. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji:  Oh my god. Wait. How much time do you have left? *clatters* I may not be a good driver like Satou-san or you, but I'm decent. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: I have.... *fades away for a moment, some clanging; unsure*  ... Forty-five minutes? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *distressed* Oh god. Why do you sound so unsure? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: *sighs* Unfortunately, by disarming it, the led display turned off. So I've been just counting down from when I last saw the display. Which was... *unsure* five minutes ago? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *exasperated* Oh god.  _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Anyway, the long version. Nakamaru Hitoshi sent me a bomb on the basis that he still absolutely despises my guts and would love to spread them onto the pavement. Luckily, having prior knowledge and experiences in disarming bombs, I was able to deal with most of it. However, the last part requires the proper equipment and since I don't have it, I decided to call you. *hums* Did I forget anything... Ah! I also checked with Ran and the professor's place for any suspicious mail that was addressed to me. They are both clean.  _

_ Anxious-keiji: Huh.... _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yeah... _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Wait. I have another question. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Ask away, I'm not going away anytime soon. *sound of loud blender* _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *loudly* Why do you want this to be on the down low? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Well. I sort of promised Ran that nothing was wrong when I called her earlier. I also promised Haibara not to get into any trouble while she was away - she and the professor are out of town again for a science conference - so she's going to skin me once she gets back and hears about this. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: ..... Uh.... I can't blame her. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: *indignant* Hey. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: God. *car door slam* Anyway, I'm on my way now. I should get there in.. Twenty-three minutes. Ten if I pull lights and use some.... Manoeuvres. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Stick to the twenty-five. Stay on the down low. I still have time. *blender ceases* _

 

_ Anxious-keiji:... You really don't want Haibara-san and Ran-san to find out, huh? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yeah... _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: ... _

 

_ Awkward-kun: ... _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: The women we know are very... Formidable. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Y-yeah... _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Hm... *awkward* Hey Shinichi-kun? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yes? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: You want some music? I can switch the radio on. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Hm... Sure. Using it to fill the awkwardness and quell the anxiety? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Yep. Any preferences? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Two-Mix? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Sure. *music plays*  _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Thanks. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: No problem. *awkward pause* We are still on for Friday right? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yeah. The usual 5:30. Why? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Is it alright if we make it today instead? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Ahhh. Sure. Makes sense. Sorry about that. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: No no. It's fine. I just figured why not today since I'm heading over to your place right now. Also, an update. I'm currently fourteen minutes away. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Thanks Wataru-keiji. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: It's no problem Shinichi-kun. I'm happy to help. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Ah. *clang* _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: What is it? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: I forgot that Kaito, Saguru and Sera were coming to visit later. I made some variant of Christmas pudding with the leftovers of the tiramisu I made, and they were willing to taste test. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Uh. Isn't that sort of a good thing? Or...? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Nope. It's bad. Very bad. If you think Ran or Haibara will react badly, Sera is a whole entirely different level of bad - like that time when I was kidnapped as Conan, she decked the perpetrator in the face with her motorcycle. But if you add Kaito and Saguru into the mix.... Who knows what could happen... _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *fear* Oh no.... _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yeah... _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: So...When will they be arriving? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: In the next ten minutes. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *angry honking in the background* I'll get there in seven. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: You're an absolute life saver. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *more angry honking and tire screeching* Just doing my job. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Hm... Because sneaking out of headquarters during a shift to secretly deliver bomb disposal tools to a consultant is part of the job description of a Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department Detective. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Yeah... *awkward laugh* Oops. *car honk* _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Please drive safely. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: I'll try my best... _

 

 

_Miwako sent you **[Wataru]** a message_

 

_『_ _TAKAGI WATARU』_

 

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *phone notification goes off* Oh no. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: *clanging* What is it? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Satou-san just sent me a message. It's just my name, but it's all in caps. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: *a very loud clang* Oh no. _

 

 

_Miwako sent you **[Wataru]** a message_

 

_『_ _WHEREI N THE 7 CIRCLS OF HELL ARE YOI』_

 

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *phone notification goes off* *panicking* It has typos! _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Do you want me to distract her? _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: But she might... You know. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: We're both eventually going to get murdered by the women in our lives. So why not give it a shot. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: If it's not too much. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: It's fine. I'm literally just standing in my kitchen making some macaron to pass the time. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Oh... So that's what the clanging and blender noises were... _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yeah. And there's a bomb sitting on my counter. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Oh my god. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: *phone notification goes off* There we go. _

 

 

_Miwako sent you **[Wataru]** a message_

 

_『_ _Geez』_

 

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *phone notification goes off* Ah. _

 

 

_Miwako sent you **[Wataru]** a message_

 

_『_ _Why didnt you just tell me』_

 

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *phone notification goes off* Oh thank god. _

 

 

_Miwako sent you **[Wataru]** a message_

 

_『_ _Go back to whatever you were doing with Kudou-kun』_

 

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *phone notification goes off* *sighs of relief* Thank god. Wait. Shinichi-kun. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yes? *phone notification goes off* _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: What did you tell her? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: I just told her that I needed to test a method of murder for a case that Heiji is working on, and that you're my usual Guinea pig. She seemed slightly suspicious that I didn't tell her before hand, but she took it. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Huh. Anyway, I'm nearly there.  _

 

_ Awkward-kun: *phone notification goes off* Cool. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Who was that from? _

 

_ Awkward-kun: It's from Saguru. *reading off* We will be arriving in the next 3 minutes. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: *voice cracks* Okay. *semi-confident* We can do this. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: I'll open up the gate; just drive into the front yard. I'll bring the bomb out. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Oh my god. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: Yeah... _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Okay. I'm in your street now. _

 

_ Awkward-kun: See you there. But thanks again. Really. _

 

_ Anxious-keiji: Honestly, it's fine. _

 

_Awkward-kun ended the call_

 

_Awkward-kun closed「We have another therapy session: 14/12」_

_Anxious-keiji closed「We have another therapy session: 14/12」_

 

ª§ª

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Did you seriously think I wouldn't find out?

 

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* : What?

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I was messaged by Osaka, who was messaged by Satou-keiji, to confirm whether or not that you were actually taking on murder cases

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Despite me explicitly telling you to not take on any  cases whilst the professor and I were away

*Molests only for Emergencies*: and the fact that you promised me that you wouldn't by swearing on your Sherlock collection.

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I didn't break my promise

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: So please don't break into my house in the middle of the night to stab my Sherlock collection

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I have the key to the front door, so there is no need to break in

*Molests only for Emergencies*: and I would burn everything, stabbing takes too much effort

*Molests only for Emergencies*: So, what were you trying to cover up

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: ......

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: If I tell you now, will you reduce my death sentence when you get back?

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Perhaps

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I just needed Wataru-keiji to deliver me some things,

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: but because it was needed in during his shift and I didn't want to cause a disturbance

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I sort of made him sneak out

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Hmm

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Yea

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Anything else?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: That's it

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Nothing like, for example: a bomb that was partially disarmed

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Nahhhhhhhhh

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Haaa

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Nah

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Nope

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Hm

*Molests only for Emergencies*: We'll be back tomorrow at 4:30 pm

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Stay safe till then.

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Got it

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

 

_Awkward-kun opened「We have another therapy session: 21/12」_

 

Awkward-kun: Good luck

 

_Awkward-kun closed「We have another therapy session: 21/12」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhh not too bad this chapter. Sorry for the delay. I wanted to post it yesterday, but it was still a tad too short and would have been really awkward to end at that point. Also the fact that I hate myself and decided to change the usernames a good 600 words in [and this is done in OneNote, so it doesn't have the option of automatically replacing words - big rIP].  
> \-------------------------------  
> If anyone is confused about the use of first names between Shinichi and Takagi.  
> I decided to do this since I figured that Shinichi being Takagi's therapist, they would be closer than usual and would eventually go onto first name basis. So basically, this chapter is all about their friendship and bonding. Very wholesome (◡‿◡✿)  
> I also just wanted an excuse to write Takagi again - I love him so much.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Draft summary for chapter 49
> 
> Trying to Christmas shop for your.... Problematic family is a struggle. But at least Shinichi can depend on his mothers - his many mothers.   
> \-------------------------------  
> If chat names were confusing:  
> Awkward-kun - Kudou Shinichi  
> Anxious-keiji - Takagi Wataru  
> *Molests only for Emergencies* - Haibara Ai  
> *Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* - Kudou Shinichi  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Monday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	51. Baking Troubles and Express Shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to bake all the Christmas goodies in Shinichi's stead is not as easy as it seems. Especially when the cookie dough goes missing, Kaito being banned from the kitchen, Shinichi being caught up in another kidnapping (thank go this time he isn't the victim) and the aesthetic of the cherry tarts are off.

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): which one of you fucks took the cookie dough

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 129_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): cause i know for fuck it wasn't me

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _130_

 

_Salty Prude son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Salty Prude son: Do you seriously think I would steal the cookie dough?

Salty Prude son: And why are you texting?

Salty Prude son: I'm literally on the other side of the kitchen counter

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): cause i don't want to talk to you

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): kid

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Dad: WOT

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): where the fUCK IS THE COOKIE DOUGH

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is 131_

 

Dad: I SWEAR IT WASNT ME

Dad: SHINICHI PUT A KITCHEN BAN ON ME

Dad: REMEMBER

 

Salty Prude son: He would be mad not to,

Salty Prude son: you nearly caused our death last time.

 

Dad: SEEEEEEEE

Dad: i may be an ass who has no regard for rules

Dad: but i would NEVER break a promise to shinichi

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): .....

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): then who the fuck took the cookie dough

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _132_

 

Salty Prude son: Would you like a hint?

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): YOU KNOW WHO

 

Salty Prude son: Have you seriously not figured it out yet?

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WHAT

 

Dad: OHHHHHHH

Dad: its pretty obviy

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): WHO

 

Salty Prude son: Who visited the mansion earlier?

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): the kids

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): so?

 

Salty Prude son: And realisation in

 

Dad: 3

Dad: 2

Dad: 1

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _133_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): THAT GREMLIN TOOK THE COOKIE DOUGH

 

Salty Prude son: Unless you have somehow managed to misplace it in the last 3 hours,

Salty Prude son: then yes.

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _134_

 

Dad: we get ittttt

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _135_

 

Salty Prude son: I'm leaving

Salty Prude son: I'm going to get back to actually finishing my task

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Dad: good luckkkkkkkk

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): fuck

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

 

_Nii-chan opened「Please TRUST me」_

 

Nii-chan: NEE CHAN HELP

Nii-chan: WHERE CAN I GET COOKIE DOUGH

 

_Nee-chan opened「Please TRUST me」_

 

Nee-chan: What's wrong?

Nee-chan: Huh??

Nee-chan: Why?

 

Nii-chan: one of the kids snagged the last of the cookie dough

Nii-chan: and i got no clue where to get last minute stuff

 

Nee-chan: You can try to check out the Beika Department store

 

Nii-chan: thanks, i'll head over to it

 

Nee-chan: Wait, why didn't you ask Shinichi?

Nee-chan: Aren't you staying over at his place?

Nee-chan: Did something happen?!

 

Nii-chan: he got himself wrangled into a kidnapping case

Nii-chan: and he can't leave cause he somehow owes takagi-keiji something

 

Nee-chan: Geez

 

Nii-chan: so hakuba and i need to finish the baking

 

Nee-chan: Oh my...

 

Nii-chan: yeah

 

Nee-chan: Wait, why isn't Kaito-kun helping out?

Nee-chan: I though he would be pretty good at baking

 

Nii-chan: nah that guy is rubbish

Nii-chan: nearly killed us the last time he was in the kitchen

Nii-chan: likes to 'experiment' and 'have the freedom in putting in ingredients' sorta thing

Nii-chan: he burnt off some eyebrows that day

 

Nee-chan: Ahh

Nee-chan: That actually makes sense......

 

Nii-chan: ?

 

Nee-chan: Shinichi told me it was just my imagination that he left eyebrow was a tad crooked

 

Nii-chan: well it could have been completely lopsided without the science lady's help

 

Nee-chan: Ahhhhhh

Nee-chan: Ai-chan is very good at make-up

Nee-chan: So Shinichi banned him from the kitchen I presume.

 

Nii-chan: yea

Nii-chan: anyway

Nii-chan: thanks

Nii-chan: i'm gonna head over there now

 

Nee-chan: Good luck!

 

_Nii-chan closed「Please TRUST me」_

_Nee-chan closed「Please TRUST me」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Dad: hei chan

Dad: hei chan

Dad: hei channnnnn

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): what

 

Dad: can u also get me some more tinsel

Dad: i ran out

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): fine

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): anything else?

 

Dad: i think thats it

Dad: thanks!!!

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

_Salty Prude son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Salty Prude son: Also get some more cherries

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): you ran out??

 

Salty Prude son: There aren't enough

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): how?!?

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): there were like at least 50

 

Salty Prude son: I have been giving each tart exactly 5 cherries

Salty Prude son: they make a more pleasurable aesthetic

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): the hell

 

Salty Prude son: another 300 g will suffice

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): fineee

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): anything else sir

 

Salty Prude son: A better attitude from you would be most desirable

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): piss off

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Nii-chan opened「Please TRUST me」_

 

Nii-chan: NEE CHAN HELP

Nii-chan: WHERE CAN I GET MORE CHERRIES

 

_Nee-chan opened「Please TRUST me」_

 

Nee-chan: What

Nee-chan: Why?

Nee-chan: They should sell fruit there

 

Nii-chan: hakuba is a prick and he wants the exact same brand of cherries shinichi got

Nii-chan: but my damn luck

Nii-chan: they don't have any in stock

Nii-chan: plus it ain't exactly cherry season right now

 

Nee-chan: Ahhhhhhjjjj

Nee-chan: ur in a bit of a pickle hatboy

 

Nii-chan: hey

Nii-chan: so i'm screwed

Nii-chan: any advice?

 

Nee-chan: why not ask shinichi were he got his??

Nee-chan: says ran

 

Nii-chan: well shit

 

Nee-chan: ran sighs

 

Nii-chan: i'll try

Nii-chan: thanks guys

 

Nee-chan: no problem

Nee-chan: says ran

Nee-chan: good luck buddo

 

_Nee-chan closed「Please TRUST me」_

_Nii-chan closed「Please TRUST me」_

 

 

_West opened「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

West: hey shinichi

West: sorry to disturb ya

West: but i have a bit of a problem

 

_East opened「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

East: Hi, it's Takagi

 

West: heck?

 

East: Shinichi-kun is a bit busy at the moment but I can pass on the message

East: What's the problem?

 

West: can you ask him where he bought the cherries from?

 

East: Sure

 

West: thanks

 

_East closed「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

 

West: ...

West: damn he must be busy

 

_East opened「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

East: Sorry about that

East: Haido Shopping Centre

 

West: they sell fruit there?????

 

East: Apparently?

 

West: ha

West: thanks takagi-keiji

 

East: It's no problem

East: Do you need to ask him anything else?

 

West: uhhhh

West: quick question

 

East: Yes?

 

West: why is he a bit busy???

 

East: He's currently hacking into a surveillance unit,

East: and he needs full attention to deal with it

 

West: haa

 

East: Yeah

 

West: well that's all

West: thanks again

 

East: No problem

 

West: see ya at the party

West: unless there's another case

West: then see you next time

 

East: See you then

 

_West closed「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

_East closed「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

ª§ª

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): i'm nearly home you asswipes

 

_Salty Prude son opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Salty Prude son: You took your time

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): fuck off

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _136_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): you ain't the one scrambling around beika for some damn cherries

 

Salty Prude son: The aesthetic demands it

Salty Prude son: now hurry along

Salty Prude son: if you have time to text, then you should have been back by now

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): you ass

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): then why the hell are you texting

 

Salty Prude son: Because I have finished the rest of my baking and I only require the cherries to finish decorating the tarts

 

_Salty Prude son closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): what an ass

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Dad: I FORGOT

Dad: WE NEED MORE POLYSTYRENE BEADS

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): ...

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): yOU FUCKER

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _137_

 

Dad: we need 3 bags!!!

Dad: byeeee

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): FUCK

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _138_

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit late （；ㅅ：）my bad... I had written a part of the chapter according to the draft summary but it ended up being too OOC so I scrapped it. Then I drew up a plan of events with a ton of arrows to plot points and all that but then I decided to go off track again. So yeah. This chapter is a mess. And I am literally writing this up at work right now haha.   
> \-------------------------------  
> I'm flying out of state tonight so hopefully, I can draft up future chapters on the plane~~ And I need to work on making Christmas presents.... plus my studies......   
> I violently dropped in my grades his semester.... so my gpa has Ş̴̧̙͓̳̬̭͔͑̀̎̃̎̓̒̐̄̋̿̚͘͘ ̷̨͎͉̟̪̙̘̰͊̂̎̀͆̔͑͗̎͊̎̓̚͜U̶̠͖͑͑̽̏̋͝ ̶̡͕͍͔̖̫͖͍̲̤̭͉̮͑͗̒͒͜F̵͙̼̖̖̠̱̗̖͙̂̾͛̔͐̎̇͂͆ ̷͙̞̾͑͐̈͒͒F̵̛̜̮̗͉͎͂̔̇̽̎͑̔͆ ̵̮͕̭͔̮͇̫͂́̄̆͛̉̓͝Ế̶̛̞͉̗̺̤́̽͂͂̔̋͊̋͘ ̵̧̛̰̳̂̽̏̍͌̎̽͐̇̕͘͝R̴̯̗̩͎͖̟̋͐͐̌͜͝ ̵̢̨̡̨̪̭̲͓̯͙̮̭͎͚̾̌͌̊͒͋͐̇͑͗E̵͖̪͈̯̥̰̜͊̔͐̉̑̆͑͘̚͝ ̸̧͇͎̼̝̓̌̋̓̂̈́̐̅͌̒́̎͒͝D̵̰̣͍̺̰͕̪͉̱̠̒̃́̚͠ as a result ;-;  
> Anywayyyyyyy the next chapter will be posted on Christmas! Hopefully...  
> \-------------------------------  
> Draft summary for chapter 50
> 
> Opening possibly booby-trapped presents is a risk that no one is safe from. Some being in more imminent danger than others. Let's just hope the dinner is still in one piece.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This has not been beta'd, so please tell me if you spot any errors! I am a very flawed individual :)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Anyway, I'll shut up now. I hope you guys enjoyed.  
> See you Tuesday!  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	52. ※ TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES ※

Hey guys,  
You're all probably wondering where the heck chapter 50 is. I've got some bad news.  
As y'all know, I'm currently away from home, whoop I'm in Tasmania now. However, at my current accommodation, there is no wifi...

[But Kai, how the heck are you writing this???.]

Phone data ( o̴̶̷᷄௰o̴̶̷᷅ ;)

And since my work is all on my laptop and can't be transferred over to my phone. The next two chapters will be delayed until next year....  
I'll be flying back to Queensland on the 3rd. So hopefully I can post both chapters 50 and 51 on the 4th or 5th. And since you lovely people have to wait so long, I'll make sure to make them longer than the usual 1k.

Anyway, I hope you guys had/have a lovely Christmas and a happy new year.

Sorry for the delay and lack of updates.

Peace, Kai_Lu


	53. Christmas Chaos and Mistletoe Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opening possibly booby-trapped presents is a risk that no one is safe from. Some being in more imminent danger than others. Let's just hope the dinner is still in one piece. And what's with all the mistletoe?

_Mouri Ran opened「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Mouri Ran: Merry Christmas everyone!

Mouri Ran: A quick reminder that the party will be held at the Kudou mansion at 6:30 pm, tonight.

Mouri Ran: You will only need to bring yourself and your K.K present.

Mouri Ran: Food items and specific presents are also welcome,

Mouri Ran: but specific presents will be presented at a later and more private time.

Mouri Ran: After yesterday's conversation and some troubleshooting, the Ground Rules have been edited and updated.

Mouri Ran: Ground Rules:

Mouri Ran: 1. There will be no bringing of dangerous objects - bombs, guns, knives, etc - or items that have the potential to cause harm - mops, fire extinguishers, soccer balls and fish.

Mouri Ran: 2. The use of profanities will not be tolerated; this is a kid-friendly zone.

Mouri Ran: 3. Do not enter rooms that have signs that ask you not to enter - it is for your own safety, rather than the privacy of the owner.

Mouri Ran: 4. Have fun; even if you want to murder (slash harm to a severe degree) or arrest someone, you can do that on a later date and at a different location.

Mouri Ran: 5. Following 4., if you and someone else (slash others) happened to have a dispute that cannot be settled civilly, please take it outside to the nearby forest, an abandoned building, an abandoned parking lot, etc.

Mouri Ran: 6. If 4. and 5. are broken, appropriate punishment will be given by myself, Shinichi and Haibara Ai.

Mouri Ran: That's all for the current Ground Rules.

Mouri Ran: There has also been an update on who has been banned from the kitchen.

Mouri Ran: Banned - Kuroba Kaito, Hattori Heiji, Sera Masumi, Suzuki Sonoko, Kyougoku Makoto, Kojima Genta, Agasa Hiroshi, Satou Miwako, Shiratori Ninzaburo, Megure Juuzou, Miike Naeko, Miyamoto Yumi, Amuro Tooru, Hondou Eisuke, Arsene Lupin III, Jigen Daisuke, Kudou Yukiko, Kisaki Eri, Mouri Kogoro and Koizumi Akako.

Mouri Ran: That is all for the current list of those banned from the kitchen.

Mouri Ran: And this is the current list of those who have RSVP'd.

Mouri Ran: Accepted - Kuroba Kaito, Hattori Heiji, Hakuba Saguru, Sera Masumi, Suzuki Sonoko, Kyougoku Makoto, Nakamori Aoko, Touyama Kazuha, Kojima Genta, Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko, Yoshida Ayumi,  Agasa Hiroshi, Satou Miwako, Takagi Wataru, Chiba Kazunobu, Kobayashi Sumiko, Shiratori Ninzaburo, Megure Juuzou, Miike Naeko, Miyamoto Yumi, Furuya Rei, Kazami Yuya, Hondou Eisuke, Hondou Hidemi, Akai Shuuichi, Jodie Starling, James Black, Andre Camel,  Arsene Lupin III, Jigen Daisuke, Ishikawa Goemon, Mine Fujiko, Kudou Yukiko, Kudou Yuusaku, Kisaki Eri, Mouri Kogoro, Nakamori Ginzou, Kuroba Chikage and Koizumi Akako.

Mouri Ran: We'll hopefully see you all soon.

 

_Kuroba Kaito opened「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Kuroba Kaito: hold on a hot second

Kuroba Kaito: why is the witch coming

 

Mouri Ran: Whom?

 

Kuroba Kaito: koizumi

 

Mouri Ran: Aoko-chan invited her.

 

Kuroba Kaito: WHAT

 

Mouri Ran: If you have further complaints about her invitation, please discuss it in a different conversation.

 

Kuroba Kaito: huuu

 

_Kuroba Kaito closed「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Mouri Ran: If anyone else has any further inquires, now is the time to ask.

 

_Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko opened「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko: I do!

 

Mouri Ran: Yes?

 

Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko: How much do our K.K presents have to be?

 

Mouri Ran: Not exceeding \500

 

Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko: Ahh, okay.

Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko: Thank you!

 

Mouri Ran: You're welcome.

 

Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko: See you later, Ran-san!

 

Mouri Ran: See you then.

 

_Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko closed_ _「_ _Planning for a Civilised Engagement_ _」_

 

Mouri Ran: Anyone else?

Mouri Ran: Okay, then.

Mouri Ran: I will keep an eye on this chat, but if anyone has any questions please ask.

 

_Mouri Ran closed_ _「_ _Planning for a Civilised Engagement_ _」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Lupin opened「Me:*writes a 5000 word essay on how much I love you* You: K.」_

 

Lupin: heyyy

Lupin: shin channn

 

_Holmes opened「Me:*writes a 5000 word essay on how much I love you* You: K.」_

 

Holmes: If you're still trying to convince me to put on that atrocity,

Holmes: then your answer is no

 

Lupin: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Lupin: but ugly sweater buddies

 

Holmes: No

Holmes: I wouldn't even want to be caught dead in that

Holmes: Haibara would string up my corpse using the yarn

 

Lupin: boo

 

Holmes: Nope

 

Lupin: maybe next year thennn

 

Holmes: My answer will still be no.

 

Lupin: ...

Lupin: oNE DAY

 

Holmes: Keep dreaming

 

Lupin: anyway i wasnt actually gonna ask about that

 

Holmes: ??

 

Lupin: wellllllll

Lupin: i was wonderinggggg

 

Holmes: Well, what?

 

Lupin: about that christmas date you promised....

 

Holmes: Hm??

Holmes: Ahhhhh

 

Lupin: ?

Lupin: so............

 

Holmes: Actually...

 

Lupin: ahh

 

Holmes: I was going to ask you later tonight if we could postpone it to a later date

 

Lupin: ah

 

Holmes: I sort of didn't expect the number of people who accepted the invite

 

Lupin: wait

 

Holmes: Wait, what?

 

Lupin: WHAT

 

Holmes: What?

 

Lupin: it's nothing

 

Holmes: Haaa

 

Lupin: just my overactive imagination

 

Holmes: Sounds fake, but okay.

 

Lupin: oof

 

Holmes: Anyway, is that alright?

 

Lupin: wha

 

Holmes: Could we perhaps postpone the date to tomorrow?

 

Lupin: so we really are having a date?

 

Holmes: Unless you don't want to, it's fine

Holmes: But yeah?

 

Lupin: SWEET

Lupin: Yeha

Lupin: its siunds goof

 

Holmes: Uhhh

Holmes: Are you alright?

 

Lupin: Yuo

Lupin: Yio

Lupin: Yuo

Lupin: Yup

Lupin: YUP

 

Holmes: Okay....

Holmes: Shall we discuss specific times later tonight then?

 

Lupin: gotcha

 

Holmes: Well,

Holmes: see you tonight

 

Lupin: k

 

_Holmes closed「Me:*writes a 5000 word essay on how much I love you* You: K.」_

_Lupin closed「Me:*writes a 5000 word essay on how much I love you* You: K.」_

 

 

_Boss man opened「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」_

 

Boss man: GUYS HELP

Boss man: HELP

Boss man: THE DATE IS LEGIT

Boss man: DATE

Boss man: IS

Boss man: LEGIT

 

_Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ opened「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」_

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : DUDEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : I TOLD YOU NOT TO WORRY

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : GEEZ

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : shinichi kun wouldnt lie about stuff like that

 

Boss man: it just feels like

Boss man: a dream

 

_H(o)enchie opened「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」_

 

H(o)enchie: Dear god

H(o)enchie: He's going to be stuck like this for the rest of the night

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : better than him rigging the presents with glitter bombs

 

Boss man: saguboyyyyyyyyyy

Boss man: always the critic

 

H(o)enchie: Ha

 

Boss man: and to think i was gonna take out my feather bomb from ur pressie

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : oof

 

H(o)enchie: You already rigged my present with a prank?

H(o)enchie: Of course you did

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : big oof

 

_Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls opened「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」_

 

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: OOOOOooohhhhhhhh

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: What did i miss??

 

Boss man: aUNTIE

Boss man: I GOT IT

 

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: Got what?

 

Boss man: IG OTIT

 

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: My nephew's v card?

 

Boss man: THE DATE

Boss man: WHAT

 

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: Drat

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: But it's close enough

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: for now >;D

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : OHHHHHhhhhhh

 

H(o)enchie: why

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : that took a turn

 

Boss man: FNJVDKFVNFDZJKVKL

Boss man: AUNTIE FUJIKODSFOVMJZKFDCMVKLNVCK

Boss man: NO

 

_Elf™ opened「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」_

 

Elf™: What's happening?

 

_Fr ~~o~~ (i)s(k) ~~t~~ y the Snowman opened「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」_

 

Fr ~~o~~ (i)s(k) ~~t~~ y the Snowman: sexy timesssssss

 

_Fr ~~o~~ (i)s(k) ~~t~~ y the Snowman closed「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」_

 

Elf™: Jesus

 

Boss man: UNCLEWSDJNVKDF VMS

Boss man: NO FODFVNLKSMVKL

 

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: AAaawwwwwwwww

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: Why not?!!!!

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: I want some Kidshin!!!!

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : all of us here do

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : but jesus

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : oof

 

Elf™: I would like to be the responsible adult I am and remind you guys that there is a child in this chat.

 

Boss man: yEAH

Boss man: WE HAVE LITTLE EARS IN HERE

 

H(o)enchie: Technically little eyes

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : plus the convo title aint the most kid friendly

 

_Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls changed「Team Mistle ~~t~~ (h)oe」to「ALL WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS KIDSHIN SEXY TIMES」_

 

Boss man: VBGFADJKBNDFKLVMBSAKLDVFMDLKSVMBDFKLZSV

 

_Boss man left「ALL WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS KIDSHIN SEXY TIMES」_

 

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: Awww

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: He's flustered!!!!!!

 

H(o)enchie: Oh dear

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : he shook

 

_Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ added Kuroba Kaito to「ALL WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS KIDSHIN SEXY TIMES」_

_Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ changed Kuroba Kaito to Boss man_

 

_Snowflake opened「ALL WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS KIDSHIN SEXY TIMES」_

 

Snowflake: What's going on?

Snowflake: Kidshin??

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : LITTLE EYES

 

Elf™: Mitsuhiko-kun

Elf™: Could you please exit the chat for a while?

 

Snowflake: ...

Snowflake: Because it's you, Takagi-keiji

Snowflake: Okay

 

_Snowflake closed「ALL WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS KIDSHIN SEXY TIMES」_

 

_Elf™ changed「ALL WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS KIDSHIN SEXY TIMES」to「Team Mistletoe」_

 

Elf™: There.

 

H(o)enchie: I believe this is the real reason to why you were added to this chat.

 

Elf™: Haaa.....

Elf™: I'll take my leave now

Elf™: See you all there.

 

_Elf™ closed「Team Mistletoe」_

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : oof

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : gtg

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : i'm picking up ran

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : see y'all

 

H(o)enchie: I should leave as well, I need to pick up Aoko

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : ooohhhhh

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : first names

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : AND

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : no honourifics

 

_H(o)enchie closed「Team Mistletoe」_

 

Candy ~~c~~ (g)a(y) ~~ne~~ : boooooo

 

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: Ahhh

Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls: Young love

 

_Jingleb ~~e~~ (a)lls closed「Team Mistletoe」_

 

ª§ª

 

Christmas: the festive holiday of family, friends and fun. Where children run about in the frosty air; falling snowflakes kiss their button noses. Where parents sit back to take a sip of their warm drinks, huddled in warm and intimate conversation. Where friends joke and tease their worries away, reminiscing the waning year. Where relatives turn up at the door, armed with promised hugs and kisses. Where lovers have the moment to themselves, within each others arms and having no other thought than each other's loving presence.

 

 

That is if this family were a normal one.

 

 

Perhaps it was a moment of aging forgetfulness or the underlying want to create chaos. Professor Agasa gifted the children a machine with the purpose of creating and firing snowballs. Seemingly innocent, this machine was modelled after Frosty the Snowman; bearing a shiny top hat, a homemade scarf, charcoal-like buttons and a wide grin. It formed snowballs in the record time of 5 per second and fired at the speed of a veteran baseball pitcher. Their opposition never stood a chance.

 

The machine was later found in the neighbourhood skip and smashed to pieces. The incident was listed as a tragedy and left as a cold case. Pun intended. Professor Agasa was the only mourner and willing attendee at the wake of Frosty the Pulveriser. Other party guests attended out of pity or because they were still capable of movement.

 

 

Claiming the lounge room, parents and self-appointed parents slash guardians had their hands full, quite literally, with catching up to the latest gossip and their warm glasses - majority containing the presence of alcohol. Comprised of the infamous Kudou parents; the passionate officers of Division One; a band of thieves and misfits; the slightly functioning dysfunctional parents of Kanto's karate champion; the manager of the Detective Boys; three retired double agents and their associates. But what do they all have in common?

 

It was about the love life of a certain teenager who held the attention of mystical beings that feed off the essence of trouble and danger. Furuya Rei continued to promote his idea of making Shinichi return to his Conan state to ensure that his purity and very being, remain intact and to be doted over by being in his own care. Not many were very happy with the idea and would voice their disagreements. This led to Furuya Rei and several others duking it out in a Donny's parking lot later that night, resulting in several broken bones and nasty bruises. Some nearby citizens reported that night that several gunshots were heard; the TMPD later release an announcement saying that it was just some teenagers releasing firecrackers in the area.

 

 

When one makes a mistake, their companions would usual forgive and forget. However, Shinichi was not blessed with such. No one was able to let him forget his many mishaps - the majority weren't even his fault! He also wasn't able to mindlessly chug his parent's special bottle of Jack Daniel's bourbon to make himself forget without the price of losing a decade of his age. But the idea was slowly becoming more and more enticing as his _friends_ began to talk about one of his older cases. One which involved dressing in drag, shameless flirting, excessive sweating and very flamboyant dancing.

 

Maybe he should pour himself a glass in advance and mentally prepare himself for the babying and hangover he would later receive. People would call him an irresponsible party host, but he would argue that he was being forgiven by not decking the hinds of his guests with the nearby garden hose.

 

 

It was quite humourous and not so surprising to see Shinichi's adoptive family of thieves turn up at a Christmas party that included attendees who are members of the law enforcement. Uncle Lupin crowed about his latest theft, a gorgeous sapphire choker which later decorated Shinichi's neck for the remainder of the night. Shinichi and some of the other guests were unable to take it off. Papa smirked at his child's predicament, giving him a pinch for his troubles - Shinichi's cheek would continue to sting for days to come - but finished with a fond hair ruffle. Uncle Goemon quietly comments his approval on teenager's physical and spiritual growth. Auntie Fujiko leaves a lasting impression by not so subtly winking at Shinichi and another party guest for the prospect of grand nephews and nieces.

 

Shinichi decides to flee at this point. Not before making the comment that he would be unable to provide biological grand nephews and nieces as he does not own the correct reproductive system to bear children. He also wonders aloud that is unless his future partner secretly has one that is not known to him. Considering there is the existence of a pill that can de-age it's very selected and few victims, he wouldn't be surprised if there was a way to develop a functioning set of female reproductive organs.

 

 

As if there wasn't enough mention of Shinichi's love life, there was an abnormal amount of mistletoe strategically placed around the mansion - especially in his own haunts, as Haibara likes to call them. However, it was rather more exciting than irritating to maneuver around them. Haibara outright called him a crazy thrill seeker from where she sat in the living room, her fashion magazine laid opened on her lap. Shinichi only rolled his eyes in response and proceeded to leave the room, keeping an eye out for any hanging mistletoe. Whilst the idea of himself getting caught under the mistletoe wasn't outright horrible. He didn't want to risk the chance of being jumped by Rei-san who had once mentioned plan 389, alternatively called the 'Plan that risks the bond between the two of them for the sake of a closer and safer relation and living space'. Involving the use of a (non-sexual) kiss to distract Shinichi, as such action would put him in a state of momentary shock, or to transfer the permanent but less murderous version of AXTP 4869 to return Shinichi back to his Conan state. However, with the attendance of many others who saw themselves as 'suitable' guardians for his being, Rei-san wouldn't dare attempt such feat of insane desperation. So, it was mainly the fact that he didn't want to end up switching saliva with someone he sees as a family member.

 

From afar, but not really, Kaito for the entirety of the night continued to watch in wait for the perfect moment to strike. So that when Shinichi would finally get himself stuck under the mistletoe, Kaito would be able to make his way over - using whatever methods to ensure the fastest route - to sneak an elegant hand kiss and hopefully profess his undying love and affection for the detective. That is _when_ Shinichi gets himself stuck under the mistletoe. There was also the fact that there were people out to get him, especially those who were supporting Hei-chan and Shinichi's 'future romance', Hei-chan himself or the scary guy who works at Poirot. Kaito had to stay on his toes.

 

 

This is how Christmas goes with a family like this.

 

ª§ª

 

_West opened「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

West: Hey Shinichi

West: Is it okay if we have a private chat?

 

_East opened「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

East: Hey Heiji

East: ?

East: Sure

East: In my room?

 

West: If that's alright

 

East: See you there then

 

_East closed「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

_West closed「You can be Gordon Ramsey but less cooking and more swearing. wow.」_

 

ª§ª

 

So maybe being distracted by the thought of possible reasons to why Heiji was looking for a private chat wasn't the best thing to do. Heiji was trailing behind him, muttering to himself something unintelligible, his head down. Neither of them noticed the mistletoe that hung above the door to Shinichi's room.

 

 

If asked later, Kaito would have denied the thought of him purposely not interfering because he was put off _\- afraid_ of - by the fish-themed Christmas sweater that was being worn by the Osakan.

 

ª§ª

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): kuroba you fucknugget

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _143_

 

_Dad opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Dad: tsk tsk

Dad: no phone at the dinner table

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): you fucking started this

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _144_

 

_Mum opened「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Mum: Unless the both of you do not want to participate in the Kris Kringle later,

Mum: I suggest you both get off of your phones and behave

 

Dad: wifeeeeee

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): but shinichi

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): he's being an ass

 

Dad: ohh downgrade

 

Mum: I don't care

Mum: Both of you behave, please

 

_Mum closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

Dad: booooo

 

_Dad closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

A Bad Boy (ʘᗩʘ’): fucking whipped fucknugget

 

_【_ _Hei-chan's swear count_ _】_ _is_ _146_

 

_A Bad Boy (ʘ_ _ᗩ_ _ʘ’) closed「Kaishin and the rest of the ho(e)s」_

 

ª§ª

 

_Mouri Ran opened「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Mouri Ran: This is a check to make sure all K.K presents should be placed onto the allocated and labelled table.

Mouri Ran: Then we will start the exchange in the next 5 minutes

 

_Kudou Shinichi opened「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Kudou Shinichi: Why is there one with chibi Conans...

 

Mouri Ran: I cannot give an answer to that...

 

_Kuroba Kaito opened「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Kudou Shinichi: Ha....

 

_Kudou Shinichi closed「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Kuroba Kaito: to whoever wrapped that

Kuroba Kaito: plz pm me where u got the wrapping paper from

Kuroba Kaito: thank

 

_Kuroba Kaito closed「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Mouri Ran: This is a final reminder for all K.K presents to have been gathered

 

_Mouri Ran closed「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

ª§ª

 

Ever since Ran-chan suggested the idea for a giant secret Santa - coming up with the name Kris Kringle or more affectionately dubbed K.K for short - Kazuha was pumped. The moment it was confirmed, she was already brain-storming some ideas on what she could gift for the allocated limit of \500. Deciding on whether it should be a seasonal appropriate gift or a gag gift and whether it could be store bought or homemade.

 

Finally being able to wrap it up and place it on the K.K table, Kazuha was ready to either please or disappoint her random giftee. She was praying for the former. So, in order to prepare herself for the reaction of the unsuspecting and unknown receiver of her gift, she was gauging the reactions of other guests and their presents.

 

"What in Lucifer's name..."

 

Kazuha really couldn't tell if the look on Koizumi-chan's face was one of great suspicion or one of contemplative for murder. Considering it was only \500 for its size was quite spectacular. However. Who the hell thought that gifting someone a life-sized porcelain pig was a good idea?! Especially when the receiver could be a young woman like Koizumi-chan. Whilst Kazuha might not have the most interactions with her, she could tell that Koizumi Akako was not one to tolerate such shenanigans.

 

"Alright, who bought this? Because I am torn on whether to build an altar for it or to smash it over the gifter's head."

 

"Well, someone's a fussy piggy."

 

"Kuroba, was it you?"

 

"Heck no! The dress it's wearing horribly clashes with its complexion. Also, I vote for the alter, you should get rid of all your creepy witchy mumbo jumbo. Maybe start a porcelain pig collection- GYA!"

 

Kazuha learnt that night that Koizumi-chan had good aim. Very good aim.

 

ª§ª

 

Due to his newfound injury, Kaito was unable to attend his date - Shinichi said that is was fine and could be postponed to a later date [but due to unknown circumstances the date was cancelled]. Even with great insistence that he would be fine, Kaito was later subdued with what is known to be the notorious Haibara's Sadistic Glare. Capable of instilling fear into even the bravest men; only a fool would attempt to go against it.

 

ª§ª

 

_Mouri Ran opened「Planning for a Civilised Engagement」_

 

Mouri Ran: K.K is complete!

Mouri Ran: Curious to who got what?

Mouri Ran: Tada~!

 

_Mouri Ran sent a file_

 

_≪_ _List_of_K.K_presents_and_receivers.txt≫_

 

[OPENING FILE List_of_K.K_presents_and_receivers.txt]

 

Kuroba Kaito - Green speedo

Kudou Shinichi - Purple apron

Hattori Heiji - Foldable slippers

Hakuba Saguru - Blue speedo

Mouri Ran - Mini first-aid kit

Sera Masumi - Poirot discount voucher

Suzuki Sonoko - Can of deluxe tuna

Kyougoku Makoto - Lavender scented teddy bear

Nakamori Aoko - Nail filler

Touyama Kazuha - Colour-changing teacup

Haibara Ai - Set of kitchen knives

Kojima Genta - Chopsticks

Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko - Jumbo scotch-tape

Yoshida Ayumi - Large cardboard box

Agasa Hiroshi - 10 tissue boxes

Satou Miwako - Chocolate [expired by 7 years]

Takagi Wataru - Pack of instant coffee

Chiba Kazunobu - Mini ukulele

Kobayashi Sumiko - Hairclip

Shiratori Ninzaburo - Okino Yoko CD

Megure Juuzou - Gummy vitamins

Miike Naeko - HB pencil set

Miyamoto Yumi - Massage stick

Furuya Rei - Yaiba action figure

Kazami Yuya - Manicure set

Hondou Eisuke - Umbrella

Hondou Hidemi - Small wok

Akai Shuuichi - Donny's instant curry special pack

Jodie Starling - Very large rubber band ball

James Black - Lace handkerchief

Andre Camel - Collapsible bed tray

Arsene Lupin III - Tennis balls

Jigen Daisuke - Mini globe

Ishikawa Goemon - Cushion

Mine Fujiko - Daily planner notebook

Kudou Yukiko - 24 pack crayons

Kudou Yuusaku - Book [content is not kid friendly]

Kisaki Eri - Air freshener [she is allergic :(]

Mouri Kogoro - Sudoku book

Nakamori Ginzou - Hand towel

Kuroba Chikage - Mega bag of marshmallows

Koizumi Akako - Porcelain pig [miraculously did not crack!]

 

Close file?

.

.

**[Yes** ] or **[No]**

…

File closed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no justified excuse to why this is so late. I'm sorry.  
> I actually finished this a while ago and have been stuck on chapter 51 till now.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Random notes that I am remembering off the top of my head, I will edit in any other later:
> 
> I got the idea of K.K from my cousins - who actually celebrate Christmas. Following that note, it took me a while to write this chapter because I have no clue what an actual Christmas celebration is like. Yeah... My family doesn't celebrate it, and the only times we do is if we fly over to my cousin's place to spend the week which is every 2 years.  
> Another note is that the porcelain pig is actually from the time I bought a friend that for her birthday. She made a shrine for it too. The slippers were inspired by the K.K present my cousin bought.  
> \-------------------------------  
> If chat names were confusing:  
> Boss man - Kuroba Kaito  
> Candyc(g)a(y)ne - Masumi Sera  
> H(o)enchie - Hakuba Saguru  
> Jinglebe(a)lls - Mine Fujiko  
> Elf™ - Takagi Wataru  
> Fro(i)s(k)ty the Snowman - Arsene Lupin 3rd  
> Snowflake - Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D


	54. Romantic Progression and Case Closed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ai is heavily invested; Shinichi doesn't understand her agenda. Our two remaining boys go out on a (not so) secret date (like seriously, half of the family are stalking them from a distance). It's actually going pretty okay. Then a corpse decides to third wheel and brings down the mood. But hey, no one said that romancing is easy. Especially the guy you want to try romance has an apparent crush on someone and you have no clue of who.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Also, this is the final chapter folks.  
> \-------------------------------

_*Molests only for Emergencies* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: So how did it go? I didn't get to ask you the other day.

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Did you snog him?

 

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Jesus

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: This is the first thing you text me?

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Don't evade the question

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: It went fine

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I think

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: No, I didn't snog him

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Are you drunk?

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: You think?

*Molests only for Emergencies*: How come?

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Or did he try to snog you?

*Molests only for Emergencies*: No, you idiot

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I didn't want the guests to become traumatised through seeing me gain a decade

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Ehhhh

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I guess...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: It was a bit awkward

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: How so?

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Explain

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: So, we both were going to my room

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: but then we got trapped under some mistletoe that was hanging from my door frame

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Yes, I know that part

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I was watching

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: That's...

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: creepy

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Hallway surveillance

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Continue

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Okay

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: So we're both awkwardly silent for a bit

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: so I take the imitative and kiss him on the cheek

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: because there was never a rule that the kiss had to be on the lips

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I take a step back and he is just standing there in shock

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I sort of internally panic because that's not a usual Heiji response

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: but then

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: he sort of takes me in his arms

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Oh romantic

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: and stares into my eyes

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: hush

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I sort of just stare back in silence,

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: waiting for him to explain why the heck I'm in his arms

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: And?

*Molests only for Emergencies*: You have to continue, I am heavily invested

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: He sort of stutters through a speech on how we first met and progressed into besties

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I'm just there, in his arms, listening and nodding because it's polite

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Then he sort of asked me if I was willing to further progress our dynamic and change it into a romantic one

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Did he say it like that?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: No, it was more Kansai-ben and jammer

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: but that was the point

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: So, what did you say?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Well, I sort of just stood there, in silence again

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I was a bit caught off guard but

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I had a slight feeling that he was going to confess

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: And?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I turned him down

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Oh?

*Molests only for Emergencies*: He's not too bad

*Molests only for Emergencies*: What's your reasoning?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I mean, he is a great guy

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Funny, brave, charismatic, smart

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Ah the smarts

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Shush

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: It's just that,

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I can't really see him as someone I would seek a romantic relationship with

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: you know?

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I mean

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: When I was still stuck as Conan,

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: he was my rock

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: He would be there to keep me company, bail me out of situations,

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: he would lend an ear to listen to my worries about whether Ran would discover my identity or groans about Kaito being a nuisance to the law enforcement

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Hmm

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Kid huh?

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I see him as the West to my East,

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: as sappy as that sounds

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I see him as my best friend

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: or the brother I never had

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Ah

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I see now

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: So yeah...

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Interesting

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: Interesting?

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: It's not of your concern

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: What?

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Enjoy your secret date

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: I will never be able to understand your agenda...

 

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

ª§ª

 

Kaito has always be described a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He also has a brilliant poker face and great acting ability. Never afraid to pull a prank that could very well send him on a one-way trip to the hospital for a very permanent stay. So why the hell was he sweating enough to rival the Pacific Ocean?

 

A couple of days ago, securing a date with Shinichi made Kaito go through the roof with excitement and glee. But now, he was shaking with nerves to make an earthquake jealous. Slapping his cheeks a bit too harshly, he attempted to rein his jitters.

 

_'Come on Kaito! You've gotten this far! Don't chicken out now. It's only Shinichi.'_

 

Beat.

 

_'Shit. It's **Shinichi**.'_

 

Shinichi. Kudou Shinichi. Teenage detective extraordinaire of the East - practically all of Japan but Heiji would argue that he and Shinichi were neck and neck in their sleuthing - having the intellectual prowess that could rival his own. Also has soccer skills to rival a professional leaguer and a deadly aim due to insane on spot physics calculations and eagle-like eyesight. His eyes! Shinichi just has those eyes. Those eyes that reflect the miracles of life; shining with curiosity and the want to seek out the mysteries that the universe had to offer. Then there was the hair. Kaito swore on his Code Geass shrine - maybe Kaito has a thing for intelligent, dark-haired and beautiful eyed men - that Shinichi's hair had to made of the darkest silk from the Gods. Dark, inky tufts that tickled your fingertips whenever you were graced with his presence. His presence practically exuded grace and intelligence; with how he held himself and presented his thoughts and morals. Kaito was in deep.

 

_'God.'_

 

"Kaito?"

 

A piercing shriek startled the peaceful streets of Haido city.

 

ª§ª

 

_Phantom Housewife opened「Grandkids」_

 

Phantom Housewife: PLEASE

Phantom Housewife: DID ANY OF YOU FILM THAT

 

_Bookworm opened「Grandkids」_

 

Bookworm: I believe Yukiko caught it

 

Phantom Housewife: AHHH

 

_Leather Clad Lady opened「Grandkids」_

 

Leather Clad Lady: OF COURSE I DID!!!

 

Phantom Housewife: BLESS

 

_Sex Appeal opened「Grandkids」_

 

Sex Appeal: Mine's in better quality though

 

Bookworm: Now it's my cue to leave

 

_Bookworm closed「Grandkids」_

 

Leather Clad Lady: >:O

Leather Clad Lady: HOW DARE

Leather Clad Lady: YUUSAKU

 

_Fedora opened「Grandkids」_

 

Fedora: Ladies

Fedora: Now is not the time

Fedora: they're heading into cinema 3

Fedora: and you guys know what that means

 

Phantom Housewife: INTENSE HAND HOLDING

 

_Best Uncle Ever opened「Grandkids」_

 

Leather Clad Lady: UNNECESSARILY LONG BODY CONTACT

 

Best Uncle Ever: Make-out opportunity

 

Sex Appeal: **[censored content]**

 

 _User_ [Sex Appeal] _has used some naughty words and has been censored_

 

Phantom Housewife: Oh myyyy

 

Sex Appeal: **[censored content]**

 

 _User_ [Sex Appeal] _has used some naughty words and has been censored_

 

Sex Appeal: Ehhhhhhh

Sex Appeal: **[censored content]**

 

 _User_ [Sex Appeal] _has used some naughty words and has been censored_

 

Sex Appeal: HAAAHASD!???

 

_Bookworm opened「Grandkids」_

 

Bookworm: I took the liberty of creating a censorship system

 

Sex Appeal: Booooooooo

Sex Appeal: We're all adults after all

 

Bookworm: After all, who knows who might accidentally read this conversation

 

Phantom Housewife: ....

Phantom Housewife: sounds SUS

 

Best Uncle Ever: agreed

 

Bookworm: Anyway, my answer is prolonged awkward exposure

 

Fedora: Jesus, all of you

Fedora: I was going to say movie spoiling

Fedora: anyway

Fedora: Hurry up

Fedora: We to sneak in

 

_Fedora closed「Grandkids」_

 

Best Uncle Ever: Didja get us tickets?????

 

Leather Clad Lady: OHOHOHOHOOOO

 

Bookworm: Yukiko...

 

Phantom Housewife: YU CHANNNNN

Phantom Housewife: SPILLLLLLLLL

 

Leather Clad Lady: i have some connections~~

 

Best Uncle Ever: Oh?

 

Leather Clad Lady: so we can sneak in

Leather Clad Lady: secretly~~~

 

Sex Appeal: Hoo

Sex Appeal: Not bad

 

Leather Clad Lady: HM

 

Bookworm: Yukiko

 

Leather Clad Lady: we'll settle this later...

 

Sex Appeal: Of course~

 

Phantom Housewife: GO YU CHAN

 

Best Uncle Ever: CAN I WATCH

 

Bookworm: Arsene.

 

_Best Uncle Ever closed「Grandkids」_

_Bookworm closed「Grandkids」_

 

Sex Appeal: Oho

Sex Appeal: Takes after daddy huh?

 

Leather Clad Lady: Hmm

 

Phantom Housewife: but blessed with her figure

 

Leather Clad Lady: Ohh

Leather Clad Lady: jelly of my bby chi chan

 

Phantom Housewife: nuuuu

 

Leather Clad Lady: sounds fakeeeeeee

 

_Fedora opened「Grandkids」_

 

Fedora: Jesus christ

Fedora: Hurry up

 

_Fedora closed「Grandkids」_

 

Sex Appeal: Oopsie

 

_Sex Appeal closed「Grandkids」_

 

Phantom Housewife: We'll talk later

 

Leather Clad Lady: of course~~

 

_Phantom Housewife closed「Grandkids」_

_Lather Clad Lady closed「Grandkids」_

 

ª§ª

 

Kaito silently cursed. When their originally chosen movie was sold out - a cool film about a detective thief - they had been left with the choice of a cheesy chick flick, a brutal horror, Yaiba and a cliché action film. Thus, not really knowing what to pick and not wanting to force one another, they pulled a quick match of janken. Shinichi won and decided to go for the brutal horror movie.

 

Kaito isn't exactly a scaredy cat, per se, but he isn't someone who deals with jump scares very well. By donning his usual smirk, Kaito teased Shinichi and offered an arm to cling to if the movie got too scary. Oh, how that offer came back to bite him harder than the female lead ripping out the vocal cords of her co-star with her teeth.

 

"Oh? The great Kaitou Kid seeks protection from my arm. I'm honoured."

 

"S-shut it."

 

_'Why am I the one clinging dammit!'_

 

This was a sting to his pride. A very deep sting. But Kaito couldn't really argue with the circumstances, considering Shinichi does specialise in homicide cases. Shinichi sees corpses on a nearly daily basis - at this thought, Kaito frowned. It wasn't fair for someone so young, or anyone in general, to be constantly exposed to death and crime. Someone like Shinichi should be holed in a library, worrying about a research paper. Not in a spare interrogation room for the desk space to look over a chain serial murder. These thoughts brought a damper to Kaito's mood, and it must have shown.

 

"Oi, Kaito."

 

Shinichi was looking at him strangely, and not with the 'I am trying to remain polite but I think you need a trip to the loony bin' but the 'I'm sort of going to combust because emotions are hard and I'm super tsundere but I am concerned, are you okay?' kind of face. But maybe it was the 'I want to go and bury myself in a yard with all my books, so can you leave?' face. They are very similar after all.

 

"You alright?"

 

Kaito only grinned. Shinichi is too nice and the perfect person to tease. He put on his best leer and replied, still attached to his arm.

 

"Oh. Just thinking of how hot you would look if you constantly wore Kitah's outfit."

 

"Ha?! Firstly, I would be charged for public indecency if I left the house like that. Secondly, it is terribly inconvenient and unsuitable for Tokyo weather - any kind of weather in general honestly. Third, my mother would jump to conclusions and think that it's my way of saying I want a career change to become a male prostitute or stripper. Forth-"

 

Kaito took the liberty of stuffing Shinichi's mouth with popcorn since the lady in front of them was hosting a rather nasty glare. His mood lightened. Honestly, Kaito really fell for the best person.

 

ª§ª

 

_Samurai opened「Truce.」_

 

Samurai: christ

Samurai: i can feel him swooning from here

 

_Knight opened「Truce.」_

 

Knight: Utterly hopeless.

 

Samurai: ya got enough blackmail?

 

Knight: Of course,

Knight: who do you think I am?

 

Samurai: usually a rule licking ass

 

Knight: How profane.

 

Samurai: welp

Samurai: i'm gonna leave now

Samurai: i ain't gonna risk getting caught

 

Knight: I shall also take my leave

 

Samurai: yeah aren't yah on a data?

Samurai: with the mop chick

 

Knight: None of your business

 

_Knight closed「Truce.」_

 

Samurai: haaa

 

_Samurai closed「Truce.」_

 

ª§ª

 

Exiting the cinema and unsure of where to go next, the two began to make small talk.

 

"You cannot be serious?"

 

"Heck yeah I am. All the way."

 

"There is no way Michael managed to romance Helen within the first 26 minutes of the movie."

 

"Tut tut, Shin-chan. Keep in mind that the movie is set over a period of five days."

 

"So that makes it a day. One day for him to romance her before he was brutally mutilated in the kitchen on the second day."

 

"Don't you believe in look at first sight?"

 

Shinichi didn't say anything else on the matter, but the face he made said otherwise. Alike a blaring siren, there was Kaito's next dilemma that he needed to tackle. Thinking back to when Hakuba had dragged Shinichi out on a date - which was about 15 chapters ago, give or take - the two had somehow got onto the topic of crushes. Apparently, Shinichi had a crush on two people in the past, one was Ran-chan and the other is unknown.

 

Kaito has to find out who the hell managed to get crushed on by Shinichi.

 

"Hey, Shinichi?"

 

"What is it?"

 

Kaito has never been good at being verbally subtle. It would either come out shamelessly blunt or heavily sugar coated that the original intent was lost between the layers upon layers of falsities.

 

"I just remembered from a while back that Hakuba spilt the beans and said that you had a crush on some," he finished lamely, "peoples."

 

Quirking an eyebrow, Shinichi deadpanned.

 

"So you want to know the identity of the person, other than Ran, that I had a crush on?"

 

_'Well, guess I'll die. Subtlety be damned.'_

 

Paling and desperately trying to fix his shattered poker face. Kaito could only flail and try to continue the flow of the conversation.

 

"What? Ha. No?"

 

"You don't seem very sure."

 

Internally, Kaito was screaming. It was like if you managed to finish your paper mache figure of your mum and were about to proudly present it. But then it started to fall apart because you were stupid and didn't dry the fourth layer well enough and now your mistakes have come to bite you in the ass. So, that when you managed to try to put it back together in the last twenty seconds and let people look at it. They say you did a great job making a statue that greatly resembles the local bodybuilder who also secretly sells drugs in the red light district to the brothels and has just been charged with his third case of public indecency.

 

"Definitely. Very much sure."

 

Kaito wasn't very much not sure of what the hell he was doing. So, it was either because of the lack of action or because the gods pitied him, that a man who was passing by suddenly collapsed onto Shinichi.

 

"Geh-!"

 

"Oi!"

 

The man wobbled on his feet. His hands tightly gripping Shinichi's arms - out of support or fear, Kaito did not know - shifting the trembling fingers to his wrists. The black threads that framed his face clung to his paling flesh. Maroon eyes were clouded with pain and agony; the man could only rasp sentences of gibberish.

 

Shinichi was a reflection of the opposite; face emitting calm, he attempted to comfort and question the man. It was done in vain.

 

A clammy hand reached up and gently but shakily touched Shinichi's neck. On his Adam's apple. Kaito felt a surge of protectiveness rise at the action but did not stop him. The hand became limp. The man let out a louder gasp and heaved, losing all strength to hold himself up; all his weight now on Shinichi. Falling to his side, the hand swung like a heavy pendulum before coming to a stop. The man was very much dead.

 

ª§ª

 

_Kazami opened「New Operation」_

 

Kazami: Are you sure this is a good idea, Furuya-san?

 

_Furuya opened「New Operation」_

 

Furuya: Yes

Furuya: because I am your superior and I said so

 

Kazami: I see...

 

Furuya: By using the corpse, we will be able to cut down their... Date time

Furuya: by an hour to maybe even 3

Furuya: Depending on how long it takes Conan-kun to deduce the murderer

Furuya: which won't take long because he is a very smart cookie and I am so proud of him

 

Kazami: I have to agree

 

Furuya: Then he will have to file a report which will take the longest as the MD are incompetent and do not deserve Conan-kun's graces

 

Kazami: Ah

Kazami: Perhaps, we should leave the premises and observe from a distance?

 

Furuya: I'm feeling cheese toasties

Furuya: Let's go to Mako's

 

Kazami: And the observing?

 

Furuya: CCTV

 

_Furuya closed「New Operation」_

 

Kazami: Ah

 

_Kazami closed「New Operation」_

 

ª§ª

 

Shinichi was easily able to wrap up the case. Hunting down and cornering the murderer who was observing from a nearby bench in a park from across the street. The person at first denied at having a hand in the murder - an elaborate poisoning. But after a detailed and succinct judgement and reveal of evidence from Shinichi, which was done rather colder than usual. The man bawled and admitted to the crime.

 

Apparently, the victim was the actor who played Mycroft in the Sherlock play - this also added fuel to Shinichi's raging bonfire of justice - and the murderer was someone who was originally given the role but was later changed to a background character. What the murderer didn't know was that one who asked for the roles to be changed was the victim. Having the intention of not having the murder strain himself with a large character role as they were injured at the time - having a sore throat and sprained wrist - and was going to have a major performance later that week.

 

Kaito felt his stomach re-enact one of the aerial feats he used to do whilst dressed as Kid. No matter the number of times he had witnessed the worst of humanity. He would never be able to become numb and accepting enough to be unaffected by the death of another person.

 

The tearful murderer being escorted to the back of a police car; the case was closed. Megure who was present was reluctantly kind enough to tell Shinichi that it was fine for him to file his report the next day; as he was occupied with his date. Still, it was too late as the murder had already put a damper on the earlier, once cheery mood. It was all a giant misunderstanding which resulted in the loss of a life.

 

"Hey, Shin-chan?"

 

Shinichi remained silent, staring at the direction of which the police car drove off to.

 

"Shinichi. Are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine. I just. I just still can't comprehend why someone would kill another. Let alone over a misunderstanding."

 

Again. Kaito is many things, but he is also isn't a lot of things. This list also includes being unable to comprehend murder. Kaito did the next best thing he could do and gave Shinichi a hug.

 

"Oh, Shinichi."

 

ª§ª

 

_Rich (Vodka) Aunt opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: can they like

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: start making out with each other already????

 

_Aikido Mum opened_ _「_ _Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Aikido Mum: tru

Aikido Mum: But considering they are IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

Aikido Mum: I don't think people would appreciate it

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: ehhhh

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: there would totally be some people who would dig it

 

Aikido Mum: Huh

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: you know

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: fujoshis

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: the bl appreciators

 

Aikido Mum: And that somehow justifies making out in the middle of the street?

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: hey

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: that could make someones day

 

Aikido Mum: Uhhh

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: it could make someone real turned on

 

Aikido Mum: This is a kid and Jesus friendly chat

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: and the peeps who are into incest would like it too

 

Aikido Mum: ...

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: since they both look similar enough to pass as brothers

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: hey

 

Aikido Mum: I guess...

Aikido Mum: Yea?

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: you think the reason to why they havent made out yet is because they look similar????

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: cuz

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: its like if we were to make out with our clones

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: but considering the results

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: loads of people ive asked would totally make out with their clones

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: some even would do it

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: yah know?

 

Aikido Mum: ...

Aikido Mum: Sonoko-chan

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: ya?

 

Aikido Mum: Are you perhaps really missing Makoto-san?

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: ...

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: and if i am

 

Aikido Mum: If you are, is that why you want the two to start making out

Aikido Mum: since you can't make out with your boyfriend

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: and?

 

Aikido Mum: I see...

 

_Aikido Mum closed「Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

Rich (Vodka) Aunt: wha??????

 

_Rich (Vodka) Aunt closed「Somewhat Functional Family」_

 

ª§ª

 

Now sober but less depressed, the two decided to spend the remainder of their date walking through the park. Admiring the snow and the serenity of the place. Breathing in the frosted air; the two walked in mutual but comforting silence.

 

After an hour or so, the two decided to hide away in a nearby cafe. Huddled together in one of the corner booths. The air now warmer and scent of coffee. Hushed chatter filled the silence.

 

"Hey, Kaito."

 

"Hm?"

 

Mid-bite his fourth chocolate sundae - because it is never too cold for ice cream - Kaito was interrupted by his companion. Shinichi was beside him, fingers wrapped around his cup of coffee. Eyes closed, a small smile accompanying his flushed cheeks and snow-kissed nose. Kaito tried not to stare at the sight.

 

"Remember, when you asked me who that unknown crush was?"

 

Kaito blinked. Was Shinichi possibly going to tell him?

 

"Yeah?"

 

Shinichi's eyes remained closed. His head was now resting on Kaito's shoulder. Kaito hoped that Shinichi could not hear the thumping of his heart from there. The damn muscle continued to scream from its calcium cage, buried deep within the flesh container.

 

"Do you still want to know who it is?"

 

It was now or never. Licking his lips, Kaito answered.

 

"Yeah."

 

This was the grand reveal. Ever since Hakuba told the chat of this information, Kaito had been kept up at night, running through hundreds of possible identities that could belong to the unknown crush. It's been months since, and Kaito had not been any closer.

 

"It's you."

 

Of course, it was-

 

"Huh."

 

Shinichi turned his head, eyes now opened. Filled will mirth; staring into his own. He probably just heard the shatter of Kaito's internal archives colliding and tearing up one another in fits of unexplainable confusion and rage.

 

"It's you. Idiot."

 

"Oh."

 

Adorning the goofiest grin in existence, Kaito leaned closer.

 

ª§ª

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Nice work

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Have you seen the tabloids?

 

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* opened「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: itds 7am

*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer*: leabs ne alonr

 

_*Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Hmmmmm

*Molests only for Emergencies*: Alright

*Molests only for Emergencies*: I leave this here for you to look at once you've properly woke yourself up

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* sent an image_

 

 

 

*Molests only for Emergencies*: As I am feeling kind. I wanted to warn you,

*Molests only for Emergencies*: your mother has sent me and several others the wedding plans.

 

_*Molests only for Emergencies* closed「x = Eternal Disappointment」_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no justified excuse to why this is so late. I'm sorry.  
> Ever since I finished chapter 50, I have been struggling and procrastinating to finish this chapter.  
> Also, it was my birth yesterday. I'm now another year closer to the sweet release of death. :)  
> God, I cried a lot last week.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Also, this is the final chapter folks.  
> It's been a wild ride guys, and I just want to thank you all for sticking with me.  
> As much as I want to continue this story; I've hit my senior year and oof. I don't think I will be able to continue writing whilst trying to pull up my grades. Perhaps, one day in the future I might add more. Who knows.....  
> \-------------------------------  
> I had a LOT of trouble with this one. Especially because it's a romantical chapter and a date - I was thoroughly stumped on what to write. I based quite a lot of this chapter on what my friends and I do on a normal outing and added paragraphs of Kaito swooning. Yup.  
> I even asked Scheherazade for advice. According to her words.  
> First base - gentle manipulation  
> Second base - killing potential enemies  
> Third base - stalking  
> Fourth base - killing the loved one (if rejection, it's because if you can't have them, no one else can.)  
> \-------------------------------  
> Random notes that I am remembering off the top of my head, I will edit in any other later:
> 
> Yes, I made a reference to Code Geass. I just finished that series recently and aH-  
> Seemingly cruel, Amuro's plan was the intention of making Shinichi appear on the scene of a crime, not cause crime. I'll try to explain it. Amuro was purposely seeking out ways to interrupt the Kaishin date and stop or at least shorten it. So when he saw a man on the verge of death, he was able to enlist the help of his underling, Kazami, to influence the two to eventually run into the victim (who at the time was already about to die, so there was no helping it). But still, Amuro's plan was a tad heartless as the death of an individual was involved.  
> Kazuha's name in the girls chat was changed as Ran's and Masumi's titles were changed to girlfriends - thus appointing Kazuha from Aunt to Mum.  
> Shiyarai Shun is based off of Shiraishi Shunya, a famous Japanese actor.  
> \-------------------------------  
> If chat names were confusing:  
> *Molests only for Emergencies* - Haibara Ai  
> *Has social competence of a Windows 1997 computer* - Kudou Shinichi  
> Phantom Housewife - Kuroba Chikage  
> Bookworm - Kudou Yuusaku  
> Leather Clad Lady - Kudou Yukiko  
> Sex Appeal - Mine Fujiko  
> Fedora - Jigen Daisuke  
> Best Uncle Ever - Arsene Lupin 3rd  
> Samurai - Hattori Heiji  
> Knight - Hakuba Saguru  
> Kazami - Kazami Yuya  
> Furuya - Furuya Rei // Amuro Tooru  
> Rich (Vodka) Aunt - Suzuki Sonoko  
> Aikido Mum - Touyama Kazuha  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'D

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!!  
> Happy 2018!  
> This is my first Conan and Archive fic.  
> It's been a while since I posted a fic. I usually post on FF.net.  
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked it!!  
> I haven't stumbled upon any Conan Group Chat/Texting AUs yet so I wanted to give it a try.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Please leave a Kudo (or Kuroba)!  
> Comments motivate me!  
> I will update weekly.  
> Feel free to send in any constructive criticism or ideas!  
> No bashing please - my non-existent soul cannot take it without a lot of sugar.  
> \-------------------------------  
> This fic is pre-written.  
> \-------------------------------  
> Not BETA'd


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